Bipolar Check-In #78

I'm starting to get a little worried. My insurance won't cover my gabapentin. I need a refill of it in six days. I don't know why they won't cover it! They claim it's "too soon", but I picked it up at the same time as my other meds and it's been a month, and they're covering my other meds.

Woke up at 4:24am this morning. Have no idea why I am getting so early, and why I am so drowsy I can't go back to sleep. My mind is racing a little, but that's only because I am alone with my thoughts and that tends to happen. Will try to attempt to go to church this morning and then go visit my parents. Should be a good day.

That’s what my insurance is doing with my latuda! Loopholes. The insurance companies want the orange one to win and dismantle all the patient rights from Obama care. They are starting early!

My brothers insurance all of a sudden won't cover his ablify. Well they will but it went up to $400 a month. My geodon went from $10 for 3 months to $15 for 3 months. I hope it doesn't go up anymore.

Its crazy right now.

I fell asleep last night around 5:30. I kept having these strange nightmares. Not about anything. Just like weird noises and banging and stuff. It wasn't like I was even dreaming. But I knew I was having nightmares and I knew I was sleeping. I woke up at 8:30 and I thought it was what my mom was watching on TV. But she was just watching football.

I know you can get some intense nightmares with Prestiq withdrawels though. After that I fell back asleep until my OCD brother woke me up at 11. I was up then until almost 3 and I fell asleep until 6.

So I'm tired and pretty crabby today. Anxiety wise things haven't been too bad. Mood wise its just been because of how I slept last night.

I ordered some more dramamine and a tube of toothpaste, a pair of jeans, canned vegetables, and some other stuff to be delivered in a bit. I'm not sure whats up with this insane vegetable craving of mine. I just had 3oz steak and all I really wanted was beans.

I think I'll go down to 25 lamictal tommorow. But stay at 25 Prestiq for another week or so. Things aren't bad, I just want to stay this way for a bit.

Last few days left of holidays. Please may I have good classes this year. Please let the kids behave and show just a little bit of respect. And let me do my job, which is to teach.

I’ve had such a lazy day today. Done absolutely nothing all day. Fortunately my son has done a pretty good job of entertaining himself. He can be high maintenance at the best of times. Not sure if I mentioned he’s been diagnosed with ADHD.

I only have one plan option that covers clozaril. It covers generics really well (most are free unless something changed from last year) but the cost per month went up from $70/month to $100/month. I'm still on patient assistance for at least one and probably 2 meds as well. It's ridiculous.

We got approved for our apartment! We get the keys in February! I’m gonna really miss living with my granny but I am excited to live with my fiancé Ben. Our wedding is in less than two months! So much happening right now.

I’m so glad I’m not depressed anymore or having psychotic symptoms. Lybalvi is really a miracle drug for me.

I may be totally wrong but I think I remember my pdoc telling me that they are going to start (have started?) monitoring gabapentin more like benzos and that might make it so you can't get it until 3 days (?) before you are due. I'm really not sure about that but I don't think it was a dream. Could have been though.

Great news Hallie that you’re stable (no psychosis or depression) and that you’re getting the keys. Woohoo!

Was a really good day today. Went to church early this morning in this freezing weather and cried my eyes out. Then drove to my parents and spent the day with them. It felt to get out of the house all day. A little worried that I'm not tired since I was up since 4:30am this morning, hopefully I'll crash soon.

I slept 13 hours and then took a 2 hour nap and I think I could have slept another 2 hours after supper but I didn't let myself. I'm sure I've had worse times of hypersomnia but it's been a while. I seem to just wake up and want to go back to sleep. I can't believe how extremely tired I am. My mom has been helping me with some housework and I was so glad she suggested we take today off.


At this point the fatigue is out-weighing the sad. The sad is very much there but if I could sleep for a few days straight I might care more that I feel sad.


4 more weeks until I see my pdoc. This is probably the longest I've ever gone without seeing her. I usually see her every 4 weeks and with some various things interfering it's going to be 11 weeks between this time. Not ideal when I seem to develop depression in the first weeks of January.

Time for meds. I'm late because I was filling my pill boxes. And late for meds is never ideal.

