Bipolar check in #73

Sending "vibes" your way!

Now that the storm is letting up (9.9 inches of white stuff) and it’s clearing off I’m starting to get nervous about the funeral. Why does funeral have fun in it? There’s nothing fun about it. I took a shower and washed my hair for my Solon appointment tomorrow. I’m hoping they can do something with my hair. I cut it short when I started aqua fitness, and it now sticks out every which way. If they can tame it maybe I can sleep carefully and have decent hair Saturday morning.

I’m absolutely dreading meeting all the relatives. I’m the black sheep so people will be eyeing me. An aunt called yesterday and wanted to know if the funeral was still happening. She didn’t know who I was. Why did she call mum’s number? People drain me. I don’t want to be on exhibit.

I hope the funeral goes as smoothly as possible for you. I’m sending gentle hugs and supportive vibes.

I feel? like I’m getting better. I still sleep more hours than I don’t, have mucho congestion and can’t stand for 5 minutes. Mom has a pronounced cough now which worries me so I’m taking her to the doctor tomorrow. If something happened to her because of something I passed on, I would never forgive myself. I hope they can help her if she does have the flu.

I’m missing out on fun social events with this illness. Doesn’t seem fair. Just when things are looking up from a really dark period, this swoops in. Aaahhh well - if I’m well enough I’ll meet halfway Sunday to visit with my daughter.

Mentally, I’m still okay considering.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day and evening. Much love

Doing lousy. Been sick since yesterday. Taking today off work. Can’t take my son to childcare so stuck at home with him nagging me all day. Will go to the chemist later to get something.

I've been exhausted all day. I slept until 6:30. Then I pulled myself out of bed at 8. My mom and I went out for an hour. I went out to make her happy and to get some new soda in cases. We came back before 11 and I got back into bed. I had my pdoc appointment. Basically I just told him about the viral thing and my physical health being sucky but my mental health improving after my weekly shots being increased and the increase in Prestiq. I asked him about the predisone and he said typically steroids aren't good for people with mental health issues. But since I'm using it for only 5 days, I should be ok. He said I might have some irritabilty but it shouldn't be that bad and afterwards I should end up feeling better since it will have helped the viral infection. He kept all my meds the same. I took the first dose of the steroid when I got done with him. So far not much. And no word from my blood test either

I guess i'll share that my younger sister died in the Fall. It was due to a lethal dose of alcohol. We were inseparable as kids, only two years apart. She was the entertainer of the family, so funny. We were estranged as adults because i ruined it when i went away to university and cracked under the pressure and was nasty to her. I always hoped we would reconcile, but it is not to be. She was only 53.

When my sister and i were young and she was just learning to spell, she decided she would label our dresser drawers. So she took masking tape and a marker and wrote "pants," "tops," and "shirts." Only she forgot the "r" in "shirts"!

@Soupe du jour:

Yes, i've grown my hair out. It looks nice. A shaved head is not flattering on me. An old friend with curly hair had the undercut you tried. I was so surprised when she showed me, i had no idea.

@*Beth*:

So sorry you are having such trouble getting decent health care. That would upset anyone. Hopefully M. will sort it out for you. All the best wishes for a swift resolution.

@Nammu:

I know funerals are unhappy events but i still find they are helpful in processing grief. I missed my brother's and mom's due to illness and i've always felt like i never got to say a formal goodbye to them. I attended my dad's and felt good that i had observed the ritual. My younger sister just had a small private memorial for her team as she was a manager in the government and they were a tight-knit bunch but since we were estranged for so long i didn't mind.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Now that the storm is letting up (9.9 inches of white stuff) and it’s clearing off I’m starting to get nervous about the funeral. Why does funeral have fun in it? There’s nothing fun about it. I took a shower and washed my hair for my Solon appointment tomorrow. I’m hoping they can do something with my hair. I cut it short when I started aqua fitness, and it now sticks out every which way. If they can tame it maybe I can sleep carefully and have decent hair Saturday morning. I’m absolutely dreading meeting all the relatives. I’m the black sheep so people will be eyeing me. An aunt called yesterday and wanted to know if the funeral was still happening. She didn’t know who I was. Why did she call mum’s number? People drain me. I don’t want to be on exhibit.

When my best friend arrived at my mom's funeral she hugged me and whispered in my ear, "Remember: there's 'fun' in funeral for a reason." She's a natural comedian and her comment lightened the misery of the funeral

If you have a silk or bamboo pillowcase sleeping on that really does help keep the hair neat. Gosh, when I was a little girl my mom and sisters slept with their hairdo's wrapped in some kind of pink sort-of silky-felty stuff, they'd wrap it around their hair. There are times when I sure wish I had that. No idea what it was, though, and it's probably not manufactured anymore. Probably made with asbestos or God knows what.

Aw, the black sheep is secretly everyone's favorite, the one everyone wishes they could be. They just don't have the courage. You'll do just fine.

How has your sleep been @Moose72?

And where, oh, where is our @MuddyBoots. Bethy is concerned

Thank you all dearly for your kind support. It means everything...to have the friendship of peers who really understand.

M. (therapist) raised hell in the clinic about what happened with my new pdoc appointment. So the guidance nurse, who is a sweet, caring woman, called me 4 times this morning. She said I sounded "terribly upset" and for some reason she thought I might "hurt myself."

She was very gently, but firmly, grilling me, checking on me, and of course I realized that she was considering calling 911. Uh, NO. I was upset not because I had thoughts of hurting myself. I was upset because I need a reliable pdoc to prescribe my meds.

