Bipolar Check-in #72

I had very low vit. D levels (that's what happens when you're in the ER for a month!) and they put me on 2000units and once a week 10,000 units. I no longer take the weekly 10,000 but I still take the 2000 because Nude Hampster.

In severe droughts the ground is actually too dry to soak up all the rain, which is why the flooding was much worse than if there hadn't been a drought.

I hope you continue to feel better as well! sorry about the bad dream, although it makes sense given the situation. It sounds like you're past the point you have to worry about IP though.

Climate change is real! (Un (for most))fortunately March is our snowiest month so long time before we can even bee thinking aobout spring! Enjoy your tulip tree!

Glad to hear your mum is on the up and up! Sounds like good things are happening on that front.

I wonder what your T has planned... hopefully it is something fun (and not watching the poodle video!!)

H is trying to convince me to go back to the psych urgent care because I'm almost out of meds and my bed has been the only place I feel safe/ comfortable in. Plus the whole anger outbursts and tears. I'd rather just stay in bed. He's going tomorrow for his stuff. I don't want to go hear **** be talked about me. I just don't want to go. The other option is to stay home by myself. Because Miguel has to go to. I don't know. I flipped out this Saturday bad. To the point H is still annoyed at me and doesn't trust me. I said things I never have about money being my money not our money. For the passed 23 years it's been our money. Now I'm mad I don't have money, I don't have things, it's rediculous to be upset now. I don't know if I'm setting things up to exit or whether I really feel taken advantage of.

All packed for the trip, except for a few last minute things.

Still feeling low and I'm having really strange dreams - I woke up from one of them. Hopefully I'll feel better with the sun. We arrive Monday night. It's all inclusive I hope we can get some late food.

Have a wonderful trip.

Wow last night was horrible. My heart rate was 120’s-140’s All. night. long. Alerts in my Fitbit left and right. Felt a lot of “ if I go to sleep will I wake up “ kind of anxiety. Ugh! No real sleep.

HR is now 105-121 since this afternoon so improvement. Still to high since I’m on meds.

I stopped the new PsA medication. I see my Rheumatologist this month so we can try something else. I had a bad feeling about that med from the first dose but I gave it a good run so there’s that.

The anchor from the news channel we watch out of Nashville is sharing her experience of having pre eclampsia after giving birth to her son in 2018 with the American Heart association. She almost died. Anyway she’s talking and sharing her story about how pre eclampsia is NOW considered a Heart problem that can effect you decades later.

I had pre eclampsia and gestational diabetes with Amanda. For 3.5 weeks after having her I had extreme high blood pressure. My Doctors shrugged it off ( I was on Medicaid so there’s that)

Anyway it is very concerning that I could potentially have problems down the road , Tachycardia for the last 2 years ? Maybe there’s no connection and I’m not one to go gallop with Zebras but it’s a bit of a concern.

I did find where my old NP just started working now so I’m over the moon happy we can start seeing her. This garbage walk-in clinic that we went to was straight up cattle herding. Terrible

Amanda has Covid. I really worried about her. She lost her ability to taste today. She’s had a heavy fever for days now.

Mentally I am feel better today which is odd considering possible health things but that’s okay.

Sending love to you all !

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@~Christina, I hope your heart rate has slowed a bit more by now. I understand the anxiety surrounding it and perhaps the anxiety itself has exacerbated the issue. I hope that something can reverse your tachycardia soon.

@Scooter9, enjoy the sun during your upcoming trip!

@Miguel'smom, please don't run out of your medications. It's so important to keep on them, consistently. Your husband just got out of the hospital. You and your family need a break from severe illness.

Yesterday we had a rare day of mostly sunny skies, during the winter here in CZ. We decided to get out of the house and tour the area a bit. It was lovely and we had a fun time. Both of us needed it.

I was supposed to have dropped off a test sample at my new nephrologist's office last Monday, but didn't. Today wasn't an ideal day either. We just needed some sort of break from all of the doctors appointments. And then this Wednesday I go for a blood test for my upcoming endocrinologist appointment, a doctor I didn't have to go to when in the US. Too many needles in the arm! Then I have the official appointment with her next Monday. Perhaps we will drop off the other test sample to the nephrologist on that day. Then, I want it OVER WITH for a bit. In March I'm supposed to go to the darned gynecologist again for a follow up. That better not require a follow up for at least 6 months! You know, I feel fine right now other than the frustrations of seeing them all so frequently. We haven't even been eating well lately with all of these appointments!

The day before yesterday, between Hubby and my new psychiatrist, they managed to get my E-recepty (prescriptions) to me. It seems Hubby found a way around the hassle from my new Czech ID. The test will be if it appears resolved when I go to the new endocrinologist and back to the other doctors.

