Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

Seasonal allergies are really getting to me today. Woke up with a very sore throat from post nasal drip though it's doing better now that I'm up. My eyes though are really feeling it.

H is finally home from his business trip! He's working from home today but has a lot of catching up to do with work emails and such. This morning, I took a long power walk which maybe wasn't the best idea considering my allergies. Had breakfast, read with the SAD lamp, only did 2 pics today as boy, my eyes are itchy and red and tired even though I got plenty of sleep last night. I'm going to try for a nap this afternoon.

HUGS for everyone struggling and those with sleep issues. Not being able to sleep is awful.

Hope everyone has a good Monday!

Good afternoon everyone

I slept pretty good, tho I had trouble with my eyes too. But my eye dr informed me it’s dry eyes. I probably sleep with my eyes partially open! That why I wake up with painful eye s. I now have eye drops that I take right before bed. I ordered an eye dr approved compression pack that I can also use before bed and on waking.

I didn’t do any drawings yesterday as I was out of sorts. My work continues to be hit or miss. My very first picture was a sleeping cat, it turned out welll, but Saterday I did a sitting cat and , well let’s say I tried!

My bipolar continues to be stable. I’m so fortunate there.

I went to Amtrak with my neighbor and dropped her luggage off then she wanted to go to Walmart so we went there and she shopped for awhile, then we took a cab home and I carried her bags in for her.

I was planning on getting on the treadmill but after being out for over 3 hours today I am worn out, plus the lack of sleep. So I’m gonna hold off on that. Same with violin. Not doing it today. Just gonna chill. I have to be up really early tomorrow because I have an 8:30am appointment with my psychiatrist. So I need to walk over to the clinic around 7:50am.

I got some new hand soap. It’s the foaming kind. I’m excited about it because I feel like the foaming kind is more fun than the regular.

The cat litter I ordered arrived today, along with some other stuff I needed.

Tomorrow I have an inspection at 11am. I hate those.

Next time I make an appointment with my psychiatrist I’m making it for later in the day. I can’t do early morning appointments anymore really. Because the night before them I get stressed worried I’ll oversleep and that results in me not really sleeping well if at all. So yeah from now on I’m making them for 11am or later.

He is slowly taking me off Prestiq. Week one one is 75mg. Week 2 is down to 50mg. Week 3 is 25mg. He isn't putting me on anything new and I didn't ask him to.

Did anyone lose weight when they came off Prestiq? I think thats what caused me to start gaining weight. I started it in summer 2022 and then by Christmas I had put on about 20 pounds.

I read coming off any anti depressant causes some weight loss.

My cat just hissed at something in my closet. I'm not even going to look.

@Nammu My drawing definitely is hit or miss, I feel you.

@Blue_Bird I love to use foaming soap. Actually you can make foaming soap of your own, and it lasts me a lot longer than regular handsoap or the store bought bottles of foaming soap. I use the mason jar bottle foaming soap sets and pumps though the problem is the pumps do break from time to time and you have to buy new ones; it's still cheaper than buying regular hand soap. It's easy to make the foaming soap; you just put around 1 inch of regular handsoap (I keep the big refill bottle of regular soap), fill with warm water, shake, and viola! You have foaming soap! Though there may be a setup that uses better quality pumps than mine because sometimes these pumps don't last long at all and then I buy new ones. Clear refill handsoap (not creamy colored) refill works best, and for extra help with the kitchen for greasy hands, I add a few drops of Dawn into the soap mixture. Works like a charm I buy the soap bottles & pumps off Amazon. I prefer the glass bottles, but there are plastic too. You just have to be careful if you buy the pump separate that it is for foaming soap and not regular handsoap. The regular handsoap refill I get with my regular groceries when I need it. But one of those handsoap refills will last me over 6 months, and I use it for 3 mason jar foaming soap pumps, and I have 3 people living here. For your first try, you may be able to re-use the bottle that came with the soap you bought today instead of buying a dispenser off the internet. It's something you have to keep in mind though that none of these foaming soap pumps last, so eventually, you will have to replace things but it still is cheaper than buying hand soap refill bottles (at least for me).

I managed a longer nap than I expected, and my eyes feel a little better. It's awful that when the weather is nice here, the pollen is terrible!

Thanks for the tips blueberry! That’s cool, I didn’t realize it was that easy to make foaming soap

I applied to some jobs tonight. Here’s to hoping I hear back.

