Bipolar Check-in #80

That is awesome! It sounds like you had a good time. WTG on getting out.

Still might be a good idea to tell them at least in message about the hypersexuality and lack of sleep which are straight up and down manic symptoms. The other stuff could be sneaking in without you knowing or ya know dysphoric mania without the euphoria is a thing too that no one here wants to see you get deep into either. You could be one of those bipolar folks that notice the racing throughts too, that's something you'd know better than I can gather from this forum, but I know with me my thoughts are always fast and chaotic, just mania makes them more disorganized and more like bumper-cars with like 1200hp rather than a high speed car chase (with the staties in those beautiful chargers of course).

Anyway, you have a pdoc, some stuff you've said can be interpreted as early warning signs, and we just don't want to see you get hurt; telling your pdoc and seeing what he says is going to hurt less than a full blown mood episode.

Boots you should write a book. I think somebody else on here said that too. Like a new Dazed and Confused.

My kidney doctor wanted me to go in for lab work so I went in this morning. The wait wasn't too bad. I've been throwing up everything since midnight. Even water. I am so thirsty.

Overall my moods and anxiety and stomach pain are a lot better then yesterday. And I can stay awake today. The Unisom causes bad anxiety. I haven't even taken my first valium yet.

Its just this dumb vomiting that I'm dealing with today.

I really should. I've tried, but I do need to get some better organizational skills. I could probably write something no one can fking follow. Maybe I was too out of it at the time, but I could absolutely not follow Trainspotting. I'd write the shyt outta something like that.

I'm going to make some sort of outline though so maybe I have some sort of guide for what I actually want to say.

Right now it might just be a thing that you have to regularly get IV fluids so you're not constantly dehydrated. Don't want to end up anything from muscle spasms to delirium when it gets too bad.

So my blood results came back and it looks like I might be prediabetic. So I'm wondering if that explains some things. Like the extreme thirst I've had and stuff. I don't know if the stomach stuff can be caused by that. My dad died from diabetes and my mom has it.

I'll just have to wait and see what the doctors say

I’m afraid I’ll develop pre diabetes or diabetes with invega. I see my primary dr on Monday so I’ll voice my concerns then.

Things have been going very well with my new boyfriend. Just enjoying spending time with him and getting to know everything about him. My heartbreak over my ex has surprised me in the fact at how easily I moved on. This feels everything like a rebound but then it doesn't because I have been mourning the old relationship for the past six months. Time will tell I guess on all the guilt I feel over it.

Mood wise, I have been really good. Excited to be coming off the Lithium soon, and moving forward in my life and on my journey. Long-term sobriety and good sleep hygiene have helped me battle the worst of my bipolar that I am thankful for.

Got my flute today too! I had one years ago that brought me such peace, can't wait to start practicing again.

edit/better explanation of the second paragraph below: my pdoc's gynecologist friend said the med she'll prescribe is only $10/month which is much cheaper than paying out of pocket for what my PCP was willing to prescribed but isn't covered by my insurance. That's affordable so it's just a matter of what appointments with her will cost if I start seeing her.



The two days I had to be off of Wellbutrin and risperidone wen't well-I started taking them again yesterday. My autonomic test results (based on what I can see online-no call from the doctor yet) look like I'll probably be dismissed by this neurologist and/or he'll put it on record that he thinks it's all in my head. One test came back abnormal but, despite light headedness and my feet getting so cold they turned colors and my toes went numb during the tilt table test, those results are considered normal since my blood pressure and heart rate stayed in an okay range. It feels like a dead end but we'll see I guess.

A positive bipolar treatment move is that my pdoc's friend who is a gynecologist is willing to see me about using birth control to suppress my periods to help control my moods! I'll have to see what she'll ask in regards to money though since I don't think my insurance will cover-I'm guessing my PCP can't refer me to her because I think she's in a different hospital/doctor network than what my PCP is part of. It's to late to call her office today so I'll do that tomorrow.

This pain sucks and I can't sleep and I'm pretty sure I threw up at least my AM meds if not my PM meds too. Which would explain how I'm feeling.

