Bipolar check-in #68

MuddyBoots · Aug 09, 2022, 06:04 AM

Beth, it took 3 weeks of being on 900-1200mg of lithium for me to stabilizer when I took it, then it worked better than any other med out there, so I wouldn't give up on it just yet. I don't know what your med dude is on about but the only meds that worked that quickly for me are a few APs and sleep meds.

And I read the drugs.com in-depth guide to lamictal and it says the max FDA dose for bipolar is 200mg while for epilepsy it's 400mg although obviously people with bipolar have been on higher with more success. It also depends on what other medications you're taking.

MuddyBoots · Aug 09, 2022, 06:33 AM

My poor little fss worker is gonna say "it's too hot for me to do my job" today. Like she did last week, and the three weeks before that. I get we're setting records all the damn time, but her vehicle is newer and I'm assuming has A/C and it's not that far to walk from the building to her vehicle and from her vehicle to my building. I don't even want to pick up my meds this week. Another f**king fight with the pharmacy and my team over what meds to take. I listened to them for one day last week and stayed in bed until 3pm (I *never* do that) and when I got up I fell just from being so dizzy.

Then come winter she's gonna say "It's too cold for me to come out." As if my mental illness took a break when the weather got uncomfortable.... I'm just not gonna pick up my meds. My fss worker doesn't want to drive? Neither do I. If they want to make it hard for me, I'm not gonna jump through hoops. I'm giving up on injections too. Invega sucks, Risperdal sucks, Haldol sucks. I'm reluctant to try Abilify without taking the pill first. I took it a loooong time ago for like a week while IP but they decided that it wasn't working and switched me to something else instead of increasing the dose beyond 2mg.

I'm really feeling the need to have a drink which will either calm me down or make me suicidal. Kinda like meds!!!!

Aug 09, 2022, 07:28 AM

Sending comfort to all who struggle here. Seems that financial and medication issues abound. Would like to address each of you but have gotten overwhelmed reading all the details. Will try and use the "reply" feature tomorrow to speak to individuals separately. Just know that i care and feel sympathy for each of you and am fond of you and wish you speedy solutions to your various problems!

wildflowerchild25 · Aug 09, 2022, 08:32 AM

@*Beth*

Lithium did not help me in the slightest, however I have read that it is most helpful for those who have “classic” bipolar vs atypical and I am definitely square in the atypical area. I do understand his hesitation to prescribe more without a blood level though, you could be in toxicity or getting there if he ups it without knowing. That’s no fun. My hands shook so bad I couldn’t even write in my journal because I couldn’t grip the pen.

But it is frustrating when med providers simply give up! And I’m on 300mg lamictal now , combined with depakote which you’re apparently not supposed to do, but I’ve been stable on that for years (as long as I keep an AP on board, apparently I can’t go without them haha).

*Beth* · Aug 09, 2022, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

... I'm trying to take things one step at a time.
...

Golden words, Soupe.

I suspect that you tend to be a perfectionist and have a tendency to shift into high gear very quickly. I so get it, obviously I'm the same way. But breathe, grounding, one step at a time is essential for stable mental health.You know that, just remember to practice it.

*Beth* · Aug 09, 2022, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Beth, it took 3 weeks of being on 900-1200mg of lithium for me to stabilizer when I took it, then it worked better than any other med out there, so I wouldn't give up on it just yet. I don't know what your med dude is on about but the only meds that worked that quickly for me are a few APs and sleep meds.

And I read the drugs.com in-depth guide to lamictal and it says the max FDA dose for bipolar is 200mg while for epilepsy it's 400mg although obviously people with bipolar have been on higher with more success. It also depends on what other medications you're taking.

Thank you very much, Boots. Yeah, I'm going to stick with the lithium. Dude sits there with his phone and keeps flipping to who knows what site for information. He's not working from his own experience, which is making me very cautious.

*Beth* · Aug 09, 2022, 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

My poor little fss worker is gonna say "it's too hot for me to do my job" today. Like she did last week, and the three weeks before that. I get we're setting records all the damn time, but her vehicle is newer and I'm assuming has A/C and it's not that far to walk from the building to her vehicle and from her vehicle to my building.

