Bipolar Check-in #74

Are you still drinking cokes? Coffee!

Awww oh gees. Went to bed at 11:30 pm and woke at 1:30am, pretty much stayed in a waking dream. Aaahh. Don’t much feel like aqua fitness.

Not a ton of them. I don't think this level of heartburn and nausea is normal at all though.

I just got super pissed and chugged 32oz of water so I wouldn't be hungry. Well it worked. I ate twizzlers for breakfast. Battled with the scale all night so I didn't sleep good. My mom said this morning "so you admit you have anorexia?" When I was talking about something. My therapist wants me to bring my eating disorder work book into our session. I just feel fat and its not like I can tell my therapist that who is twice the size of me and probably considers me skinny.

You still should not be drinking them. They will only make it worse.

I joined my adhd support group this eve.
It went well, but I feel overwhelmed.
But mostly I feel soooo tired, like so incredibly tired all day today. I’m in bed already (it’s 19:30).
I hope it’s not because of my mood, because that would be… not good.
I might ask my GP to check my bloods just incase.

I canceled aqua fitness went back to bed and had a weird dream about my ex and a really weird pharmacy that gave me 3 days of 5 meds in a jewelry box. But I did feel up to going to my paint class at the senior center. We painted birch trees in the fall. Turned out very nice. I forgot to go the the bank tho. Trying to decide if I want to go back out now or do it in the morning before my appointment. Have an 11am appointment for the senior high rise.

I saw the gastro doctor. He said it is super bad GERD. He upped my stomach meds. Said he wants to do an endoscopy since GERD can screw up your escopgahus and stomach. The soonest they can get me in is mid August. He threw out the word "precancerous" I'm trying not to focus on that.

Therapy went fine. We worked on my ED workbook. It was a productive session despite me feeling like crap from my stomach issues and woozy from my food and sleep issues.

Now I'm at home with my stretchy shorts on and I just got another quick burst of acidy heartburn. I have to figure out something for dinner.

He didnt mention coffee or soda at all. He actually said on the day of the procedure I can have a cup of plain coffee or tea in the morning.

I'm not really worried about anethesia. I've been under 5 times and intubated twice. But I guess its gonna be a Iong wait until August.

Hi all! I know I’ve been MIA again. Been reading before bed. Started reading parts of the Bible just because I never really have read it and I own a nice leather-bound version that I can easily fit in my purse. It sleeted here today even though it was 40 degrees. All the flowers are up and bloomed and a week ago all the trees suddenly bloomed in beautiful white purple and pink! I spent 24 hours with my friend Caleb whom I hadn’t seen in a year last Wednesday/Thursday. We ate ate at Texas Roadhouse and just hung out. Friday I saw a substitute OB/GYN for bleeding that wasn’t related to pregnancy- I have my tubes occluded- or a full- on period. She did a biopsy of the lining of the uterus which hurt like a ******!!! She commented on how “stoic” I was during the whole procedure . True I just lay there and didn’t make a peep. All the while I felt like someone. Was twisting many small pointy electrified sharp knives and twisting them like a fork twists spaghetti! Just goes to show that an outward calm appearance does NOT mean the patient isn’t feeling pain! This goes double for babies who can’t localize pain feeling as if their whole body is being assaulted. And who feel pain much more acutely than adults do who can rationalize the pain “away”. Case in point: newborn circumcision.

Oh man, I thought because I'm on Latuda, an antipsychotic, that I wouldn't have psychotic symptoms. But I think I am. I am feeling spider webs on my arms and face, there's nothing there but I still feel it.

The SH thoughts are getting better, it seems to be passing.

I’ve had severe gerd for 16 years. Coffee and soda are no good. Google it.

I’ve been moderately depressed since Friday. Not enough to be non functional but enough to make everything feel like a chore. Even eating is a pain in my a—. I’m eating healthier but preparing my food for the day is hard. At lunch I’m just microwaving a sweet potato and eating it with cinnamon. With a can of tuna on the side for protein. I have a lot of fruit in the house, it’s easy to grab a banana and two little mandarins in addition to my yogurt for the morning. But portioning out the yogurt from the big container is annoying. I wanted a bowl of cereal this morning but it was too much to put the milk in the cereal and eat it.

I did NOT want to go to work this morning but often it’s better for me to be there than sulking at home by myself. One of the nonverbal boys spit out his chewed up pretzel on the floor and then smeared it on me when I made him clean it up joys of working in an Autism classroom. But I made it through.

Idk what to do really about the depression. I don’t know if it was the ECT or the lexapro that helped. I hate ECT though, I’m scared of anesthesia so I’m in a panic every time. Plus I don’t have anyone to take me for maintenance. But I would also be nervous to go up on the lexapro because of the possibility of mania. Traditionally I don’t do well on SSRIs. I don’t have another pdoc appt til may 20th but I could try to get in earlier. I’m going to try to ride it out, at least give it until next week to see if I’m still depressed. It has only been four days.

Thank you !

Yes the sun needs to turn it down. Far to sunny today. I’ve kept curtains closed.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

YAY ! So happy your feeling better

You had far too long down

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Fantastic news your healing well

Hope your finances get sorted out

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Wishing you safe travels

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hope you have a better day tomorrow

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Glad to see you !!!

Ugh female stuff. Goodness we go through hell. Hope it resolves soon

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Break through stuff can just pop up ! Sucks ! I’m dealing with some right now.

Contact your Pdoc.. maybe a prn for a short while ???

Hang in there

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Your doing a great job all things considering.

Keep plugging along

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My heart goes out to you. I'm struggling with severe depression myself right now where everything seems like a chore. My depression is worse in the evening when I'm tired, and I now take a few sprays of a THC spray which works for me (I am not advocating it especially if pot is illegal where you live). I also find that just doing things "one minute at a time" helps - so I try not to list the chores I have to do in my head. I managed to actually make muffins by just trying to empty my thoughts completely while I was doing it. Meditation helps me too. It's a daily battle though and some days are worse than others.

Do you usually have a mood bump in spring/summer?


I hope you are able to pull out of it. It may spontaneously improve. Mine was improving before my friend died and that seemed to kick me back.

What age are you, Mountaindewed? I think you mentioned being close to 30?


A professional therapist will understand that someone with an eating disorder may feel fat even though she might not consider them fat. I suggest looking up a healthy height/weight chart if you haven't already.

Burning the candle at both ends, very close to a total burnout, but I am pushing forward. One day at a time.

I saw my pdoc today. She says I'm having tactile hallucinations and is worried about the SH thoughts.

She recommended an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) to find out if there's anything they can do for me. I'll find out what will happen with that in a few days.

I updated my avatar picture - it's the same galaxy as before, but this picture has more detail and color; it's also dedicated to my sister.

The old avatar pic is attached.

This new one doesn't look that great at this tiny size - I might put back the old one...what do you think?