Bipolar Check-in #82

I don’t wanna sleep
So much !!

One blanket dried after round 2. The second needed a 3rd hour on high. But now I have my blankets.

This has been suggested for me but I've never tried EMDR. I've heard good things about it though. I look forward to reading your updates.

@Blue_Bird:

I tried EMDR for trauma but i was in crisis so i didn't give it a fair shake. We just did one session for "installation of a positive memory" which the therapist can use to restore you if you get into trouble processing bad memories. It worked! I was so surprised! But in subsequent sessions i wasn't well enough to try more EMDR and then i abandoned it altogether. So, i had success when i was well enough to try it. Best of luck to you!

Thank you @JaneOnceMore and @Blueberrybook

I definitely plan on posting updates about how it goes, thank you both for your replies!

@JaneOnceMore that’s really cool that the positive memory thing worked, hopefully I’ll have a similar experience tomorrow with the first step, though I know it’s an ongoing process

They might have gotten unbalanced in the washing machine and stopped spinning and hence stopped rinsing and draining. You wouldnt know if you got there after the time ran out.

Did you see my reply? Its hard but worth it!! it changed my life!

Sorry I didn’t see it, thank you for your input as well, I’m glad to hear it was really helpful! That gives me hope

@Blueberrybook I'm only taking the birth control meds to manage my bipolar symptoms. I decided to give it a shot because my mood symptoms are clearly related to my cycle so every month I was having a week and a half to two weeks of mania followed by a depression crash, some of which were rather severe. When I first started birth control, the depression symptoms went away when I didn't take the placebo pill, but I had to start taking the placebo due to side effects and now have depression instead. I'm giving it another month or two to see if the depression symptoms go away once my body has more time to adjust to the med. If this doesn't work, I'm not sure what I'll do since depression is a common side effect of birth control meds. I could still try another one I suppose. I can't up my Wellbutrin because the next dose up causes extreme irritability. I see my pdoc at the end of the month. He didn't prescribe the birth control though-he is very supportive of this decision but is uncomfortable prescribing birth control because those kinds of meds/gynecology aren't his specialty.

The chirp continued today, tho it did stop for three hours in the late afternoon. But i disciplined myself not to get excited, and sure enough it started up again, just like yesterday. I've decided that i will reluctantly accept that i have to walk my dog three times a day, now that the dog-park on our property is off-limits due to the chirping. I'm full of aches and pains, but it's getting easier.

I'm trying to coach myself that my life is easy in so many other ways, i can handle it. I don't care for rolling out of bed in the morning and having to take her out right away, as i'm all dopey and dehydrated then. But i can bear it, at least at this time of year. I've had an easy time with my dog for twelve years, it's not gonna kill me to have some extra duties for the balance of her life.

I might even be feeling some positive effects from the exercise, as my mood has improved a bit!

Hugs to those in need!

Rain rain rain. Think the next few days are clear.

I was really upset by an email my domain leader sent me today. I’m trying not to take it personally but to me it’s just time to take some time off work.

I’m finished.

Just finished my bagel with cream cheese at Panera. Therapy in 2 hours. Bit my tongue yesterday during breakfast with Caleb. The underside/side on the left side. Well I bit the same place this morning! Waiting for my mom and Caleb to call back. We went through old prints of photos yesterday- my mom sister and I. Several of me skinny pre-bipolar/meds. I was lithe!

ugh hubby let his damn alaram go off 11 times beofre getting up

Had my first EMDR session in therapy today. It seemed to help. By the end of it my SUDs score for a memory we were reprocessing went down a lot. Which is good, the higher score means the worse you feel. So a low score is good. Have a much more intense memory to do next session.

So exhausted. I think I’m
Crashing. I want that energy back!!

I've had an interesting morning. Around 10 AM, I heard a TON of sirens race behind our backyard. It's not surprising to hear some sirens daily since there is a police department, EMS station & fire department farther down the road that parallels my backyard, but I heard an incredible number, maybe 20, 25 different emergency vehicles in under half an hour. My power started flickering on and off. I thought it was probably a very bad traffic accident affecting the power line (it happens from time to time). It ended up that a pipeline exploded and was burning. (This area is full of pipelines & chemical plants.) The flames from the line were huge, like 300-400 yd high. Luckily, the pipeline isn't near enough to my house to worry about fire (though goodness knows about the air quailty, they haven't even said what chemical is burning. You can see the smoke and flames from my front yard. It's still burning, I guess it's been 3 hr. now. Thankfully my power is now back on.

That was a bit out of the ordinary, to be sure.

Before all this, I jogged & walked, showered, had breakfast, did laundry, now we've just had lunch, and I need to do the dishes. Probably will just read today and watch the coverage of this on the local news until the fire gets put out. Otherwise, my mood is better now that the power is back on. The high today is 95F and the humidity 75%, so it's pretty miserable without power.

@Blueberrybook

Jeez Louise! How much laundry do you have to do?! For the love of Pete! It seems like you're doing it everyday! Lol

@Moose72

Pre seroquel and my short, infamous encounter with clozaril I was rather lithe as well. Makes me kind of sad. 😔 I suppose Husband still finds me attractive. I'm just getting shorter and fatter. Like, Daughter is taller than me and she's twelve and weighs what I weighed all the years I was on haldol.

I'm starting to feel better, just really fatigued. I feel like a wilted flower. 🥀 All I want to do is sleep. Seriously depleted energy levels and I really have to get my booty in gear and get some work done because the end of the month is approaching fast. I'm starting to panic!

Daughter has an orthodontist appointment after school and then we're going out for ice cream (well, they're having ice cream and I'm having a diet mountain dew. I've gone fully vegan again... just seemed like the right thing to do for me).

I really have to get ready and shyt, but I'm just laying here like a slug. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and we're going to have a little chat about sertraline and I'm going to see what she thinks I should do. Then depending on what she says I'm giving scary new psychiatrist a call. I am SERIOUSLY sexually frustrated. 😡 It's making me angry! I don't even know if I NEED to be on an AD. I wasn't on one for years and was mostly fine.