Bipolar Check-in #80

My stomach and overal physical health was sort of a mess today. I was just in a lot of stomach pain and throwing up and I was tired. I took what I could for it and I took a half hour nap. I just had the same couple bowls of fruit and bag of hearts of palm pasta and cup of overnight oats I've been eating. I had an iced latte too. I just feel blah today. I see my endocronolgist tommorow and I don't know what he'll want to do. I know some of my blood work was slightly off. Then I see my pdoc and he doesn't need to do anything with my meds but he needs to be aware about Thursday. Idk. Just a bunch of **** that needs to be taken care of. I got some lime lemon and green Jello for Wednesday night

I have been sleeping on and off throughout the day, along with my family. We're all sick.

My mother caught something and we were all in close contact with her so we all have whatever it is. We know for sure that it's not covid or the flu because my mother visited the ship's doctor who tested for both and they were negative.

the risperdal has really helped. i havent felt as much of the creepy crawlies today. yesterday it happened ALL DAY!!! i ended up taking PRN risperdal and felt better

@HALLIEBETH87 I'm glad risperdal seems to be working well for you-It has been such a game changer for me and I hope it will be for you too!

I was being so careful but my second earbud finally fell into my bucket. Now I don't have any music. I'll have to buy some $12 wired ones and figure out my warranty on these ones.

Husband seduced me in my sleep. It was glorious! Dream come true. I am most happy and satisfied. Only got two hours of sleep, but whatever. Thought I was crashing, but now I don't know. Paranoia levels high at the moment. Feels like SOMETHING is watching me. I should probably just try going back to bed. Allergies are KICKING MY ***. I feel so sick. Ugh.

thanks. i do feel better than i have been for a while. i also have had some great sleep but crazu dreams lol

My endocronoglist was kinda an a hole. He was a bit hard on me about my weight and then he for some reason decided to tie my already tied shoe and said "I can see your not getting any movement. Those shoes are way too clean." Then he started talking about how dirty his own shoes were. Like wtf? What was the point of that. We did talk about Thursday and he was understanding and he could tell I didn't feel good today. But idk. Sometimes my doctors are super friendly and other times they can be a bit of an ***

I feel that I am out of depression, but my physical health is far from good. I have some serious diseases, problems with my knees and not so well-trained muscles + lung problems.


I think I have to build my health this summer and I want to start tomorrow. Some easy exercises for my muscles and then a long walk.


Hope to make an account of that tomorrow!

Sends hopes and hugs to all!

What is with some people and commenting on others' shoes? They go on your feet for protection. My family nor I ever had a lot of money, but have been into running and hiking for forever so a lot of times I would wear them out til there were no soles, the heels were shredded, and holes where my big toe would stick out. When I was IP they would have the doc write me an order to go outside and sprint around (as opposed to running in the halls screaming and punching walls), and one of the staff made a comment on my shoes every time I put them on and did something nice that she really wasn't supposed to do (and shouldn't have) and got me a pair. People comment when I get a new pair and it makes me feel really uncomfortable because shoes are really expensive now and I feel like I'm showing off to people like the dude at the CMHC who showed up shirtless and shoeless the other day after being robbed and not being able to get anything after that.

Anyway, made it back and my CM thinks I'm doing well. Probably telephone appointment with T on Wednesday.

Just all over the damn place. I have to ground myself in being grateful. There are a lot of people out there with a lot of problems, dealing with a lot, and I honestly don't have a care in the world, and I feel like I am just making up stuff at this point. I have to shake myself out of this.

This morning was really hard. Feeling neglected by my boyfriend, but I knew he had his children and a life to deal with outside of our relationship. Just the realization of it has been disturbing to me. Have to focus on my independence more, and the fact that I am completely free without financial woes, a wonderful family, a nice apartment and just everything I used to pray for when I used to be really struggling years ago. I wonder though if I am on enough medication, because the swings of emotion I am feeling are really rough, maybe I was too eager to come off some of my medication? I don't know. All I know is that stupid Lithium is going to do damage to me, and it has been a big part of all this weight gain.

You guys are really wonderful @bizi and @raspberrytorte ! Thank you so much for your support. I think it's hard @bizi not to be able to things we were used to because of all the weight gain. I am glad your doctor is working with you, and I am so sorry about the falls you have had. I hope that you are able to get stronger in the coming days and get back on track. I am hoping to do the same. It really is a shame about my gym partner @raspberrytorte - she is a strange one. She texted me about how bored she is in her house and that she has no money. I mean I don't know what she expects me to do for her. It's almost like she expects me to take her out and spend money on her, that's what it feels like anyway - because how am I supposed to answer texts like that? Anyway, I have to really get into the mindset of going to the gym by myself - I like your advice, I have some headphones and an MP3 player I can listen to. I also posted an ad on the NextDoor app to see if any of my neighbors want to go to the gym. It couldn't hurt to try.

