Bipolar Check-in #74

@Aurelius710

That is just awful so sorry you’re dealing with that! I hope it can be remedied but I know nerve damage is hard to resolve.

I was
At Sam’s
Club with my sister. I got
So hot and sweaty. I was
Dizzy and weak. It was like the
World was moving around me. We got a snack and I immediately felt
Better

Oh my god! I'm so revved up and agitated I can't stand it!!!!!!! I did 1200 sit-ups and 400 jumping jacks. I'm so pissed at my peer specialist. She said my daughter was just manipulating us regarding her suicide threat and that I didn't need to take it seriously. **** her. I never want to see her ****ing face or hear her ****ing voice again. Just... ****!!!!!!! And I've just been revved up in general. If we're taking me off seroquel I think I need a different med to calm me down when I'm agitated.

Any suggestions?

I was thinking maybe hydroxyzine.

I want to SCREAM!!!!!! If we lived in a house I would!

As a peer
Specialist myself…that’s just wrong.

I'm doing ok today. I watched Zombie House Hunters with my mom this morning and then we took a walk. I fell asleelp for about 2.5 hours this afternoon. I have therapy tommrow but hopefully my niece will be with the other grandma at my sisters house. We need a break and my brother in laws Grandma needs time with my niece too. My sister and bil just don't always trust her.....

But today was good.

I've had the song Brother Louie stuck in my head all day. I'm thinking of naming my dog Louie

That's what I thought!!! I canceled all future appointments with her and deleted her number off my phone. I NEVER want to see that ***** again.

It's another Summerlike day and i have done f*@k-all. I don't know where all this inertia is coming from.

@Aurelius710:

Whoa, that's really lousy that your doctor made a mistake. Did he actually come right out and admit to it? You're being really reasonable about it. Is it something that will heal in time? I've used Biotene for dry-mouth before in Scrabble tournaments when i didn't want to drink liquid and have my bladder bother me. Is that an option? Glad to hear your incision is healing well!

Oh, as reference, I take loxapine, seroquel, Lamictal, gabapentin, diazepam, propranolol, prazosin, and trazodone.

I wish I knew what to say about a med to calm you down when agitated. Wouldn't diazepam do it? In any case that would probably be a question for a psychiatrist. Do you have one?

How is your sleep?

Gosh, I am so sick of painting!!! Will finish either tonight or tomorrow. At any rate the place looks really nice - beigey yellow with cream molding and baseboards. Very fresh and cheery and warm and goes with our light brown/beige carpet.


And a whole lot better than the horrible color it was before!! (kind of a cold white with greenish undertones like a glow-in-the-dark color)

This is the first time we have ever had an apartment painted any color other than off white!!!!

I'm going to call my therapist tomorrow. I had to seriously control myself tonight to not swear like a sailor around my kid. If meds don't get fixed I fear there will be holes in walls and doors (though now when I'm pissed I throw soft things for damage control).

I have a psychiatrist. I see him on the 26th. I'm going to talk to him about this. I think it's because I went from 300mg of seroquel to 100mg of seroquel. I want OFF the seroquel!!!!!!!! **** seroquel! It's turning me into a fat *** and the other day all I could think about was buying frosting and eating it directly out of the container!

I don't know why the diazepam didn't calm me down. NOTHING was calming me down!!!! I took 800x3mg of gabapentin, 20mg of diazepam, 50mg of seroquel, and 10mg of propranolol. And earlier in the day I took a couple of benadryl because of allergies.

My sleep has been kind of off and on.

Thanks for asking

I’m laying here still feeling bugs crawling on me. Ugh. This is getting old. I see Pdoc thursdsy

good luck with pdoc!
bizi

Well, that certainly went the other way. My niece did end up coming to my house and my therapist switched my session to virtual. I was looking forward to seeing her in person after last weeks zoom session and also getting a break from my niece.

At least I slept good last night even with the 2.5 hour nap yesterday afternoon. I did have a bad dream where my chest grew back to its original 36G size. I've never had that dream before. I had to look in the mirror to make sure everything was legit gone and nothing was "growing" back.

Sorry about your dream @Mountaindewed
I hope you get an in person session with your therapist next time.

I’ve been bit all over the place over the last little while. I’ve moved house so I have to switch psychiatrists but it’s complicated. I’ve also been diagnosed with ADHD. Apparently it’s makes it much more likely if you have a diagnosis like bipolar disorder. But I always just thought I was just a messy/lazy/procrastinating/disorganised/restless/fool.
I’ve only just found out and it came as a bit of a surprise so I think I’m still in some kind of shock. I’ve been researching like a maniac because… that’s what I do.
It makes so much sense and I think I can really learn to help myself. Anyway, I hope you’re all doing as well as possible!