I took Pepto Bismol and Tylenol. Then I puked a ton and emailed my therapist and I'm feeling a bit better.

I had my every 6 months breast specialist visit and annual mammogram today. First the lump I was feeling was normal breast tissue so that's good. It's hard to tell in my breasts sometimes. Second, I got a screening mammogram instead of a diagnostic one for the first time in years because there was nothing they were worried about. And finally, I got an All Clear!!!!!!! No follow-up, no biopsy, no return until December! That hasn't happened often in the last 3.5 years.

I drove up and back and had my appointments so I'm exhausted (usually these things take 2 days and I spend a night in the city but since it was all one day today I decided to not pay for the hotel room) but I'm just so thrilled. Now I need food.

I didn't get my meds last month so I took what I had left now I have two days left and the pharmacy didn't send it yet. So I have to take them every other day. I haven't done anything lately. I ordered food and cleaning supplies because we really have to clean before Victoria's friends come. We discovered this really cool site for discounts for events throughout the city with our EBT card.

@BeyondtheRainbow how exciting!! Congrats!

Wow all this time I thought you were a guy!
bizi

I feel awful. This pain is terrible and my anxiety isnt great either. I've taken Advil and Zofran and my psych meds which I've kept down. But man am I in pain. I ordered some dramamine thats coming early. Honestly though I just am thinking of going to the ER at this point if I don't fall asleep soon.

Which I said I wouldn't do, but man does this suck and idk what else to do. I'm currently stretched out in bed with my pants unzipped. Lol. Its almost 4 and I have not slept at all.

I'm sorry you've been so sick. Vomiting that much is dangerous. I would think it is time to go to the ER or a doctor and get your electrolytes checked at the very least. Take care of yourself.

I mean, that's a fair assumption. I probably do not talk/write in any sort of feminine manner whatsoever. I blame having a father in construction with no separation between work/home humor haha. Y'all are lucky I just deleted some of the jokes I almost posted he's told me. I should be even more fked up than I am by several "mental health professionals." Every time I think about him I turn more psychopathic

If I were to commit grand theft auto, it would definitely be a NH statie charger. Go big or go home. If my timing were slightly off, I would definitely be under arrest right now (I mean, or dead, but no one gives a fk about that). But I saved a turtle so it's okay. Stopped drinking at 10pm, so don't worry it wasn't drunk driving. It was driving which probably shouldn't be done by someone going through a time of intensified BPD perhaps hypomania too, but at least I didn't spend all night smoking crack like SOME people who had commitments early this morning.

But yeah, I am trying SO FREAKING HARD to not take a trip to the liquor store and spend like every dollar in this house on vodka and moonshine cherries (haven't had those in a while and I am obsessed with the idea of getting those again). I feel incredibly sped up. Who tf feels like they shot meth when the only thing they did was drink like 3/4 liter of vodka the night before. I know I'm still under 30 and hangovers aren't bad enough to be a deterrent, but even when I was like 20 I knew women my age at that point that wouldn't feel abso-fking-lutely fantastic after having 10 shots the day/night before. I don't think I'm human. 80% sure I'm an alien transplant sent to study. Going to report there should be no interest in coming here at least until humans turn into at least half robots. I think the leader would get offended that our presence is a conspiracy theory made by people that think the Earth is flat, and none of us want to be exposed to that sort of "logic" anymore than needed. I'm going fking insane seeing a cult worship world's largest Cheeto and trying to convince others the idea of hush money isn't illegal but totally ignoring the fact that falsifying business records totally is.

I mean, I think if I recommended a place for aliens to go here, it would definitely be NYC. Straight up tell them to ask for directions to a nice pub and offer to take them. Impress them with the money they earned from unethically bringing the John Galt motor over before society deserved it. $$$ though. And then make them wonder what fking alcoholic goes to a bar and SPENDS THE RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF MONEY throwing back as many shots of tequila as the bartender will let them WITH OTHER PEOPLE. And then go back to their place, drink more, and provide them with the greatest sex they've ever experienced. I'd tell only the fun extraterrestrials to come though until a thoursand or so years after like 20 H bombs go off at once, which I predict will happen in the next 20 years.