All in all, I need to reign in all these extreme feelings. I didn't have them before this relationship, and I am becoming aware of that. My ex sent me a letter in the mail that was really hard to read, and that doesn't help. He has all the time for me in the world for me though, which my current boyfriend doesn't, which is just the irony of life, I guess. Ugh.

I'm really unwell from this cold, or whatever it is.

I got compression stockings to try to manage the swelling I'm experiencing in my feet, ankles and knees. One side is worse than the other.

I think a side effect of Rexulti is swelling so I'll have to find out how I do with it to weigh whether I want to live with the swelling if it works. So far, its effect is really subtle.

only had a few minutes of hallucinations today. praying the risperdal is why and will continue to help

I am glad that you are over this last depression. I need to start an exercise program. I have gained 50 this past year. am very unhappy.

I am some what embarrassed That I went to the scketchers out let store and found out that I could not get my shoes on, I was looking for a tie she laces. I am back to a slip on kind but a smaller size as mine were slipping off in the back.
I went from a 9.5 to a 8.5 and they are snug fit. There is a 45 day return policy. I should know rather quickly if these are going to work out.

I get on my hands and knees to do my job, and also my right foot which was the problem they kept slipping off. They are slip ons. I like the idea well will see if they stay on while I am working. Time will tell.
bizi

Okay. So now I'm depressed yet not depressed at the same time!!!! Wtf man! And I'm STILL hypersexual. Like Husband and I just had a love experience and it was wonderful. God I love that man. ❤️ His sister and family are in town from Kansas and at his mom's place and Daughter stayed over there for dinner and we had FOUR HOURS to ourselves. It was great!

Tomorrow is my endoscopy. I've been doing things around the house the past few days to get ready to have people over. I've lived here going on 3 years and have never had people over because my roommate is a little bit of a hoarder (her bedroom is probably considered a fire hazard) and she does not clean clean up after herself so it's impossible to keep the place as clean as I like. But, I was able to get a good amount done to make the place as nice as possible for the friends helping me out.

Bipolar wise, my mood has been pretty good. I've been having to keep my risperidone at 3 mg (instead of 2 mg) to keep the paranoia away, but that is what it is at this point. My main emotions around the endoscopy are emotions I'd probably have to deal with even if I didn't have bipolar disorder so that's good! I have to mess with my meds a little since I can't eat or drink anything before hand, and it's not until the early afternoon, but I don't expect that to cause to many issues.

I'll let you all know if I say anything ridiculous while sedated

Hope it goes well @June08 !

Wishing you the best @June08 : )

Thank you for caring about me! It is difficult to motivate oneself to start doing exercises when one has been away from it. I have tried to set a fixed time to do it, but all my inner strength protests ...

Wish you well!

No damage after hurricane Beryl, just a few small to medium tree limbs down. We had no power for 24 hr. so lost food in the refrigerator. It was so hot and miserable, but we were able to go to my sister’s house overnight. Her power was restored already. We have power now , but a lot of people in the Houston area do not, including my parents, my grandma and 1 of my aunts and uncles. Only my parents have a generator. My aunt and grandma do not have running water either. We were lucky to keep our running water after the storm and during the power outage.

I have a bad headache today, only got about 5 hours of sleep. I am glad we are going home soon and that we that we have AC again.

I found an online free Gym Instructor. 30 minutes of Gym, then 34 minutes of active walking outside, 2,6 km.


I suppose this is the first day of my general better physical health.

I saw my pdoc yesterday afternoon. He was in a good mood. I think Mondays are his good days. He said my mental health is fine and my meds are all ok but there clearly is something going on physically. He just left everything the same and said to see him again in 3 months unless theres an emergency.

I threw up 4 times this morning. Then I saw my therapist. I threw up on the way up. I had my Mcdonalds Halloween bucket. While I was waiting for her I went to the bathroom but I was ok. The session went fine. We just talked about the normal stuff. I threw up on the way home in my bucket.

I slept good last night. Over 11 hours. I was without music because of my headphone situation so I had no choice but to sleep. I didn't realize how much my music screwed with my sleep.

So I guess besides all this throwing up I'm doing pretty good. I am a bit anxious about Thursday but my anxiety is better then it was yesterday.

I think the reason my doctor wanted to tie my shoe was because I was wearing Adidas Sambas and they are pretty sought after shoes and he wanted to take a better look at them. Idk. Thats what I'm guessing. Maybe just ask then instead of being a weirdo.

Tell us how it went when you can! They might not tell you if you say ridiculous things just to let you know; when I get anesthetized I apparently need to get some other meds when I wake up because I wake up screaming. They never told me that and I only found out because I read my notes online! (Maybe they'll have the courtesy to write anything they don't want to tell you somewhere you can read if there was something haha)

Crap! Home again and had power awhile and just lost it. It is a heat advisory day too☹️

edited:
Power restored! Now let's hope it stays on.

My new pdoc called me today and told me not to take the requip with my risperdal. im scared im gonna get akathesia but i guess ill try it. shes so nice and i reallly like her!