Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

Ooooh you’re right! They close at 12am here. So I wouldn’t be there all night for some reason I had thought they were open 24/7

Looks like their third shift is 5pm till midnight (closing)

Blue_bird have you ever thought about working at a pet store or at a vet clinic (you can be a vet assistant or receptionist with no formal education or training beyond high school/learn on the job) or shelter? You already have experience. Or there’s apps like Rover and Meowtel where you can dog walk and pet sit for money. That might be more up your alley.

Unfortunately I’ve tried applying to petsmart multiple times but never heard anything back , I already volunteer with the cat rescue that works inside of Petsmart. That’s the closet thing to a shelter near me

Could you safely walk home at midnight? I have no idea what your neighborhood is like but I would be anxious about that. Again, not trying to talk you out of it, just mentioning something that came to mind.

Do you have any clinics/hospitals? They’re always looking for assistants. You’d be doing things like feeding animals, walking them, cleaning cages, medicating them, and holding them during certain procedures if you’re comfortable with that. You can even ask to shadow one first to check it out.

I live in a rough neighborhood actually, lots of drug use and people walking around all hours of the night, drunk or high and cops going by all the time, but I could take an uber home if I needed to. Although when I was working my last job I had to walk part way home after lot of times in the middle of the night and never had a problem

I’m not sure, I’d have to look into it

There’s been shootings even right outside my apartment building in front of it though so idk maybe I’ll give this a pass

This is one of the parts of BP that just sucks. For years when I was working I couldn't sleep until 2-3 AM and then I had trouble getting up to go to work because I hadn't had enough sleep. Then after I went on Emsam and Nuvigil combined I started falling asleep at 11 PM and waking at 4 AM every night. It worked really well for me I thought but my therapist says it was awful and that he was afraid that he was going to have to be the one to tell me that I couldn't work anymore because I was so unstable. Instead I had surgical complications and that did the job for him. Now that I'm on the right mix of meds for me I have a weird sleep cycle that I hate but which does work for me.

Even though working was so hard I still wish I could do it, even part-time. There's no way I could be on clozaril and work though.

Yeah that’s how it was for me too. I couldn’t get to sleep till several hours after work which was often like 3am or later. Cause it takes me forever/several hours to mentally unwind after something stressful like that. Yeah I think I’ve tried multiple times and it’s always the same result so idk why I’m expecting this time to be different

The same thing happened to me with Petsmart. I've tried like 4 times for their early morning stocking job and I never heard back. And I was so sure I'd get the job.

You want it to be different. No surprise there. I wanted it to work so badly that I would do things like take work with a 90 minute commute each way just because I thought they would be more flexible (aka they said they would and then one job put me on a strict schedule that didn't work at all). Or I had one job that my assistant called out all the time so I covered for her on Saturdays with an hour commute each way and then wondered why I was exhausted all the time.

Have you ever worked with voc. rehab?

No I’ve never done voc rehab before

I sought out third shift cause I was unwell and decided I couldn’t sleep anyway so why not work that shift. I worked third shift from age 19 to me 30’s I did various tasks during the day and rarely slept. Like going to college during the day and out partying before work. Keeping me very unstable. The best job I had for stability was working as a tutor at the local college. My hours were odd but all from 9am to 7pm so during the daylight hours. It was only part time but paid well. I know well the desire to want to work. But during that time I was in and out of the hospital. It was a hard bitter pill to swallow that working full time wasn’t for me.

I might look into voc rehab down the road. For the next couple years though I’m gonna focus on being consistent with volunteering. Take things slowly. I just go through these impulsive phases where I start applying to tons of jobs even though I know they’ll stress me out too much

[QUOTE=Blue_Bird;7482862]I might look into voc rehab down the road. For the next couple years though I’m gonna focus on being consistent with volunteering. Take things slowly. I just go through these impulsive phases where I start applying to tons of jobs even though I know they’ll stress me out too much[/QUOTE

That makes sense. If you can be consistent with volunteering for a substantial time you'll know more about what you can handle.

If you go through voc rehab you ensure a spot with ticket to work to make sure you’re not suddenly taken off all your benefits (including insurance). There’s a bunch of incentives depending on whether you’re on SSI or SSDI (or both) too. They can make sure you find a job suitable for you and help with resumes and benefits counseling and even do practice interviews. It’s good stuff. You can discuss with them if you’re ready to work or not. Supposedly they can even help pay for schooling if your job prospect requires formal education/training. I’d look into it.

I'm sleeping on the hadol. Things aren't as loud they want me on heavy duty meds for 4 days. I'm scared. Well good thing I checked, I can't take those meds. One of the side effects is sudden death. Well I have to call tomorrow.

Actually, they told me to just take them as normal. I’ll just be off by a day but he said he can refill them - the blister packs- on the 15th which is only one day early. Klonopin included.

Well at least I got 3 and a half hours of sleep!


What to do for the next 6.5 hours until I have to leave... hm...

I know that feeling well.

I woke up because I fell out of bed lol. It was more like tumbling out of bed. I was having a dream where I was playing cards with Judge Mathis and he was eating mini granola bars. Anyways I'm fine and I feel pretty good this morning.

Heading to my appointment with my psychiatrist in about an hour. I fell asleep around 10:30pm and got up at 2:45am and have been up since then. My appointment is at 8:30am. It’s a few minutes after 7 now so I’ll be walking there around 7:50am.

That’s the 3rd night in a row I’ve only gotten 3-4 hours of sleep. So I need to make sure I sleep well tonight

Well my psychiatrist is insistent I don’t take this job because of how late it is and how Itd make me unstable probably ending up being inpatient when my sleep is already very bad (getting 3-4 hours a night), and he said it’s definitely not safe to be walking home around here at midnight. He decreased the Zoloft to help decrease racing thoughts , changed the dosing schedule of the Thorazine, and told me to take the klonopin more frequently to make sure I get sleep. He also gave me a sheet on sleep hygiene and told me to stop pushing myself to do so much and to make getting sleep a priority

Got scolded for not taking the PRN Zyprexa (didn’t even say I didn’t take the scheduled Zyprexa and (food tw) didn’t mention )

Case manager was supposed to reschedule today, hasn’t called yet. She said one of her possible open slots was 11:30 don’t think that’s going to happen. Have therapy later. Hanging out at the library until then.