Too hot to do her job?!?! Poor baby! I drove I don't know how many cars for years & years with zero a/c in temperatures of well over 100 - and plenty of times I was driving to a job. So roll the effing windows down and live with it. I'm sure she has an a/c that works top-notch. I'm telling you, these people wanna make me puke on their shoes.

I don't even want to pick up my meds this week. Another f**king fight with the pharmacy and my team over what meds to take. I listened to them for one day last week and stayed in bed until 3pm (I *never* do that) and when I got up I fell just from being so dizzy.

I sooo hear you.

Then come winter she's gonna say "It's too cold for me to come out." As if my mental illness took a break when the weather got uncomfortable....

Sounds like she needs to go on disability, since she is unable to do her job. Pfffft.

I'm just not gonna pick up my meds. My fss worker doesn't want to drive? Neither do I. If they want to make it hard for me, I'm not gonna jump through hoops. I'm giving up on injections too. Invega sucks, Risperdal sucks, Haldol sucks. I'm reluctant to try Abilify without taking the pill first. I took it a loooong time ago for like a week while IP but they decided that it wasn't working and switched me to something else instead of increasing the dose beyond 2mg.

Yeah, these people are a-holes. One after another after another. It burns my azz, for the salaries they make and the benefits they get. Can you be really insistent about wanting to try the pill Abilify first? I wouldn't want an injection before trying the pill form, either. I experience it myself and I've heard it over and over for years upon years from patients. I've lost trust and respect, at this point it's war mode for me. You know it's your body and you shouldn't have to take an injection of some substance you don't yet have confidence in.

I'm really feeling the need to have a drink which will either calm me down or make me suicidal. Kinda like meds!!!!

What can I say...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunflower123 · Aug 09, 2022, 09:15 AM

I’m having a bad case of the blahs today. Motivation is low. I took an extra Vraylar. My anxiety has also been high. I’ll be a few pills short this month in my Klonopin. That doesn’t happen often. It’s cloudy and over cast…I don’t feel like going to the pool. That probably doesn’t help things. Neither does waking up between 2-4 am night after night. I did talk to my daughter yesterday and that was lovely. We’ll meet this Sunday to visit and I am in charge of setting up the tubing adventure. That will be fun and I’ll do that soon.

I signed mom and I up for a Griefshare class that starts Sunday and she started crying. She doesn’t want to go so we won’t. At least she is seeing a therapist. I’m much further along in processing my grief. I do adjust quickly to things and that was her only son and first child. I do understand. It’s a tough situation.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

*Beth* · Aug 09, 2022, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

@*Beth*

Lithium did not help me in the slightest, however I have read that it is most helpful for those who have “classic” bipolar vs atypical and I am definitely square in the atypical area. I do understand his hesitation to prescribe more without a blood level though, you could be in toxicity or getting there if he ups it without knowing. That’s no fun. My hands shook so bad I couldn’t even write in my journal because I couldn’t grip the pen.

But it is frustrating when med providers simply give up! And I’m on 300mg lamictal now , combined with depakote which you’re apparently not supposed to do, but I’ve been stable on that for years (as long as I keep an AP on board, apparently I can’t go without them haha).

Thank you, wfc, for the info on your lithium experience. What annoys me is that he keeps changing meds, then acts like I've done something wrong because he keeps changing meds.

The whole Lamictal thing is absurd. I know loads of people who are on 300mg of Lamictal. It's becoming very difficult to have a med provider who is inexperienced in working with real patiens, not case studies online.

unlived · Aug 09, 2022, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Weellllll, I'm rapidly losing confidence in med dude. When that happens I lose respect and when I lose respect I am kinda done and ready to move on. Time to make phone calls.

He seemed annoyed that I went in today, so soon after my last appointment. I suggested to him that we raise the lithium dose, but he was adamant about my having blood work done tomorrow for fear of lithium toxicity. That means I can't raise the dose until at least Thursday, because he has to get the lab result.

So he said maybe stop the lithium and try Depakote. Then he said we've tried a bunch of meds and none of them have worked. I reminded him that we tried "a bunch of meds" for sleep, not for mood stuff. Those meds didn't help with sleep, only 50mgs of Seroquel helps.

Oh, yeah, that's true, says the dude.

He asked me if I've felt any change since being on lithium. I said no...but it's been only 4 days. He said I should feel better by now. Ummm...??? 4 days of only 600mg of lithium and I should feel stable? Nah, I doubt it.

