Bipolar Check-in #72

They are taking it day by day. But fortunately mum was saying this time she won’t try to leave early. She’ll stay until they say it’s time. Of corse as she feels better she may change her mind and want to leave. She very independent and doesn’t like having to rely on others for much. But yeah infection wears her down and she just wants to sleep. She didn’t want to go to ER she tried going back to bed. But we insisted.

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird A Man Called Ove is fantastic, both the book and the movie....

That does look like such a wonderful movie! Thanks for mentioning it (to wfc, I mean). I'm going to look for it.

That is such good news @Nammu. Poor thing, she must have been feeling really rotten, with all that going on. I'm the absolute last person to tell someone to stay in the hospital because I hate it myself. That said, sure better to stay until one is truly well enough to go home than to bounce out only to bounce back in.

And thank you for your well wishes regarding a possibly new pdoc. I do wish the appointment was sooner, but I'll call and maybe catch a cancellation. This past appt. with S. was just aggravating. He never asked me if my vision got better after stopping the Topamax (thank the Universe it did!), and I'm having the most improved mood I've had since he and I met, taking 2 medications that I researched and told him about. So far, I haven't received a paycheck for doing his job.

It's 7:50 am and I'm at a blood testing center for follow-up testing for possible diabetes. My husband has one ordered, too, because we both initially had bad results on the standard tests. They first pricked my finger for blood, then did a regular blood drawing. Then I had to drink a tall glass of sugar liquid. I have to wait here for two full hours and then have yet another blood test. Fun, fun! Feels like another waiting for a plane. I hope I'm not "over the edge". Either way, both Hubby and I need to make real changes.

We see my SIL today. I'm a little nervous because I wrote her a long email yesterday (without Hubby's knowledge) defending something she critisized us about. I do not want more conflict! If there is, I will ask that we go home quickly. Let's hope it will be the opposite. We are doing our best.

Good luck with your new doctor!

I have a psych NP that I’ve been seeing for 7 years, she focuses on symptoms more than diagnosis or a label, she has diagnosed me obviously but rather than boxing everything into a certain diagnosis and treating you like a label she focuses more on treating the symptoms. She’s been the best NP I’ve ever had. I will be sad if she retires or leaves someday (she’s in her 60’s). She’s so much better than my previous doctors. My previous one pushed me onto lithium way to fast when I was 19 and I ended up in the ICU with severe lithium toxicity, kidney failure, and seizures. Had to get dialysis. Was a huge mess. I don’t even have memory of being in the hospital for an entire week.

With this current one I have been doing the best I have ever been and I have never had something happen like what happened with my previous one with the lithium toxicity.

Anyway, a good doctor or NP etc really makes a huge difference. I feel like mine really understands me well

Hopefully you find someone similar, it’s definitely worth it to look around and find one that is helpful

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Glad your mom is improving Nammu, I hope the infection is goes away completely soon

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@Nammu I’m glad your mom is getting better and is willing to stay this time!

@*Beth* your paycheck comment made me laugh I do hope the new provider is a better listener! I’ve heard the anti-ADHD (specifically stimulants) stance before, unfortunately that probably means he’s anti-benzos as well. Can’t recall if you’re on one.

I’m meant to take one of them - Ozempic. Here in Australia it’s been hard to get since about March last year and there’s been none come into the country since November and won’t be any more until at least the end of March. If you’re lucky you might find some somewhere because there is some very limited supply around but most people can’t get it. They tried limiting it to just diabetics but drs kept prescribing it for weight loss and pharmacists kept dispensing it even though our TGA and even the company that makes it came out and asked / advised them strongly not to. Trulicity is pretty much impossible to get too for the same reason.

If you’re diabetic here it costs $40-ish or around $6 if you’re on a pension or other concession. If you’re not diabetic you have to pay for it privately which is usually around $130 - $140 because it’s not covered by the government for weight loss.

$900 is a lot!

I don’t know if I can talk to people today. It’s too hard to smile even here at work.

I showered last night but idk why but I’m wearing the same
Clothes as yesterday. I’m
Wearing a
Coat so no one can see

Ha ha. 😂 you do deserve a paycheck!

I’m uncomfortably sitting in the guest chair waiting for the doctors to come around. It’s after 10 and still no doctors. Mum’s not in a talking mood so I’m on my iPad nervously waiting. My daughter couldn’t come today. But I don’t know how I’m going to hear what they say since masks are still derigor here. If they don’t come soon I’ll have to go. I’ve got meals coming at 11. The room in Rochester was much more comfortable. Here they just have a folding chair. My daughter wants to know the oxygen flow, and other specific things. I hope. I can hear.

Pretty sure it’s a Swedish movie. I love foreign movies but when we Americanize them they lose something. But I do like Tom hanks.

The restlessness is starting to come through. I’m not tapping my foot but I feel the need to walk very fast. I decided a couple of weeks ago to do 10-15 squats or lunges in the bathroom every time I go (which is a lot, I drink a lot of water) to build up my leg strength so that’s helping too. I’m going to add an arm routine with weights on my lunch break after I’m healed from surgery. I just want to be stronger. I’ll feel less vulnerable that way. I don’t think I’ll ever be strong enough to kick someone’s butt lol but I might be able to get away from an attack.

Anxiety about the surgery is starting to creep in. I know I will be triggered because it will be a hospital setting where I will have to wear a gown and it will remind me of the psych ER and how sick I was in July. But I will use safety statements to stay present. I also have an immense fear of anesthesia, always have. It’s really just light sedation but I just don’t like being out of control of my body. Ugh. I’ll be ok though.

