Bipolar check-in #70

Possibly. I know I went down on the dose on my injections a couple weeks ago and I've lost 4 pounds since Friday for no reason. So it could possibly be hormonal. Today things seem better so far.

Hey all,

It's been a while since I've posted. In fact, I don't think I've posted since the name change. I'm still around though. Disillusioned and frustrated as usual. Every month I have some sort of freaking issue with my medicine that becomes so overwhelmingly mentally taxing that I spiral until it can be resolved. This month is no exception except I'm fed up with it and I am not gonna play this game anymore with insurance/doctors offices.

Long LONG story short (and you all probably remember my past issues with Prior Authorizations/insurance woes) Adderall is in a critical national shortage for one, and being a schedule II controlled substance makes it a real pain in the *** to get filled. Somehow, this month, my PA on my Adderall is no longer valid and my insurance won't pay for it. My doctor puts a hold on the medicine so it can't be filled until the day you run out. So, every month I go through this fear of possibly going without my medicine -- and currently I AM going without my medicine. It couldn't be filled until Friday, which is when I learned of the issue with my insurance, which meant a weekend without medicine, and who knows how long it will take to fix.

I'm not sitting on the sidelines and just whining though. I called my doctor's office. They are short-term fix sending in another PA to hopefully get me the meds for this month if nothing else -- but I have scheduled a special appointment with the doctor for tomorrow to discuss alternatives to treat my ADHD symptoms that doesn't involved a stimulant or controlled substance. It's been a game changer and so helpful, but it's too detrimental to my mental health to try to get it every month. I just can't go through this hassle anymore over it.


Anyway-- that's that. Hope everyone is doing well.

Hi there @Brentus Welcome back!

Ugh, I am sorry about the med issues. How terribly frustrating, difficult, time consuming, etc. What the heck is with this Adderall shortage? I've been hearing a lot about it.

As for the "controlled substance" thing - burns my azz bad. What a farce. Before I lived where I do I lived in a ghetto in a city and every pill was available for the asking and $5. Everything. I ran short of Klonopin once, paid a guy $10 for 2 pills and made it through a day so I could get my 'script. I'm so irritated with how out of touch this government is. "The drug war" - yeah, that's been a raging success What a joke.

And then they put the controlled substances on hold until the day it needs to be filled! Brilliant. A genius move. *clap*clap*

I'm pulling for you

GRRR. Mad at the government, frustrated with the elections. This country is coming apart at the seams. All I can say is, if Gavin Newsom runs for president - vote for him. He's astute, really cares about this state and the nation. Plus, he's a serious hottie

And you can't even do that now because of the fentanyl issue. My neighbor from my dad's house OD'd on fentanyl--didn't even know he was getting it--from taking Adderall.

I use free pandora and literally every ad break is "Don't vote for Don Bolduc" (AKA Duck balls). I don't know how the race is close here. We're the "live free or die" state but we're thinking of voting for someone who wants to control individuals' lives?

I emailed my therapist and she got kinda pissed at my 4 pound weight loss. She didn't even acknowledge the part where I mentioned I thought it could possibly be from going down on my dose and that my anxiety and moods were better. I mentioned my food quality had also improved and I was eating a ton more protein. And all she does is start laying on me about the weight loss and being too skinny and stuff. I know I've said this before but if I were going the opposite way and gaining weight no mental health proffesional would give 2 shits.

I don't know their exact thinking, but I've noticed this too. I had a 100lbs weight gain from medications and they didn't care one bit even though it put a serious limit on my favorite activities (try hiking up a 4000' mountain with an extra 100lbs). Then I lost those 100lbs and they wanted to put me on the same medications just to gain some of the weight back (instead of actually helping me with the disordered eating behaviors and thinking I was experiencing!!!)

Yeah my therapist wants me on a med to increase my appetite, and my weight is in the normal range. I shouldn't be gaining weight yet I hear it from her all the time about how I should be putting on weight.

Just saying, my weight was technically in the normal range (a majority of the time I was experiencing my most severe symptoms) but I was still having problems with eating. Disordered eating is not synonymous with an unhealthy weight. I know you're having legitimate health issues so I won't say whether your issues are from disordered eating or not though. I'm just speaking from my own experience with and knowledge of a definitive eating disorder.

eta: It's better to look at other physical symptoms, although I do realize it's hard to know cause vs effect in your situation.

