Bipolar check-in #68

Beth, I sent you a PM but I agree totally. I thought I'd help too and instead I'm triggered. I'm going to have trouble sleeping after that awful post and it doesn't belong here at all.

I can't get bad images out of my mind.

YUCK!

Word of the day is numb... not much different then flat... but hurts more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Beth, I sent you a PM but I agree totally. I thought I'd help too and instead I'm triggered. I'm going to have trouble sleeping after that awful post and it doesn't belong here at all. I can't get bad images out of my mind. YUCK!

I know, I so hear you. I can't get the images out of my mind, either. I'm sorry we both saw that thing. Maybe every time you "see" a bad image surround it with white light, healing, soft light, and allow the image to be a bless-ed one, all healthy and alive with goodness. No more bad image.

Today should be quiet. Thank goodness! A couple hours of online work for the new employers, some house cleaning and that's it. If no one in my immediate orbit bugs me, which might or might not happen, it will be a good day!

@*Beth* and @downandlonely, thanks for sharing about your experience (or observation) with this type of age-gap issue. I'm glad to learn that it's not uncommon, in such cases.

Beth, the Carol Burnett skit was great, as she always is. I never really felt like that entirely in the US, but definitely here in CZ I do.

Hey! I slept! It might only be a blip but I slept a good 6-7 hours! It was going on 4am the last time I saw the clock then Sir was there at 11am asking me for breakfast. I wake up a couple of times but had excellent dreams. Beth you’d like my first dream.

There was a sculpture way up high and people revered it as gods work. But myself and two others were determined to repaint it. Lots of close ups of mixing paint and getting the colors just right and in the end we got people to understand that this was human work. The colors were amazing.

My second dream wasn’t so pleasant. I was an agent, fbi or something and had to arrest a van full of kids, 8, 9 and 10 year olds that shot up a shopping center. Just for kicks.

I didn't sleep good last night. So today hasn't been good as a result. My mom doesn't get meds and overheating. By the time I convinced her to turn the air on I had already taken an extra melatonin. It was 7:30 and I woke up at 1:30 since extra melatonin craps out on you early. I listened to music and watched some Youtube videos then I finally got a book finished. I drank a can of coffee which was a mistake. After my mom got up I went to Sonic and got some popcorn chicken and a pretzel twist. I had been living mostly off tic tacs Slim Fasts and apple sauces for the past 3 days. Not that the rest of the day was much better. Then I tried reading a new book but I got tired from the Prestiq so I went to lie down for a bit then I decided I needed a Mountain Dew and and I'm still lethargic. This whole mess could have been avoided if the air had been turned on at 4:30 instead of 7:30 last night.

Post made in error.

Row row row your boat...

I'm not going to ask because I'm pretty sure I don't want to know. Sending your way.

They are putting our dog down while I'm typing this. He had horrible arthritis and his legs will no longer hold him. We're leaving for vacation (with my nieces) in the morning to make it worse. I mean this had to happen vacation or not but that doesn't make it easier. I'm going to miss him so much.

I got up early and met my step dad at the tire place. I thought I was getting there a bit early but there was already a line. Luckily SD was already there and in line! Once we got through the line they told me it would be about 3 hours. So SD dropped me off at Starbucks a couple doors down and I ordered coffee and one tiny vanilla scone because that's how much money I had in my SB app. Plus I hadn't eaten. So I just sat there. I checked the tire places website around 10 and it said my car would be done at noon. I hadn't brought a book with me, so I just FB messaged with my friends. At 10:30 I got the text that my car was ready! They put the new wheel on- which I found out is actually used!- and rotated the tires. So I picked up my receipt and my key and drove away! Yay. My car is fixed! I'm definitely NOT going back to that restaurant from Sunday! Ever! I'll just decline. I have a good excuse!

So sorry - losing fur babies is so darn hard - I just went through it in May. Hugs to you!

@BeyondtheRainbow No time is a good time to lose a beloved pet.

I am so, so sorry @BeyondtheRainbow. I am sending you love and comfort.

I am delighted for you @Nammu! I guess, I hope, your body just finally got the memo to sleep.


Really interesting dreams you had. I dreamt I found a dog that was so sweet and lovable, soft and furry with floppy ears. I just adored it. But then I realized I had to leave it where it lived, which was in a government office building. I knew the dog would be well cared for and given a lot of attention; still, I was so sad that I couldn't keep it.

