Bipolar Check-in #81

That was me when I first started working. I was 25 and looked about 16. I had a patient who had dementia and was also a character. I needed to evaluate her for something but she just looked at me and said "You are 12 and you may NOT tell me what to do!". I had to get my assistant to come with me and I'd tell him what I needed, he'd ask her to do it, I'd write it down and we'd move to the next step. So funny.

Another crazy day in Raleigh today. Went and taught my class, (which was so good, I have to keep going more often) stopped by my old rehab to visit and participate in a meeting, (the girls were so hopeful, I am so proud one of them is finally finishing the program), met my friend for lunch, then met my sponsor out at a cafe to discuss the new girl I am sponsoring and my 9th step. THEN I drove an hour all the way home. I am officially pooped ya'll, lol.

But @Blue_Bird I am so proud of you for going to see the new Deadpool movie by yourself! I honestly used to go alone all the time in New York. In 2009, I went to see the Star Trek reboot ten zillion times because it was a $5 matinee at the time, oooh and I loved me some Chris Pine!! *Swoon* lol. You have officially inspired me to go see the new Deadpool movie at my local theater on Friday after I chair my AA meeting. I don't have anything to do that afternoon so it will be a real treat. My local theater is really small so I don't think I can buy the tickets in advance, but it shouldn't be too crowded considering it's been out for a week already.

Good news also is the mysterious "woman time" miraculously came - I thought I missed it, I know it comes at the end of the month, but exactly July 31st? I know I am pretty organized and a stickler for being on time for things, but damn, so is my body? I am relieved because it gives me some explanation for all my random bursts of anger. It's interesting because I never suffered with that in the past, it just seems to be rearing it's ugly head now that I have reached my mid-40s.

Anyway, I hope everyone had an amazing day today. (I love Lord of the Rings too, so much! It's going to be an animated film in December with Miranda Otto in it! (she played Eowyn in Two Towers & ROTK)

How cute! I love boy cats! I have Jayden. He's solid black with some greys coming in. He's almost 11. I've had Ricky, Midnight and Tiger. I find most boy cats to be lover boys.

I'm doing good. My son keeps asking me for things so I had to block him again. We are having a conference call with me, a therapist there, my sister, and my son tomorrow. We are discussing the asking for things.

We don't know how much my son is getting. I talked to the guy there and he said we don't know how much he is getting and that my son had to ask his payee. He may be very disappointed.

Saw my pdoc today She says its unlikely meds will ever take away all my psychosis symptoms. She said im gonna have to heal and deal from my stress right now and comeback in a month.
feeling like a failure compassionately withdrawing from my class has hurt my ego. the the same time my tummy finally stopped acting up from stress.
idk how i feel today.

Taught one lesson today. It went well. I've got my "excitable" Year 7 class next who are quite hyperactive so we will see how I feel about that class ... I'm on Yard Duty too at recess. Yuck. I have toilet duty. I have to open and close the locked doors. Why do we lock them? Because of student vandalism.

My gums are sore. I've been chewing on them right at the back. Might be because I am addicted to nicotine gum lately since I gave up the vapes almost 7 WEEKS AGO! GO ME! So I'm constantly chewing. It's that or my top wisdom teeth coming through but I'm 46 ... they shouldn't be coming out now, right?

Hope you're all having a fabulous day!

@Blueberrybook that's a good question! I hadn't really thought about the connection between the two, but I would assume stress could potentially cause a flare up because of how hard stress can be on the body. A quick search I did didn't say much about flare ups/how stress may be connected to them.

My first day back to school was pretty good. The first day back is always a retreat day. I'm not feeling the greatest after one day back though. Hopefully, this will improve somewhat as I get fully adjusted to being back to school within the next month. One really frustrating thing is maintenance hasn't finished everything they need to do in my room so I can't finish setting up my room yet. I keep having to turn down offers of help setting up because maintenance isn't done yet.