I have to get bloodwork for my endcronolgist appointment on Monday. I swear I just saw him. I should have gotten the bloodwork done today but I didn't feel like it. I had a nutrionist appointment too which I rescheduled for May 12th. I felt like crap this morning but I'm feeling pretty good now.

Another “night” im gonna call before 6 and probably lie in bed awake until midnight

I swear to God if maintenance doesn’t do anything about my fridge tomorrow I’m gonna go ballistic. I’m about ready to go off like dynamite right now as it is but ain’t shyt getting done this late.

Maybe I’ll just take a fking pan to the back of it. That shut me up when I cried as a kid, should work on fridgerators too, right? Idgaf if I have to pay for a new one. Be worth it.

My son is hyperactive but I’ve given him Ritalin ughhhhh. Hoping he will use some of this hyperactivity to tidy up some toys in my bedroom but no he’s not. He’s only been out of bed since 5;30am. Thanks to the clocks changing backwards….

I’m crying like an idiot. Was just fb chatting with my favorite pharmacist who sold her half of the business recently. She was so good to me and knew her stuff! Even my difficult psych med history. She says the new people are good so I guess I’ll have to get used to them. She said she enjoyed people like me. We are the same age.

One of the places I put an application in like 30 minutes ago just called me right now around 6:30pm lol they must really need people, I have an interview there tomorrow

It’s 2nd and 3rd shift so it’s gonna be hectic to adjust basically reversing my sleep schedule

Oh, blue bird I don’t recommend that. There’s got to be a job out there that will work but remember what that other job did to you when you had to revise your sleep. Please give it a miss.

Also @Blue_Bird if they are that desperate to hire that is not a good sign about how they are to work for. I've been there before and regretted it both times.

I think the other job messed with me so much because it wasn’t a set shift(s). It was all over the place. Sometimes early morning next day well into the night etc. I think any job is likely to stress me out. I just have to give it a try and be more intentional about getting sleep. When I was working my last job I was regularly skipping sleep entirely. I think I just need to be on a strict routine with myself. It’s really the most convenient location too because it’s walking distance from my apartment so I wouldn’t have to worry about whether the bus is running at those times

I think most fast food places are always desperately in need of people though due to the high turnover rate, that’s what this is a fast food place (Burger King)

Been a relaxing day. Didn't get an email today, but it is not affecting me like it used to - mostly because he called me last night. He has called me twice before too. It's just been a hard situation, but I am getting through it. I took a lazy day today to do my laundry and watch Picard. I swear I saw the first season but watching it again, I realized I must have not really seen it, lol.

Thinking about my baptism coming up and what is being asked of me by God. It's a tall order, but when God asks, you answer. I have been in a much better place lately, so hopefully it stays this way.

My heart aches, my wants ache, everything aches, but I am pushing forward. Been sleeping really well, and the bipolar seems to be under control.

Watch out for those different shifts @Blue_Bird - it might really mess with your symptoms because adjusting sleep is really hard.

i lost weigth while taking pristiq. when i went off i gained

Idk yall I really want a job to start being more independent. I know it’ll be an adjustment but if I put good routines into place regarding sleep and whatnot I think it’ll be okay. I’ll ask my psychiatrists opinion tomorrow since I see him in the morning

I can already predict he’ll say it’s bad because even when I was working late (12am) he said that was really bad. So I don’t think he’ll like me being on third shift

But I’ll have to weigh the pros and cons. I’ll go to the interview and see what the vibe is like there. Then make a decision

@Blue_Bird I understand wanting to work. I/we just don't want you to suffer which has happened when you've had other jobs. You are so good at self-care and nobody wants you to have symptoms because of a job. But we all know the desire to work. I wish so much I could find a job I could handle and I think that's a pretty common feeling on here. I'm glad you can talk to your psychiatrist about it.

I don’t know, Burger King closes here at 10pm. I didn’t know a Burger King had a third shift. When I worked third shift it was from midnight to 8am, or 11pm to 7am. Maybe it will be ok?

Did yoi go on anything new after the Prestiq?

Idk how my weight can get even worse. I'm not really doing anything badly.

@BeyondtheRainbow I feel like this could either be a big step and work out well somehow or be a disaster that ruins my stability. Idk I’m questioning myself now. Maybe I should just stick with volunteering for now with the kitties. It’s not like I need the money. I don’t. I would barely make anything extra after my SSI is adjusted based on whatever I’m paid at the job. I would maybe do a tiny fraction better than breaking even. It’s not even worth it. Idk I do really well in my daily life but when I’m under stress like in a job I unravel quickly and also start losing lots of sleep or going completely without and get really unwell.