Bipolar Check-in #83

and it really calmed me down. Just what I needed because damn was I freaking out. I feel so much better now. I may even be able to sleep tonight. Our daughter is hanging out with her old babysitter tomorrow night so we get to have a date night. 🌙 I'm not sure what we're doing yet. Probably just hanging out, chilling, . Will be nice.

I bought a new notebook and some new pens to write with. Starting anew. I think I need a fresh start. Going to do some novel planning. Maybe work on a flash fiction piece. I like writing flash fiction. They're easy and really get the creative juices flowing. Must work on my new writing project. The time has come.

Seriously though, it's amazing how much better I feel. 😊 If you're stressed out and anxious and feel like you're going to spew, get laid. It'll make you feel a million times better.

That's my piece of advice for the evening. Lol.

Thank you everyone for the kind words/thoughts.

I manage to sleep 8 hours last night. I had nightmares about Mocha though. But at least I slept a good amount of time.

I’m up just listening to music and drinking a coffee right now. Today I need to go to the library to print something, stop at the store, and clean my apartment.

Sleep went okay last night until I woke restless around 3 AM. I couldn't put my finger on just what was causing it. I lay in bed for awhile, but I ended up getting up at 4:20 AM, which is early for me as I tend to get up around 6 AM most mornings. So I'm dragging a bit today. I did pilates to which helped my anxiety while I was doing it, but the anxiety started creeping up afterwards, and I had another panic attack. And the deep breathing never really helps me get through those. Washed & folded a load of laundry, but I am so tired, maybe a nap after lunch.

The election is tomorrow! God, THAT really has my anxiety soaring!!

@raspberrytorte- Glad you & your H are getting time to connect. You are right; that does help anxiety! I also wanted to thank you for starting the separate weight loss thread. It is hard for me to skip over it in this thread, even when it is in trigger boxes. For obvious reasons, I don't read that thread, and that helps me tremendously. You are awesome

@Blue_Bird Are you planning to call your pdoc to let him/her know about your sleep troubles? When do you have your next appt?

HUGS to all having issues with depression & sleep

I feel like crap today. I've been really tired these last 2 days (before DSL) and I've been sleeping through the night and then taking naps during the day. Today my stomach really hurts and I've tried various things but I have a call into my GI doctor. I am so tired right now.

But people can leave me alone about what I drink. I haven't even had any coffee today.

Oooooo Monday

I have things I want to do today. But I feel very unmotivated and flat due to Mocha dying last night. I just feel like laying on the couch doing nothing. I miss him already. I’m so sad. I hope he knew how much I loved him.

I have an appointment on the 13th so I’m probably just gonna hold off till then since it’s not far away

Don't worry. He knows how much you loved him. ❤️

I have an appointment with a therapist today. No idea if this is an intake only appointment to see where I’d fit in or the actual appointment with the person I’m going forward with. He blip doesn’t say much but what’s to say when you are that young? It’s in 3 plus hours.

Plus I need to go to the store and get milk. I’ve pretty much decided to go by bus to the appointment as the bus takes me from door to door. But then I’ll waste time coming back here to pick up my car, but at my appointment time there’s no parking at the hospital it’s packed. So, bus.

I’m trying my darnest to forget what tomorrow is. In more ways that one. A dentist appointment and the men coming to my apartment for duct work, and that other thing! Wish I could stay in bed and skip Tuesday.

@Blueberrybook

About the weight loss thread... oh it's no problem! I don't want people to get triggered.

I’ve been looking at online studies. Anything to eventually get out of teaching lol. My partner says how on earth will I manage with our son and can I afford it because even if I get HECS it’s a lot to pay back. He reckons half the reason he went into debt was from studying. I’ve looked for hours and hours into this and have had many phone calls now it feels like a pipe dream.

@Crazy Hitch:

Good for you for looking into alternatives to teaching!

Man am I in some bad pain right now. I guess this started on Saturday and then escalated. I've just been really tired and sleeping a lot but today my stomach hurts badly. Like sharp and achy pains. I'm trying to get ahold of my GI doctor. The ER will just be useless.