After 3 1/2 months I think I just started my period! Partly the invega no doubt. My periods had been monthly for almost a year then boom! Nothing!

Yeah I'm on invega and I haven't had a period in like 15 months. I don't mind. My periods are heavy and painful.

Thank you! I try to stay busy because my mental health is a lot better when I'm active

@LadyShadow that's a great idea, I hope you enjoy the movie!

Aww they really are

I slept good last night, 7 hours, Much better than the 5 hours I got the previous two nights. I'm up finishing laundry. I had 4 loads to do because I was washing my clothes, towels, bedding, couch and chair covers, and a blanket. I did two loads last night and did the last two loads this morning, they're finishing up now. So yay! All the laundry is about to be done. It's going on 7am now. I have a therapy appointment at 11am, I'll walk over there around 10:20am. It's only like a 15-20 minute walk there. When I get home I'm gonna clean my apartment. I finally got a new filter for my vacuum so I get to test those out. Then get on the treadmill for 45 minutes. That's the plans for today. Will talk to my boyfriend for a bit on the phone before he goes to work this afternoon. I also will be ordering my household essentials today.

I feel good, am just up enjoying some coffee and music at the moment

@Blue_Bird
You are so busy! I could never keep up with that schedule.

@Crazy Hitch
I am 46 too

I slept well last night, 8 hr. again. So I'm getting pretty good sleep again. I wonder if I can try regular coffee again or if that will just cause me anxiety. I know it made things worse when I was manic. However, I think I'm stable now and decaf just isn't the same. However, I've gone nearly a week on decaf, and much less soda, like 1-2 a day instead of 4 or 5 and my anxiety has been a lot better. But I haven't really had any stressors, other than the night I forgot to take Seroquel.

I did the 10K runner today (knockoff couch 2 10K, and it's getting harder. I think I may have to repeat week 3. I'll see how I feel in a couple of days. I walked home and took the long route b/c I was frustrated that MapMyFitness seemed to be frozen on my phone, so I had to download MapMyWalk and set it up, and that took FOREVER. I have MapMyWalk on my current iPhone, but I use an old one that is not activated for my walks b/c that one has a cracked screen already, so it doesn't matter if I accidentally drop it. However, having to download and set up that program on a phone with a cracked screen did shoot my irritation sky high, and I took the longer route home to help me calm down.

Oh my God I feel sooooooo damn good right now!!! I soooo badly want to say I fell in love, but I talked to this guy for literally 10 minutes. Emotion mind and my weak reasonable mind that I'm trying to force energy drinks into are fighting like mad. I'm probably going to see my pdoc and say "yesterday I woke up and said "I am giving up today in whatever fashion feels right" but today NOTHING COULD BE BETTER BECAUSE I BOUGHT GUMMY WORMS!

Feeling pretty good - except the jealousy is setting in.

Possible trigger:

One of my friends lost 10 pounds and the other lost 30 pounds and I am getting really upset that the scale just isn't moving at all for me.

I am just so disgusted and disappointed with myself; I just want to scream. I am taking steps though - came in early this morning to get my blood tested before work so my doctor can keep checking my thyroid level to see if she needs to increase it again. I am having a medical issue so I know it's not all my fault, but I can't help feeling hopeless about it. : (

Other than that, I am having a good day at work and things are going well - feeling really good about life in general except for this one issue. Isn't it just always something though? I just wish I could just be happy for once. Why aren't we ever just happy?

Whatever it is that is going on, I hope you guys are having a good day - going to be 97 degrees today so I am just thankful that I don't have a job outside. Hugs and Happy Thursday!!

I slept for about an hour yesterday afternoon and then from 4:30PM until 5:30 this morning. I think its the dramamine because I'm almost ready for a nap now. Mood wise and stomach wise I'm doing a lot better then I was earlier in the week and last week. I've been listening to myself more and knowing what I can and can't handle and when to stop. Its helped a lot. My anxiety is better too.

