Bipolar Check-in #72

Mum’s toilet bars came. I need somebody stronger than me to assemble it though. It’s not hard and only requires a screwdriver but I can’t get the screw to budge. Next I need to get the grab bars in the shower.

I wonder if you can rent battery operated screwdrivers? I wonder if there’s any such places around here, out in Timbuktu? There’s no Lowe’s or any other big store that I know did that in Texas. Plus in Texas I lived in an apartment and there was the handi man for such things.

I'll bet most people who will be attending are nervous, @Nammu . It's what we tell our kids "You'll be fine once you get there."

Do you have Home Depot or Lowe's? They both rent tools.

I'm feeling off and on today. Currently I feel decent. I woke up feeling ok. I drank a Mountain Dew and a coffee Coke without an issue. I took a zofran to get rid of some quick nausea. I had my mom take some pictures of me today and I looked weird and not like I normally look. Like tall and skinny and like I had some kinda disease. I actually noticed it in the mirror the other night. I called it barrel chested. My mom said I just looked skinny. I went and got my 3 month bloodwork. It felt like the needle didnt go through a vein because it hurt. Idk why. Then I got a sweet tea from Sonic and came home and I was freezing under 2 blankets and I had my hoodie and hat on. My temp was 96.4. The tea made me feel better. Now I'm in bed feeling ok mental health wise and off and on physically. When I'm lying down thats when my throat pain starts. Right now I'm sitting up and I feel ok. My mom is going to get me some of those hand warmer things from Walmart since I'm getting such bad hot and cold flashes its better then constantly turning up and down the heat.

I was freezing under 2 blankets. Now I've sweated through my t shirt. I don't know whats up but its mainly just annoying

Now I'm lying down and coughing a bit.

Nope to either. We have a tiny local hardware store that might fit into a Home Depot or Lowe’s bathroom. But we also have a lumber store, that’s much bigger and their website says they do designs and blueprints and construction. So I’ll check that out.

Feeling hot and cold could be a regular sickness but how are your hormones doing? What you describe sounds like my friend who is going through peri/menopause. I also used to get that from drinking hot coffee but that hasn’t happened in a while.

I just got all that bloodwork done today and I see my doctor next Friday. He also deals with my thyroid issues. So hopefully he can help me out.

I’m at Starbucks at the moment. I just FaceTimed with my mom who was making a strawberry rhubarb pie from scratch. She puts sugar in the raw (brand) sprinkled on top of the pie after an egg wash. She said it’s in place of brown sugar.

Last night I couldn’t sleep until 4 am again. I woke up from the phone ringing. It said “Private” and the only person who blocks their number is my psych NP. I picked up and it was her. I just called the office yesterday to confirm my appointment and they said it was Friday at 12. I had in my calendar Friday at 10. So I was surprised she called today around 12:30 saying our appointment was today at noon. Oh well. At least I woke up. I forgot to tell her about a hallucination I had about a week ago- she asked if I was having hallucinations. She wants to double my Trazodone. I have to pick that up from the pharmacy soon. I think watching YouTube starting around 7 is hindering my sleep hygiene. I get into bed because I’m tired of sitting on the couch but then hours go by and I can’t sleep. Suppose it’s the “blue light” from the iPad. My phone, I think can turn on a no-blue light mode but not the iPad.

Let’s hope he can!

Mum had a cognitive test today. The familiar questions, count backwards from 100 by 7, draw this, draw that, five words, numbers, etc. she didn’t do to well. But her hearing and vision is part of the problem. It’s hard seeing her declining. Part of it is the nursing home. But the two women will see mum three times a week now and teach her tricks and coping skills. Just having more interaction will be good.

I received a lovely surprise from my son and DIL today. A gorgeous hand-woven basket from Africa, the colors are hand-dyed and are interesting and unusual...magentas, greens, yellows, and thick brown leather handles. Inside the basket was a hand-painted tile they bought in Portugal from "a grandma" (I love my son's description ). The tile is exquisite. A delicately painted, stretching black cat with little flowers around it. And a wonderful card. All of it wrapped in bright violet paper. I was delighted!

Earlier today I had a therapy session. Mary has been consistent with being at work and that consistency makes all the difference in the world with having her as a therapist. When I'm seeing her regularly the therapeutic work really gets accomplished. Fingers crossed she will not get sick this spring.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Nope to either. We have a tiny local hardware store that might fit into a Home Depot or Lowe’s bathroom. But we also have a lumber store, that’s much bigger and their website says they do designs and blueprints and construction. So I’ll check that out.

Well, might the local hardware store owner rent (or loan) you an electric screwdriver?

@*Beth* how is Sadie doing? I hope she's feeling better without the valium. Poor kitty.

Another day. I have my doctor’s permission to work with accommodations. I have to be sitting for the duration of my shift. Also it looks like I have arthritis in some of my joints due to the accident. Just wonderful. I am apprehensive about starting to work again. I really do not want to go even though working is beneficial to me for multiple reasons. I have been eating through a box of Godiva chocolates to help me feel better. I probably am going to gain weight.

Oh well. Still, my life could be much worse, like if I cracked my skull on that car that ran me over. I am surprised. I was not wearing a helmet. I blanked out for several minutes. My head ended up being fine.

Ohh how sweet of them! Sounds absolutely gorgeous.

