Bipolar check-in # 66

Wow what a night! Sleeping till 4 pm That was so kind of your kitty diabetes friend to stay up so late with you.

Sorry about what's going on with your daughter. .

Of all the side effects you could get from the Caplyta the "only" one is increased hunger?? Speaking of I ate lunch around dinner time and didn't eat dinner.

*Beth* I'm so glad sid is okay and someone was able to be with you. I'm sorry your daughter is in pain and still not speaking to her. I use to write letters to my sister and send them when we weren't able to speak. Hopefully you can start healing that relationship soon.

The temperature plummeted where I am after reaching 40 C (104 F) a couple days ago. We even needed a little jacket yesterday. Global warming chaos!

I don't take many photos. It's not my thing. Ones I take are usually lousy. In any case, posting a couple I took that reminded me of you, @*Beth*. The bakery specializes in macarons.

The whole experience is still frustrating.

Have a dentist appointment today, actually have 3 dentist appointments this week. Sucks. Two of them are for fillings and one of them is for a root canal. This is my own fault though for having used to purge due to my eating disorder, I really screwed up my teeth.

Mustachio had her last dose of pain meds yesterday morning. She seems to be doing well. She woke me up this morning purring and cuddling with me. That’s the best way to wake up.

I also am meeting with my care manager today to fill out the part-time job application for the library. It will be my first job. The only time I ever really worked was a temp job for 2 weeks when I was like 19. But I ended up having to get on disability eventually because of my bipolar/schizoaffective getting bad (it started when getting bad when I was 14). So if I get this job it will be my first real job. That’s embarrassing to admit because I’m 28 but I just was never stable enough to even work part-time, was always in and out of the hospital, but now I am and I definitely want to see how it goes.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day

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Nothing to be embarrassed about, Blue_Bird. You've accomplished a great deal in your recovery and are a great kitty mama.

Good luck with the application. The library will be lucky to have you on their team.

I had two root canals on the same day a few years back. They were far easier than I imagined.

Thank you so much Soupe du jour I hope you're having a good day

Nothing to be embarrassed about. Good luck at the library. I volunteered at a library near me in Texas, it was great, wonderful staff. How your experience is just as wonderful. It would be a great job.

Managed to get a month of colestipol filled and picked up. It cost me $30 I couldn't afford, but at least it wasn't $50 I couldn't afford? Greatest health care system in the world, right? Pfizer gets their money, I get a one month reprieve and nothing is solved in the long term. At least my stomach is starting to get back to normal.

Speaking about long term, something's gotta give financially. Either my former employer has got to stop fighting giving me unemployment (They're on the hook for a couple grand at this point.), SSI/SSDI becomes a immediately viable option, I win the lottery, or I get good, close and stable employment (That is not hard labor, because, you know, blood clots?) very soon.

If I can get some regular cash flow coming in, I can at least try and address some of these health issues. Just an aside, I've had more than one person this past week tell me the old pre-Obamacare canard, "Just go to the ER if you don't have insurance!" The ER plugs holes. They don't manage chronic ailments. If a chronic ailment (like say blood clots in the brain) becomes a "hole" to plug, the cost of treatment just became exponentially higher. Stroke treatment and rehabilitation is more expensive than an MRI and some statins, but one wonders, is this a bug or a feature? I know this: It's not long term thinking.

I have a big packet from the law firm I'm exploring SSI/SSDI with. I'm going to open it up and go over it with them on the phone. I'm also going to see if I can something for my cat's stomach. She been puking more often lately. Apart from the hairballs, no other signs of distress. She's older, so I'm going to see about special diets, and any extras I can giver her to calm her stomach. I have a therapy appointment, where (Story of my life nowadays) I've got to talk finances. Basically, figure out an arrangement where I can keep seeing him and he gets some portion of money. Finally, the lawn. I've been putting it off, but if I let it grow any further, I won't be able to address it. I just have to decide how to do that. Fun day.

