Bipolar Check-in #80

I wonder what happened 🤔

Social media might be a large part of it. I know a lot of people try to find community there.

I was thinking the same thing.

The, what is it, ten (?) of us will keep it going. Lol.

I think a lot more people were on during covid when things were really stressful in the world and we were all stuck at home.

Good point @Mountaindewed

Today I'm doing better. I threw up this morning but I haven't since around 9 or so. I have eaten pretty light things and I got rid of a whole bunch of unhealthy stuff. I am nauseated and my stomach hurts. But I'm glad not to be yakking so much. And I'm not exhausted today, because I slept good last night for the second night in a row. I finally got used to just one 10mg melatonin, and yeah less is more with melatonin.

I saw a picture of a trans woman holding a Mountain Dew she had found and people were being all transphobic and someone commented "Dew looks like a lady."

That stuff really bugs me. And you can't escape it. Its everywhere these days.

I've been throwing up for about an hour now. Idk why. I ate some organic seaweed and I drank some green tea and I felt nauseated so I took some dramamine and my PM stomach med and immediatly started puking. I just now took some laundry out of the dryer and put some in and bending down like that caused me to throw up some more.

So now everyday chores are a challenge?



I honestly don't know what I did today. I didn't have any soda or coffee or candy. Just green tea and some organic snacks and some peanut butter and 2 little pouches of seaweed. And a couple non dairy Chobani protein yogurt drinks.

I'm doing pretty well. Still feeling pretty level though I've been having some really vivid dreams lately. My sleep has been good though. 8, 8.5 hr.a night, maybe waking briefly once or twice a night, but I'm back to sleep after using the bathroom.

The only bad thing today is that I somehow managed to hurt my right shoulder-blade down in the back. I have no idea what I might have done. It was hurting when I woke up. The only thing I can think of is that I woke up with both my arms raised over my head, lying on my back, if that somehow did something. I was bad an took an NSAID, which I'm supposed to avoid since I had to have surgery for a perforated ulcer in the past. NSAIDs can be a cause of ulcers, especially since I didn't have the bacteria known to cause them at the time. But honestly, Tylenol doesn't nothing for me. Hopefully, it will feel better tomorrow.

Green tea doesn't have as much caffeine as caffeinated soda or coffee per serving, but it still has caffeine, and caffeine can cause stomach upset. If you're having stomach problems, I'd avoid all caffeine and maybe just get you some herbal ginger tea. Ginger is supposed to help soothe the stomach.

Are you eating regular meals? Because really healthy regular meals and good quality high protein snacks is probably a better way to go. Maybe try something like meal replacement shakes, Balance or whatever they're called. You are probably not getting all the vitamins you need if you're just eating snacks all the time.

I get really anxious and paranoid if I go without any caffeine. I'll try to go off slowly. My Chobani yogurt shakes have 20 grams of protein. Today I had 71 grams of protein.

If I eat real meals I get very sick. Which is why I've just been sticking with high protein snacks instead.

I couldn't even finish the 2 eggs and 2 pieces of toast at my gastric scan on Tuesday because I was full and I was worried I was going to throw up and ruin the test.

I took a 2 or 3 hour nap till 4 today. I hope I can sleep tonight since I have to be up for my Pdoc appointment.

I feel anxious about being able to sleep tonight. At the same time there is too much time until bedtime. At least it’s almost 7.

Today was a pretty good day, in part because of how much caffeine I had. I chose to ignore the fact that a drink I got contained 4 shots of espresso. Once the caffeine hit, I felt hypomanic (I've had this happen a couple of times before when I've had a high amount of caffeine in a short amount of time). Not gunna lie, it was helpful because the caffeine energy was stronger than the depression symptoms I've been having so I felt better and got more done. Definitely shouldn't make that much caffeine in one drink a habit though.


Last night and tonight, I took 2 mg PRN of risperidone instead of just 1 mg. I felt much more grounded today, and didn't want to destroy anything that made me mad. Tomorrow, I plan on going back down to must 1 mg PRN on top of my regular dose-I want to do anything I can to try and keep my daily dose at 1 mg so don't want my brain getting to used to the higher doses.

My brain zaps are becoming less frequent, it's much more manageable now.

Looking forward to them being completely gone when the Rexulti takes more effect in the coming days.

I think there's something seriously wrong with me right now.

I looked at my pillbox this morning. I was on Sunday. How do you miss an entire day? I puked this morning because I must have not taken my meds all day yesterday (?) and not realized it and didn't feel better until I took my morning dose and a zyrtec because of my stupid allergies and I get puky when I don't take my seroquel so I took one when I got up right away but then puked and thought I puked it up so I took another one but not must have and now I'm feeling awfully sleepy.

But I must take a shower and get ready. Busy day ahead!