I wish we finally owned the property we're buying! The bureaucracy is a small torture. Why is everything in life always so complicated with issues? Nothing seems to go smoothly.

Uff da Christina! I hope your issues settle down soon.

You too Soupe! Uff da, may your house be yours soon and the doctor visits taper off. It’s been months now!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9 All packed for the trip, except for a few last minute things. Still feeling low and I'm having really strange dreams - I woke up from one of them. Hopefully I'll feel better with the sun. We arrive Monday night. It's all inclusive I hope we can get some late food.

I have my fingers crossed for you, Scooter. That sun may just work wonders! Something sunshine does is increase dopamine.

This may sound like a stupid question but I’m gonna ask anyway…. Do you have 4 months of each season or do you do it different over there? It’s just I always thought our seasons were opposite and we’re still in summer (summer ends on the last day of February) so I always thought you would be in winter while we were in summer down here in the southern hemisphere.
Ours goes by Dec -Feb summer.
March - May Autumn.
June - August Winter.
September - November Spring.
I thought yours was just opposite but you’re a bit earlier.

I don’t know why I can’t edit my posts on here anymore but I meant to say 3 months of every season not 4….

Omg they’re gonna be hiring case managers here at my office right about time
I graduate! The case management supervisor told me she’s get more details. This office is amazing and though I want more money I didn’t wanna leave her so maybe I’ll get lucky!!

We have pretty much the same system, except instead of summer it's winter, instead of fall it's spring, instead of winter it's summer,, and instead of spring it's fall.

Although we have a saying here we have all four seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina ... The anchor from the news channel we watch out of Nashville is sharing her experience of having pre eclampsia after giving birth to her son in 2018 with the American Heart association. She almost died. Anyway she’s talking and sharing her story about how pre eclampsia is NOW considered a Heart problem that can effect you decades later. I had pre eclampsia and gestational diabetes with Amanda. For 3.5 weeks after having her I had extreme high blood pressure. My Doctors shrugged it off ( I was on Medicaid so there’s that) Anyway it is very concerning that I could potentially have problems down the road , Tachycardia for the last 2 years ? Maybe there’s no connection and I’m not one to go gallop with Zebras but it’s a bit of a concern. ...

I also saw this information the TV news. I'm not sure why it's suddenly hitting the media, because it isn't "new" news. Unsettling, though.

Hugs

I woke up at 11last night and didn't get back to sleep. I started the vitamin D though and I also used my sunlight this morning at 10 for 30 minutes since my brother in law said thats a big part of increasing vitamin D. I ate some microwave rice a roni and a microwave cup of mashed potatoes for lunch. The sun lamp and carbs helped my moods and anxiety. It didn't help my fatigue. Finally I was so lethargic I said eff it and I emailed my therapist and switched my appointment to remote a bit more then 1.5 hours before we were supposed to meet. She got back right away and said it was no problem at all to switch to remote. Then I tried chugging a Pepsi to try waking myself up but I ended up falling asleep and then my mom came in 10 minutes before my appointment with the ipad and the headphones and she was waking me up and trying to get me to hurry up. I had time to grab another soda before the session started so I was semi awake. It was a decent normal session. We just talked about what had been going on the past week and more food related stuff. She said it is always perfectly ok to switch to remote and she checks her emails often. My niece was screaming so loudly I could hear her with my therapist talking, my headphones in, and the door shut.

Overall today I was mostly just dealing with the severe fatigue. It defiently affected things but nothing that severe. At least I've gotten things started with the vitamins and sun lamp.

It depends on where in America a person lives. Like when I lived in Austin TX there’s not really a winter most years. But this year again they had a horrible winter ice storm, but the trees start budding about now. The calendar says 4 season of 3 months each but old Mother Nature has differing ideas. Where’s now I live in Minnesota and it’s 4-5 months of winter by weather but the calendar will say spring. We can still get snow at Easter. We have very short spring and fall seasons, here, it’s never 3 months.

Oy! Last night at around 1:30 am the home called my daughter. Mum was in bad shape, she back at the hospital. Pneumonia again! I didn’t look at my phone until after 10am because I went to aqua fitness this morning. So now I feel bad for being out of touch. My daughter and her family have covid so there’s nothing they can do except call everyone.

Funny she seemed to be doing a little better last night. But I’ve often heard that’s the case. People feel better just before they crash.

Sorry Nammu, I was really rooting for your mum to really finally get better. Sending my love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by unlived This may sound like a stupid question but I’m gonna ask anyway…. Do you have 4 months of each season or do you do it different over there? It’s just I always thought our seasons were opposite and we’re still in summer (summer ends on the last day of February) so I always thought you would be in winter while we were in summer down here in the southern hemisphere. Ours goes by Dec -Feb summer. March - May Autumn. June - August Winter. September - November Spring. I thought yours was just opposite but you’re a bit earlier.