Ever since I had surgery 3 years ago I haven't had to deal with PMS and mood swings. Its mainly why I'm so stable now with my mental health.

@MuddyBoots
Sounds like mania, huh? Be careful with it that you don't do anything TOO impulsive. I know it feels good, but it can really get you in trouble.

@Lady Shadow
You are doing what you can to help combat your medical situation, so don't feel bad. I know you keep pretty busy; are you able to exercise, I can't remember?

I get jealous of other people losing weight too, and I don't even NEED to lose weight!

I've had a very busy morning: first walking interspersed with jogging, then walking to back home. After shower & breakfast, I sauted sausage, chopped onion & minced garlic for a 15 bean soup I plan to start this afternoon (even remembered to soak the beans overnight so I can do the traditional recipe and not the quick one, which isn't as good), washed and folded a load of laundry, washed & put away a load of dishes from the dishwasher, planned meals for the week & ordered groceries to be delivered for tomorrow (I always dread meal planning & shopping for groceries, even online), and went to the pharmacy to pick up prescription toothpaste for my daughter. IDK, I may be a tad keyed up this morning, especially since 2 of the meal recipes I planned for the week are recipes that are a bit more involved; I have made them before, but probably not for a year or so b/c they are more complicated.

I just got dressed for my appointment with the nurse. It’s a wellness check. I have things I want to discuss with her. I’m hoping she’s not in a hurry. Hard to bring up stuff.

The inspection team was just here. There’s a hud inspection coming up and the manager choose to have a pre inspection team come and tell them ahead of time if anything needs to be done. They were in and out. So that’s me all cleared.

Girl, I am trying not to feel bad @Blueberrybook - I try to get to the gym twice a week, but I am going to try for three, I need to do something!

We are worried about you @MuddyBoots - I hope you can get in to see someone soon, at least a pdoc, or maybe try the T again?

Sitting here with three hours more to go at work - winding, winding down. Just hope those thunderstorms don't roll in when I have to leave. I always seem to catch a horrible storm on my way home, I have no idea why.

Oh, I hope no thunderstorms catch you today shadow! There’s supposed be some rain here during the time I’m traveling to my annual wellness fit check with the nurse. I’m taking an umbrella with me. But hoping they are wrong as they often are. Here’s to you and me have no rain during our drive times!

I'm not saying I'm NOT manic. I just doubt it. I mean, yeah, my mood's been ridiculously unstable lately, but I only fantasized about sui for a couple hours yesterday and an hour or so this morning. But this was a situational switch. Maybe I was just on the low side because I was lonely, and today a woman smiled at me, my favorite cashier was at the dollar store and we had a good conversation, I GAVE A GUY MY PHONE NUMBER AND WE'RE MEETING IN A FEW HOURS!!!! and at the park this woman's little kid was crying over falling behind the pack like kids do, and the woman just gave me a "I love being a mom, it's awful," smile and shake of the head. I had a good walk at the park. The trees screamed green, purple flowers littered the meadow and kept saying how great the day will go, plenty of geese seemed at peace. I'm finally doing some laundry. I just hope my good bra dried before I head out I don't know how this is going to go, but this guy just seems perfect! I know that's the idealization and nobody's perfect, but fk trying to reason my mind into not liking people! I keep thinking about all the possibilities of when we get together, and even the "bad" ones would be worth it. I don't care if I get myself into trouble. Maybe I need a little trouble

Ughhh I've been needing a day like this for soooo long!

oh, and am seeing CM in the morning and pdoc later tomorrow. They won't do jack because they'll see they were worried about nothing and I can make it out of anything if I want to.

Muddy -
Sounds like mania to me. Don't do anything crazy today with this guy you barely know. Everyone is concerned for you.

What constitutes as "crazy" ?

and to be fair we technically met twice. First time I passed going into the dollar store and second I passed him again on the way out and that's when we got each other's contact info

work is going sloooooow today man. that pbj sandwich for lunhc is GONE and im so hungry.