Bipolar Check-in #80

Sometimes a rest day is what you need. You sound like you have been very busy! I'm glad you got to see your T. Hou old is your niece turning? I have 3 nieces: I forget their ages but they are going into 4th, 6th, and 8th grades. They are growing so fast! The oldest 2 are my height already, but I'm only 5'4".

Sorry if I missed anyone!

@MuddyBoots
You know. Sorry you had to experience an ED too. I definitely know what that's like (which is why it is in my signature). I still struggle with those thoughts.

As for me, I'm still a little elevated. I think it's getting somewhat better though. Better enough that H is going into work today and leaving me home with my daughter. Though daughter is 16 and pretty much sleeps, surfs the internet and texts all day. I suppose that's typical at that age. I have a nephew who is 17 and my sister says he does the same except he plays more video games and texts a bit less.

I only slept 5 hr. last night (broken sleep 3 times). Better than 3 hr., I suppose. I went to bed early, but DAYNM! 300 mg of Seroquel and 50 mg of trazodone only knocked me out for 2.5 hr. That used to be good for 8-9 hr. a night. I got up at 4 AM even b/c my cat jumped on me. She is a bit overweight and it's always an OOMPH! when she takes a running leap and jumps on me in my sleep. But sometimes she settles on me or right next to me in bed, and their is nothing quite so good as having a purring cat right there with you.

I walked this morning. Around 30 minutes. I was aiming for exactly 30 min. I'm a bit OCD but I don't talk about it much because it's minor, I feel like a fraud half the time to even mention it, but walking or jogging, I really aim to return home exactly on the hour or half hour and/or on the exact mile or half mile. I rarely do unless I walk 3 or 6 times around the block and I don't do that any more because it is BORING! I LOVE to walk/jog to the park. I power walk a little after warmup, maybe 10 min. then slow down but I still have to swing my arms like power walking b/c I have Raynaud's and in warm/hot/cold weather my fingers swell like sausages if I hang my hands down walking more than 5 min. outdoors. But I've found even walking at a slower pace, this method has the benefit of toning the upper arms.

I usually stop a bit at the park. I like to swing some on the swings. It's cheesy but FUN. Today I couldn't swing though b/c there were still puddles of water and mud on the swings from recent rains. Best of all there's a working water fountain in the park, so I stop there too. And the sidewalks don't have debris and cars blocking them, so I don't have to walk in the street. I saw they put quite a few tension weight machines outdoors in the park, and they are not at all in use this time of the morning. After I get more used to walking, I want to try them out.

I still have pressured talking. Now, I usually go into a room where H is not working while he's busy with his work at home. That way I don't break his concentration.

Still writing posts that are too long. I have that problem, unfortunately. No longer having delusions of talking with God, though to be honest, I kind of liked the convos with God. They were interesting. Half the time I almost WANT to actually go into psychosis because then I hallucinate with the God convos and that is SO interesting, not scary. But I also black out most everything else that happens with in psychosis, whole days even and wake up in a psych hospital, confused where I am. Last time it was restraints, whole nine yards, made worse because I'd lost my voice too from yelling and couldn't communicate with any personnel AT ALL. That in itself was another notch on the old PTSD belt.

Haven't overspent yet today, and I didn't go walking until first light though I REALLY wanted to go while it was still dark. Walked in the street again, but the sidewalk here are always blocked by vehicles & debris, uneven, more dangerous than the road, I think. Better concentration. Not great, except I can concentrate to write on this forum?! Still feel all my ideas are BRILLLIANT and must be shared with others!!

Life is SO good, and I don't want hypo to be over though H and daughter do. I haven't been able to stay in hypomania this long while on meds before going into psychosis, so I'm enjoying it. At this rate, I'll be down by the weekend, and I'm afraid because deep depression usually follows my manic episodes. I often skip over the stability step

Thank you! It’s okay though. Many of us have written or continue to write some stuff that can be posted, just maybe going overboard or too detailed or neglecting to put certain things in a trigger box or labeled as a triggering post. All we can do is our best, learn from other’s input, and be better.

