Bipolar check-in #67

@*Beth* Amazon is a jerk! I don't doubt that it was 135 degrees in your car! And at that heat you can't even hold onto the steering wheel! Even if you have a fancy car with a cooled steering wheel it would still take time to cool down.

So who has gone to see the ELVIS movie!?

It’s awesome!

Also…I got gas for $3.79!!!!!

@moose

It's terrific that you're learning to crochet. I only know how to crochet a chain and have wanted to learn more. My sister does such creative crochet work. Have fun!

Ooh, I used to wear my contacts in the shower then I saw this horrible news story about people who wore their contacts in the shower and got some freaky fungal infection in their eyes that caused the iris to disappear. Lol, so creepy

I suspect that Amazon is well aware that some items will arrive late, but they just aren't truthful about delivery expectations. I find Amazon amazingly convenient, but I also find that about 1 out of 5 packages come later than expected, which is extremely annoying.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 So who has gone to see the ELVIS movie!? It’s awesome!

Ohhhh, I've thought about seeing it! Thanks for the recommendation!

So my parents got me a service dog. My dad will train it for the first 6 months. So I won't get her until January. Which I'm fine with because I have to convince a Dr that I need her. which won't be easy.

I just woke up, got dressed, went to the bathroom and realized it was 3:30 AM. Not quite time to get up for my 1:00 therapy appointment...

That's the equivalent price of what the current cheapest gas in Czech Republic currently is. Sometimes it is more the equivalent of $4 per gallon, when calculating it from Czech price per liter.

I grew even sicker last night with a fever up to 101.5 F (38.6 C) and had the chills. I really wanted to get some good sleep. I hadn't had much for a while. So, on top of all of my medications (including 700 mg Seroquel (XR/IR) I confess I took 1 mg of Ativan and put on my sound machine to the meadow mode (crickets, cicada, wind in grass). I slept beautifully about 10 hours straight. I can't give one more credit than the other. I always miss the meadow and woods sounds of summer in New Jersey. In Czech Republic, you don't hear any at all. New Jersey has a loud chorus of them, with choruses of frog sounds earliest in the summer season near my parents' house. Beautiful and peaceful! It also rarely rains where I am now, unlike in New Jersey, and I have no fireplace here unlike in New Jersey. There is also the occasional enjoyment of the ocean tides on the Jersey coast, when we go there. These are the things I miss most about home, along with the variety of beautiful birds and other animals.

I did the grey rock method as @Nammu (thank you) suggested and my daughter and I had that one sided conversation. I got it over with. My talk with her about her behavior is Tuesday.

I was talking to my sister about it before we had the conversation and she said “you’ve been sick with this Bipolar stuff for a long time. I’ve been patient with you.” How ignorant can one person be about mental illness? It’s just not helpful. She tried attacking me on other stuff and I successfully kept it focused on the topic at hand. It still stings to be judged and misunderstood.

I’ve decided to take extra good care of myself, schedule one-two tasks a day and keep doing the right things. Hopefully, I’ll come out of the depression sooner or later. Thank you for the kind words and support. It’s been tremendously helpful.

Hugs to all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom So my parents got me a service dog. My dad will train it for the first 6 months. So I won't get her until January. Which I'm fine with because I have to convince a Dr that I need her. which won't be easy.

That's amazing! I hope it works out with a doctor. It should.

I am so angry right now and I don't know why... like not in a dangerous way I'm just like super pissed and irritated and ornery for no reason. And not at anyone either. I'm keeping it to myself. I don't know whats going on. I see my pdoc in a few hours so he has to do something but I am still going to refuse anything that will cause weight gain. My hematrcirt came back normal for the second time so maybe my testosterone is now actually low and needs to be increased? Idk I haven't gotten the rest of my results yet, but this type of anger doesn't just come out of nowhere I don't think. I stopped my stomach med since it was just adding onto my issues. I havent had any trouble with my stomach since stopping all types of nuts and peanut butter. But its just weird this intense anger that just like came on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I grew even sicker last night with a fever up to 101.5 F (38.6 C) and had the chills. I really wanted to get some good sleep. I hadn't had much for a while. So, on top of all of my medications (including 700 mg Seroquel (XR/IR) I confess I took 1 mg of Ativan and put on my sound machine to the meadow mode (crickets, cicada, wind in grass). I slept beautifully about 10 hours straight. I can't give one more credit than the other. I always miss the meadow and woods sounds of summer in New Jersey. In Czech Republic, you don't hear any at all. New Jersey has a loud chorus of them, with choruses of frog sounds earliest in the summer season near my parents' house. Beautiful and peaceful! It also rarely rains where I am now, unlike in New Jersey, and I have no fireplace here unlike in New Jersey. There is also the occasional enjoyment of the ocean tides on the Jersey coast, when we go there. These are the things I miss most about home, along with the variety of beautiful birds and other animals.

I love all those sounds...crickets, frogs, the wind at night. I had never heard a cicada until I went to the deep south. What a wonderful sound they make!

I'm sure glad you've been vaccinated. Your covid case is terrible enough, as it is. I'm so glad you were able to get such good, solid sleep.