Is feeling something like a spider web on the arms a sign of psychosis? I feel it sometimes but there's nothing there. I cover my arms and I still feel it.

I'm also having SH thoughts. No idea why but they are recurring throughout the day.

I gave up on reading Under the Dome, it's too violent for me.

I'm reading a book on Buddhism instead, a much nicer read. Helps to distract me from the strange feeling on my arms and thoughts but they are persistent.

This nausea and heartburn and stomach pain is so bad I'm putting myself on the BRAT diet until I either can't deal with it anymore and have to the ER or it works and I can hang on until my appointment until June 14th. My therapist says I should only make myself throw up as a last resort. Therapy was kinda weird, but I think it was her and not me. She seemed kinda down and was literally doing the session lying down on her side.

She mentioned going through eating disorder stuff (her exact words) when she was in high school but didn't elaborate besides saying she drank a lot of Diet Coke.

I feel sick as **** right now. My mom is at the store. I think maybe if I eat something I'll feel better. Idk. I lost the thermomter somehow. I'm ready just to hurl into a bucket.

I did find a thermomter. My temp was normal. My blood pressure was good. My mom came back from the store. I ate a piece of bread, a rice cake, and a cup of apple sauce. Not totally the brat diet but close enough. My stomach feels better now. I barely ate all day.

So we had to go back to the store for more paint, but I have photo goodness of what our walls look like now. You can see from all the molding why it took so long to tape and paint:

Good and bad news for the past few days.

The good? Most of the pain and stiffness related to my incision and the surgery proper is gone! I can move around my home, walk around outside and, most importantly, get up and down with minimal effort. Still some work to be done, but everything happening there looks promising!

I was even able to corral the worst of the nausea and hiccup symptoms this morning! I, with much effort, was able to get a dissolvable Zofran to dissolve properly and do its job after which I was able to make the spoonful of sugar home remedy work for my hiccups. No vomiting and no uncontrollable hiccups in between or during the vomiting? Win-win. I was even able to eat something solid today too!

The underlying issue, the problems with the tongue and it's nerve(s), is starting to become the subject of a "pass the buck" game with the providers. My surgeon's office repeatedly tried to say this was not their problem, foisting me off to my primary care provider. A problem with their "not my problem" logic: the numb tongue was one of the first things I noticed when I woke up from the procedure. Whatever caused it, happened in the OR.

As of right now, I have 1/2-3/4 of a tongue that's numb and perpetually dry with no taste from it. When I get over that particular hurdle, there's a part of my throat that I have to put in a bit more effort to swallow food or drink. The hospital seems to be acting like I'm going to sue them by the tone and tenor of my interactions the past few days. At this point, I'm not interested in liability. I'm interested in a fix and their unwillingness to look into it is concerning.

Overall I was really productive today! Been talking to my friend about student loans and realize I’m gonna just have to take what I can get! The lowest interest rate I could get was 10%. Ugh. I’m waiting to hear back about some scholarships too.


Why does school have to be soooo expensive. My fiancé gave me a dsm5. That’s $160 saved!!

This sounds so difficult, and if it were me I would be worrying about if it's permanent and, if not, when I can expect it to go away. I'm glad you can still eat and drink.


When I had facial surgery I had some numb areas that took 3-4 weeks to go away. The surgeon had told me that it might happen and gave me a time frame for neural regeneration. So it seems to me there may be hope for you. But I would think a doctor could confirm if/when you can expect the nerves to regenerate.

Score! re: the dsm5.

Maybe at some point when you're working you can negotiate a better interest rate.


Because of your post, I looked up student loan interest in Canada and found out the government just (this month) eliminated all interest on student loans. I feel ruefully happy - rueful because I had to pay interest, but happy for all future students.

Maybe the US will do the same. I thought Biden was doing something about student loan debt.

I have been feeling low. Between exhaustion from painting and mourning my friend after her death it has been tough.


Also my skin breaking out (from rosacea) is making me not want to go out in public. But staying home every day makes me feel worse.

We have finished painting - except for some trim/molding tomorrow which should take under an hour.

I'm going to take a shower and hopefully feel renewed. I need to get out of this funk.

I was actually told by a friend the best thing to do is get what you can and refinance when you graduate for a lower interest rate when possible. It’s high bc I have a car loan I’m
Sure. And I don’t have a co-signer. But for now it looks like I can go for my masters. I’ll Just bne laying over $300 a month in loans after graduating