Bipolar Check-in #74

Glad you're back @MuddyBoots! I think I understand the feeling you're having, post hospitalization. I remember thinking something similar after many of mine.

@Nammu, I hope you find a much nicer supportive living community to consider. You deserve a comfortable environment. I'm sure such a transition so soon after your loss will be difficult.

My brother is being transferred from the hospital to an inpatient rehabilitation facility, where they'll help him hopefully get back to getting around better. Right now it's even too hard for him to get to the bathroom, sometimes, let alone manage other ADLs. Afterwards, the plan is for him to return to our late dad's house, where he's been living for around 15 years. With Dad gone, there are a lot of questions about his property and house. My sister and I agree that our brother should return to the house, but there will come a time when the property will need to be dealt with...inheritance stuff. If my brother beats the cancer, he will likely want to stay on part as his. My sister also wants some (or all) of the property, as it borders hers. They'd have to buy me out, as I don't have an eye on returning there.

Yesterday we managed to get some crucial things set up in our house. For the first time here, last night we ate a meal at our own dining room table. The day before we ate at our coffee table. The two days before that, our "tables" were a cooler and step ladder. We borrowed some dining chairs because when we found ours, in storage, they had inches of mold spores on them. Before that, we sat on our sofa to eat. We power washed our chairs, but I'm skeptical that they are really safe enough to use. The seats are woven rope types. Right now they are drying in our utility room, with the heat cranked up.

Volunteer job went well today. It was my first day on my own. Was kinda chaotic, there were like 9 cats today. I did my best with cleaning their litterboxes, cages, gave them all fresh food and water etc. All of them were so sweet. I'm really tired. I woke up at 2:30am and have been up ever since. I'm going to the movie theater with my friend tonight. Going to come home and hopefully go straight to sleep. I kind of dissociated/panicked on the bus ride home from the pet place today. Like really badly. I don't know if it was from lack of sleep or what. I'm sure that doesn't help. I can't wait to go to bed tonight

Two of the cats were loose in the room when I went in today, so I guess whoever had yesterday's evening shift accidentally left their cages open or didn't close them properly. Anyway, all the kitties are super sweet and I love meeting them and playing with them. One of therm was named MadMadigator or something along those lines, I forget the exact spelling but it was something like that. It's funny seeing the different names of the cats there, there are some very unique ones that come in.

Advice for painting: See the color painted on your wall, not just a swatch, before buying a big can. We went and got another can for the darker color because we didn't like how dark and orange it is. So we got a lighter "gold" but on the wall it basically looks like mid-range foundation makeup color. So, we won't be using either of the darker colors. We decided to use the lighter yellow/beige for the whole room. If we don't have quite enough paint, there's a can the previous owner left of a light almondy color that we can paint the far wall with.

Honestly I think our plan of using two colors wasn't a good idea anyway, given that we have white crown & side molding and baseboards. I think the white/cream baseboards will look better with just the yellow.

We will look for a charity that might want the paint. Else will bring it to the recycling depot. That was an expensive lesson as we wasted $100.

Still not feeling 100% from my stomach upset over the weekend. I did sleep better last night. I woke up a couple times but it was still better. I'm having trouble regulating my temperature, feeling hot and clammy.

I guess this is so hard to tolerate because i usually comfort myself with food, and i can't do that now. I know i'm just complaining. I've gotten over stomach upsets before, i just never had it with insomnia as well.

Gah, i feel wretched!

I actually looked up the words of Marcus Aurelius because I was deeply disturbed hearing a wealthy US politician claim that all members of the opposing party are "pedophiles."

This demonstrates the logical fallacy known as Ad Hominem, where you attack your opponent's character because you cannot refute their arguments.


It is also False Witness, one of the most serious sins in the Christian faith this person claims to be a member of.

Some may say I am talking politics, but this is not political to me. It's slander and defamation of someone's character. It's hate speech. I honestly don't understand why she isn't up on charges for saying such a thing. It only indicates the kind of false accusations that have become commonplace - perhaps they are being used on both sides, I don't know as I rarely read the news. However, they are absolutely not acceptable.


Plus the widespread use of a term like "pedophile" to attack political opponents is a distortion of what the term itself means. A pedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to children, and is often used to apply to someone who has committed sexual assault on children. It is NOT someone who supports the use of transgender education or whatever this politician was trying to connect it to.


To label someone a pedophile who is clearly not one is to muddy the serious implications of the term, to take away its meaning.


Only after reading Marcus Aurelius's words did I feel better, knowing that this politician clearly cannot tell the difference between good and evil. I doubt that she is conscious that she is evil. Who knows? But anyone who believes her is being led down that path also.

Still not feeling 100% from my stomach upset over the weekend. I did sleep better last night. I woke up a couple times but it was still better. I'm having trouble regulating my temperature, feeling hot and clammy.

I guess this is so hard to tolerate because i usually comfort myself with food, and i can't do that now. I know i'm just complaining. I've gotten over stomach upsets before, i just never had it with insomnia as well.

Gah, i feel wretched!