Bipolar Check-in #84

@BeyondtheRainbow We did get into the new apartment. We got the ADA apartment. HUD still needs to inspect it. The move in help we're still trying to figure out. I got into the psychosis clinic. I'm on 10 mg of abilify going up to 20 mg by the end of January and then starting the shot. I'm not sleeping well despite the doxpin and started hearing things last night. I was trying to get some pictures done for my mom to sell at the craft fair but I gave up after 1 because it's not worth only $50 for so much work and mailing it and all that crap. I'd rather get better at drawing and coloring then ask for more because the board is like $10, the stamp is like $10, and mailing it was $10 so 6.5 hrs of work for $20 just didn't seem worth it.

I'm only on a tiny dose of wellbutrin. 100mg. I think the starter dose is 150mg? Not that it really matters I guess if it made you so nauseous! That really sucks. The only med I can think of that made me nauseous was buspar. 🤢 Hated that med, and it didn't even work.

My septum ring doesn't get caught on anything. It's actually a great piercing to have because it doesn't catch in your hair or anything! I've had my labret and eyebrow pierced before, and both of those were a bigger pain in the ***. Eyebrow piercing would get caught in my hair. Labret wore away at my teeth and gum line, so I had to take it out. Not to mention with a labret piercing you can always feel it there because it's partly in your mouth!

Septum piercing I can't feel. It doesn't even hurt to clean. It only hurts sometimes when Husband and I are kissing because it's still healing, but even that is getting better.

Getting it done however....

Ouch!

Piercer, "You'll just feel a small pinch."

Me, "Whatever. Just do it."

Feels like someone is stabbing a knife through my nose.

Afterwards, me, "Ow!"

For the love of Pete! And I have a high pain tolerance. Probably hurt so much because it's such a sensitive part of your face. Once it's all healed I'm getting my nostril pierced. Now I'm sure THAT is going to hurt! BRING ON THE PAIN!!! HAHAHAHA.

Yeah. I know I'm sick. Lol.

Oh, wanted to add, I've only blown my nose once since getting it done. It hurt because it's still healing, but it was a very... interesting experience.

I regret staying up all night. I feel like trash right now

Apparently I was wrong. N3 got $2500 per semester for his bachelors and his grandpa is paying the balance. Full-time - 12-18 credits $9,814 Per semester!

Isn't it my decision about when I take a shower or change my clothes?

It's hard to do personal care. I'm trying. My family is pressuring me to take a shower every day. I don't want to. It's difficult.

I thought it was my body, and my choice. Why should I do anything on their schedule?

Scooter, yeah i clearly remember the first shower i did NOT take after i got fired. It felt scandalous. It was losing a kind of virginity!

Anyway, they say a person's freedom to swing their fist ends where another person's nose begins. In this case, i guess its our freedom to stink ends where another persons nose begins also. My mother used to tell me i smelled like a goat. I live alone now.

I'm doing good today but I'm tired. I slept ok though. But I took my Geodon and got unsually tired. I did 90 push ups with my ab roller and I got coffee and I still fell asleep for an hour.

But my anxiety is fine and I've only had 1 valium today. I do feel more awake after the nap. I got groceries and I got lunch meat and some frozen pizzas and some other stuff. We're getting the Christmas tree ornaments up this afternoon. The cats don't care about the tree. Crookshanks just likes to sleep under it.

I don't even know how I'm doing. Up and down, up and down. Sick of it all.

No not yet lol
Soon.

Halliebeth mssw

Feel very productive today. Got the new insurance card into the glove box, got the new tags on the plates, gassed up and then went though the car wash. Long line of people for the car wash. It’s in the 40’s today, so everyone was rushing to wash their cars.

Got home and played 10,000 with the usual gang. Lots of people downstairs. Got my delivery for my daughter’s dog and my shoes. Haven’t tried them yet but they look good. There slip ons that look like a regular tennis shoe. Make a change from my crocs and a better winter shoe.

Slept great last night. My mood is stabilizing.

Caleb is visiting. I took a muscle relaxer before we went to lunch- he drove- and came home for a 2 hour nap! Luckily Caleb napped too. We were going to see wicked but I’m not sure if we are now.

I feel kinda meh right now. Maybe its the protein shakes. I'm not hungry for much and I'm lying with the heating pad and music on. Normally I'd be more alert this time of day. Especially with an hour nap this morning. Idk.

I've tried antacids and dramamine

I think its something I ate. Should chicken noodle soup from the deli be slimy like someone dropped an egg in there?

OMG, my cellphone number must have been hacked and sold to a million online telemarketers! Well, it's not surprising, every couple of months I get some letter from some data branch of oneof my doctors, my dentist, my credit card company claiming a data breach that can include breaches of any and all of the data you gave them.

I swear, I've had over 30 calls on my phone from telemarkers in the past 2 days; I finally changed my phone's settings to silence all calls from unrecognized numbers for the time being. Went back and registered on the do not call list; I know I had my old cell number registered, but I don't think I ever did with this number. Still, the telemarketers have up to 31 days to stop calling you....I am especially infuriated by getting numerous calls from US Debt Helpers, again and again. Of course, all the numbers are spoofed, many looking like they come from the 3 major area codes used around here. If it's important enough and the person is not on my call list, they'll leave a message. I was so mad yesterday I was SCREAMING at every call. Then, this morning, H told me I could silence all the calls from numbers not in my contacts list. Didn't realize you could do that! THANK GOD you can do that! Maybe I'll start to level out again.

