Bipolar Check-in #83

Just in a state of absolute exhaustion. OMG. I told my job that I get health insurance, so I don't want to go over a certain amount of money a month - they understood. It's better, I can't give up my benefits if I am not offered full-time. But looking ahead at this week, it all feels so overwhelming. Going to my friend's daughter's baptism tomorrow night, and a full packed Halloween ahead! Going to get all dressed up as a gypsy. Will post a pic later! Then when I get home from work, I am going trick or treating with my friend and her 5 kids - lol - it should be an adventure - I plan on bringing her kids all the candy I bought, I doubt anyone will come around my neighborhood that night.

Overall - I just wish I could rest. As tired as I am, it feels so hard to sleep, and I have to get up SO early these days, ugh. @Crazy Hitch - I feel your pain with the weight loss; it was such an obsession of mine too. I don't know what it is, but I have been becoming more accepting of my overall "fatness" I am still working on the blood tests and medicine with my doctor to see if my thyroid levels have finally normalized. But it's a real struggle, I totally get it - especially when the scale just REFUSES to move.

Hope everyone had a great Tuesday - I can't believe it's going to be 80 degrees here tomorrow. I really miss Fall in NYC.

@LadyShadow you’re right it is a kind of obsession. I jumped on the scale once today when I unboxed my scale and I’m holding myself back from jumping on it again today lol

It was eighty here today, so not normal for this time of year.

As for the election anxiety I’m trying to focus on Halloween first and I ignore news of it all for the most part. I do watch late night tv and they do joke about it, it does make it somewhat easier to read. Tuesday I don’t intend to turn tv on at all. I have my hopefully last dental appointment then I’m reading a book all day and gonna play 500 that night.

Today's weather was perfect where I live! I had a lovely walk outside today and am looking forward to more walks throughout the week. A lot of students are starting to wear sweatshirts which means there will be less uniform violations because they can hide their untucked shirt under their sweatshirt.

For the second day in a row, I've had something trigger a stress response in me. Today's thing wasn't at work at least. It's such a weird spot I'm in: I don't like/want the emotional stress I have, but also don't want to do the counseling work to get rid of it because feeling what I would need to feel would be to much and a history of trauma has me not trusting the possibility of things getting okay and staying okay. I've definitely got some despair going on and I just don't know how to let go of it because it doesn't feel emotionally safe to do so. Emotions are so weird.

The weather has been off the chain lately. It’s high 70’s here.

Mom and I have plans to quit watching the news Friday, turn notifications off and stay busy November 5-8 away from the house. I’m anxious about this result as well.

I’m worried sick over this election in a way I never have been before

It's supposed to almost reach 70 today, and about 80 tomorrow (although I saw a pic from a VT news station showing a view of my old home ski area which had a bunch of snow, and the weirdest part was that you could actually see those 30 miles)!

I'm not entirely sure if I'm losing weight faster than I should be.

I cancelled therapy today and they're delivering my meds because I was kinda sick yesterday and I wasn't sure if I'd be worse today. I'm better though, so that's good.

I'm looking at this election as if I were part of a research project where we all have our hypotheses and hopes and curiosities, but other than doing my part in following the methodology, I just gotta be patient for the results. (I'm voting in person, there's like 10 people in my town who probably appreciate my vote more than my pretty face, so it shouldn't be too much of an issue)

Good morning. I slept alright. 6 1/2 hours. Tired though from my morning meds. I have a dentist appointment today, one of my crowns popped off so I need it put back on. Then I need to schedule a cleaning.

That’s a good way to look at it regarding the election. I’m just focusing on what I can control. I’m going to vote in person on Election Day. But other than that I’m not watching the news. I stopped watching the news years ago. It just negatively impacts my mental health too much.

@MuddyBoots - That is definitely not a healthy weight loss for you, considering you started at a healthy BMI. ((((HUGS)))You definitely don't want to end up in the hospital for your ED. That point is God-awful.

It's warm here too for this time of year. It's in the 80s all week. We haven't had ONE cool day yet this fall, which is unusual even for here. I remember several Halloween festivals I attended with my daughter in the past where it was downright chilly. We also haven't had any significant rain in over a month though rain chances go up tomorrow, great right when I have to drive to my pdoc appt. I hate driving in the rain especially because the roads have a lot of puddling on the drive I have to take.

Moodwise, I'm doing OK. My toe/top of foot is still hurting from when I slammed my toe/foot into the door frame last week. IDK, if it doesn't improve any by next week, I will start considering going to the doctor. I think I fractured something and it may be my toe on top of my foot which I think is a bit more complicated than just a regular toe fracture, which I've had many times in the past.

I also have huge anxiety about the election whenever I read the news or someone talks about it. I never watch the news. I think I need to stop reading the news, at least until the election is over. I already voted as well, and H points out we are really just powerless to do anything about it now. For those who want to discuss politics more, there is the political issue discussion group forum on this site near the bottom of all the forums list.

Every morning I make a chai latte from a mix. Usually I use soy milk, but they were out so I got oat milk this time. Was bored and googling soy vs oat milk and my usual milk is best but man the oak milk is good. Does have more fiber. But still both are a lot of carbs. Really need to up protein first thing in the morning. No idea how though as I don’t like eating on waking. Thinking of giving up my chai, but what to replace it with, that’s just as easy? I drink it cold, so it’s just a matter of pouring in in a glass. Any ideas?