(I do realize this is coming from someone who gets intense with some substance use and SI, but I am aware, and I am working on it. I would be happy to receive input from anyone on how to make my posts more “bipolar check in” friendly)

@MuddyBoots

You are so right. Mentioning our stuggles with bipolar is important too.

And for me:
SHYT! H left for work and I searched from my car keys which H and daughter are still hiding from me and I didn't find them. I REALLY want my car keys. My mania has definitely moderated so WHY can't I have them?!!

I am spending WAY too much time on MSF! But THANK YOU everyone for providing me with an outlet at this time. I can't dump this stuff on daughter or H and have trouble journaling without it feeling forced.

I love how supportive this community is and I love all of you

I have two cats, one is named Mustachio and the other is named Mocha. Here’s pictures of them

I’ve been sleeping a lot. Ever since my abilify was increased to 30mg I seem to have to take a nap every day mid morning. I’m feeling good and stable I just need to get myself to exercise because I’ve been slacking with that a lot. So I’m gonna get on the treadmill today. Watching a new anime I’m enjoying. And have been reading a lot.

I’m about to make a coffee and finish a book I’m reading.

I’m trying to use DBT to make wise mind decisions because I can be very impulsive. Also been keeping track of my emotions and also a log of activities I do that make me feel good.

Reading has been really good for me. It reduces my stress levels a lot. And it’s a good way to improve my focus which is really bad. Practicing ukulele and violin is always very beneficial to me as well, and any kind of art. Drawing, painting, coloring. Eventually I want to learn how to crochet. I have the supplies for that but idk where to start with it. It’s supposed to be super relaxing. And you can make a lot of cool stuff. That’s the kind of stuff I have to use beginners mind with otherwise I get angry and frustrated if I’m not perfect or improving at my hobbies “fast enough”.

There’s gonna be an adult coloring night at my library so I’m gonna go to that. It’s at the end of July. Will be a good way to get out of the house and do something fun.

I meditate and journal every single day and those are very helpful as well.

I got up around 6:30 and I took a shower and then I got my haircut without any anxiety. It looks good and I don't look like a scruffy bear anymore. I'm glad to be feeling better. Then I went to Platos Closet and I found the exact Nikes low dunks I wanted for $60. They are normally $115 if they are even in stock. They are in my exact size and everything.

So things are going pretty good. I had bad anxiety when I woke up and I felt like I had the plauge or something. I took a valium and 2 Tylenol at 3:30 along with my AM meds, but I normally take my meds a couple hours earlier and I need to take them at the same time or I get weird. I haven't taken the other 2 valium yet though.

@Blue_Bird
Reading is really good for me too. I hate that I can't concentrate well enough to read more than a few pages right now though. I hope I can read again soon. I will have to return my library books before I can finish them, and several of them have holds queues so they can't be re-checked.

I did one of those adult coloring book pages this morning while listening to Spotify! It is calming. I used markers though so it went thru the page onto the back picture, but I don't think I'd have ever colored the back pic, it was pretty boring. I didn't have the patience for map pencials and didn't want to do crayons. Maybe next time. I sucked at staying in the lines, especially as I got close to finishing the pic.

H was sweet when he left this morning, told me not to stress myself out at all, that daughter can do the dishes & take care of the cats if I need her to and to call if I need anything. He said he'd pick up dinner.

I've managed to do the laundry and even boiled an egg to make tuna salad without burning down the house! Better than my last manic episode, that morning, I tried to boil an egg without water, somehow poured out then dumped the burning hot egg (shell & all) once I smelled it burning on the stove straight into the trash along with the pot, starting a fire in the trash can, setting off all the smoke detectors at like 4 AM and stinking up the house. I was lucky I didn't set a major fire that time!

I am trying to watch my show on TV but keep detting distracted by every little thing; I have been trying to get thru a 45 min. episode since 8:30 AM and it's 1 PM now. I watch 5 min., get distracted, watch 5 more, etc. I'll finish it today yet! At least I can follow the story now which is more than I could do a few days ago.