Let us know how you're feeling.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I did the grey rock method as @Nammu (thank you) suggested and my daughter and I had that one sided conversation. I got it over with. My talk with her about her behavior is Tuesday. I was talking to my sister about it before we had the conversation and she said “you’ve been sick with this Bipolar stuff for a long time. I’ve been patient with you.” How ignorant can one person be about mental illness? It’s just not helpful. She tried attacking me on other stuff and I successfully kept it focused on the topic at hand. It still stings to be judged and misunderstood. I’ve decided to take extra good care of myself, schedule one-two tasks a day and keep doing the right things. Hopefully, I’ll come out of the depression sooner or later. Thank you for the kind words and support. It’s been tremendously helpful. Hugs to all.

Good God, you're incredible! Not only what you've gone through, but what you're going through. Pleas, yes - take extra good care of yourself

Ok! No more contacts in the shower!

So far all I can do is a chain but I'm going to my mom's later so we'll see.

I'm getting really fed up with this. I still have 3 hours until my pdoc appointment. My valium is going right through me. My other blood test results arent coming in so I'm not hearing back from my doctor. I am getting zero support from anyone about anything. I am beyond angry.

Edit: I ran to Target to get a mirror. I had a lot of anxiety and some paranoia doing it but I feel better now that I forced myself to go out. I still have a couple hours until my pdoc appointment. I'm just trying to hang on at this point. I asked my mom this morning if I could go to the hospital but shes not a big believer in psych hospitals. She knows I can work it out with my pdoc and my doctor who does my trans stuff and I know shes right too. Plus theres not really a need to go. I'm just anxious and crabby mainly.

It was a ****ing trap just like I suspected. My program lured me in and now they won’t let me leave. RS is coming, let’s hope it’s the real one, else I’m going to be thrown off the highway,

It’s not a trap and RS is the one and only. The illness is telling you lies. Listen to them, the program and RS they do care they are real and they do have your best interest at heart.

I’m worried about you. Please listen to Nammu. Thinking of you.

@wildflowerchild25

I am deeply concerned about you. I am positive that Nammu is correct. Please take in what she has told you. There is no trap, it's just that your mental health is deteriorating lately and you need some extra help. You know how MI lies to us. I have you in my loving thoughts.

Thanks, Beth. My fever and most body pain seemed to end by this morning, but I still have respiratory stuff going on. It's funny, Hubby had mostly a persistant phlemy cough. I have frequent (sometimes many times in a row) sneezing and nasal congestion with voice hoarseness, and only occasional scary sounding dry cough. Hubby's getting past his case.

Our friends are coming for brunch tomorrow, with us all sitting outside distanced. Tonight his one friend had an idea for them all to stay one night in an old nuclear fallout shelter that's now a museum and hostel. They called from there a bit ago. The ladies don't seem that into the place. I'm partially to blame as I told the one friend about it knowing it would be his kinda thing, but didn't expect them to rent a room!

Well my pdoc just yelled at me when I asked for concerta. Basically he said I was seeking meds for weight loss and every time I went in there I was asking for something different. I'm not quite sure thats true. Last time he didn't switch my meds at all. And I've never asked for concerta in my life before. But he was all like "every time you come in here you ask for concerta." Ummm. No I don't . And I wasn't asking for it for weight loss I was asking for it so I could get my *** off MSF all day and concentrate on other things. Anyways I got into an argument about how I didn't want to gain weight from meds but my anxiety and concentration were really bad and my mom was there with me on the call and she vouched for me how badly things were when I left the house. So he is putting me on Prestiq for anxiety and stresses its weight netrual but can cause manic and anger issues. He says theres like a 5% chance of it happening. I already have the anger issues going for me so theres a win. But he says its the only weight netrual med I'm not on that he's willing to give me. This is the same guy who put me on valium when I said I was completely out of control with my other benzo and running out early, by the way. But I swear I've never asked for concerta before and I don't really ask for much of anything from him. He does things on his own. So I'll see how this prestiq stuff works. Hopefully it helps with my anxiety and doesn't wreck my weight in the process. He was all like trying to be apologetic at the end and he said "but when theres an elephant in the room I need to address it" but I didn't do? Anything. My mom says hes just confused she has never heard me mention concerta before. But it sucks getting yelled at when the other person is in the wrong. It reminds me of when I'd be at work and I would get yelled at by my aggressive boss for things my coworkers were doing.

I too am trying to get on ADHD meds for ADHD symptoms and with frequent manic symptoms/psychosis and substance abuse issues I know I'll never be treated without anything but clonidine (and that's AFTER my case manager finds me someone can get me properly diagnosed). I know because that's what my NP told me when I brought up that I think I have ADHD and was told I do by several therapists and mostly everyone who knows me. I can do therapy for it though........after I get a diagnosis.

Hey hey hey !!!

I had a lovely break and I’m back bright eyes and bushy tailed.

Hope everyone is doing okay. Many hugs to anyone in need !

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Great to see you back Christina! Good to hear your break was lovely