I. Feel. Horrible. I got sick after eating a chicken skewer on Saturday night and I’ve been extremely nauseous with intestinal distress since then. I don’t know if it’s food poisoning or my general GI distress x1000. My boys didn’t get sick from the chicken but I do seem to remember picking the skewer that I thought was cooked but it maybe wasn’t thoroughly thinking at least it’ll be me who gets food poisoning not my boys so maybe I was right! Ugh I wish I had zofran or something to stop the intense nausea. I can’t even eat plain brown rice or saltines without nausea.

I’m supposed to work my second job today but I’m almost certain that’s not happening. I wish I had Gatorade but I literally can’t leave the house! There’s a convenience store 3 minutes away but I can’t be sure they have it and I can’t take the chance of driving, especially if they don’t.

Anyway I officially resigned from my job today but my boss said my contract is through the summer so he’s not going to say anything just yet, that way I’ll still get my summer pay and I’ll have the chance to change my mind and return. He’s very nice.

I’m not sleeping well and it’s catching up with me. I also can’t shake this respiratory illness I brought home from Florida (it’s been 9 days). I agreed to take a COVID test today and call the doctor about the congestion in my head and lungs. Mom tearfully told me she couldn’t handle losing 2 children. I felt bad. It’s not like I brought this on myself or asked for it.

Grieving is a tough gig. I made it to 4:00 yesterday before I couldn’t take anymore and wanted to curl up in a little ball. Progress I think. One day at a time. One minute at a time some days.

Today we’re taking mom to the movies and eating out. I think I may try to go float. I’m really not feeling well in a lot of ways. The Zoloft has unpleasant side effects but it is working to help take the edge of.

The street that connects our neighborhood to the main thoroughfare is closed today from 8-4 for paving. What a pain. Instead of 1 mile to get to the CVS for the COVID test, I’ll have to drive 5 miles the back way through a maze of roads.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

Hot, hot , hot today. Woke up too early, turned on all the fans and kept the drapes shut. Coming home from aqua fitness it seems cooler now. Everyone was there today. But two of them won’t be at the 11:30 fitness class. So I’m thinking small class today.

Mum wants to go to the bank, today of all days. I’m trying to get her to put it off until tomorrow. The loner car’s AC barely works and at her age she can’t regulate her temp very well. But she’s afraid of losing the check she got from her insurance. She worried about it all weekend. The feel like temperature today is over 100 and cars heat up so fast.

I don't know how many of you saw my edit to (I think- post 869-) to my post about my dad. But to ADD to that, my sister just called thanking me for pushing her to call the police. Turns out the neighbors were home and saw the police car and let the police in to my dad's place. They are head of the condo association and have a master key. They are doctors- pulmonologists- who said the same that the police did: his condo is in a shambles and that he has pooped and peed the bed. When they asked him why he didn't get up he said it's too painful. So, a crew to deal with his condo is coming and an ambulance came and took him to the hospital. He may have broken his hip when he fell a few days ago. Get him physically taken care of at the hospital and then maybe we have to sell his place to pay for assisted living.

Ahh moose I’m so sorry to hear that. The good news now is he’ll get the help he needs.

Last night was tough. I was a bit heavy on the melatonin and way way too low on food. I got a little bit less then 4 hours of sleep. Then I was up for a lot of the night after midnight but I managed a bit more sleep around 2:30. But I was so anxious because I was hungry. I couldn't fix anything in the microwave though because my mom was sleeping in the living room. I ate an Oreo and a donut though. Finally I got back to sleep a bit more at 5 and I woke up at 6:15 and at 9 I went to Taco Bell and got a crap ton of food. And yeah, I for sure needed to eat. I feel so much better now. I had a cheesy roll up, a gordita crunch, a burrito supreme, and chips and cheese dip. Plus a medium fruit punch Gatorade. But actually eating something is what I needed to help me. I've barely eaten in days. My gallbladder seems ok from everything.

My nephews are still over. My sister and brother in law left early this morning and my sister just texted and hasn't heard from the plumber yet. She has her appointment in a bit so I'm not sure whats going on at the moment.

