[JaneOnceMore]

How do you deal with shame over things you did while (hypo)manic?

Like i feel so ashamed of a guy i bugged over Messenger to come over for coffee last Summer. I sent him elaborate messages with sound effects. He never came over.

And i feel ashamed about this classy restaurant i used to go to where one time i felt they were rude to me and i made a tremendous fuss later to the hostess over the phone. We worked it out but now i am too ashamed to go there and i really miss the place, it was really special.

I feel ashamed of being hypersexual and hijacking this coffee break i had with my neighbors to talk endlessly about how horny i was, how i was dating a guy young enough to be my son and was going to have sex with him (i never did) and how i was bi-sexual, when that's absurd, i certainly am not.

I just find myself being attacked by these memories as i move thru my day and passionately apologizing in my head. It's so futile and painful.

Does anyone else have this? How do i stop?

I just feel so ashamed of myself!

[Nammu]

All I can suggest is compassion for yourself. You wouldn’t think badly of of somebody else doing those things under the influence of hypo mania.

[mote.of.soul]

Does anyone else have this? How do i stop? I read about this technique of blocking thoughts by imaging a STOP sign and telling yourself firmly to stop, but it doesn't work.

I just feel so ashamed of myself!

I do have that, yes, @JaneOnceMore.🙏

I think continue with the STOP technique (I use a similar approach) because it is at least conducive to the awareness of the troublesome thoughts and feelings, in conjunction with shifting your attention to more beneficial thoughts - as often as is necessary.

Even though it does feel haphazard and ineffective, to me it is still better than not doing anything about it at all and just letting your mind take you on the, yes, pointless journey of self torment.

And in terms of facing people/places where you feel you have let yourself or others down, well, just keep 'showing up'. People are generally more forgiving (even forgetful!) of people's 'funny ways'. That part takes courage and some effort and is in alignment to self-love and self-respect. That's all I can share with you at this point.🙏

[Aurelius710]

I never could completely banish those kind of thoughts, no matter how hard I tried. What I ended up learning was how to direct my mind.

When I dabbled with Buddhism, one of the meditations they taught me was Mindfulness of Breathing. In-two-three, out-two-three with a challenge to focus your thoughts on your breathing and nothing else. I never could do that, but what I was told after was what stuck with me. It was basically "Don't condemn yourself for your straying thoughts. Just turn back to center. To your breathing. Repeat as necessary."

All I can say is don't be too hard on yourself. See those thoughts for what they are and turn to your center.

[Soupe du jour]

Hi Jane. My whole life, up to maybe six years ago, I had situations like some of yours, frequently. I was always pretty good at putting them behind me or just being "Teflon" about them. I still think it a good approach, at times, unless doing so prevents one from not doing the work to TRY to curb such incidents. Obviously we can't change the past. We can apologize for actions, or move on and learn for the present and future.

Regardless of above, I have had times of embarassment and avoided places or people. Or people wanted me gone. At the extremes, my mental illness was "found out", while other times some actions in episodes were surely interpreted as personality faults. Some people forgive (give multiple chances) or have understanding. Some don't. You can test to see what category the people/places fit into.

[unaluna]

Have you tried a mood stabilizer? Also, killing off problematic family members? Just kidding! But it has helped me that they have died off naturally. Winnicott's "false self" is how i lived most of my life, and she was not pretty.

[~Christina]

I feel the same about some things in my past. It’s hard to let it go. Maybe write it down and burn the paper ? I’ve done that a few times and it’s helped a bit. Just a thought.

Be kind to yourself

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[bizi]

I have burned up a lot of paperwork. It does help!
bizi

[MrAbbott]

I've done truly shameful things under the effect of mania, and psychosis has even pushed the situation a little bit further. There's nothing I could have done against it, it's like a ripe fruit falling from a tree, it will hit the ground. I take comfort knowing that people with some degree of empathy will understand. Yes, I've avoided some places, but you me and most people on this site have a personal struggle going on and those who are not fully aware of it shouldn't become an extra obstacle for us. Stay strong.

[raspberrytorte]

I've burned things before too. It DOES help a little bit!

I've done a lot of embarrassing things myself. You're not alone.

[Fuzzybear]

Writing things down and flushing or shredding the paper does help sometimes. Toxic shame.... and the ''false'' self

[HALLIEBETH87]

I’ve get this way a lot. Writing it down and then destroying it helps me

[insideoutsider]

People do people things.

If the shame is yours and not constructed by society then as Soupe said, an important thing is learning/ adjustment

[Justpretend]

I feel this. My manic episodes are ALWAYS followed by massive amounts of guilt and shame. Everyone always says: learn to forgive yourself and the guilt and shame won’t be as bad or you won’t hang on to it as long. But i dunno how to kick start that. It seems overwhelming and consuming at times. I don’t know how to forgive myself when I just focus on how awful I was or embarrassing or hurtful. I’m still feeling guilt and shame over something I did while manic over a year ago. I hope we both can find ways to cope better so we both can heal faster.

[JaneOnceMore]

Welcome to the forum, Justpretend!

[bizi]

hello and welcome to the forums.