We're fish and cats are worms.

I'm being stalked, and I can't go to the police because this person, who will take full advantage of this, has dirt on me that could get me into more trouble than he will especially when he has more evidence than I do. What the actual fk. I'm dealing with this on my own though. My super power is making no one want to be around me apparently, but this dude is my green-kool-aid-cult-ritual-screamer-fcckboi-worshipping-Romeo-rebound-*****-snatching-harlot-hopping-slut-shaming-clam-chowder-with-tomatoes-eating kryptonite. He is tracking my location.

Don't fk with crackheads. They'll put tiny little invisible spiders on you that you just feel, can't see, but see your arm hairs moving and little bolts of lightning around when they catch a firefly. But, noooooo, I don't have anywhere else to go so it's either couch hopping and getting kicked out of basements in the sketchiest parts of town at midnight or do some dispersed camping forever. Looking for work again. So I can work two weeks, have a mental breakdown and wind up IP or in jail, and lose my benefits.

I feel pretty good today. I was throwing up a lot around 1AM but I had energy this morning to take a shower. I got an iced matcha which I threw up. But I've been out of my room all day and in my moms room watching TV. My stomach doesn't hurt but I did take Tyelnol earlier. Tommorow is my second opinion appointment.

I wish my frigging pysch med increases would have taken care of these physical issue. I really don't want to go to that big top 10 hospital. I did take a picture of myself today and I look a lot better mental health wise then I did in the one I took before the med increases.

So at least they are helping out my mental health.

I thought I was going to throw up lunch so I quickly took a pepcid and it worked.

I just bought my husband a mahogany fender acoustic/electric guitar. it was a but impulsive but he really misses having an acoustic. and it was on sale for a good price to be honest. my best friend BJ has an upgraded amp he wants to give him as well. i was gonna wait til christmas but i just canT!!

I went and got bloodwork done for my psychiatrist today. Just routine stuff and checking my trileptal levels. I see him on Wednesday. I'm not manic anymore that's for sure. So the abilify increase helped a lot, and the thorazine increase as well, and stopping the zoloft. I'm at 20mg Abilify now. I'm hoping he can start tapering me off the thorazine now that I'm okay on the abilify. I've kind of gone the other direction now and am a bit depressed. I just want to be on a simplified med combo. Not like 5-6 meds like I used to be on. My goal is to just be on the trileptal and abilify since those two help me the most. Right now I'm just on three meds and one PRN which I hardly take the PRN. So my main meds are abilify, thorazine and trileptal.

So yeah that's the goal. Just get off the thorazine. Then I'll just be on Trileptal 1500mg , Abilify 20mg, and propranolol PRN 10mg

I'm glad your mania is under control but sorry now you have some depression. Sometimes it's like you just can't win.

I have a prescription for Trileptal too but was prescribed it by my neurologist to help with peripheral neuropathy. It hasn't really helped the neuropathy, so I just stopped taking it. I didn't realize it is used to treat bipolar as well.

Niiiice! I’ve never tried out Fenders (all my gitters I actually owned were cheap Yamahas, but they’re nice too. Got to rock a few Gibsons including a Les Paul and OMG!!!). They’re supposedly really versatile, and I’ve heard a few people complain about Fender as a whole and I’ve noticed they’re not too popular around here, but there are a lot of Gibson worshippers around that do shyt like buy a $200 hoodie from them. That’s about what I paid for a brand new Pacifica lol.

Ughhhh now I want to go to a Guitar Center and piss everyone off playing forbidden riffs, not buy anything, and leave. (Don’t do that)

edit: talked to the good ole' CM. She says I'm either withdrawing and hopes it's that or beginning to get psychotic. Withdrawing doesn't make sense because it's not like I drank that much for that long and I was fine-ish other than a little tremory and a headache. But psychosis doesn't make sense either. I am trying to think of why she would think that, but can't come up with anything.

From several brain zaps per minute to a couple per hour! What a big change and what a relief.

Can't wait for the warmer weather so I can go to the clothing optional beach! I last went 4 years ago and I've gained weight but that's ok

Talked with my friend the used to be brain drug researcher turned therapist today on the phone. He’s a good person. He says to keep him updated on how I’m doing on the new invega dose.

I just you know, got off. Which I rarely have the urge to do anymore but my stomach was pretty upset and I was barfing and so I thought it would help. And after, I was bleeding a lot. Now I'm kinda freaked out.

Should I just be honest with the doctor tommorow?

This is a religious hospital.

If I go back to my gynecolgist she may just say I'm too tense again and send me back to PT. Who might want to do internal PT this time. And I think my PT is hot and I really don't want to get turned on when she has her finger up my hoo hah.

You started bleeding after having an O? I'd be freaked out too! Definitely tell your doctor. That's not normal.