Bipolar Check-in #82

I did get into the shower this morning. I said I’d watch The Price Is Right and if there was a double winner I’d go. What do ya know, there was a double winner! But I felt better.

I’m so antsy right now!! Is this part of the hypomania?

Good chance I'm going to the ER tonight. Yayyyyy it's always good when you call the emergency line and they ask if you need to go, you immediately say no, they ask why, and your answer is "I'm agitated and can't pace in the ER."

Ughhh I really don't want to go. There's a nurse there that hates me because I was discharged and came back an hour later in handcuffs. Their fault, me thinks.

I'm doing pretty good. Therapy went fine and so did my doctors appointment. I was really crabby and irritated earlier but I'm ok now. It was just anticipatory stuff. I didn't realize how much acid cucumbers have in them though. But I feel good right now.

Am I the only one who goes to Taco Bell and orders a crunchwrap supreme without sour cream and all I get is a crunch wrap supreme filled with nothing but sour cream?

I can't eat there anymore because of stuff like that.

see pdc in am and freaking nervous and idk why. i just want to be level again. idk how this will turn out,

I called the crisis team at my pdoc’s office. A nurse is going to call me back.

I always wake up in the morning feeling amazing. Zero anxiety. Then as the day goes on every single day my anxiety just gets worse and worse and I feel like crap by the end of the day

I wish I could have days where my anxiety level is low all day. Where I feel good most of the day. It’s not that I’m in a bad mood or anything it’s just that by the afternoons I’m on the verge of panic and by the evenings it’s worse. I pretty much have to use every coping skill available to me to get through it.

Meditation, exercise, journaling, coloring or painting, music, reading, games, shows, movies. I just have an endless stream of distractions so I don’t spiral into severe panic

7:55am Friday morning. I should be happy it's Friday, right? But I'm an anxious mess. I see all 3 of my Year 7 classes today and I have a Year 9 class as an extra because their teacher is away.

Thankfully I don't have Year 8s at the moment. My GP wrote a letter saying not fit to teach Year 8s because it's making my depression and anxiety worse. They were throwing each other off chairs and throwing chairs at one another. It was only a matter of time before I got injured.

I can't help this constant feeling of anxiety though. It follows me like a black shadow and it won't go away.

They’re asking the doctor who is in charge of my pnurse if I should continue taking it tonight. The nurse says the side effects will go away after a couple of weeks! She said to call back if I can’t sleep!

She said it’s fine to not take it tonight and my treatment team will call me in the morning. Vraylar has a long half life so I may be like this all night. She thinks my klonopin should help but yeah right. I highly doubt it.

I needed to take a pepcid for the first time in awhile. Those dumb cucumbers. I took 8 chewy tums and my stomach med today. The coffee helped me push through my fatigue at least. It wasn't nausea today. Just heartburn. Which I guess is an improvement.

I'm having a really good and productive day. Things have went smoothly and I'm so glad for it -- it's been a lot of issues lately and spreading myself out too thin. I'm glad I feel good today. Weekend is coming up, it's the first time in a long while I feel like I've actually accomplished something worthwhile. I'll fill in the details maybe later -- but all the stuff on the backburner have finally come to the forefront.

@Moose72
Sorry, I must have missed it. What side effects are you having? Is that to the Vraylar?

I got the sign supplies, I was mistaken the sign isn't for tonights movie night it's for the candy corn guessing game, so I'm gonna work on that tonight. Gonna make it cute and draw a pumpkin on it and fall stuff with cute lettering, should be a fun little project. Thanks for recommending the shower Haillebeth, I took one and it really felt good. I used a nice body wash and feel a lot better. The hot water helped with the dissociation. I'm feeling better now. I'm just listening to some music. Gonna work on that sign tonight some, and play a game on my phone and maybe watch more of the third Hobbit movie. And read too of course. I'll probably be up till around midnight or later, it's only 7pm now. I don't need to be up early tomorrow so I'm gonna let myself sleep in. I don't have plans tomorrow except to go to the movie theater around 2pm to see Beetlejuice 2 and then when I get home I'm gonna start cooking that honey lemon chicken. Then it's the weekend after that yay! Not that weekends are really any different for me.

Yes. Very first smallest available dose and I feel like I’ve had 10 cups of coffee!!

coffee is very acidic. if i were struggling with heartburn id decline having any until its under control. its only gonna make things worse. i struggle with GERD, chronic gastritis and IBS myself.

Yes, coffee can make things worse. Have plain white rice or white bread along with your coffee if you must have it.

@Brentus:

Good to see you! It's been forever! Glad to hear you had such a stellar day! Bravo!

I can feel myself slowly slipping into depression. Depleted energy levels, mush brain, resisting the urge to lay in bed all day and sleep and listen to Sigur Ros (for some reason I always have the urge to listen to the most depressing music in the world when I'm down!).

Managed to get everything I wanted to get done, done today though. I got in the shower, wrote in my journal, finished my interview, vacuumed and cleaned and did the cat litters. Have to keep up on that. Need to get rid of these fleas! I just Blasted some KMFDM and that motivated me. I'm going to make a list of goals for tomorrow too and do them. I also made myself go to the park with Daughter and Husband and ended up having fun playing soccer, so I didn't isolate.

I knew this was going to happen eventually. I'm just going to try my best this time to work my way through it, not isolate, attempt to get my *** out of bed and NOT listen to Sigur Ros, and get goals done each day. The good news is that the severe part of my crashes usually only last up to two weeks, so I'll come out of it, if I indeed AM crashing and not just having an off day.

Quick editing raspberry coming in: Wanted to add I see my therapist tomorrow, so I'll talk to her.

I don’t feel buzzy over-caffeinated anymore. Took 2nd dose of Vraylar. I think I’ll be able to sleep!

Hope it works for you @Moose72 ! Sleep well!

The last couple days I've been feeling pretty "normal" again-still some depression symptoms, but not as bad. I had a good counseling session yesterday. An intern sat in and he was very friendly. I noticed I was talking very fast-I think it was nervous energy since I've only seen this counselor a few times.

Today was a full day at work because I had a meeting, ran a lunch program (Thursdays are my shift of the daily program), and had to cover a class for my coworker who was out sick. I was still able to walk when I got home and work on some medical stuff so that was good.

I hope everyone who is struggling will find peace soon.

I forgot my happy news. 3.5 weeks until my therapist is back. That somehow sounds so much better than 4 weeks to me.

I swear if he has complications and doesn't come back the day I think he is I am going to hunt him down and make him talk to me!

@Nammu:

Congrats on getting a shower in today! I DID TOO!!! The stars have to align to get me into the shower. Today my motivation was the fact that i might have to go to the dentist tomorrow as i have a rotten toothache.