Then he said there's only "so much medication can do" (OH, boy, here we go with that one). That's the game they play. The way to get around it is to tell them I want to stop my meds. Then they start prescribing like crazy, insisting that I need to be on a list of medications. (But I THOUGHT there is only so much medication can do, Herr Doktor....)

I suggested that we raise my Lamictal. No, med dude says; 200mg is the maximum dose. No, say I - I have been on 300mg and was quite stable on it for a couple of years.

Well, if you were IP...but there's only so much I can do outpatient. Because they could do your lithium serum right there if you were IP. I can prescribe an extra 100mg of Lamictal, but it's off-label. (Who gives a f**k, if it works?).

Me thinking: whatever. Wasted my time and gas coming over here.

So they closed the lab next to the hospital and the lab I have to drive out to tomorrow is an 18 mile round-trip. I told med dude that I don't have enough gas in my car to make that trip. He looked at me, blank.

I came home made calls and found out that I actually can go to the ER to get a lithium serum drawn. Of course, there's the waiting (not a big deal, I can read a book). But I still have the gas issue, although the hospital is much closer.

I called David; he has $4 in change. I have $1 and some pennies. That's not even a gallon.

Right now I feel so done with the mental health system. And you know what? Even if I did go IP I know it would be a waste of time. I've done it 3 times before and all I ended up with was one less bra, because someone stole mine while I was there. Oh - and a case of ptsd because a crazy old lady tried to smother me with a pillow while I was asleep. Yeah, IP was reeeaaallll helpful.

So I guess the question I'm asking is if I really should notice a different after taking only seven 300mg lithium pills? If I should, then lithium isn't helping. If it's too early to tell, then it's worth putting the $5 of gas in my car to get to the lab.

@MuddyBoots No need to stay away, sweetie. We can spew vitriol together.

I do adore you all and I do expect that "I" will eventually return.

Lithium can definitely work quick but like I said before it really all depends on the level and how quick you reach it. I’ve reached my level pretty quick in the past but I was on 1500mg a day. It worked fast for me. It also depends what you’re needing it to work on at that point in time. I wasn’t manic at the time I was just unstable and it levelled me out. That was the first time I took it. Another time I took it I was psychotic and inpatient and switched back to it from depakote and that along with the antipsychotics really helped me. Again it worked relatively quickly because of the dose. Maybe if you’re really manic or something it would take longer to work and at lower doses it will probably take longer. I wouldn’t think you’d have toxicity at 600mg a day so not sure why your dr wouldn’t move you up but I guess he would know more about that than me!

Nammu · Aug 09, 2022, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Thank you very much, Boots. Yeah, I'm going to stick with the lithium. Dude sits there with his phone and keeps flipping to who knows what site for information. He's not working from his own experience, which is making me very cautious.

Ohhh yi yi yi that would be concerning if he’s relying on his phone. It’s also concerning that every time you see him there are changes. That doesn’t give you enough time to even out and get to see what the meds are doing. I’m concerned because you are on so many drugs and switching constantly. That’s not good.

Mountaindewed · Aug 09, 2022, 12:01 PM

I'm doing well today. Yesterday morning was for sure caffeine related. I just had one regular Dr. Pepper today. My stomach is a bit off. Not really off just kinda full despite the fact I didn't eat a lot. I had a Slim Fast and then I got some mozzerella sticks from Sonic. I tried their pickle slush which I do not reccomend but I'm sure some people would like it. I got my shopping done later then normal with no anxiety. I needed to go to the specialty grocery store and Whole Foods to get some stuff I normally eat that I can't find at the regular grocery store. At the specialty store one of the employees said "do you need help young man?" Its like sir, I will be 30 in less then 6 months. I'm glad I'm passing all the time but I'd like to shake the college student image. A coworker I had said it was my body type. My last therapist called me scrawny and I don't think my current therapist necessairly disagrees with that. But yeah I had no anxiety going out. If the stores were crowded I didn't notice.

Sunflower123 · Aug 09, 2022, 12:56 PM

Wow! Lots of anxiety and panic attacks today. I’ve tried my bag of tricks and medication but my heart is still racing along with all the other symptoms. Right when I think I’ve mastered it, it rears it’s ugly head.