My mom got pretty pissed at me last night because I ate just 2 tablespoons of peanut butter for dinner. She said she wasn't mad. She was concerned. She said this is eating disorder behavior and it seems like its getting out of control. I mean I know it is getting out of control. But I wasn't using peanut butter to restrict. I was just really tired and craving it. I sent an email to my therapist explaining the situation then I ate the peanut butter and went to sleep. I woke up at 9 something and asked what was going on. My mom said we have the baby again in the morning and all day because my brother in laws work schedule got busy. I find it kind of rude to tell my mom at 6PM that she has to spend her whole day watching the baby for the 3rd time this week. I feel like my sister and brother in law are taking advantage of her a bit. I'm glad they agreed to let my mom take the baby to my therapists office on Mondays because there would be no way I was going to do virtual permanently because of their schedule. I'm glad they understand I have important things too. Sorry if I'm being *****y. I just feel like they ask a lot of my mom without giving much back.

It’s been a refreshing and lovely trip to the town where my aunts live. My aunt Sue who we are staying with has a bank of windows facing the mountains and the morning sun comes in that way. Very nice. Her house is so peaceful. We sat and watched it snow most of the day while we planned the family reunion of this summer. Then we went out and had Greek for dinner. Delicious alfredo with chicken pizza for me.

Packing mom and me, loading the car, boarding the dog, getting gas and food and driving straight through with no stops (mom didn’t want to) and getting lost in Deliverance for 45 minutes then unloading the car and getting mom set up totally exhausted me. That first morning we were here I could not wake up. I fell asleep on the phone with my therapist twice and that was at noon.

Looking forward to seeing my daughter soon. Today is pedicures, a movie, dinner out and more reunion planning. It’s a glorious but stiffly cold day.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much love

I think most all of us have had confusion about appointment days/times now and then. Sometimes it's been my confusion, and sometimes the pdoc/tdoc or their schedulers'. Several times.

I'm glad you haven't had a hallucination for at least a week. Do you think your sleep issues were the main cause? Lack of sleep or forgetting my evening meds are my usual causes of delusional or disordered thinking, which I tend to have more than hallucinations.

I made an apple galette last week and sprinkled basically Sugar in the Raw on them (large crystal turbinado cane sugar). It adds such a lovely crunch and appearance, doesn't it?

I have Covid. Ugh. Must have come from RS. I went to work today after getting up feeling like absolute crap but I left pretty much immediately because I was burning up. I was so hot and I’m always cold. I figured that’s no good so I went to the office said I better go home, did a home test and it’s positive. Hopefully my brain focuses on healing and not how mentally terrible I feel. And hopefully I sleep a lot.

I do want to thank everybody for their support through this tough time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow @*Beth* how is Sadie doing? I hope she's feeling better without the valium. Poor kitty.

Thank you so much for asking, Rainbow. Sadie is doing really well! So far, her thyroid med is working much more quickly than her vet expected it to. Sadie seems content...no more constant meowing/yowling/agitation. Her appetite is getting more normal (the hyperthyroidism made her voraciously hungry, but she never gained weight). Fingers and toes crossed that this will be the answer for her health issues.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I have Covid. Ugh. Must have come from RS. I went to work today after getting up feeling like absolute crap but I left pretty much immediately because I was burning up. I was so hot and I’m always cold. I figured that’s no good so I went to the office said I better go home, did a home test and it’s positive. Hopefully my brain focuses on healing and not how mentally terrible I feel. And hopefully I sleep a lot. I do want to thank everybody for their support through this tough time.

I am so sorry, wfc. Ugh. But, what I'm thinking is that you may have been feeling mentally unwell because you were getting sick. I have definitely had times when I thought I was rapidly heading for a breakdown and it turned out that I was getting physically sick.
Take good care of yourself, and I sure hope your illness passes quickly

You are not being b-itchy @Mountaindewed . I guess it all depends upon how your mom feels about taking care of the baby, but had your sister not wanted your mom to take you to your t session, that would have been just wrong.

What a last couple of years it has been. My sister passed away from bone cancer 01/04/20 my brother was shot and murdered 06/24/20 my wife passed away 11/18/21 then my real good buddy committed suicide last week and then I just found out that my cousin died yesterday.
I am finally starting to pull out of the haze I was in after my wife passed away cause she was my everything. It is nice to be able to think clearly, and even though I am depressed about my buddy and cousin I refuse to let it drag me back into the pits of hell. I don't know if this is the wrong way to handle this new grief or not, but I am going to shove those memories as far back as I can. Thanks for letting me vent.

I start on a new antidepressant today called Paxil and I am still on the lamictal working up the doses on it till I hit a therapeutic level.

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My niece has been here since 6:45. My brother in law isn't even working. They had a pipe burst in their basement. So he is dealing with that. My mom and I are really hoping he can fix it so they don't all have to spend the night at our house since their water will be shut off.

I feel the same as normal. The fun game of is it physical or is it ED stuff. I woke up at midnight and didn't get back to sleep. My anxiety has been a bit high but manageable. I didn't get my test results back yet. I just got a confirmation message about my appointment. I can never tell with test results what it means if they take longer then normal. It took several days after a blood test in 2021 for the doctor to personally call me himself to tell me to stop taking it asap for 2 weeks because of the high risk of a heart attack and stroke I was at. So idk.

By the talk on the news this morning they are acting like Memphis is going to be destroyed tonight. I have family who lives there.

I feel like I am going to explode into a million pieces I am super pissed right now. And for no real reason too.

I ate some Ritz cheese sandwhich crackers. I guess I just needed carbs to stop feeling so angry. It didn't help my nausea though.

I doubt Memphis will be destroyed @Mountaindewed , but I sure wouldn't blame people for protesting the murder of Tyre Nichols. Since all 5 cops have been charged with murder I'll be surprised if there's much protest, at all. Tyre Nichols comes from my home city, Sacramento.