Bipolar Check-In #77

How did it go with the Lunesta, @Moose72?

Well I fell asleep easily and stayed asleep till 3 a.m. when I woke up to use the bathroom. I stood up and stumbled wildly forward then sideways, falling and hitting my right arm and leg on the low table at the end of my bed ending up on the floor. My knee bent backwards too. My lower back is sore a bit. Luckily I just have a couple of bruises where I hit the table and my knee is alright. Next time, I’ll sit for a minute before I get up. I got back to sleep easily and slept till 8. I had a vivid dream about the kids being young again but that’s not uncommon.

Oh no, so sorry to hear that you fell!

Yes definitely wait a minute before you stand up, maybe turn on a lamp if it's within reach for better balance.

Glad you were able to get back to sleep!

Today sucks. It sucks, I hate it. I want to dump my meds. Don't they realize simple calls make some people spiral. My pdoc isn't in until next week. I don't see him for a month. This sucks. Everything sucks.

I'm doing ok today. I'm almost done wiith my Christmas shopping. I just have to get my brother a gift card. I got most of my laundry done. I just felt like I could do it all of a sudden so I put in a load. I did forget about it and I left it in the washer for 2 hours. But I remembered it.

Mainly I'm just slacking on showering and I'm still watching too much news. Overall I've been doing fine this week.

TRIGGER















I am an inch from saying screw it and self harming. Im so depressed even my granny noticed. i took my first dose of trintellix earlier. we will see if it helps at all.

I have ahuge paper due tomorrow.I called in sick tomorrow so i have an extra day to wokr on it. Ive been taking my klonopin as Ive been secretly freaking out inside. I cant self harm becasue Im on blood thinners. took my last dose of those today.

It’s my son’s 5th birthday! I can’t believe it was 5 years ago already.

I feel okay. A bit anxious about work next week.

I struggle to live in the present. I’m constantly in the past actually mostly the future.

My pdoc said 2 weeks before I start noticing the effects of the new meds. One week almost in. I wish this anxiety would bugger off!

I hope trintelix helps my low mood. my minds everywhere while i trying to write this ppaer. im having some decaf coffee with SF cinamon dolce syrup and SF almond milk. pretty tasty

My evening is better. But boy I’ve got to stop watching tv at night. It was 3am before I went to bed and 5 am before I slept. My cat woke me up for breakfast and I went back to bed until 1pm. Ohh so discombobulating.

Then a friend here told me our other friend died. She wasn’t able to get her to answer the phone or the door. They did a wellness check and found her dead. That’s two people from our poker group now. She was such a nice lady. She just got back from Florida too.

I managed to take a shower and get the litter box cleaned. Tonight I’m shutting off the tv and taking my ambien . Tomorrow I go to my daughters cause the weather is beautiful and I want to take the presents over now. They just got off quarantine from covid.

It’s 1:30 a.m. The damn Lunesta didn’t work. I took it at 10.

On a dopamine rush tonight - not sleepy at all, think I am a little manic. Things are improving with my husband, and I am feeling happier than usual tonight. I am aware that living with someone takes hard work, and I have to be more understanding than I have been.

Now it’s 3 a.m….

Right here with you, my fellow insomniac

5:20 a.m. haven’t slept a wink and wide awake

Same. Already took AM meds and had a coffee so no hope at this point. I don't know if I slept while doing yoga (gotta love puppy pose) from 7:40-8pm or just dissociated, but other than that have been up since like 11pm on Monday

Wow. Do you hallucinate when you don’t sleep? I may get some coffee too. I had yogurt about 45 minutes ago.

Oh yeah. Been hallucinating like mad lately.

No hallucinations here. The internet said to expect them when you take Lunesta without sleeping.

I am so excited! I’m seeing my favorite singer (pink) in august! I saw her way back in 2006 in some little club in Philly before her shows were huge. She was amazing! Her ticket prices have gone up so much I haven’t been able to afford it but RS talked me in to spending the extra money as I never treat myself. He’s so sweet. I’m sooooo excited!

Still sore from my fall. Tired. Going to try to hold out on sleep for another couple hours for a more normal bedtime. I woke up about 36 hours ago and save for dropping off for 10 minutes this afternoon while I was on the phone, I haven’t slept. Trying to eat roughage as I’m constipated after only two doses of Lunesta 1 mg.

N3 promised to send me his Physics paper to read- the one he got 100% on.

My bipolar is under control. But I was eating rice and a pita from Naf Naf for dinner and I was all like "don't put that in your body, you need to lose weight." So I stopped and gave the rest to my mom. I have eaten today and I had a couple sodas. So that thought was a bit odd since it like came out of nowhere.

I found a used but in great condtion pair of 511 Levis for $16 at the thrift store. Then I got some Calvin Klein boxers and Aeropostale shirts from Marshalls. I also ordered groceries and got healthy mac and cheese and more celery and stuff.

Therapy went fine.

I just don't know why I'm having really weird thoughts about food all of a sudden

ugh the urges are haunting me and im just so sad . im blaming it on being tired bc people are noticiging

So I want to stop taking my meds. They're not helping and Im trying to have faith in this new Dr because I really like him and in my husband that he won't but it's hard. I don't want more meds. A month is to long to stay on them. I want my heart to mess up. I wish I could give up. If I take my meds I have to eat.

Other than those thoughts I'm having an okay day.

You need to take your meds.

You know you don't want to end up IP.