Not a stupid question, at all! Actually, a very interesting question. Fascinating, how there are 2 sides to the world, in a sense.

Since the United States is extremely large and has a very, very diverse topography/geography, I will give you only my part of the world, which is the Central Valley of northern California. Right here, we have a Mediterranean climate (a lot of high, bright sun). I live 80miles/128 km. from the Pacific Ocean (west) and about 150 miles/241 km. from the Sierra Nevada Mountains (east).

Spring: Late February to early June
Summer: Mid-June to mid/late-October
Autumn: Late October to mid-December
Winter: Mid-December to mid/late February

Others here who live in the States may have somewhat different months in which their seasons fall. It would be really interesting if others reply to your question, unlived.

I'm sorry to hear that @Nammu. I'm also pulling for your mum.

In my experience it is true that people who are quite ill often do rally before they crash. It can be frightening and painful for loved ones...we're here for you

I can't edit rightn ow either but in reality New Hampshire is winter November through April, spring in May and early June summer June into September, and September-November fall.

I saw a lot of flowers on the drive to see my therapist! The very first of spring flowers. So far, bright yellow sorrel all over the place and the beginnings of the light pink flowering plum trees. If I were a tiny, tiny fairy I could sleep on the pink petal of one of those pretty little pink flowers.
But it's very windy and chilly.

I had an excellent session with my t; productive. I was embarrassed, though, because she said she was "somewhat upset" (the way t's say that, and it makes you feel like your favorite teacher said it to you) about me telling the pharmacy I accidentally threw out my bottle of Prozac so I could get an extra bottle and increase my dose. Although, she said, I wasn't doing it to get high, but just to feel normal, so it's a "grey area."

Well, yes. I am using it to feel normal. S. refused to prescribe a standard dose of Prozac so I could emerge from that awful depression, so I prescribed it for myself. And I did the right thing, since I feel stable and alive. I certainly don't regret my decision.

But Mary told me that she does love me and the reasons why. Her words meant a lot to me, because I trust her.

I have been 100% straight and honest with Mary in the 4 years I've been in therapy with her, but since she's used the term "drug seeking" I don't think I'll mention the Valium I have. At least, not at this time. I hate feeling ashamed. I don't know, I think I'll tell her about the Valium after my first appointment with the new pdoc later this month.

So I went to the urgent care psych as support for my boys. They're both on new psych regimens with new diagnosis. They're still dealing with my lack of preauth. So I don't know what can be done by tomorrow they said call them back. My PCP said they can't do anything until the 22 when they see me. I don't know what to do. Maybe go back to the urgent clinic Wednesday when I officially run out. This is rediculous. H is upset I didn't take the prozac or lamictal when offered last time but I wanted to give this med a real chance. But by doing so I hurt them BAD. H brings it up often so I know it's in the front of his mind. I just wish I could take everything back. He'll I don't even want to be here. I'm not suicidal but just want to sit in an abyss until I can lean to be human again just being out of bed today going as a support person was a lot for me. I'm not hospital level yet but I feel comfortable and okay with my depression. I've made friends with it. Like I don't want to even move from bed and crying is a sport I'd win at if there was a winner. I'm not even devoting that much time to crying just the feeling like any second I will burst into tears and won't get it under control. The guilt is justified, hopelessness is there. ( I don't even want to self harm because I'd screw it up and land in the hospital. Like I want to so badly that I'd take it to far. So I just don't) I just don't know what to do at this point. I can't see a psychiatrist until after I see my PCP but I can't see my PCP until later this month and the scariest thing is how okay I am with it. I don't want to go back I don't want to bother anyone I'm fine rotting in a corner until it's my turn in line. At the same time I'm in this weird place which getting worse isn't really possible.

Oh I am sorry about your mum.I think she needs to stay there until her pneumonia is gone.
am sorry this is so hard right now.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I feel... off. Restlessness and resignation in equal measure at unchanging routine and circumstances. An undercurrent of... I wouldn't say anger... but agitation at those circumstances.

I finally have an appointment in sight regarding the pinched nerve and synovial cyst. I meet with the neurosurgery department Thursday to have them test nerve conduction. Depending on the result, I'll either be referred to somebody to get the cyst out or farmed out to other docs to figure out what else is wrong with my body.

Speak of the devil, my head voice still hasn't returned. Any attempt to reach my higher vocal registers nets me pain, tightness and silence. My PCP is, I think, playing it a bit cautious at this point. He has me on another round of steroids which, granted, help the pain, but do nothing for my actual voice. I'll finish the steroid regimen, and barring any surprise healing of my vocal cords, advise him to refer me to an ENT doc.

Annoyances after annoyances!