Bipolar Check-In #91

Moose72 · Jul 17, 2025, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

@Crazy Hitch - Another amazing piece of artwork! Your artwork is so evocative and emotional. You are very talented!

@June08 - Sorry about your mood and SI thoughts. I really hate when SI thoughts come around

I'm sure you've probably said before, but I've forgotten: What grade/age students do you teach?

@JaneOnceMore - Glad to hear your trip to the mall went well. I'm younger than you are by 10 years, but I definitely have noticed my bipolar worsening with age. I certainly did not get psychotic with mania when I was younger and when I got psychotic the first time around, I didn't black out for days on end. Now if I get psychotic, I completely blank out 4, 5, 6 days on end, remember very little at all of anything going on, it's scary. The first time it happened, I was convinced I was getting early onset Alzheimers.

@Blue_Bird - I'm glad you got yourself new pants. Sounds like you really needed them. I'm happty for you to start going to a Bible study group. I too have been neglecting my faith too long. I need to reach out to the church we were attending (until H got really hot under the collar with one of the key people there regarding politics and Dave Ramsey). It really is a nice church, just we live in a highly, highly right-wing state, most of the people you find are lean that way politically unfortunately and we do not. Still, I did do a women's study group there on the book of Esther, and it was such a wonderful experience.

@Victoria'smom - I hope the unreal feeling goes away. Is it dissociation do you think? Sometimes when I dissociate things just seem not real, sometimes I can't even feel real to myself like that my name is blueberry (for the sake of anonymity here), that I did experience things I know happened in the past, that I'm a mom, that I'm married, just none of it. Another time I had the feeling I was in an alternate reality though still myself. That was very disturbing but it thankfully ended up being the result of accidentally double dosing my meds and while waiting around for hours in the ER, the feeling started to dissipate and I told H let's just go home, I think a nap might help too, so that's what we did. But I'm sorry you have such a hard time with things.

@MuddyBoots - Did you take anything to make your stomach feel bad? Otherwise it probably needs some food, at least try saltine crackers if you can get them easily, maybe a stomach med and this week press more about the GI referral. Not sure bringing up the GI ref. will help but maybe start being a PIA about it and perhaps something may happen? I'm glad you will be getting bloodwork as I worry about your electrolytes with your ED. Be sure they check your iron levels too.

@Moose72 - It has to be so scary having a blood clot in your lungs. It would terrify me. I didn't realize they could take so long to break up.

The clot is gone but there is scar tissue where it was. My cardiologist is out of the office till Monday. I talked with her nurse yesterday.

Nammu · Jul 17, 2025, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Possible trigger:

Has anyone on here used CBD gummies? They're actually legal in my state (which, considering they're banning pretty much ALL ecigs, is shocking). I bought some last night at the "dispensary" near us (only delta 8 and THC-A are legal) and took one last night, and it was amazing! I got this overwhelming feeling of calmness and relaxation, like I was floating on a cloud (like all my writing frustrations went away) and then it gave me this calm alertness.

I don't know. It was great. I'm going to be able to write on this stuff! And it wasn't too expensive either (but I also bought the cheapest because my husband was FREAKING THE FUDGE OUT, and it was freaking ME the fudge out because HE was freaking the fudge out, worried I'D freak the fudge out on CBD, despite how I kept on telling him it had NO psychedelic properties and I WASN'T interested in buying delta 8 and Jesus Christ! Anyway, so that's why I bought the cheapest they had).

Anyway, just curious. I DO NOT like THC, but CBD is great!

Oh, and I'm not sure if I was supposed to put a trigger warning around this or not, but I did anyway. CBD doesn't make you high.

Edibles are legal here too but there the kind with the woo woo stuff in them. I tried them and nope. Can’t do the woo woo stuff. Don’t like the feeling. I drink occasionally but only one because more gives me the woo woo head. I just don’t like that feeling. If I ever see the CBD kind I might try that.

Nammu · Jul 17, 2025, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I got the job! I start august 5!!

Congratulations 🎊🎉🎈

Blueberrybook · Jul 17, 2025, 11:25 AM

Congratulations @HALLIEBETH87! You worked hard for that! When do you start?