I took some more tylenol and pepto bismol and emetroyl and a valium and I feel decent. My GI nurse called back and will relay the info to my GI.

My skin hurts and feels weird.

A stray cat showed up today, very friendly, all skin & bones with cuts all over her. Needless to say, I made a vet appt. for her tomorrow. We just want to be sure she is healthy enough to adopt, start getting her shots, treat for fleas, get her cuts treated, set up an appt. to get her spayed, etc. Poor thing wants to come inside but we're waiting on the vet appt., don't want to bring in fleas or something that may get the our other cats sick. We really weren't looking to get a 4th cat but these things happen. My house is a stray cat magnet!

Maybe that distraction tomorrow will help keep my mind off the election!

I feel… numb. And lack of interest or focus in anything even things I always enjoy. I feel no motivation. I just feel unreal. I feel traumatized from (trigger about pet death) I had terrible nightmares last night. I don’t even care about the election tomorrow. I don’t feel anything right now, I feel heartbroken but I feel like something’s covering it all up and I can’t access any emotion right now if that makes any sense ….

@Blue_Bird I don't know what to say that helps but I have been through that and it's horrible. I'm sorry you had to deal with it and I hope tonight is easier.

@Blue_Bird I'm so sorry. Losing a pet is like losing a member of your family. It really is hard.

Makes perfect sense.

My mom looked and I have a rash on my back and on my shoulders. Its probably nothing although it does feel like a sunburn.

I need to give a stool sample for my GI. I'll pick up the stuff in the morning.

I didn't get out of bed all day. Idk I wasn't feeling good.

Well I saw the therapist she’s really easy to talk to. Today was just intake day, but it went well. Her picture must be from graduation she is in her 50’s and we’ve things in common. She has grandchildren too. She no longer looks like a Barbie but a regular person. Most of the session was intake but I did say that my scores are elevated right now because of the election and we talked of that a bit and how scary it is compared to past election. My next appointment isn’t until the end of December. The receptionist set up several appointments in a row for January. I just need a push to lose weight because it’s so scary for me. Weight loss is associated with mania and severe depression and losing everything I have. I’m really all about hanging on to my stability with both hands. She hears me on that. I told he I know what I need I just need a push to get me going. I’m really very scared of losing my stability.

i worked today then had to take my grnany shopping and out to eat. now i have notes for work and homewokr to do and ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP! DSL always messes me up bc when it gets dark out i just wanna go to bed. ugh

I attended my ZOOM social hour. I lasted 50 minutes. We got laughing at a couple points and it was fun but there is one darn pest of a woman who is either developmentally delayed or has brain damage and she just gets going and drones on and on in these stupefied tones and won't let anyone interrupt. I don't understand why the facilitator doesn't check her. The facilitator is an employee, not just a volunteer. The pest is not even from our city. The organization does not even get funding for people who are not from our city. One man said something to her and she quieted down for a few minutes but then she started up again and i quit.

@Nammu: Glad to hear your session with your new therapist went well.

@Blueberrybook: What a big heart you have to take in a stray cat!

@Blue_Bird: You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Ugh. Have to go to the pharmacy AGAIN. I wish I could just pick all my meds up on the same day each month, but that's just not the way it is. My therapist asked me if there was anyway I could get everything on the same day and I can't because my insurance won't cover my meds if I pick them up too early, and each med somehow ended up on a different schedule. Boohoo. Oh well.

It's our date night and my husband is sleeping on the couch. Lol. I poked him before, but he just kind of mumbled and didn't wake up. It's kind of cute. I would clean right now, but I don't want to disturb him because he looks cute and needs his sleep. He does like 36 hours in three days each week and Monday is his recoup day.

Got my fresh notebook and pens! Yay!

I'm hoping that once the election is over tomorrow I won't have to rely on my seroquel as much to get me through the day. I'm starting to feel like a total addict or something, but my anxiety has been so bad, though I did get a good night of sleep last night thankfully. 😊

Money
v refuses to file for her own food stamps. Making it so we have $100 each a month. And we still have to pay off debt, raise our credit and possibly move in the next 2 months. It's ridiculous.

Just went and voted. It was quick and easy. Was in and out in under 10 minutes.