Bipolar check in #73

Nammu, I'm so so sorry to read that. It's a terrible thing in one's life to lose a mother. I know. My condolences to you and your family.

Oh my goodness nammu I’m so so sorry. Please know we’re all here for you for support during this difficult time. I hope you take time for yourself to regroup when you can, I know the aftermath can be just as stressful if not more. Please be kind to yourself and lean on us if need be.

I’ve been listening to the songs she picked out. Amazing grace, into the west, abide in me. I’m not sure it feel real yet.

I’m so sorry’

That is GREAT news @Scooter9 - about the time in the ocean lifting your depression. I have found water to be powerful with regard to moving stuck energy. I've also read some things about how ocean water replicates pre-natal life and the birth cycle.

Nammu I’m so sorry your Mum passed away

I’m here if you need me

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So sorry for the loss of your mom Nammu, hugs to you as you go through this difficult time

I think I’m just getting stuck in my head. Days are passing and I often wonder what I’ve been doing. I roam Facebook a lot and post memes. Oddly enough I can focus enough to read a book ??!?!?!

Disassociating at its finest

Oatmilk creamer is just awful ! I do not recommend it. Literally had to throw a iced coffee I made down the drain. Yes this is random as hell.

My internet is screwed up. It works for a little while then nothing. I haven’t been able to come here for days. The joys of rural living and only having one option and that’s crappy Hughes net satellite service. Basically it’s like dial up. Can’t stream anything. We moved here in 2004 and I was pretty sure in a few years we would get decent internet. Nope. Can’t get cell service either. Oh well we choose to live rural so we just accept this crap service.

Much love

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Brentus Using a new avatar -- it's an AI produced "portrait" of me. I found this site where their AI system analyzes a few photos of you and is able to then create portraits using different artistic styles and themes and basically create a realistic avatar, This is one I really liked. This is also an attempt of opening up a bit more too -- it may not ACTUALLY be my photo, but it's a pretty darn good resemblance. He looks like an adventurer in my opinion -- let's see where he sets off to

That really is so cool, Brentus. Your red hair is fabulous!

Excellent mental health goals, I think. The only addition I can think of is something like meditation, maybe. A long time ago I took a workshop & for part of it we did a walking meditation. I don't often hear people mention walking meditation, but I found that technique very powerful. Something about the movement while following the breath and practicing mindfulness, all at the same time. Well, here, I found this:
Walking Meditation | Practice
| Greater Good in Action

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 ... I guess my pdoc needs to include a letterhead with her email stating that because of my mental illness I am not able to perform jury duty. She sent them an email stating this but they want the letterhead to prove it's not just me sending it I guess.

Ugh, there was a period of time, about 12 years, in which I was being summoned for jury duty every few months. It was ridiculous! I'd receive that postcard in the mail and Here we go again...
I think it's great if someone wants to sit on a jury, but it is not for me and it's not something I will do.

They would not take "no" for an answer. I gave every reason under the sun. I finally, finally called the jury duty office place thing and TOLD the woman who answered that I have mental health issues that would cause me not to be able to sit on a jury. OMG! She read me the riot act about how it is a "privilege" to be a juror, dah, dah, dah. She refused to accept my NO. They kept sending me summons for years. Then I moved from the city where I was to my current town. I've received only 1 jury summons while living here, a couple of years ago. I never answered it. I hope I'm never arrested for evading jury duty

Nammu, I'm sorry.

Dear Nammu, I am so, so sorry for your loss. It is common, I think, to feel as if it "isn't quite real" when a loved one passes.

Please be gentle with yourself. Please know that we are here for you, as always.

Oh Nammu, I'm so sorry for your loss. Like others have said, we're here when/if you need us.

I'm so sorry for your loss Nammu.

Thanks for the compliment -- but as you probably know, we always want what we don't have. I've always hated having red hair. I joke a lot about it, but I normally keep track to how many old ladies at the grocery store make comments about how pretty my hair is LOL. Everytime I get my hair cut I also hear "people would kill to have that color". I get it -- but I'd much rather have brown hair. In fact, I've done that very taboo things a few times in the past and dyed it. If it weren't for maintenance, I'd keep it.



Walking meditation is a great idea! I love walking outside when it's warm and incorporating this would be a easy. Thanks for the link!

I’m feeling good because I have no work today it’s Sunday. Plus I slept in til 6am. I never sleep on a work night. I needed those extra few hours. I feel human for the first time in a week.

I hope you’re okay nammu

Went out and bought a multivitamin today. I hope it goes well for me, it's a different brand than I've tried previously. I have an issue where after a few days I start feeling bad taking a multivitamin. I assume I'm getting too much of something, but of course I can't isolate what. We'll see how this goes -- it's worth a try again. I may need to wait a few weeks to start taking it though, because I am on a 50,000 IU weekly protocol of Vitamin D (it's one pill weekly) and my multi vitamin has 1,000 IU of Vitamin D. I don't wanna overdose on Vitamin D.

I also will take my vitamin in the evening to make sure it doesn't affect my other meds in absorption .

I also bought some V8 juice (this one is Strawberry Banana) to help get in servings of fruits and veggies. It is nice because basically if it is leafy and green, I don't want it lol. This way I can at least get a bit of something to offset my aversions :P. I'm looking forward to seeing some benefits from being just a bit healthier. I'm doing all this for health, to feel better -- which I really enjoy being the motivation. It's not about weight, it's not about being "optimal" -- it's about just making changes for the better. For example, kicking my soda habit would be optimal right? Not gonna happen-- but maybe I can offset my drinking of soda some, by at least drinking water in between sodas. That's progress.