@Blue_Bird - It's wonderful that you haven't dissociated in 2 weeks! I wish I could go that long but so far, no go. Maybe the Lamictal is helping though; could be it would be worse without it. Your upcoming rock painting class sounds like fun.

@raspberrytorte -

Possible trigger:

I tried edibles once and that was a disaster for me! Severe panic attacks ongoing for hours until it wore off. Feeling dissociated and scared I would drop dead at any moment. I don't care to repeat the experience. I've not tried CBD gummies; the THC was such a disaster for me, I'm afraid to try CBD.

I'm having a good morning. I went for a jog but came in when I knew another 0.5 mile would push me to the point of absolute exhaustion; ie, I listened to my body for once and not OCD/ED compulstions.

I read with the SAD lamp & had breakfast; I'm really enjoying my book, which is always nice

I'm working on painting a croissant (this one with a very different technique from one I did before). I'm on the 2nd step here, waiting on the paint to dry; I have 2 more steps to go to add more browning and highlighting to the croissant but I've got to wait between some half steps and big steps; right now it's coming along pretty nicely. I hope it will look good in the end!

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 17, 2025, 11:33 AM

Congrattuations @HALLIEBETH87 ! You deserve this and it's good to see all your hard work has paid off.

Mountaindewed · Jul 17, 2025, 11:33 AM

I woke up not feeling good this morning. My phone fell into my bucket for the 4th time. Its a bit slowed down but is still working.

My cousin and his wife had a boy last week. And this morning another cousin had a boy. A 3rd cousin had a boy last October.

The name this cousin chose is really odd....

I feel fine now.

I had an odd dead name and I was glad when I got to legally change it. My mom loved it though so my name now is still keeping up with it a bit and also still honoring a Jewish tradition on my dads side.

HALLIEBETH87 · Jul 17, 2025, 11:35 AM

Thanks guys. i start august 5th.

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 17, 2025, 11:37 AM

I survived my barium swallow test. It really wasn't nearly as bad as I was afraid it would be. I won't have results for about a week to 10 days. I hope it's a little faster in case they need to do a dilitation when I have my EGD next week. I was nauseous afterwards but eating something helped and so did my peppermint oil.

Hopefully now I can nap a bit. Getting up at 5 something is hard. It's hard to believe I used to get up at 4 on purpose.

Sunflower123 · Jul 17, 2025, 11:39 AM

Thank you for your comments about my first and hopefully last experiences with fractured bones. I met with the surgeon yesterday. From my research and meeting - I have the opinion he is more than competent. He said in about 3-4 weeks I can be back floating at the pool. Yay! The surgery is in the morning.

I must admit that I slipped today on the same thing that made me fall Friday. Instead of falling backward I fell frontward and caught myself on the same hand. There is a totally new area of pain. The wise thing to do would be to call his office and say hey, I think I broke another bone despite the hard, tight cast on there. I’m debating that option.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

Blue_Bird · Jul 17, 2025, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

@Blue_Bird - It's wonderful that you haven't dissociated in 2 weeks! I wish I could go that long but so far, no go. Maybe the Lamictal is helping though; could be it would be worse without it. Your upcoming rock painting class sounds like fun.

Yeah I’m wondering if the Lamictal is helping with that too. That’s not what I’m on it for but it may be contributing to the lessening of my dissociation, it’s possible because it’s gotten significantly less frequent since I started it like 8-10 weeks ago. I can’t come up with another reasoning for it happening less, that’s really the only correlation I can think of too.

Your croissant is coming along nicely!

Blue_Bird · Jul 17, 2025, 11:42 AM

Congrats Haillebeth!

And Sunflower I’m glad you’re gonna be back to the pool eventually. I hope your recovery goes well

LadyShadow · Jul 17, 2025, 01:14 PM

Congrats @HALLIEBETH87 !! I know you will do so well! Thanks so much for that perimenopause thread @BeyondtheRainbow - I am headed straight into after turning 45 last month, I think it would be really helpful if all of us check in and talk about things.

Really excited for my bible study this afternoon with @Blue_Bird - I think it will be a lot of fun! I am learning a lot from our study!! @Nammu - making teddy bears is so cute!! You have to take a picture of yours! : )

I am in a good mood today. I got an Alexa that I am having fun playing around with, and some other stuff that I treated myself to. I am always scimping and saving, I forget to actually do things for myself every now and then.