Update: As of now my nephews are still here. My sister made it to her appointment ok. The plumber is just getting to their house. No clue how long it will take. I still have more Taco Bell left for dinner. The other day someone supposedly leaked an episode of Seasme Street from the 70's that was pulled for being too scary. I had been following the story for years so I spent the afternoon watching the episode and reading the Reddit and lost media wiki comments.

I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope things turn out okay.

I’m too sick to go out to the movie today. I can feel that I’ve taken a turn for the worse. Hopefully I can get some help today from my doctor.

And my cousin's son that came in from Seattle for the open house last Saturday has covid. I don't think I talked with him at the party but I think my mom did.

Let us know what your doctor says.

Yes I hope it all works out. It would be nice if he could get assisted living. We will see how this unfolds. Right now I hope he's settled into a hospital room. Apparently he hasn't showered in ages either.

Feel better soon, Jennifer

Update:. My dad's hip doesn't appear to be broken which is good because they don't know with his lungs whether he'd make it through surgery. However, they did a complete work up on him and his d-dimer is positive meaning that he's got blood clots somewhere. They are going to x-ray his lungs.

So, my two least favorite people showed up at the least opportune time. Within 20 minutes of each other my cousin and my father were in my driveway conferring (Plotting?). When they saw me, I got an earful about consideration and gratefulness and not ignoring people (Apparently including people I don't care about.) But, like the Bene Gesserit of Dune, I let it pass over me and through me. Soon my dad left and I took the first opportunity to slip away (unintentionally, if you can believe it) forgetting my phone in the process. Not long enough apparently.

I returned and I discovered how petty my cousin makes me. While regaling me with strong opinions on moles, grass seed and other stuff that bored me to tears, he was stung on the ear by a wasp. Justified ouch. Justified bad words. Then he loudly proclaims his allergy to bees. It was a wasp. Prepares me for his imminent anaphylactic shock from the bee sting. Again, wasp. Also, five minutes had passed. In my experience, that kind of thing happens quickly. All he had was the ouchie on his ear and his usual sunny disposition. He then turned his attention to the wasp nest. He sprayed it with bug spray and knocked it down. Ok, fair. Then he doused it with gasoline and set it on fire. Alrighty then.

My first thought? Wonder if I can be a beekeeper? How much does Charlotte Hornets memorabilia cost? Bee and/or yellowjacket lawn ornaments? Cost to special deliver "Secret Life of Bees" somewhere?

Then I came to my senses. I'd be spending time and money and effort tormenting a man with nothing. Never went to college. Never showed an interest in anything (save for his gardening and landscaping). No wife and kids. No kids. Barely any friends. A sad existence and no desire to capitalize on the time that's left. That is what gets me.

I will let my fear pass over me and through me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour The temperature plummeted where I am after reaching 40 C (104 F) a couple days ago. We even needed a little jacket yesterday. Global warming chaos! I don't take many photos. It's not my thing. Ones I take are usually lousy. In any case, posting a couple I took that reminded me of you, @*Beth*. The bakery specializes in macarons. The whole experience is still frustrating.

I would like one of each, please I remember that when I went to my first bakery in Paris I looked at a stack of macarons and thought, "How funny! Little pastel hamburgers." Oh, dear

I'm happy to hear that the temperature has decreased, but so sorry about your trip, overall. Have you reached Bretagne yet?

I still think of them as little sweet hamburgers! What does that say about me, ugly American?

Ok, so… a few things

1. Ever since being on Depakote I’ve felt better. A lot better. I don’t know what it is, why it is. My new psychiatrist has me way better pegged than my previous NP.

2. Why does EVERY NP wanna shove antipsychotics down your throat? (IME) I don’t respond well to them usually and they make me more anxious than not. Still not understanding that.

3. I saw my old NP and she put in that I had major depression even though I clearly told her about my manic episode and that my therapist and pdoc both said that it was mania. Every time I’ve been on mono therapy with an antidepressant I notice no real improvement.

Make. It. Make. Sense.

Idk I’m just really irate about my old NP & how my life got so messed up over this & being treated for the wrong condition.