I think I need to run for president. Late start? Yeah. But with a criminal record it might be the only job I can get and do well at. Get my own worshippers and the unwritten law is that every state has to have their best musicians who can't write their own ******* songs be in a Buzzcocks cover band.

Sounds like things are going well for you. That's awesome about the flute.

That's great news about the mammogram! What a relief!

I'm doing pretty good. I've been reading a lot lately and making 2-3 trips to the library each week as a result. It is so nice being able to read again. Books and reading were part of my identity for so long, but then I went years without being able to concentrate and read a single book. I think I'm trying to catch up on all the reading I missed! It's been especially nice because I've been reading mysteries, and we've had a lot of rain and stormy weather to go right along with the mood of the book I'm reading.

My daughter finished her schooling yesterday. She goes to online school and procrastinated quite a bit on her end-of-course projects, but she got it all done in time, which is a relief. She's very smart and finished the school year with 100s and 99s in all her courses for 10th grade. I can't believe I have a high school junior now. Her goal this summer is to get her driver's license which I'm a bit anxious about. Riding with a teen just learning to drive sets my panic and anxiety into super high gear. It makes me wish I were still on clonazepam, but my pdoc had me taper it off over 2 years ago. I wish my husband could take her practice driving more often since he's a much better driver than I am and a lot less anxious than I am with my daughter between the wheel, but he's teaching a summer course at the university and is busy with that now.

@Bluberrybook i remember i could not drive with my mother when i was learning. But we did not have a good relationship before that anyway, at all. My dad had to go with me.

I went thru a no reading phase too. I remember my disability judge asking me if i liked to read, and i was like, i used to, then i almost started crying. So welcome back! I love mysteries too.

I ordered some dramamine last night. And it came at 8AM this morning. I took 2 and then I fell asleep for 2 hours. I woke up and I feel like a new man. The nausea is gone. The pain is gone. The vomiting is gone.

I know I was regularly taking dramine up until April. Which is when this severe stuff started. I also got some Lorna Doone shortbread cookies and some chicken noodle soup mixes. But I am so glad for the break.

I also am going to try really hard to quit soda.

I'm still feeling ok but I took a second nap. Things have been remained calm today though.

My mom asked me what the orange guy was saying during his press conference and I said he was just talking outta his butthole.

Had my appointment with my therapist this morning. The past couple of nights I've been sleeping from approximately 11pm to 5am, so that's good. I'm still horny as hell though, and I started spotting yesterday and still am today, so my therapist thinks my hormones may be all fukked up right now, causing the strange in-between period spotting and sauciness. She recommended I make an appointment to see my primary. She pretty much said I'm getting old so my hormones could be changing. Fukk I hate getting old. I DON'T want to get a mammogram. I DON'T want to be a little old lady. Fukk this sucks.

Physically I've been feeling much more energetic though. No more lethargy. I think it's because I started paying closer attention to what I'm eating. I started adding chia seeds to my oatmeal in the morning to get more protein and overall started making sure I'm getting more protein (not from meat or dairy. I've gone fully vegan again). I've been consuming between 1000 to 1400 calories per day. And taking walks. And exercising at home.

So far I haven't noticed any weight loss. If anything I just think I'm getting even FATTER, but that could be my imagination.

Our daughter is 5'5". She's about an inch taller than me, so I must be 5'4". That's a relief! I'm not QUITE as obese then.

I don't know. I'm just pissed about being 41. And I'll be turning 42 in August. FUKK. Great. I'll be even fukking older. I know everyone gets old... I'm just not ready for it!

But anyway, so my therapist doesn't think I'm hypo or anything, just fukked up hormonally. Don't know what can really be done about that anyway, but whatever I guess. I'm due for a pap anyway in August. I'll just see if my insurance will pay for me to get it sooner.

Overall I've just been really irritable, pissed, and horny.

Hopefully the past couple of nights of six hours of sleep weren't just flukes and I keep on sleeping from 11pm to 5am.

Speaking of periods mine has gone missing. Loxapine first and now invega doing that! They were pretty regular before but I am in my 50’s so….