Bipolar Check-in #74

To continue the above: I have discussed this issue with my husband and he thinks I am being too sensitive but also understands that I may be correct. I've told him just to let me know when this guy is coming over and I will be "out." It's a weird problem but I really don't see a solution other than avoidance. I'm a very direct person and normally I would confront him. But I don't want to put my husband on the spot.

I think he’s just a shyt human being honestly. I’d probably be out when he would come over but I also think your husband should talk about this with him. You should NEVER feel judged let alone in your own home ! Hugs!

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I see my NP tomorrow . So excited to see her. My previous Doctors office where she was closed in August and she’s started work at a new office last month. Huge relief being back under her care. Less stressed. Knowing we can get medical help quickly if need be ..

Was a horrible night pain is really just awful. No help from Skyrizi yet. Next shot is in 2.5 months I’m so worried it’s never going to help me

Anyway. Hope everyone has a good start to the week

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~Christina, I hope your pain lessens!!!!!

samicat, I agree with christina.piece of shyt, If you have to see this man again I would definitively ask your hubby to talk to him about this matter.
bizi

Oh, that’s so good you have a NP again! I worried about you both when you had only the walk in place.

We had a lovely Easter even though my daughter wasn’t there. I went to the sunrise service on the lawn of the church at 7:00 am. Chilly weather. Moving service. At our celebration, my sister brought me a lovely cactus flower that was blooming, my favorite jellybeans and my favorite pastries - eclairs. That was really nice. We get along so much better and text each other or call daily. We all picture spammed my daughter with pictures of her and my niece when they were young. We were looking through old albums. She laughed and laughed when we face timed her.

Mom and I are spending too much time together. I must correct that. I’m getting irritable and resentful. I know how lucky I am to have her at the age of 88 in May. Having said that, being together 24/7 isn’t good for anybody. I have therapy in 10 minutes and planned to go out for a pedicure after that and run errands. She invited herself along. Oh brother! Not good.

We went to a chorale and orchestra that was hauntingly beautiful Tuesday. Magnificent! Sunlight was streaming through the stain glass window and it was all so moving that I cried at the very first song. Then I started thinking about how brother is happy and pain free now and cried some more. Truly beautiful.

It’s a beautiful day here and I’m going to catch some rays after the pedicure.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Much love

Easter was a bit of a bust, didn't do much at all, even though I felt I should have at least gone to church.

Very proud of myself that I didn't end up in a psych hospital this Easter because over the past 5 Easters I have been hospitalized due to manic episodes brought on by a spiritual nature. Things are good since those thoughts have been gone for quite some time and I think its due to that fact that I get really good sleep these days due to my sleep apnea machine.

Seeing a therapist for the first time in three years tomorrow, so that should be good.

Thanks for saying this. I discussed it again with my husband and he said there's no need to talk to the guy because his friendship is fading anyway since we moved to our new city. But if they continue I will raise it again. I've told my husband I don't want to rob him of a friend, but if we're going to see this guy in person together I need it addressed.


However, I think the guy will just deny it. But at that point I will talk to him myself if needed. I'm actually good at dealing with difficult people/situations. It just blindsided me.


I certainly don't deserve to be disliked or mistreated because I'm not a size 6 or because I'm his idea of plain. I mean, I'm his good friend's wife. It's so damn weird. Maybe there's something else going on but I have no idea what that might be.

Thanks. As I said to Christina, I'm sure he would just deny it but my husband seems to think their friendship is pretty much over at any rate. But if their friendship does continue past the occasional phone call, I do want to address this.

I do want to add something to my story about my husband's friend.

I may be a size 16 (the average size of women in North America) and no movie star. But I have performed stand-up comedy, am a published writer, and generally socially competent. For me to feel this uncomfortable around someone is rare. Since the pandemic and gaining 40 pounds I'm a lot more socially anxious, but I'm taking steps to remedy that. That's one reason I really don't need to be around someone who makes me feel self-conscious and seems to dislike me for no reason.


Thanks for listening and for the hugs.

I feel miserable but i know it is partly the last day of a dull holiday weekend having it's last hurrah with me. In good news, i slept thru the night for the first time since my stomach ordeal started eleven days ago.

I'm Canadian and euthanasia for reasons of mental illness was supposed to have become available this March. But it was delayed for a year for further study, to get the wording right. One obstacle i have is my dog who i want to take care of for the balance of her life. She is ten, so there could be only four to eight more years.

I'm so tired and my life is so empty. I don't want to live anymore. Either i'm a raving lunatic or i'm inert. That's no way to live.