I called the clinic where S (formerly med dude) is. But I told them I need to see the other prescriber. They HAD to have

*a reason*. So I told the intake chick that S was seeing me as a page in a text: "BIPOLAR DISORDER" - not as an individual, therefore the meds he was prescribing were not effective. The meds I'm on are excellent, but it's me who researched these meds, not S. He just grudgingly agreed to prescribe them.

So I got an appt with the other prescriber, med dudette, for 3/2.

Great. I told my regular clinic to shove it, I won't be seeing their pdoc, after all. Oh, boy. Then the clinic director called me, said they can work it out, dah, dah. NO THANKS.

I also made an appt with ANOTHER pdoc, just in case, but that one doesn't have openings until May. Okay, just as long as I have options.

Meanwhile, the sweet guidance nurse got my GP to prescribe the 40mg Prozac (which is what I've put myself on, so HA). That's the only refill I need until I see med dudette.

SO. There you have it.

The FOUR M's: therapist M., nurse M., clinic director M., and new med dudette M.

And I had a really good therapy session this afternoon.

The wind is howling and it's cold, but certainly not enough for snow. Silly weather people.

😂 I remember that pink stuff. Mum and my sisters used it all the time. They slept in curlers too. For my oldest sister’s wedding they put curlers in my hair and wrapped in the the pink netting and I tore it all off during the night. Ehh the 60’s were so unkind to women. Girdles, pointy bras, curlers and weekly hair appointments. I went the hippy way, hence the black sheep label.

Thanks for saying I’ll be fine.

Thank you @JaneOnceMore, that is really kind of you.

I am so, so sorry about your sister. I understand what you mean...my sister was the entertainer, too. To me, losing a sibling felt like losing a part of my own body. My sis also had substance addictions and died far too young. But for you to lose a younger sister, that must be especially painful. I like your "shirt"

memory.

Another day in paradise! Yah right!

I now have three days off. My next check comes next Thursday, and another a day later. I am thinking of purchasing something. Practicality directs me to purchase clothes and a chest. Instead, I really would like to purchase a used computer to replace my old one that is 12 years old, and a lens for my camera. I need to be careful here. No mindless, and boundless spending for me. Oh yes, one thing I may have to purchase in the next couple months is an electric bike. I need to get to work without using Uber or the bus. I am now afraid of using my electric scooter, which I was using when I had the accident. I really got messed up.

I went to Michigan for a project with a law firm. I ran out of medications, and I did not have a script. So I went to a hospital and explained the situation. They admitted me into the psych ward so I could talk to one of their doctors. I told the doctor the meds and dosages. He filled out the scripts which kept me functional for a few more weeks. Problem solved. Maybe I was lucky. I later received a humungous bill for the two hours I was there, which I did not pay. They probably were charging me for a whole days stay in that psych ward. Please note that In Michigan, a hospital cannot sue for unpaid bills. But this was twenty years ago.

Day 2 alcohol free.
bizi

When I had this problem, I took very warm water, and saturated it with salt. Then I swished it around the inside of my mouth. I then repeated this several times. I kept doing this every day, once in the morning, then noon, and then night until I my gums started to firm up. Also, massaging the gums with your finger can help allot.

Beth.. blahhhh the hell that you are through to get a good med provider I will be praying that you get a good one and can keep him or her long term.

Sunflower so sorry your dealing with pneumonia. It’s truly exhausting to the marrow in our bones. Keep up the self care. I hope you can meet up with M soon

Nammu.. how are you holding up ?! Will you’re weather cooperate for Mum’s service ?!

Bizi ! Good for you

~~~~~~~

Was a nice Birthday!

Was 82 degrees today !!!! The 23rd of February and it was stuffy go figure !

Winter isn’t ready to let us go but this week highs in 60’s will feel amazing to have all the windows open!

I finally got the increase in the Geodon script today so starting that tonight. I hope it starts to lift this suffocating depression I’ve had for months.

It was national love your pet day the other day. Posted this on my Facebook. My heart still aches losing my “Sirius Black”


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Oh my! 82 F? Crazy weather, for sure. Right now it's 52°F (11 °C) where I am. I would love to see the 60s and 70s again soon. Maybe not the 80s, though.

I hope the Geodon helps, @~Christina. It served me well for a long time. I only had to go off because it eventually caused me akathisia, but that was after 5 years of taking it. Hopefully you'll never develop that.

Your doggies are all so cute. How little Gus looks compared to the others. I had to chuckle. Gus seems to like being photographed most, too.

Don't worry too much about your hair, Nammu. The funeral is meant for closure and recognition of your mom's life. She loved you as you are. Relatives are not there to judge. If they do, ignore them. An aunt who doesn't remember a niece has no right to judge. No one does. They should be there to support. If they don't, try to ignore them.

My family traditionally had the old-fashioned viewing service, grave-side funeral, then reception. We chose to do some things a little differently in recent years. Yes, those of the past had people laughing at jokes while socializing with relatives and friends not often seen. It always seemed sad that that was often the only time so many would get together.

You can do Day 3, bizi. One day at a time!

Today I'm in Prague finally getting my hair cut and colored. I'm currently in the chair looking silly with color waiting to set. I think I like my new hairstylist. He's a 30-something man originally from Vietnam who has lived in Switzerland and elsewhere. His English is nearly perfect. He says he doesn't speak much Czech, either. He was highly recommended. Fingers crossed on the final result. The salon is very fancy even with a cafe and dessert bar in the middle. I've seen many places offering beverages (including cappuccino) before, but never fancy cakes. I just asked for a bottle of mineral water. I should cut down on sweets. My clothes are getting tight.

I am sorry on your behalf! If it is possible, do you think it can help a bit to think about that we here at the forum love you and that you don't need the love of far away aunts who don't understand you?

Congrats!

WOW, I have never seen a salon with a cafe in the middle.