Got some IV fluids today and my POTs symptoms are much less now. I felt like a whole new person when I left there! The nurse told me how a lot of their patients end up getting a port because getting IVs on a regular basis causes your veins to wear out/build scar tissue. I'd wondered about that/if I'd ever need one if I need these IVs for the rest of my life. Something to ask my PCP about when I see her in January. In case you don't know, a port goes below your collarbone and provides the means to receive meds/fluids (maybe draw blood to?) without needing to be constantly poked.

Today, I was thinking about how I get sick more often than I used to and, when I am sick, I seem to get more sick than I used to. It made me wonder if any of the meds I'm on can suppress your immune system and I found some sources online say that risperidone can. I didn't look at any of the studies in detail, and some were in mice, but there was source after source saying it can. With how sensitive I am to meds, if risperidone does suppress your immune system it probably would do so to mine. When I see my pdoc in 6 weeks, I am going to try to remember to ask him about this.

Psych meds sure are rough on the body.

@raspberrytorte I pierced my nostril myself and it didn't hurt at all until I woke myself up ripping it out in my sleep! I'd imagine a septum hurting way more.

@Blueberrybook I hope that leveling out happens, that many calls sound really frustrating, I'd have probably broken the phone if I didn't know about the silencing (but the ACT team doesn't want us to silence unknown callers because that's how they usually show up).
---

I had a date today--an actual date of "mayyybeee this'll go somewhere." I have to think if I want a relationship right now. It's a little weird because I'm pretty sure he's watched me be groped against my will ~15 years ago though.

I also found my TI-84 Plus, and I feel like a child who found a toy his mom said she was going to throw out because he forgot about it, but that sparked the joy to come back. I don't remember how to use half the functions it has, but I figured the lists and calculating stuff like regression lines so I'm having fun. I think I'm gonna do some fun stuff to show to my pdoc like with my sleep and a subjective daily mood rating. I bet she'll like that.

Oh, and the propranolol? I blacked out getting out of a chair about an hour ago so that'll be a good thing to report.

The daytime was long and unpleasant, but the evening perked up when i joined ZOOM social hour. We all shared time nicely and i spoke a few times, just small talk. It was nice to talk! The woman who hogs was there but she was surprisingly quiet and co-operative, so i think it might be safe to go back to the social hours again. I signed up for a virtual Christmas party tomorrow. Should be fun!

Hugs to all!

@HALLIEBETH87 see how good it feels?

I took so many alka selkers, I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin from anxiety. And I still have heartburn. I fell asleep at like 5:30 without eating dinner. I swear it was the slimy soup.

@Scooter9

I understand your frustration. When I'm depressed it's hard for me to get my *** in the shower and I'll sometimes go three days without taking one and have to deal with my husband and daughter both bothering me about showering. Like constantly pestering me! It's so annoying. They'll also bother me to get out of the apartment and do things. They won't leave me alone!

@MuddyBoots

You pierced your nostril on your own? Wow. You're more hard-core than me. I could never do that! I'm sure for me the pain will be immense, just because everyone told me a septum piercing doesn't hurt very much, and I thought it did. That's okay though. Nothing I can't deal with.

@Mountaindewed

Slimy chicken noodle soup sounds nasty. Like, just thinking about it is making ME feel nauseous. 🤢

I worked in a grocery store for eleven years. They don't change the soup out during the day. Stay away from the soup!

Great news! My pdoc just emailed me to tell me that REMS has been eliminated for clozapine. What that specifically means we don't know yet b/c she got so excited to email me she hasn't read the article yet but from what I read before it sounds like the end of the monthly mess of calls to the pharmacy and my pdoc's secretary. If it goes as hoped it will just be a normal med or a normal med after about 2 years of monitoring. I am so happy and hopeful that it will make it more available to people as well without all the go-between stuff. It's such a good drug that it would be good for more people to have access.

I go back to work tomorrow for the first time in …. Ages.

Worried I’m not going to sleep properly tonight!

I took a pepcid and I ate some crackers and I feel fine now. Is it normal to put everything on facebook or am I just a very private person. This woman on facebook is posting nonstop about her health conditions and med side effects and what she can and can't do. Idk. I never posted about any of my scopes or about getting covid in October or my thanksgiving trip or anything else.

My cats stunk up the litter box real bad and I keep thinking I dropped a load in my pants.

Ugh. Can't sleep. So annoying. I'm all sorts of ramped up and creatively frustrated. Tried being creative again tonight and nothing happened. Boohoo. I hate the recovery period after episodes. I get so impatient! I know it's just a matter of time.... I just want that time to be NOW. Got caught up on submissions for the ezine. Wrote in my journal. Feeling nauseous right now. I've noticed this happens every time after I take my night meds and I'm starting to blame my horse pill multivitamin. None of my meds make me nauseous. I guess I'll just have to deal with it.

Oh! I know what I can do! I should take a melatonin. That may help me sleep. I think I'm going to try that. Wish me luck guys.

@Crazy Hitch

Good luck on your first day back. I'm sure you'll do great! No worries. 😊

I talked with my msw friend last night. He suggested ketamine, trans cranial magnetic treatment or ECT. He agrees with me that it is smart of me to have stopped the Vraylar and Gabapentin. He also has a doctorate in behavioral pharmacology. I’ve known him 20 years and I trust him.