It doesn’t help that sister is coming over after work to bring dinner. I believe I have PTSD from so many years of vicious attacks. I’m uptight. I’m reading a book “The Incredible Magic of Not Giving a ****”. I’m trying to apply it to my sister’s behavior. It’s a great book for all areas of life if you are an uptight, hyper vigilant person like me.

Hugs to all that need them.

Mountaindewed · Aug 09, 2022, 01:38 PM

I'm wondering if the reason I'm still so involved with my transference T after 1.5 years is because she was the last person I was romantically attracted to before my sex drive died. Like I know this can happen sometimes to trans people and thats why people turn to drugs and binge drinking and eating and stuff. But I don't do any of that. I just can't let go of her. And I'm wondering If its just because I don't feel attraction to anyone anymore for some reason. Either my hormones calmed down or my hystrectomy killed it. Its an interesting thought though and one I hadn't thought of before.

*Beth* · Aug 09, 2022, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Ohhh yi yi yi that would be concerning if he’s relying on his phone. It’s also concerning that every time you see him there are changes. That doesn’t give you enough time to even out and get to see what the meds are doing. I’m concerned because you are on so many drugs and switching constantly. That’s not good.

I agree on both counts, Nammu. He always has his phone in his hand and every question I ask, or idea I propose, he flips on his phone, then replies to me. Maybe I should just ask him what his source of information is? If he's just Googling stuff, well, I can do that myself.

And yes! HE keeps changing meds, then seems accusing toward me because "You've tried so many different medications." Well, yeah...I can only use what he prescribes.

He's just very young, inexperienced, and then gets defensive because he feels unsure of what he's doing.

I'm seeing 2 options. One, go with what I know has worked in the past, or two, call around and find a different prescriber. I can even "interview" a different prescriber to see how I feel about the person before I make a definite commitment.

*Beth* · Aug 09, 2022, 02:50 PM

I awoke (after a decent sleep) thinking more clearly. I'm not going to drive out to the blood lab today. It's ridiculous to have to scrape together dimes and pennies so I can buy 3/4 of a gallon of gas to go out to that lab. I took the full 300mg of Lamictal last night and so far, my mind feels much quieter. I've been reading about all the possible side-effects of lithium and frankly, the list is scary. Even a hand tremor is a big problem for me, a problem I've battled with in the past and finally got rid of.

I understand the danger of lithium toxicity. That said, since I'm not feeling any effects at all from the current lithium dosage it stands to logic that I'm nowhere near a toxic level. I think my prescriber could have increased the dose to 900mg/day (instead of 600) then sent me for blood work on Monday. I believe an experienced clinician would have been confident in doing that.

So instead, I'm going to give the 300mg Lamictal a try for a week and see how I'm feeling. I have an appt. with med dude next Wednesday. Again, I'll see if I'm feeling more stable and by Thursday decide if I want to continue seeing Stephen, or if I decide to make an appointment somewhere else.

In addition to all that, I'm trying to decide whether or not to keep my Thursday appointment with Mary. Once again, I was so aggravated with her yesterday, with her sloppy inconsistency. I've told her, discussed it with her, repeatedly and she just does not get it. She'll say she does, she'll be supportive - and then do the same thing a few days later.

Anyway, my primary focus for today is Sidney's vet appointment this afternoon. I'm hoping that her vet has some worthwhile input, as far as Sid's insulin dosing goes. Thankfully, the woman is well-experienced and consistent. I wish she was my doctor.

I feel so bad about you @Jennifer 1967. Your poor mom. My God. I don't know what to tell you except that you can and will ride this out. Grief is absolutely miserable and, as I've probably said before, the loss of a sibling seems to cause a very specific kind of despondency. My sister will have been gone 4 years ago in October and every day I have so many things to tell her. I have a sense of terrible sadness, but almost more of frustration that is different than other types of loss.

Well, I'm off to skate...the best medicine and best therapy of all.

Love all around and...

Nammu · Aug 09, 2022, 03:21 PM

Oy, my back. Im back to nothing for sleep so last night I was tossing and turning again. I did sleep from about 9am to 11 am.