So, I have medications, therapy, lifestyle changes, meditation... I think I have a solid plan to make this year the best it can be for me.

For the rest of the day I may find a hobby to get into. I feel like for the first time in a long time that I'm not passively letting the day go without benefit.

I'm so sorry for your loss @namu. We're here if you need us

Well, I have not accomplished anything for a second day in a row. I want to just clean up the kitchen. I also want to try my hand at creating music. I have listened to the radio and some music is pretty simple yet still sounds good. Intimidating. Depression is not helping me here. I did get my State refund check. I am now waiting for the Fed refund check. I normally do not get a refund from my Fed taxes. So I will see it as real when I get the check in the mail. Actually I chose direct deposit.

How terrible! It's not a "privilege" when you can't follow what's going on in the court room or what the other jurors are saying! Can't understand what's going on around you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brentus Thanks for the compliment -- but as you probably know, we always want what we don't have. I've always hated having red hair. I joke a lot about it, but I normally keep track to how many old ladies at the grocery store make comments about how pretty my hair is LOL. Everytime I get my hair cut I also hear "people would kill to have that color". I get it -- but I'd much rather have brown hair. In fact, I've done that very taboo things a few times in the past and dyed it. If it weren't for maintenance, I'd keep it. Walking meditation is a great idea! I love walking outside when it's warm and incorporating this would be a easy. Thanks for the link!

That's cute about the old ladies

Aw, I absolutely LOVE red hair! And you're welcome for the link. I found it interesting to read. I will say, though, that I don't think meditation/mindfulness need to necessarily be done "slowly." I roller skate mindfully, use my healthy breathing, etc. and I'm not usually skating slowly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brentus Went out and bought a multivitamin today. I hope it goes well for me, it's a different brand than I've tried previously. I have an issue where after a few days I start feeling bad taking a multivitamin. I assume I'm getting too much of something, but of course I can't isolate what. We'll see how this goes -- it's worth a try again. I may need to wait a few weeks to start taking it though, because I am on a 50,000 IU weekly protocol of Vitamin D (it's one pill weekly) and my multi vitamin has 1,000 IU of Vitamin D. I don't wanna overdose on Vitamin D. I also will take my vitamin in the evening to make sure it doesn't affect my other meds in absorption . I also bought some V8 juice (this one is Strawberry Banana) to help get in servings of fruits and veggies. It is nice because basically if it is leafy and green, I don't want it lol. This way I can at least get a bit of something to offset my aversions :P. I'm looking forward to seeing some benefits from being just a bit healthier. I'm doing all this for health, to feel better -- which I really enjoy being the motivation. It's not about weight, it's not about being "optimal" -- it's about just making changes for the better. For example, kicking my soda habit would be optimal right? Not gonna happen-- but maybe I can offset my drinking of soda some, by at least drinking water in between sodas. That's progress. So, I have medications, therapy, lifestyle changes, meditation... I think I have a solid plan to make this year the best it can be for me. For the rest of the day I may find a hobby to get into. I feel like for the first time in a long time that I'm not passively letting the day go without benefit.

You are (*(*(AWESOME!)*)*) Brentus, you're really doing amazing things with your life. I hope the vitamins work out well. And thank you - you are inspiring me to do better. The V8 is such a good idea. I feel so concerned because I'm the same with leafy and green. I force myself to eat the leafy greens, but I honestly do not enjoy it.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina I think I’m just getting stuck in my head. Days are passing and I often wonder what I’ve been doing. I roam Facebook a lot and post memes. Oddly enough I can focus enough to read a book ??!?!?! Disassociating at its finest Oatmilk creamer is just awful ! I do not recommend it. Literally had to throw a iced coffee I made down the drain. Yes this is random as hell. My internet is screwed up. It works for a little while then nothing. I haven’t been able to come here for days. The joys of rural living and only having one option and that’s crappy Hughes net satellite service. Basically it’s like dial up. Can’t stream anything. We moved here in 2004 and I was pretty sure in a few years we would get decent internet. Nope. Can’t get cell service either. Oh well we choose to live rural so we just accept this crap service. Much love

I absolutely love oatmeal, but oatmilk, oh, barf.

I live in the downtown "historical district" of a large town and my internet is very spotty. I have days, especially windy ones like today, when my signal keeps dropping and I lose connection or it is extremely slow - like dial-up, yes. I love talking to my kids, because they're in large cities & their cell phone signals are strong and clear.

Well, being able to read a book is a very good thing. Be kind to yourself, Christina. I sense that you do tend to beat the crap out of yourself

Well, first of all, I know I already posted to you, @Nammu, but you are very much in my thoughts. I feel like I knew Mum, and I will miss her. I'm sad today. Also, MuseumGhost sends her condolences and her love.

My Saturday...cold We've been having spring weather, but today there's a bitter wind. I must go to the mailbox, but Weather Brat is afraid of that cold wind, lol. I keep making excuses so I can "go later." But! Yippie! Tomorrow will be 68 degrees! Windows open and kitties stretched out on warm ledges.

I have champagne colored velvet and pretty trim to match to make bathroom curtains. The curtain there now is made from an old hand-sewn dress I owned a zillion years ago. Patchwork. The curtain is cute, but the fabric is literally disintegrating. I'm looking forward to having a new curtain in there.

Oh, my gosh...I actually own a sewing machine. But, I loaned it to my daughter some years ago. Then when she moved to NYC, of course she left the sewing machine in her & her husband's house. Then they decided to divorce. But, many of her possessions are still in the house...including my sewing machine. I am just not yet up to seeing my former SIL, so I'll be sewing by hand. Oh, well, I like that. It's calming and rewarding.

Peace vibes all around ~**~*~~***~*~*~~***~*~