@BeyondtheRainbow

Sorry to hear you're feeling so sucky. 😞 I hope you start feeling better soon. ((Hugs))

I'm down to 50mg of Lamictal now. Other than feeling a bit more "awake" and excitable I feel fine. No physical withdrawal symptoms (but I also take 3200mg of gabapentin and 100mg of topamax, if that means anything). Hopefully the rest of my taper goes just as smoothly. The next med I plan on weaning off of is loxapine. THAT I'm scared of! I'm just on too many ****ing meds!!!!!

Today has been just... fantastic.

I tried to give platelets again after the aborted attempt two weeks ago. My iron count was too low then. Now... my veins wouldn't hold. On either arm. I travel about 45 minutes to do this, so being 0 for 2 on donations this year is slightly annoying. I've set another appointment for a month from now. If something goes wrong there, I might have to reevaluate giving platelets for a while.

My colonoscopy is coming up Wednesday, so I decided to pick up the dreaded bowel prep just to be ready. Imagine my surprise when I found out it wasn't covered by my insurance without a prior authorization. Some galaxy-brained, 9000 IQ @#%$ing pencil pusher wants me and/or my docs to prove to them that a bowel prep for a @#$%ing colonoscopy is medically necessary! You kidding me?!?!

The sad part is... no matter what happens, the pencil pusher wins. I give in and pay out of pocket, they win. I use something over-the-counter, they win. The doctor has to switch bowel prep regimens and they win. Even if we win, they win by the sheer volume of hoops me and the docs have to jump through. I haven't even thought about the price of the colonoscopy yet. (Insurance only covers 50% of the cost at the beginning of the year.) America's health care system. Yay.

Tomorrow, I'm scheduled for the cancer detection blood test. I'd like to get that done, but it's 50/50 whether the weather will allow. I hope it does as my boss generously gave me a shift tomorrow afternoon to make up for the moist shift Wednesday. About 50/50 there too.

Here's hoping!

I hear ya on the disappointment. Right at the beginning of covid I went to do my regular donation and my iron was too low. Then three times in a row it was too low. I called my doc asking for a recommendation for iron pills but he wanted me to get blood tests first. I was very anemic but he wanted to rule out other causes. Took forever before he let me take iron pills. Then suddenly I was way too high. I was able to finally go back to donating blood. I only take an iron pill once a week now and give blood every 6 weeks. But it took a long time. It was disappointing. There’s not a lot I can do anymore to “give back” this is one small way to make a difference.

I struggled last night and I don't know what I was expecting. I woke up feeling not right. But I don't know why. I'm just so tired.

These withdrawels can go suck it. Zzzquil never agrees with my anxiety the next day anyways though. I'm agitated right now and I've been so ornery all day. I went down to 25mil lamictal tonight. But I always get like this on Monday night. But its probably more the stuff from last night tbh. I don't think its the Prestiq since I've been on the same dose for awhile.

I also read some triggering stuff last night on Reddit about gender identity.

I have a couple emails into my therapist.

@Mountaindewed - great you can email your therapist. Mine is useless with emails.

Wedding
Invitations came in. We’ve bought each others rings too.
It’s getting close! I get my dress fitted for alterations in two days!

Zzzquil is just the active ingredient in Benadryl. Of course you didn’t feel right! That combination sounds dangerous to me.

[QUOTE=Mountaindewed;7397868]I struggled last night and I don't know what I was expecting. I woke up feeling not right. But I don't know why. I'm just so tired.[/https://www.drugs.com/medical-answers/melatonin-maximum-safe-dosage-3113942/ Read this please

Are you still following your doctor's instructions on lowering your Prestiq or are you rushing it? The reason why I said you needed to be careful is from personal experience. Once my pdoc and I tried taking me off Cymbalta and I didn't follow his instructions, rushed the tapering, ended up ODing on benadryl and remeron and in the ICU with a breathing tube down my throat because I stopped breathing on my own.

You don't want something like that to happen to you.

You have to be careful when coming off ADs!

If you feel unsafe, please go to the ER! You don't want to **** with benadryl! Benadryl will **** with you! Please stay safe @Mountaindewed

(((Hugs)))

I agree with @Moose72, @Mountaindewed

In fact this combination might place you at risk of respiratory depression during the night. Better safe than sorry.

I did rush it from 100mil down to 25mil. I should have stayed at 50 longer than 1.5 weeks. But I've been at 25mil Prestiq now for over a week.

I do feel better this morning without having taken any zzquil last night. I'm not crabby or anxious or agitated or depressed like I was yesterday.

So I am feeling better today

@Mountaindewed

That's good to hear.