I could not close the windows last night. Couldn't. I finally got some cooler air inside my apartment. So I ended up staying awake until 3 a.m. At 6 I had to get up and do kitty breakfast/test Sidney's glucose/give her her insulin shot. I felt like I would collapse. After a short while I went back to bed and slept until 3 p.m. Sleeping felt so good. I didn't have any time to skate and I'm sad about that - but last night I twisted my back throwing garbage into the ridiculously high dumpster. So it's probably just as well that I gave my back a rest today.

Now I'm going to wash dishes and yippie! sit in bed and read East of Eden.

Love to all~

I just wanted to thank everyone for being here. I stayed with our dog until the vet came to euthanize him (we had a wonderful vet who happened to be in the clinic when the answering service called her. She got a tech and they drove out here, did the euthanasia in the living room where he had collapsed and then took his body for cremation. We will never forget that kindness as we couldn't have gotten him out to the car or into it without really hurting him and it would have been very hard at best).


Anyway, when the vet arrived I left and came over to my house because I didn't want to be there for the actual procedure and I can't tell you all how much it helped me to type that message and know people would care.


He was a good dog and we'll miss him so much. I'm just glad he's no longer suffering. The last few weeks his arthritis pain had just gotten so much worse. The vet even said that he was in pain and this was the best thing. We got him to the lake he loved one last time this week which I'm so glad about even though he scared me to death trying to do more than his body would allow.


He was a good, good boy and I'll miss him so much. The other dog is wilder and just not the same. I love him too but Jasper was more my dog than the other (both are my mom's but kinda mine since I'm next door and deal with them daily).

Thanks again. I'm so glad for this place and all of you.

Mixed bag today. Seems to be a theme for me anymore.

My work for my new employer couldn't get done because of some sort of glitch in their login. I could set up a company email just fine, and get into their group chat app just as easily, but when it came to accessing the nuts and bolts of my assignments, I apparently don't exist. Now, all the right people know about it and tech support is appraised, but I'm stuck waiting. Again. And I'm freaking out about it! How many more technical glitches and snafus before they decide I'm not worth the trouble? All of this effort and I get chucked back to square one. This sucks.

On a more positive note, I deep cleaned my bathroom. Looks like new and I discovered I have stockpiles. Over the depressive winter months and the beginning of my unemployment, I guess I wasn't paying attention to what I had in the bathroom and bought stuff when I didn't see it. So, past me has gifted present me with large quantities of toothpaste, deodorant, bars of soap, a couple of really good reusable razors and some shampoo. In my defense, the bathroom has a lot of cabinets!

@BeyondtheRainbow
It sounds like he had a life surrounded by love and full of belly rubs (or whatever got his tail wagging)! What more could a canine ask for?

He had really rotten early years. He was a runner (he even tried yesterday when he could barely walk) and when we got him he had been being kept on a chain with only a little shelter thing to go inside. He had to learn that he didn't have to go to to the back of the dog yard and hide there when it rained. I had to go bring him in myself the first time it rained when he was with us. I had to convince the woman I got him from (he'd run away from them 2x in 2 weeks which got them a fine at the humane society for not having tags on him) that we didn't need the shelter because he'd be indoor. He loved being loved but it took a while before he trusted it. But he settled in and his life for the last 8 years was very happy. Lots of good food, trips to the lake, cuddles, attention and soft places to sleep.


I know our decision today was the right one. In a way I'm glad it's over as it's just been getting closer and closer for weeks and it was awful to watch him try so hard. It's also better that my brother (dogsitter) didn't have to make the decision while we are in Canada where we won't have cell service.



I've got to try to sleep. I have to get up at 8:15 to get ready. I think I'm going to take a little bit of extra klonopin. I never know when I should take it or when to take gabapentin. I usually do the gabapentin but the klonopin might be better. But it will also potentially cause hangover.....I hate guesswork.

Hugs, @BeyondtheRainbow. I understand your grief. It's horrible losing our pets. You did the right thing for your suffering doggie, though. He was lucky to have had you as his human friend (loved one) all of those years.

@BeyondtheRainbow 🌈 awww what a story

It's 5:25AM and in the upper 50s. I'm wearing a hoodie more so for comfort than warmth, but it's nice to be cool enough to have the option. Dawn is just starting to wake up. I'd think the sun is just as tired as I am. I can't speak for the sun, but I'm running off of a cup or two of Joe in the morn' and cold showers. I fear tomorrow. I made a commitment I really need to get out of for my own safety and sanity. I'm too paranoid of police for crime.