Bipolar Check-in #83

I have ideas for Xmas presents…

PERSONALIZED CALENDERS!!!!!

I took my walk. There’s something about cold weather that is just really energizing and clears my mind really well of anxiety.

Gonna do the treadmill later too. But I am gonna start taking a walk outside everyday from now on regardless of weather. Cause the cold is really helpful to me. And getting outside is important too , getting fresh air.

Oh when I was on my walk I noticed a sign on a commercial building that stated that a boba shop/bubble tea shop is coming there soon! I’m so excited. I love boba tea! It’s right down the street from me too. I’m definitely going there as soon as they open.

I want to make personalized calendars of my cats Mocha and Mustachio 😀

This sleeping thing is getting worse and worse. Went to bed around midnight and woke up at 1:11am - got up and set the timer on my TV and went to the bathroom - then slept again till 6am, got up, then slept again till 7:30am, got up again and did my morning routine, then collapsed on my couch from 9am to 10am. It's really driving me nuts what's going on here - even with my CPAP I am just restless.

Possible trigger:

Wanted to hide this part, but I have been very restless and "aroused" which has been keeping me frustrated and awake. My boyfriend is trying to help, he really turns me on, but it's not enough for me, I seem to want more and more - almost becoming hypersexual, so I have to watch that.

I am thinking that frustration is what is keeping me awake like this. I feel like I am entering into mania, even though the thoughts aren't racing, but the hypersexuality and spending a lot of money is kicking in and we all know those are clear signs. Have appointment with my pdoc soon - I am on very little medication, so it's getting concerning.

Md that’s a lot of melatonin and Valium. Be careful you don’t od yourself.

Idk if the coughing in my sleep and then getting sick was related to the meds. I am pretty drowsy today. I took a 20 minute nap before another coughing fit woke me up. I think I'm ok now. I haven't had any valium today. I'm going to try not to take any.

Read about the interaction between the two meds at that dose.

Will I be ok 12 hours later though?

The ANXIETY! I swear. I don't really consider myself a super "anxious" person in the typical sense (I do imagine a lot of worst case scenarios, but with a lot of things I'm pretty apathetic), but right now I feel like the air is suffocating me. There is literally no reason why other than maybe THE APPROACHING DARKNESS!

Winter: The Dark Afternoons
New Hampshire Men- The Dark Blue Jays
December: The Dark Month

I have past the midday ritalin dose without taking it and if anything I'm MORE wired but also anxious and scattered!!

Or with the Elavil. Isnt elavil supposed to make other meds "work better?" I thought that was how it was originally advertised, but i could be wrong. There were those ads where the depressed lady went to her lady doc saying im still depressed, and lady doc goes, heres a new med that will help!

im no dr so i cant say. sorry

That must feel awful! I am trying to enjoy autumn and not think about winter. I haven’t gotten over last winter.!

Check lulu.com out. I made personalized books with photos I took of my kids and quotes of funny things they’ve said. I gave my dad copies for Christmas.

Just finished doing my tax return online because my partner has been on my back about it. Mind you he has only just done his return on Saturday so he doesn’t have much room to talk. I only get $100 back. At least I don’t owe money.

No idea what I’m going to get up to today. Will fill up my car with petrol later on. Seeing pdoc tomorrow. He’s 1.5 hours away and I don’t have enough petrol in my car to get there and back.

Amazed at how straight my hair still is this morning when I woke up from the hairdresser yesterday. I can’t get it this straight when I blow dry and straighten it.

Wow, oh wow! I slept on the 50 mg dose. Medium blah dreams, got up 9 hours later so it was good, but felt um, felt like my brain was spinning so I went back to bed after 45 min or so. Thought I’d get up at noon,…..but it was 3:38 when I woke! Wow, for the first time in months my eyes don’t hurt from the lack of sleep. I feel good. But tomorrow I have a dentist appointment at 1pm and it’s an hour drive so no seroquel for me tonight. Then the rest of the week I have nothing so can sleep as late as I can until I adjust to it. I know things don’t happen after one or two dose but I feel brighter. Probably just from sleeping?

Glad you slept @Nammu! I never function well went I can't sleep. I tried so many different things for sleep over the years, but Seroquel is the only thing that's worked well and consistently for me.

My mood seems to be heading down, down, down. Some fleeting SI thoughts today and more dissociation than normal. I'm hoping once I can get back into exercising regularly it might help my mood. Might be able to try pilates again tomorrow morning depending.