I don't really remember last night. I was up for a bit and I think I had some anxiety. But I wasn't up for long and I got back to sleep until 6. I've been heavy on the decaf coffee and low on the food. I don't know why to be honest. I got the rest of the makings for chia pudding and then I found a recipie for overnight oats. So I went to the store and got the makings for that and I got a 12 pack of mason jars. Some guy was arguing with the manager about shoplifting and my mom was oblivious to it all and was worrying about saving her $2. I was trying to hurry her along and inisiting the $2 was taken off. She still did not notice the commotion going on right in front of her. Finally we left and I asked her if she saw what was going on and she said no. Then said "your dad would have wanted to wait around to see if a fight would break out. Thats what most people would want to do." I don't think thats what most people would want to do these days. Now with all these mass shootings I'm pretty sure most everyone would want to leave instead of just hanging around "waiting for the action" to happen. Sometimes I feel like my mom still lives in the 90's.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 @*Beth* your paycheck comment made me laugh I do hope the new provider is a better listener! I’ve heard the anti-ADHD (specifically stimulants) stance before, unfortunately that probably means he’s anti-benzos as well. Can’t recall if you’re on one.

Thank you, I hope he's a better listener, too...and just respects my own experience with meds. I sure miss the pdoc I had for 4 years, but she retired. Yes, I've been on Klonopin for almost 30 years. Currently working to at least cut way back on it, but I have to do it really slowly.

Thanks for the heads-up. I appreciate it. I'm going to handle that appointment with a different approach. Say a lot less and let the pdoc do the hard work.

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Originally Posted by unlived If you’re diabetic here it costs $40-ish or around $6 if you’re on a pension or other concession. If you’re not diabetic you have to pay for it privately which is usually around $130 - $140 because it’s not covered by the government for weight loss. $900 is a lot!

This country's medical situation is a hot mess. I cannot understand why Americans continue to put up with it. We work ourselves to death to pay insurance companies. Insane.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ....I don't think thats what most people would want to do these days. Now with all these mass shootings I'm pretty sure most everyone would want to leave instead of just hanging around "waiting for the action" to happen. Sometimes I feel like my mom still lives in the 90's.

I keep telling David (husband) to watch out! He gets *****y to people in lines, for example. Or lays on his horn when he's driving. I tell him you don't just get flipped off, dude - you may well get shot!

~~~another rain storm~~~

Hello all! Things are going okay. The Vision board party was fun as was the Bible study fall kickoff (catered brunch and getting to know you activities). It’s a group of 262 women now. The grief support class by the retired therapist is good as well.

I love my cute new haircut! So much easier to care for than below the shoulders. Sleeker as well.

I was going to visit daughter this weekend and I ordered a caramel crunch cake from Publix because I wanted her to try it (best cake ever). Her fiancée is sick with what sounds like COVID and I can’t chance it. Disappointed but will see her soon.

Mom’s eyes are badly infected AND have stys. It’s very slowly getting better. Very slowly.

So many things fell through the cracks after the loss. I’ve started addressing things in the new year. Busy on all fronts. It’s a bit overwhelming. I’ll get there.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Much love.

Did anyone ever do that chant "We must! We must! We must increase our bust!" I have a vauge memory of being at a sleepover and my friends doing it while I sat on the couch watching them and thinking it was stupid.

Today was difficult but its almost over. It was hard to be around people and run WRAP group. It was hard to tell Ben how low I feel today and be replied with “don’t be depressed.” I don’t have time to shut down. It’s like my mind is doing it anyway. I’ve never worn clothes two days in a row to work but this morning my mind was so muddled I couldn’t think of any other solution to picking out clothes to wear.

I tried getting help when I was manic. I’d been manic for months. He said to go to therapy more often. I told my t that today (he’s been on vacation). He was upset bc he said that Np made assumptions about me before trying to get to know me and that my mood is clearly cycling and any practitioner would know that. I see my new pdoc Wednesday and I hope they don’t reschedule again. I’ve been waiting a couple months. M

I don’t have time for this. I’m using my dbt skills to do opposite action and distress tolerance. My t said like three times I look like I just don’t feel well mentally at all.

And I just don’t.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Did anyone ever do that chant "We must! We must! We must increase our bust!" I have a vauge memory of being at a sleepover and my friends doing it while I sat on the couch watching them and thinking it was stupid.

Sure did, my 2 best friends and I, although we did it knowing we were joking around. I am so excited to see that movie. My friends and I passed that book around when we were in sixth grade.

Hi @wildflowerchild25 -the squats and lunges are such a smart idea. I understand you regarding the anesthesia. The good part of it is that you're anxious next thing, you're awake and fine.

Great News !!!

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Yeah I feel for you. I’m having major surgery sometime in the next 3 months and I will be in hospital for at least a week. The surgery and hospital stay and medication while in hospital is all free plus they will give me some take home medication to cover me until I can see my GP to get prescribed more. The in hospital medication includes all the surgery related / recovery meds plus all the meds I’m already on (I take about 16 pills a day plus 2 asthma inhalers and a weekly injection).

A lot of people don’t like our system and would prefer the American one but I’ve read so many stories of people going int o debt to try and get get health care or being refused a med or treatment because their insurance wouldn’t cover it etc.

Don’t get me wrong our system is far from perfect and the American system has its good points too. I’m just happy to be living here right now heading into what would be a totally unaffordable surgery if I was living in the US and was uninsured or my insurance didn’t approve it.