Bipolar Check-in #84

Saw my primary doctor today. 1. The scaring and collapsed lung have been there since May taken at my regular hospital , University of Michigan. No change between then and now so I guess that's good?? 2. The chest pain is my rib muscles. I must've lifted something heavy recently or slept funny. 3. The can't catch a breath is my asthma. She prescribed prednisone for 3 days and told me to get a spacer. You put the inhaler in one end of the tube and the other end with your lips around it. Then use the inhaler as usual. This aerosolizes the medicine so it can go deep into your lungs instead of onto your tongue. 4. She prescribed 3 days of steroids to get rid of this asthma attack I've had for about a week. She also mentioned my cough in her after visit notes.

So that is that. I knew my primary doctor could solve this! But how was I to know my chest pain was my ribs? For a second she thought I might have shingles as she said she had another patient with chest pain and a rash. I have no rash so no shingles thank god!

My mother was nasty to me when I told her all this. Was I wrong to go to the ER with chest pain and shortness of breath??? With those being pulmonary embolism symptoms and having a history of them (twice) I don't think so! They’re also heart attack symptoms! Hence everything they did in the ER.

My pdoc just really tore me a new one. He says I'm doing badly. He wants me in a PHP for a few weeks. He raised my Prestiq though. Idk. Am I legit doing that badly.

My mom says hes just being a horses ***

I feel better after some Tums and Tylenol. Hmm. Funny that OTC meds work for my symptoms.

Gary looks a bit like a sewer rat.

I ended up taking a 2 hour nap on the couch then I went to the library. Then I watched a movie with my cat laying on me when I got home. Then after that I vacuumed and then made a smoothie. I have a therapy appointment first thing tomorrow morning. I'm not sure if I'm gonna sleep tonight or just stay up till my appointment, I don't want to oversleep and miss it.

Still discociating on and off throughout today. Might play a game on my laptop for awhile.

Moose re 2. Sometimes my ribs hurt from coughing real hard.

My poor immigrant mom was once given an inhaler and had no idea how to use it. I caught her blowing into it.

I have been coughing!

Just got back.

Blueberry I’m glad you were able to get a hold of someone, too bad he didn’t raise the AD but yea. I can understand why. I take 600 mg of gabapentin and it keeps me chill.

Moose I’m glad you have a good doc.

As for manicures I like then but can’t afford them. Went to my daughter’s house and then we drove an hour away to a mall and a target. Got all my Christmas shopping done except for an extra candle for my daughter. She love the Yankees candles. Got all my bags and wrapping paper too. It was nice, not too many people yet, but good sales.

just got another assignment done. all i have left is to study for the quiz. i see endo dr tomorrow about my over replaced thyroid issue. hopefully that goes quick. my a1c was normal!! im not in prediabetic range anymore. yay! i finished all my practcium hour requirement today. 250 hours. two days left there this semester. ill know by dec 6 if i get to continue. school is hard for me.

Busy watching A Family Affair with Nicole Kidman and Zac Efron. I NEVER watch tv so that’s pretty impressive for me!

My friend suggested my sore chest muscles are from coughing so hard.

Only took a VERY attentive husband, a toy, and a few days on a small dose of wellbutrin, and I exploded like a frickin volcano. Thank you psychiatrist for prescribing me wellbutrin! I feel SO much better now. 😊

I ate junk and felt wretched, even SI. Then i made some good food choices and felt better. I wish i didn't feel so out-of-control and obsessed with food. I'm not really happy with my frozen meal service because it's meat-based. I prefer to be vegan or at least vegetarian. Now that i have my new shaker bottle i'm getting back with my protein powder, so it's an option again.

I guess i'll be flexitarian until my supply of frozen meals runs out and just not order again. And i'll have to reconsider buying more junk. My doctor says the threshold is your front door. If it gets past it, you're going to eat it. I can try mindful eating too. It's easy to say now because it's night and i feel good. In the morning i feel hungover from my meds so it's hard to make good choices then.

I've tried Overeaters Anonymous but their program doesn't appeal to me. I wish i didn't have this struggle, i wish i could just not care. But it torments me.

I could look into reducing my meds, much as that scares me. Well, i guess if nothing changes, nothing changes...

I took a muscle relaxer and my chest doesn’t hurt so bad! Now I can sleep!