I have seen snow on our wild little mountains! I can't not!

My CM said it is very obvious I be manicking and she's telling my pdoc who was not in office today, grrr! I SHALL TAKE ALL THE SLEEPY MEDS AND SLEEPY TEA TONIGHT! (As safely as amount wise possible)(also FKING OUCH I BENT MY FINGER!)

Shawty, out. *mic drop*

edit: I think I'm gonna take a MSF break before potentially offensive stuff comes out. Not that I have any reason to just start aggressively insulting anyone here, I just don't want my triggering arse to start joking about stuff that shouldn't be joked about here.

Hip hip hooray for those lovely zetas! Sleep is a mircacle of all sorts, I would put money down that's a major reason for the improvement!

Thanks blueberry, I’m absolutely floored that I slept so long. Like I mentioned my eyes! My eyes don’t hurt! It’s fantastic. Even though today is grey, dark and cool, I feel good.

I’m sorry you are going down though. That’s not good. How’s your groin is it up for excercise? Can you call your sister and have a talk?

My profesor wants me to try to get disability accommodations for school so if im havig issus again i can have more time on assignments. idk if my psyd wll go along with that but i printed off the paper work.

wht do you talk about after being unstable for 3 -4months with your t? damage control? ive ruined my finances.. im praying my school loan refund comes inthis week bc idk how ill affford car insurance and rent without it due to having to take unpaid time off wokr last week due to all the flashbacks. im worried sick. and we had huge vet billwith out cat so our savings is down a considerable amount. i *could* borrow from it til i get loan refund. i havent been spending last couple weeks much thankfully. its jsut i had to leave work. i wish we werent so broke all the time. i cant wait fro my husband to start a better paying job. he graduated last december and im gettting tired of waiting for him to pass his certification exam. i mean come on and i have to tell him to study. we will never get ahead while im still in school if he doesnt take it serious. i still have til may before i graduate so i literally cant work any more hours with ssdi or ill get in trouble. i already wokr 20 at my job and 18-20 at practicum for free weekly. plus homwokr and regualr life chores. its a lot.

im feeling stressed. very stressed.

I finally really slept! I fell asleep watching a youtube video last night and slept 12-14 hours (I don't know when I fell asleep). I didn't wake up from a single nightmare or any other cause until 10 AM and I fell asleep immediately after I went to the bathroom then.

I finally don't feel so tired but my anxiety level has been really high all day for no reason I'm aware of. I have taken all my PRN Seroquel and the 2nd dose has not done anything. (Thank you btw to those who told me there were 25 mg Seroquel tablets. I think when my pdoc looked it up she looked at ER which doesn't have 25 mg tabs but IR does. I'll ask for some 25 mgs when I talk to her Friday). I don't understand why I'm so extremely anxious lately. Maybe my therapist can help me figure it out more tomorrow. I know some reasons but I don't think they are worth this much anxiety. Even stupid things like a hard level of my game make me anxious.


But I slept. And that is worth so much. ( @Nammu SO GLAD you got some good sleep too!)

Oh, yay! Rainbow 🌈 you got sleep too!

Well, Canadian Thanksgiving is over for another year. Not sure why it was so hard this year. Perhaps it was the cold weather and the return of my Winter depression. Because honestly i'm a vegetarian and don't want to eat a turkey dinner. I guess i just felt left out. The virtual Canadian Thanksgiving thread here was a comfort, so thanks to all who chimed in. Looking forward to one for Christmas.

@Nammu and @BeyondtheRainbow:

Glad to hear you got some quality zzzs. Good sleep makes us feel so much healthier!

Well…. Vraylar can cause mania. After only 4 days on the 3.0 dose I was having blackouts/memory loss and hyper pming that didn’t make sense and hyper emailing to my pen pal. I looked it up: Vraylar can cause mania. My Pdoc lowered my dose back down to 1.5 and I’m seeing her on Wednesday.

I managed the day on just one valium. I felt bad until I ate some carbs. Then I was fine for the rest of the day. My mom called the GI doc. They wanted her to call after it had been a week. She said I was doing fine on the new med. My nausea was fine, but I was still having some GI issues but that they were a lot better and she was in control of the med. So the nurse said to go ahead for another week. I think this med takes 2 weeks to fully work.

My mom came home and brought me groceries. A lot of bread, nuts, and pasta.

I need to turn on the heat.