Pawpaw is gone. It doesnt feel real

So sorry for you loss @HALLIEBETH87

@HALLIEBETH87

I am so sorry for your loss. How are you holding up?

Since we're all posting images of our furbabies, here's an image of my cat, Licorice. I have 2 other cats but need to get some better photos of them. They aways blink or turn away when I try to snap their pictures! Sorry, I don't know how to shrink it! I'd love to see more pet pics. Even if it is off topic for bipolar. But I know my cats cheer me up quite a bit, make me laugh sometimes, and help my anxiety too. So in that since, they're kind of a bit of a "medication" to help mental illness--and without side effects (well, unless you are allergic!).



Edited:
This is my cat Pecan (named because she first hung out under our pecan tree when we rescued her as a stray). She is my cat that jumps on me in the morning and wakes me up! She never does this to H, but she knows I'm the one who feeds her in the morning!



And here is my cat Midnight. We feed Midnight well but she is very skinny because she has histoplasmosis (a fungus cats can get from bird poop). We are treating her with an anti-fungal, but this is a long-running infection. Our vet said the last cat she treated with histo took 9 months to recover. We've only gotten Midnight to actually TAKE her medication for around 5 months so far. She gets another round of tests at the vet in September. Before medication, she was very lethargic and slept most of the time. Now, she has perked up and is back to her old self again, chasing her tail, going in & out, stalking birds outside (though luckily hasn't caught any but the neighborhood birds all have the down-low to steer clear of our house with all these cats around!). She has gained some weight but still has more to go.

So cute! Midnight knows they are a little panther!

im ok really right now. hes wanted to die since last march hen he lost my mawmaw. hes free from his grief now.

@HALLIEBETH87 I'm sorry for your loss, but at least you know he's not suffering anymore. Take extra good care of yourself during this time

This is my cat. His name is Bob. He's never been in the house (thank God, I might get a little cut up), I've never fed him (to my knowledge at least haha), and we get a little nervous when we see him. Not fixed. No clue where he came from, but is definitely a local.


lmao but seriously, this is Bo. He's that 80 y/o dude on a Harley with the grey beard and bald head gettin' the wind. Except he's a 20 year old black cat who likes to sleep on the top step to the basement.

@MuddyBoots -

Awesome pics of your furbabies! Got a sense of humor I see!

OMG...daughter just came out of her room up throwing up with diarrhea! Kid is NEVER sick and she gets the first day H goes into work in 2 weeks! I called H and he said with rush hour, it'll be at least 2 hr. before he gets home. Daughter seems to be feeling better now that she's thrown up. I'm SOO hoping she stays feeling better.

@Blueberrybook

I LOVE your cats. We have two black cats and they're my babies. One is my official ESA. I love them forever.

I don't think I'm hypo anymore. I think I'm leveling out. I'm so sleepy tired. Yawn. 🥱 I have so much work to catch up on. With the ezine and I have to listen to the audiobook version of my book straight through again to make sure there are no mistakes. Ugh. I'm so sick of Ava I could puke. Again, love her to death of course still, we just need to spend some time apart. I need to be DONE with that project so I can focus on my new project.

My sleep has still been shyt, but I've been having more rest periods yesterday and today. Oh yawn. This past hypomanic episode was the strangest hypomanic episode I've ever had, and while it was quite painful and intolerable at times, it actually taught me a lot. Like, I feel things more intensely now than before the episode, and it made me enjoy love more 💕 and music 🎶 and the night 🌙, and has cast everything in this beautiful, divine glow. It's made me realize how much I enjoy my family time and how much I love Husband. ❤️ I don't know. Usually during my hypomanic episodes I just get hyperfocused on my writing, so this one was obviously MUCH different.

Oh, and I have a TON of books I need to read because I couldn't concentrate really on reading while hypo.

So, yawn, LOTS of work to catch up!

See you just posted about your kid being sick. So whats the difference?

Theres a lot of double standards going on in this thread lately about who can post what.