Cool dreams. I was a doula at the fair. I know who would go to a fair to give birth! But in my dream there was quite a few mothers who came. Oddly we were on second floor above a clown store. The main midwife was herself 9 months pregnant. We had a biker chick in leather who bf dropped her off. A mother with a 2 yr old in a stroller who popped in, had her baby popped it in the stroller and walked away! Maybe it was the doula duties that did my back in?

at any rate I used the HC placard to park today. Walking is tough. I no longer use a walker or cane so usually I just park in a regular spot. Today I voted then went to the library for books. Then stopped off for donuts. 🍩

Brentus · Aug 09, 2022, 03:45 PM

Filed an application for disability today. Let's hope for the best.

Aurelius710 · Aug 09, 2022, 06:09 PM

Great news: The onboarding situation has been resolved and all necessary paperwork and testing will be done tomorrow! Some fun news: I found some photos from a six year old international vacation that had been stuck in a virtual shoebox and have been having fun sorting them and telling my story. It's been a quiet day today because, annoying news: my parents pushed their "Helping me out visit." back yet another day. The water is still shut off and, apparently the internet is down too. The internet bill showed zero balance two days ago, so it can't be that. If there's no resolution in the morning, they'll get a call. On the plus side, I have a large tablet that has cell service on it so I'm not hunched over my phone. Plenty of podcasts to play, old audio dramas to listen to, music to blare. I can catch up on some reading.

About a 75-25 day good to bad!

Some of my photos I wanted to share!

MuddyBoots · Aug 09, 2022, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To be fair she did call me and ask how I was doing. I didn't give her the full scope, just said I was hallucinating again and felt very irritable and wasn't sleeping much. I didn't really pay attention to her very well as I was distracted. She did stress the importance of meds though and accused me of being noncompliant. I would rather not take meds and sleep 2 hours a day than take meds and be up 2 hours a day (but still deal with symptoms and side effects).

I don't think asking to be on a pill before the injection for whatever we choose to do is unreasonable (there's a couple other AP injections; I know off the top of my head aripiprazole/Abilify is one) so I have no problem pushing for that.

*Beth* · Aug 09, 2022, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Oy, my back. Im back to nothing for sleep so last night I was tossing and turning again. I did sleep from about 9am to 11 am.

Cool dreams. I was a doula at the fair. I know who would go to a fair to give birth! But in my dream there was quite a few mothers who came. Oddly we were on second floor above a clown store. The main midwife was herself 9 months pregnant. We had a biker chick in leather who bf dropped her off. A mother with a 2 yr old in a stroller who popped in, had her baby popped it in the stroller and walked away! Maybe it was the doula duties that did my back in?

at any rate I used the HC placard to park today. Walking is tough. I no longer use a walker or cane so usually I just park in a regular spot. Today I voted then went to the library for books. Then stopped off for donuts. 🍩

That is the most ***awesome*** dream!

Ooh, I haven't eaten a donut in years. Sounds delicious.

*Beth* · Aug 09, 2022, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurelius710

....

Some of my photos I wanted to share!

Fabulous photos! There is nothing, nothing like that feeling of traveling, being in a totally different place.

*Beth* · Aug 09, 2022, 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

To be fair she did call me and ask how I was doing. I didn't give her the full scope, just said I was hallucinating again and felt very irritable and wasn't sleeping much. I didn't really pay attention to her very well as I was distracted. She did stress the importance of meds though and accused me of being noncompliant. I would rather not take meds and sleep 2 hours a day than take meds and be up 2 hours a day (but still deal with symptoms and side effects).

I don't think asking to be on a pill before the injection for whatever we choose to do is unreasonable (there's a couple other AP injections; I know off the top of my head aripiprazole/Abilify is one) so I have no problem pushing for that.

I'm glad she did call you. I hate when they use that word "noncompliant." When I hear that word I hear "I have zero empathy for you."

I strongly encourage you to push for the pill first. Screw taking your rights away.

BeyondtheRainbow · Aug 09, 2022, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WindsThatBlow

Filed an application for disability today. Let's hope for the best.

Good luck! I remember how stressful it was to send that in. I heard back in 11 weeks with an approval. I hope that you are as fortunate!

BeyondtheRainbow · Aug 10, 2022, 02:17 AM

@*Beth* ;

I was just reading the boards at 3 AM when it occurred to me that you are trying to get the lithium labs at random times. Did med dude tell you that they need to be drawn 12 hours after your last dose to be accurate?

Menu

Bipolar check-in #68

My Support Forums