Bipolar Check-In #78

I took tylenol later last night which helped. Asprin helped a ton a couple months ago when I was having issues that I shouldnt have been using asprin for.

I am sped up. Dexedrine make me sped up. ER, the smallest dose. Without it, I sleep too much. On it, I am sped up. It is so hard to find the sweet spot.

Have you tried Nuvigil/Provigiil? I've never been on dexedrine but I would think those are easier to tolerate. I took both at different times in my career, depending on what insurance covered.

alas, they do nothing for me. I tried, taking them in the morning as instructed, but I would then go straight back to sleep for several hours. Like a sugar pill. Otherwise, of course, they are milder medications and preferred to dexedrine.

I finished my first day at work. It was triggering but I survived. Phew. Let’s hope the rest of the week goes okay.

I'm not really happy right now. A couple days ago I noticed this red spot on my upper thigh near my-you-know. I put some OTC hydroxcine stuff on it and left it. Now I have 2 big red spots on each thigh. The right side is pretty red and hurts and itches.

I'll go to immediate care in the morning to get them checked out.

Idk if its lamictal related or not.

I'm just kinda itchy right now in general but I just have a couple pimple things where I'm scratching at

It looks I will have to take Zyprexa PRN tonight to fall asleep. I will try with the usual Seroquel 75 mg but expect that it would not cut it because if how sped I am on Dexedrine.

Well, that professional relationship deteriorated fast! The day after I posted about him here, I witnessed him have a really over the top reaction to an @#@hole customer. I totally get being annoyed. I totally get wanting to vent a bit. This venting felt disproportionate to what happened. Eyebrow raising for sure.

I also asked around. He's been off putting to just about everyone. Just a mess of passive aggressive remarks and disproportionate responses. I don't like reporting on what I feel are personality clashes, but he's already involved my boss right out of the gate. So, I relayed what had happened to her.

On a (slightly) lighter note, I have that early cancer detecting test tomorrow. Should be a quick in and out. Interested to see how that all turns out. Should get the colonoscopy results tomorrow too!

Feeling pretty good.

Wrote my flash fiction last night and am quite pleased with it.

I give up on sleep.

I get 5mil 3x a day and my doctor me told me that was the maximum when I asked to go up on it and I don't think thats really true.

I feel tired today but not much of anything else which I guess is good. I went down to 12mil Prestiq this morning. So we'll see how that goes. I don't feel much of any withdrawels today from the Prestiq or Lamictal. I have therapy in a bit. I have 2 in person session this weeks.

30mg a day.

I've been on 40mg a day in the past though.

I think 40mg is the max scheduled dose.

I don't usually take more diazepam than I'm prescribed. I don't know what got into me this morning 😫. Benzos scare the **** out of me!!!!

Seroquel did not cut it. At midnight I took Zyprexa 5 mg and then slept OK. Just now I took half a dose of instant Dexedrine as my doctor advised me should I not feel racy in the morning.

Tonight I will just take Zyprexa instead of Seroquel at 10PM.

We will see how Zyprexa and Dexedrine play together.

I do not feel hunger pangs now.

I am just tired.

Had the first nightmare I’ve had in a long time. Things were going great. I was floating on air then I was in the water of a lake up north. At first it was great. I swam past three huge birds floating that had a weird hairy head each with a baby bird on their head. I turned as not to disturb them and went right into a bear that started to attack me. I clawed the eyes out and was holding the nose to keep it from eating me when this man nonchalantly walked up and said oh, it’s a bear, I’ll go get help. I woke in a panic. It took me awhile to calm down and get back to sleep. Oof da. What a dream.

I am feeling more physical withdrawls today. I'm really exhausted mainly. I haven't been very hungry. I ate a couple bananas and a can of tuna and drank a couple sodas and a small iced matcha but that was it. Therapy went fine. She agreed that the up and down sleep patterns, nightmares, night sweats, nausea, the throwing up the other night, and mental health stuff were all just withdrawel side effects. She also said my weight gain seemed to have come from the prestiq.

I went down to 25mil Lamictal tonight. The thing on my thighs look ok after I put a bunch of stuff on it last night.

Mainly today I'm just super super exhausted and not hungry

I got myself out of bed and I did a half hour workout with my VR headset I was sweating and out of breath afterwards. After I forced myself to eat a piece of bread with a tablespoon of that Smuckers Goober peanut butter jelly combo stuff. We're having baked chicken for dinner but I'm still not hungry and its getting late.

I feel a lot better now after working out. I swear I'm not joking when I say my mental health is my weight.

My pdoc told me to increase my therapy and to workout and I thought he was just being a dismissive jerk.... but his suggestions have helped.

Too much information ahead...

Oh man I'm having a bad problem.

My stool is super hard and I think I've injured myself. It's been getting worse during the past week.

I got colace and took it this morning but again had another really difficult and painful bowel movement in the afternoon.

I'm really in pain and have no idea why this is happening. The only change is that I've been taking Klonopin for 5 days in a row.

Sorry for TMI.

Maybe it's some delayed reaction to my meds?

@Scooter9



I have similar problems frequently as a side effect of something. Who knows what. I recently found something that helps quite a bit for me. Poop pudding. I know it sounds gross but it's not too bad and it works. It's a 1:1:1 ratio of applesauce, prune juice and wheat bran (the bran itself although I've seen you can use bran flakes instead). Mix it up and take a tablespoon or two as needed. For me that's about twice a week.

If that's not helping I find a bowl of bran flakes (the cereal kind) with 10 prunes in it works wonders as an addition. It just tastes like raisin bran.


I also found that the products that help you go in a position with your knees higher than your hips (I use a small step stool. There is a product that is made for this and I can't remember the name) helps me a great deal.

Hope some of this helps. I know how frustrating it is. I was supposed to go on a prescription med a few months ago for this but my pharmacy had trouble filling it and I found poop pudding in desperation. It works well enough I never filled the script.

I'm gonna sound like the nurse that always pisses me off, but have you been drinking enough water? First thing that comes to my mind with hard stool is "hydrate or die-drate"

@Scooter9


Oh, oh, oh.....MuddyBoots reminded me....you have to drink 8 oz of water immediately after taking poop pudding. Important. Sorry.

Headache. Probably a combination of work and not drinking enough water / drinking too much coffee…..

Sleep was better last night. Woke up at 4:59. Alarm goes off at 5:00am so that was good.

Thank you @BeyondtheRainbow and @MuddyBoots

Yeah, my water intake is not too good - I got a lot today though.

I'll try the pudding tomorrow.

Get a squatty potty. It saved my life. Cured my constipation and solved years and years of chronic stomach pain.

I'm not joking. It works. I go a ton almost every day now with no pain. Before it was like once a week.

squatty potty! That's what I was trying to think of. Thanks @mountaindewed Trying to remember that word would have bothered me all night.

Thanks, @Mountaindewed! I'm not sure that they're available here in Canada but maybe a small step stool will do.

I think going off Lamictal is messing with my brain or something! I'm taking a full week Lamictal free adjustment before starting my loxapine taper. I'm getting all these urges to self harm with too many meds (minus seroquel) that I haven't had in years! I don't know what's up with that, but it's making me disturbed and ashamed. Clear thinking raspberry would NEVER abuse her diazepam!!!!

I'm sure I'll feel fine in a couple of days. One more night left of 25mg Lamictal and I'm off of it and kissing 💋 Lamictal goodbye.

Then a week adjustment and onto the next taper.

God I hate being on all these damn meds!!!!