@Samicat:

That's so cool that you've done stand-up comedy! Who, what, when, where, why and how?

I started and finished reading "A Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood.

I thought the book was masterfully written. The book is relevant to our time and executed well. I didn't like some of the language and scenes which were, I feel, unnecessarily explicit but I can overlook that because it is written so well. The book might be triggering because it deals with a number of traumatic events and explicit scenes.

I started the book Thursday evening and finished it yesterday. I'm glad I started and finished the book since I have been curious about it for a while now.

I took a few days off from the gym and went back today for an intense workout. I got a yoga ball to use at home and am trying different exercises on the days I don't go to the gym.

I'm still feeling low and anxious. Sleep is still strange... broken up into several hours of sleep then awake and repeat the process throughout the night, but I'm getting by. I see my pdoc on the 25th.

I'm really sorry you are feeling so bad. Do you want to say more about why you feel your life is empty or you don't want to live? I would like to talk to you about it - I've been there.

Re: the stand-up comedy - I took a class and did a few open-mic nights. Not much, but 2 professional comedians told me I had a good set. It's actually a really welcoming scene and people are supportive. Then we moved to another city. I haven't got back into it because it's not really what I long for - a published novel is my fondest wish. But I would consider doing comedy again and may join Toastmasters in the new city just to get used to public speaking.

Performing comedy does trigger my hypomania unfortunately. It's an awesome high but like most highs there's a comedown.

Two
Shootings this morning near me. Awful

I'm still dealing with this diarrhea stomach thing. But no pain still because of the Bentyl. I'm awfully exhausted though. The weird thing is my mental health has really improved to the point I applied to 2 part time jobs last night. Either one is fine with me. I am just so tired of doing nothing with my life.

I had therapy today. I did it on Zoom. It went ok. She was super happy about the job stuff and understanding about my physical stuff.

I needed to get Pedialyte this morning and I also got a crap ton of half off Easter candy. They still had a lot of good stuff too like Lindt bunnies.

Another day another mass shooting. Are people just bored after covid or what.

At what point should I go to the ER? Mainly I'm just really close to throwing up right now. I have an overnight trip later this week I was looking forward to. I'm trying sitting up instead of lying down to see if that helps.

Sending you love and understanding Jane

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Was great seeing my old NP today. Belinda always gives great hugs ! Big relief knowing we have excellent medical care again.

What beautiful weather we have right now ! Hope it continues.

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So sorry to hear it.

Its awful. He was a former a bank employee and killed several. He live streamed it too. the other shooting happened down the street at a college

It really ticks me off that certain American politicians blame "mental illness" for mass killings, ignoring the fact that most people with mental illness are not deadly or dangerous.
Mass shootings are not solely due to automatic weapons either, but are due to the *combination* of severe aggression or mental illness, combined with access to deadly assault rifles like the AR-15 which was used in two recent mass shootings. Take away one *or* the other, and you stop mass killings. And let's face it, it's far easier to stop the sale of military grade weapons than to stop people from being aggressive.


Canada and the UK have the same number of people with mental illness and aggression, but far fewer mass killings because assault rifles are banned.

ill.

it's more than not having any easter eggs or people to wish me happy easter, it's 11th of aprril 2023 (almost halfway through the year), and I've done nothing with nmy life, again

what the **** is wrong with me- well apart from the bipolar, fibro, abuse issues and insomnia

This is it. I'm in the waiting room for my spinal surgery. Uhhhh.... yeah.

It's gotta be done, but still...

I slept almost 12.5 hours on zero sleep meds. I only woke up a couple times to get something to drink. I was so exhausted from this thing I have going on. At one point I woke up with such bad night sweats even the insides of my pants pockets were sweaty. Today I still feel off but not as bad. My stomach still feels weird and I'm still tired but nothing as major as the last 3 days. I may take a walk later. I haven't heard anything about the jobs I applied to but I just applied Sunday night while no one was probably looking at job applications anyways. I have a couple other places I have in mind that I want to apply to if these 2 don't work out.

I'm hoping going back to work will get me out of this funk. Kinda strange thinking though to be honest since I'm not quite sure its just a funk. Hopefully my gastro doctor has some answers and a sooner appointment.

@Aurelius710

Good luck with your surgery! I had a discectomy back in 2019 and I was TERRIFIED waiting to be taken in. So I get your nervousness. But it went well and completely cured my nerve pain and numbness/foot drop. It took a good month to recover but it was still totally worth it. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me! Good luck!