My anxiety was kind of rough today. My med management with day light savings has been tough. I can't really wait that hour. I went to Aldis this morning to get a cheese advent Calendar. I was looking at the bread and may have freaked out a lady with my face mask. She backed away I didn't take it personally though. I came home and I watched Jenna and Hoda and I was just feeling kinda blah mentally. My mom went to the store and got a bunch of Propels and Gatorades and I just now chugged a watermelon propel and ate a strawberry wafer protein bar and I feel so much better. The Propel seemed to have worked better then all 3 of my valiums did. My primary recomended I drink Propel and Gatorade to get rid of whatever covid symptoms I have left. So I'm not sure if it was anxiety in the first place or just dehydration maybe. My mom just said if I eat and drink well what I thought was anxiety may improve.

Thanks so much. I’m trying to actively remind myself it’s okay to not clean clean clean. I think what makes it harder is that cleaning IS a coping skill I normally depend on.

How is renovations going?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I can’t imagine not being able to talk to Amanda. I know that’s so very heartbreaking for you Have you ever considered keeping a journal of letter to her? Maybe that will help literally putting things on paper .. just a thought

Glad your weather finally cooled off altho that brings the hot cold issues.

Much love

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Finally you caught a damn break !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sorry your pain is increasing. What a relief you will feel once you have the surgery

Enjoy your trip ! Yeah I hear you on the “stuck in a tube” there’s a tropical front that will hit Tampa Bay Area in a few days. But they aren’t really anything to worry about.

How’s Cheeto doing ??

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Good to see you

Filling a schedule drug is soooo annoying! Hope it all gets sorted out quickly !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Did anyone ever play the game Concentration at sleepovers or at camp? I played it one time at a sleepover and it took forever to get through it all. I was randomly humming the chorus the other day and then googled it and it came back to me. Jeeze that was a messed up game.

I used to play that game all the time. Frustrated the hell out of me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots And you can't even do that now because of the fentanyl issue. My neighbor from my dad's house OD'd on fentanyl--didn't even know he was getting it--from taking Adderall.

Yes, that has to be an enormous problem for a whole lot of people. I blame the government, insurance companies, and the medical industry for not standing up to insurance companies.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I use free pandora and literally every ad break is "Don't vote for Don Bolduc" (AKA Duck balls). I don't know how the race is close here. We're the "live free or die" state but we're thinking of voting for someone who wants to control individuals' lives?

Oh, he looks like a real gem

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Did anyone ever play the game Concentration at sleepovers or at camp? I played it one time at a sleepover and it took forever to get through it all. I was randomly humming the chorus the other day and then googled it and it came back to me. Jeeze that was a messed up game.

Sleepovers, yep! Except it was the late '70's and...well, we had our own version of the game. Made it more fun.

My psychologist recommended I see the local mood disorder expert where I live close to because my current pdoc of ten years is leaving in a month and I just now found out. No need to tell y’all I’ve been to the university psych center before I was eligible for Medicaid. It was hoooooorrrible! I hated it there. And I gave them a year of my life to try to get stable before leaving and seeing my current pdoc. I mentioned my friend has an awesome psych nurse practitioner who even has Saturday appt which interests me bc of my crazy schedule during the week. My psychologist said he does not recommend me seeing any np bc of my “complicated situation.” Like wtf? I’ve been stable for 2 1/2 years. We’ve been decreasing my meds to reduce sedation and I’ve been doing phenomenal.

You could say I’m confused and maybe I cried. I mean he’s told me how severe my abuse as a child was but what exactly does he think about me? I rarely email and usually it’s an fyi thing. I don’t call. I never miss appointments.

My feelings are hurt.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina I can’t imagine not being able to talk to Amanda. I know that’s so very heartbreaking for you Have you ever considered keeping a journal of letter to her? Maybe that will help literally putting things on paper .. just a thought Glad your weather finally cooled off altho that brings the hot cold issues. Much love

I used to write to her occasionally, or send her a small, cute gift once in a great while. Now she won't give any family her address in NYC. About 6 times/year (no more than that) I leave a message on her phone and she does get those because she tells David, "Yes. I got the message." Not a word more or less. And now my oldest sis has dementia. My daughter is my sister's pet, my sis loves N. so, so much. IF N. ever sees her aunt again...I don't even want to go there. It's tragic.

A journal of letters...that's something to consider. A really good idea, actually. If I could manage the hurt.

Much love to you, too, sweetpea

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ....a cheese advent Calendar. ...

I've never heard of that, it sounds hilarious.

These also do wine, coffee and chocolate advent calendars