Also quite a bit of spamming and pushing other peoples posts so they are buried.

@MuddyBoots

Love your cats too of course. 😊

I have 2 nieces and their birthdays are 4 weeks apart so we have one big family party and then they have their separate friends parties. The oldest is 14 tomorrow and the younger is 11 in August. I can't believe how quickly they are growing up! The 14 year old has been taller than me for about a year (I'm only 5'3") and now the 11 year old is starting to grow fast too. I don't think she'll be as tall as her sister though. I think the older sister will be 5'6" or 5'7" when she is done growing. The younger one has a smaller frame and has always been smaller than her sister at the same age. We'll see though.


I have to wrap their presents, except the ones that are either hopefully coming tomorrow or that I know are coming late. I'm sad about that but shipping takes time. At least I have something physical for each of them until the rest of their things arrive. Gifts now are so different than a few years ago when they wanted toys.

It's actually better to post multiple times than to edit your posts if you want people to read everything. I've noticed that before with your posts and have meant to mention it. You will do an edit on a post that's a little older and the only time I see it is when I go backwards up the thread to do hugs. If I don't have a day I feel like going up the threads I miss some of what you post.

I don't think anyone is spamming the thread. This is a thread for people with bipolar and with hypomania comes the need to talk a lot. I've been there and it would make me very sad to know that people resented me for doing what I needed to do on a board that is supposed to support me.I've also had depressions when I needed a lot of support from this group and I hope nobody has resented my asking for it. I feel guilty enough posting when I'm depressed without knowing I'm resented.

Spamming the thread would be constantly posting that everyone should try _______ treatment for every single thing someone posted was an issue, or something like that. Posting symptoms or just needing to talk a lot is just bipolar and we need to let others have space when it comes to that.

I'm 5'3" and Daughter is only twelve and already taller than me! Lol. Husband and Daughter look like giants next to me. Wish I could post a pic. It would be funny. 😁 My nephew and niece are both short though, taking more after their mom and grandma.

Yeah. Present shopping is definitely different now compared to when Daughter just wanted toys. Now it's harder! I mean, she has books, her phone, her laptop... what more does the kid need? This year we're taking her to a concert of a band she really likes since she was upset that Husband and I are going to so many without her, but she was still like, "I'm getting presents, right?" Shyt! I don't know what to get the kid! She's a Tom boy and hates clothes and all things girly. Ugh. We'll figure something out.

@Blueberrybook

I hope your daughter feels better! I hope she isn't sick again. That's the worst. Does she have food poisoning maybe?

@raspberrytorte

I don't think it's food poisoning. We didn't eat anything I can think of that might have been sketchy. She said she was dizzy and cold too but is feeling a bit better now. She's got a bit more color to her and has perked up. I hope it was a short-lived virus. The crazy thing is I can't think that she's been around anyone sick to pick it up from lately either.

I think I took way too many aspirin. I know they say it's not really good for your stomach but my headache WAS so bad today, I just had to take them. I haven't had a headache like that in quite a long time. I mean I did do a whole lot today. I chaired my AA meeting and brought the topic of "loneliness" which was really well received - then went out to lunch with all the ladies and talked for three hours! Omg, maybe that's what caused the bad headache, lol. Plus, the chimichangas, I love me some Mexican!

My friend also gave me a belated birthday present and wrote me a letter with a card that was so nice - I ended up having to wear a huge sombrero while every one sang happy birthday too even though I had done that all already two weeks ago - do you think they know I celebrated twice? LOL.

It's tough to feel unheard or unappreciated on this forum, especially this bipolar section. We all go through extremes where we don't fall under the spectrum of most people. I would never tell someone what they couldn't post or if they post too much because I've been through times like @BeyondtheRainbow said, that I didn't even know what I was doing, I was just looking for an outlet because no one else would hear me or listen. I'm sorry it's been hard for everyone; I hope we can still move forward and at least express ourselves on this thread, because for some people it's all we have.

You are in my thoughts and prayers @HALLIEBETH87 - I am deeply sorry for your loss.