Not sure if you like cottage cheese or if you avoid dairy products altogether, but it is very easy and high in protein. I usually have it with diced peaches. If you eat 1/2 a cup, it's roughly 25% of the daily value of protein; 1 cup is 50% your daily value.

Oooo I love cottage cheese, I just don’t think to buy it. That would be very edible in the morning. I could switch to tea bag chai for my drink. Just make it the night before and put it in the fridge for cold morning drink. Thanks, this is doable!

Ugh. SO sexually frustrated, but I just have to remember the alternative, which is crying all the time and bawling on the kitchen floor at 12:30 in the morning, and it's not like it's still not enjoyable. It's quite enjoyable. I just never get any relief! Fck man. I wish sertraline didn't have this unfortunate side effect!

Man, 300mg of seroquel kicked my *** last night. I slept from 11PM to 6:30AM, only waking up once in the middle of the night to pee. It's amazing. I haven't slept so long in forever. Feels good. Of course now I'm behind in showering and writing in my journal, and I have to get the ezine up today because I won't have time tomorrow because it's Halloween. Only slightly panicking. It's a full *** issue. It's going to take forever to put up! Just waiting for my husband to get done on our dinosaur mac computer so I can work on it, since I can't from my laptop unfortunately.

I'm just curious. I don't know if this is a bad idea or not, but if I started a weight loss journey thread would that be too triggering for people? I'm on a weight loss journey right now, and I know a lot of us have gained weight from psych meds. I thought we could motivate each other and stuff.

I feel decent today. My cough and post nasal drip are still pretty bad. I finally took some Dayquil because of all the coughing. My meds aren't ready yet. I slept good and my moods and anxiety are ok. I've been avoiding the news. I did a lot of organzing and putting stuff in the fridge. I see my therapist tommorow.

I think it’s fine as long as you don’t use numbers, like calorie and pounds, keep it general. I lost weight, I substituted this for that and such things. I’d like that too as I want to change to healthy eating. And that seems to mean eating breakfast. Ugh. But I’m gonna try blueberries idea.

It looks like the family member we have been caring for during the past almost 7 years is dying. It's not unexpected, since this family member is 90, but it is still difficult.

She has been declining very slowly but things got faster today. She could pass very soon.

Just trying to be there for my family.

Bipolar-wise, I am sleeping just 3 hours a night. It's happening because of a slight increase in Rexulti. No other symptoms, other than being very tired all of the time.

I'm not a huge morning eater either, but I typically make a smoothie with something like (chocolate) hummus or a nut butter. I usually throw in yogurt and soy milk in there too with all the other stuff (greens, fruits, a handful of oats, whatever spices might go with it).

I think there already is (or something similar to it) in the health&exercise forums, but if you wanted to make one bipolar specific since the meds almost always make that harder, I think that'd be fine. I'd probably be triggered by it, personally, but it's easy enough to put a thread on ignore.

It doesn't really feel ED-related though. I get I mentioned the thoughts were getting worse, but I'm not actively putting in effort to lose, at least not like that. No purging, eating at every meal every day, normal activity levels. Maybe I'm oblivious to my eating habits or my liver's worse or the BC switch is doing something.

Dentist appointment went well they re-cemented the crown that came off. The dentist was really nice. He was telling me about partials and implants cause I’m missing two teeth. He said both those are options, which no one ever mentioned to me before. So he said to ask my dentist at my cleaning in December about getting a partial. Idk if I’ll get implants. Maybe someday I can afford it. But I can at least get the partial even if my insurance ends up not covering that’s something I could realistically pay for. Anyway, that’s exciting. I’m gonna start saving money in the meantime in case my insurance doesn’t cover it. But we’ll see. I have my cleaning set up for December 13th.

The antibioitc has a major interaction with my Geodon according to the drug interaction site. I don't get why the doctor or pharamacy didn't tell me this? But the steroid is pretty ok with all my meds. So I'm going to take that and just deal with the side effects. Its only for 5 days. I just really need to get rid of this thing. Its causing a lot of anxiety every time I do that wheezing cough.

I’m keen on a weight loss thread

Not sure what antibiotic they prescribed, but given you're talking Geodon I'm wondering if what they're worried about is a heart rhythm thing. I'd stay away until you get that cleared up with the pharmacist (not the doc as pharms specialize in meds and interactions rather than docs that just know how to use them and the basics of their commonly prescribed meds).

I see my t later on today. Nervous because I haven’t really been writing in my book. It wasn’t the focus of our last session anyway so…..

It’s Halloween 🎃. My son doesn’t want to go to school. He says he’s afraid someone will hurt him. Mind you 2 minutes ago he was saying he wants to go trick or treating now he doesn’t want to go to school. I said I’ll take him trick or treating at 4:30 because I have a telephone appointment at 4:30 (my son’s key worker).

I started dissociating earlier on my walk home from the dentist. I somehow managed to pull myself out of it after about an hour. I drank a cold glass of water and that helped. I forget what it is but something about the polyvagal nerve or something, cold is helpful for relaxing. And I ate some apple cinnamon oatmeal. Now I’m just relaxing. Tomorrow is Halloween! One of my all time favorite holidays! Yay!! Gonna watch horror movies all of tonight and tomorrow.

My p nurse practitioner is out of the office till Monday! I was supposed to tell her how the gabapentin is going but she’s not even around! I had to tell my case manager. Meh! I’m still waking up in the middle of the night but just not for as long. Took a 3-hour nap today. Don’t feel as depressed. Went to the grocery store and got food. I was low. Got an email from my email pen pal. He included a recent photo of himself! That made me so happy to see him.