Next week it will be 2 months since I sent my SSDI review in. I'm getting more anxious, praying aloud every time I get the mail that it will be here. I'm even going down to the mailbox well after dark because our mail carriers are backed up from holiday stuff and mail is about 3-4 hours later than usual.


I am so anxious about this!!!! I don't remember it ever taking so long.

@JaneOnceMore

Try not to beat yourself up too much. Are you on seroquel? I'm on seroquel and it definitely increases my hunger. It's a daily struggle not to overeat because I feel so damn hungry all the time! I've thought about asking to decrease my dose, but I'd rather not mess with my meds at this point in time, so it's just something I'm going to have to deal with.

@BeyondtheRainbow

Try not to stress. They'll get back to you and I'm sure everything will be fine. 😊

Thanks for the support @raspberrytorte. Yes i'm on Seroquel, 100mg at bedtime. I'm scared to reduce my meds because when i've tried in the past i get a terrible temper. I'm surprised i didn't get barred from the mall the last time i tried, i was so belligerent. Maybe i just have to pray for the serenity to accept the things i cannot change?

I’m meant to be picking up my son in 10 minutes from school and it’s absolutely pouring down with rain. I have to walk in to the after school centre and my umbrella flips inside out with wind and right now it’s so windy!!!

@JaneOnceMore

Yeah. I don't want to decrease my dose (I take 400mg, sometimes more) because it helps with my anxiety more than diazepam does! And it must be doing something for my paranoia and psychosis because as long as I stay away from Claritin, THC and OTC sudafed I don't have any of those symptoms thankfully. Unless it's just my loxapine taking care of that, but I doubt it. I'm on such a low dose of that. I don't know. Maybe I SHOULD try weaning my booty off seroquel.

It's just that I'm on a court ordered commitment still and if I don't take all my meds they can involuntarily throw me in the hospital, and I HATE inpatient. I can't handle being trapped like that. It MAKES me feel like I'm going crazy! Ugh.

I'll just talk to psychiatrist lady about lowering my seroquel and see what she says.

@raspberrytorte I’m jealous it works better than diazepam does! lol. I could do with something for anxiety when I go back to work….

Good morning. It’s 4am. I woke up at 2:30am and read for about an hour then meditated for 15 minutes and then journaled a bit. I just went to bed really early last night instead of pulling an all nighter to wake up on time for my therapy appointment. So I feel pretty well rested at the moment and am up on time. My therapy appointment is at 9am. Enjoying some good music right now and a decaf coffee. Got like 4 hours till I have to walk to my appointment. Gonna sketch some. Feeling pretty good.

I’m excited to get back to my volunteer job on every other Sundays with the rescue cats. It’s so much fun, I love it.

I can't tell if I am depressed or what is going on. I have been sleeping 14 hours a day. I literally sleep until the sun goes down and then I am up all night. I swear I am a vampire. My eating has been way off to. I eat maybe once a day. I am bad at taking care of myself. I have developed really bad habits.

I did my nails today. I don’t typically because I play violin and they’d get in the way with violin. But occasionally on holidays and stuff I’ll do them for like a day or two

I would actually DO something right now, but I'm lazy and just feel like laying here in the relaxing darkness. ✨️ I'll get up in a few minutes and start writing in my journal. I found this great site that sells body jewelry and they're having a sale and some of their forty dollar septum rings are going for a dollar! Yippie! I can't actually change my ring until the end of January, but that'll come soon enough. I am excited.

Have a full day ahead of me. Have to cook my tofurkey, get the December issue of the ezine up (which is going to take FOREVER because it's another bloated issue, minus an interview), hang out with the family (our daughter wants to do lunch at our favorite coffee shop), and get my regular chores done.

@Crazy Hitch

Seriously, 100mg mg seroquel and I'm cool as a cucumber. It's great!

I'm doing good this morning. I might have slept too long. From 4:30 yesterday afternoon to 5 this morning. I was up for about half an hour around 11. And I skipped dinner. But I took the increased Prestiq so I'm hoping thats good enough for my doctor.

I have therapy in a few hours and then my mom needs to make a turkey and make some other stuff to take on our trip. So our house will smell good.

So I haven't really been around. There's a lot going on.

Move: date move is 1/12. I found out where I'm moving doesn't require a deposit on utilities. I'm sad we can't get my own Internet but pay the company for Internet. It may not be an Ada unit.