Bipolar Check-in #79

I just self-published three of my books and plan on publishing a fourth. Getting a lot done! Have to write my flash fiction though. Oh dear. That's going to be challenging. I got two hours of sleep last night and had some mild paranoia about the negative entity but other than that I feel GREAT. The new diet pill has helped my hunger levels already, which is good.

Speaking of that fourth novel, I better get on that!

The nurse educator was super nice and patient. and educational. Lol. She showed me how to inject myself with the pen and I didn't feel a thing. It was so easy. I don't have to draw out stuff with a syringe anymore or deal with painful shots in my arm.

I'm feeling pretty good afterwards. I'm slightly nauseated and a bit achy which she said would happen but the injection site looks fine, its not red, and my moods and anxiety are fine. I went out shopping afterwards because I need a new backpack. I didn't find one but I found a couple shirts and a pair of basketball shorts.

Had a mini stroke at work on Thursday. Discharged yesterday (Friday). Still recovering. Still in shock.

Trying to feel better about myself. A better day than the rest of the days this week. That's real progress.

My friend refuses to visit me because he is mad at his boss at work. I that is mean and misplaced and unfair to me. Why should I be punished for something I had nothing to do with.

Oh dear! That’s terrible! I hope recovery goes smoothly for you. Thinking of you and sending good vibes!

Thinking of you while you recuperate @Crazy Hitch

Good luck with your rehab. crazy hitch
It is hard work but you deserve it. continue to show progress so you can stay in rehab as long as possible.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I feel blah today. Just emotionally mostly. Kinda moody. Physically I feel decent. I'm just not feeling that Welbutrin energy I was feeling before. I got the garage cleaned though. Once the big spider was gone. The garage was a big mess. And I got some other stuff cleaned up. Mainly I've just been lying in bed watching the same news story on CNN all day.

Does anyone else get extreme thirst on Wellbutrin? I woke up at 5:30 and I was coughing from a dry throat and I had both a Pepsi and a bottle of water going. I've lost track of how much water I've had.

@Mountaindewed

I didn't, but everyone is different.

Oh I'm so sorry @Crazy Hitch, I hope you recover soon. It's good that you got treatment when you did.

I tried to explain to my wife just how bad my anxiety and depression are. She was more concerned about how I was talking, rather than what I was talking about, so that conversation came to a quick end.

I have to fill out a bunch of paper work for my disability claim. It asks all kinds of really personal questions, but I have to do it to continue to get benefits. They even have my pdoc filling out forms.

I'm so excited! I've written here about how blocked i am about groceries due to my depression. I thought of how i would advise another person in my situation about scaling the task down.

So i took my own advice! Sure, i am not healthy enough to go in-person and do a large order for delivery with six of this, and eight of that. But i can do an online order with one of each thing.

So i did it! And now it is done and i am stocked up for a few days! Yay Jane!

@KasperBlue:

Maybe this method would be of use to you? I've heard about setting a timer for five minutes, and committing to working on the task for just that long. Most things can be withstood for five minutes. Then when the timer goes off, you can choose to continue for another five minutes, or abandon the task. Just an idea!

I took 2 Aleve, 4 Dramamine, and 2 Unisom. Will I be ok? My stomach hurts but thats about it.

@Crazy Hitch I'm so sorry. May you have a smooth recovery process.

Invisible illnesses suck...I had to have another conversation with my boss about how my current mystery physical health issues make it so I should not go on any of the overnight field trips (one of which I have been in charge of planning the past two years) next year. He has been extremely supportive with all of my health stuff, but he isn't always willing to sit with the tougher realities of a situation and sometimes dismisses the concerns (he is known for being overly optimistic).

In the past month, I've also had a couple of friends dismiss my bipolar disorder. When it comes to both my physical and mental health, you'd never guess I have issues with either based on how I look and interact with others-sometimes, this seems to interfere with people's ability to understand my suffering.

My pdoc did say he thinks I'll be okay stoping my meds for a couple of days so I can get the dizziness test done. I happen to see him the same week of the dizziness test so at least I have that set up if something goes south. I plan on making no plans the weekend before the test so I can relax and do my best to prevent/avoid triggers. I really need to know what's going on.

Sigh 😕. I really can't sleep. I know I need to sleep, but I have a million things I need/want to do regarding my writing and the ezine. Plus I haven't taken my nightly dose of seroquel because I took it earlier today hoping it would knock me out. Unfortunately it didn't. So I wasted my seroquel and now I can't sleep and I probably wouldn't be able to sleep even if I did take it anyway, so I'm stuck awake and probably will be the rest of the night.

My mother-in-law sent me a disturbing article about the health dangers of the diet pill/appetite suppressant/stimulant med my GP put me on. If I didn't want to lose weight so bad I would stop taking it, but I'm willing to risk it all. I don't know.

I guess I better go get to work.

@Mountaindewed

Why'd you take so many meds?! For the love of Pete! You're going to accidentally OD yourself one of these days!

I think I might have strepth throat because I woke up and my throat was hurting so badly and it hurts to even drink water. But I'm not coughing. Its just a real sucky sore throat. I took a shower though and my anxiety and moods are ok today. I'm just putting off going to immediate care unless I absolutly have to.

Today is my 9 year anniversary of being out of the pysch hospital.

Now I have some anxiety and the same sore throat so maybe its just anxiety.

it has been a really bad day today

got up, done nothing, ate crackers, and now it's almost evening

I’m going with N3 to church where he’ll be singing as part of a 5 person choir and I hope to record the service which is s all sung.

I ate lunch out. I gotta stop doing that-?I’ve gained weight recently unless part is just period bloating because I couldn’t do up my jeans yesterday so I’ve been wearing stretch pants today!

-When you're looking for validation so the top five people in your text messages are exes where it ended in a shyt show, but you're lonely so another attempt at the hunt is worth it.

-When you've realized you spent $800 in the past three weeks, which is kinda a fking lot especially when you're freaking homeless and living off SSDI and odd jobs

-Feel fat



-Living in a shelter where everyone hates you sucks

-I want a fking place to live where I can make banana pancakes and strawberry milkshakes...even pour the milkshake on the pancakes ******mit!

-Idk if my dad's even alive at this point. Would anyone contact me if he did?

-Feels like I'm going to start my period soon

-This dude at breakfast invited me on a date, so maybe I don't have to fk my exes

-My case manager acts like I'm doing "so well" and I want to prove to her I'm not

Will you continue in this hypo manic state, becareful you are on a slippery slope.
bizi

@Mountaindewed Why did you take all of those meds? I agree you are overdosing your self.
You don't seem to care.

I've been trying to put it off going to immediate care all day but .my throat is so sore. I just took a valium and it isnt doing much. I've eaten which hasn't helped. Tylenol and Advil aren't helping. Idk. I still have time to go to immediate.care.

I closed my door and took some anti nausea meds and I feel sort of better. My throat is still bugging me but I'm not in a panic that I need to get checked out today. My mom is fixing corned beef and I can't even stand the smell of it without feeling sick.

I wonder if those thyroid nodules are acting up. Hopefully it goes away in the morning.

Well none of the recordings I made of Noah and choir singing saved on my phone! I’m pissed.

Sinking so deep, I can't breathe.