Today is a slow workday, but I am enjoying just doing what I can. I am excited for the next couple of days. I am getting a huge pizza for my friend who just had a baby, so she doesn't have to cook for her family tomorrow. And Saturday, I will be all over meeting up with friends and having my first video chat with my penpal from Poland! Should be fun!

Hope everyone is having a great day! Hugs to those that need it

Blueberrybook · Jul 17, 2025, 02:39 PM

I finished my croissant painting

Bon appetit!

HALLIEBETH87 · Jul 17, 2025, 02:55 PM

pretty wicked shelf cloud here at my wokr today. is been boring bc i dont have many clients since im leaving. people have fallen off and dont see me much. i havnt done anything but meetings today and two cleints cancelled. i see my last client at 4.

Nammu · Jul 17, 2025, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I finished my croissant painting

Bon appetit!

Ohhh that looks so delicious!

Nammu · Jul 17, 2025, 03:08 PM

Ugh, when I went to the door I got a notice that tomorrow they are coming to plunge the kitchen drains. They need to do this from time to time because of ppp on the part of those who planed these apartments decades ago. If they don’t do it then it can back up and explode out a first floor apartment. But it’s such a pain. I have to take everything out of the cabinet below the sink. I have no place else to put it! What a mess.

I decided not to go to the DFL picnic because nobody else is going and I don’t want to go alone. Besides it’s at the park and that’s a walk to get to the cabin where they are hosting it.

I’ve been waking up with headaches and googled it. It’s probably bad quality of sleep. Huh who knew! Me- bad sleep! Ha! I’ve had bad sleep my whole life. Why now the headaches? They do disappear when I have my chai.

Victoria'smom · Jul 17, 2025, 03:11 PM

Why am I obsessing about something that happened almost 30 years ago? I got to the bottom of why h was so frustrated that we fought. I was looking at dogs and I'm not doing well. Even though I said March '26 to get a new dog he wants it now to help me. His view is even untrained it could help me reality check. And I could connect to the dog and maybe not feel empty. Plus he doesn't want me home alone. He doesn't really trust me alone right now.

Victoria'smom · Jul 17, 2025, 04:23 PM

Possible trigger:

why isn't euthanasia an option?

Crazy Hitch · Jul 17, 2025, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I finished my croissant painting

Bon appetit!

Awesome! Love this 😊

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 17, 2025, 05:27 PM

My barium swallow results are back. I do not have any strictures or anything blocking my esophagus. No problems noted. This is really good. This was the test least likely to explain anything beyond sometimes seeing reflux, which I know I have already (and it didn't show on the xrays which happens sometimes as a bonus observation).

Now I have tonight to eat normally and tomorrow I go on a low fiber diet until I go on a clear fluid diet Monday before my colonoscopy/EGD on Wednesday.

Moose72 · 06:27 PM

My mother argued with me today. She said I need my eliquis lowered and heavy bleeding on said blood thinners is a ok. She said I don’t need a cardiologist- the only person who can tell me why I hypercoagulate and hence get clots in my lungs! And I’ve been TRYing to clean my apartment but she is threatening me. Says she won’t give me my new bed unless my apartment is spotless. I’ve been too tired to eat for 3 weeks and have lost 10 pounds. Been TRYing to clean but I’d rather sleep or listen to podcasts- anything to feel better. Pulmonary embolisms can make you tired for MONTHS even after they’ve gone away which mine has. I don’t see my cardiologist for 3 months. She wants me on the higher blood thinner dose for that long before we can start testing. I’m feeling depressed. Blood clots in the lungs can be fatal!

JaneOnceMore · Jul 17, 2025, 06:39 PM

I'm dejected that exercise is so hard. I'm doing a very gentle, conservative workout, and yet i am still a wreck, with aches and pains, especially in my neck and feet. I will probably give up. I usually do.

I can't get to my chores because i am so physically devastated by exercise. It makes me grieve, because i used to be an athlete, before bipolar meds and menopause. I *LOVE* doing exercise, it's just the recovery that is so punishing.

I've read about Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS). That's where you can do a lot of exercise, and it feels good while you are doing it, but you get intense muscle soreness after, which gets worse before it gets better. I guess that's what i have going on. It's compounded now by the muscle-wasting of menopause. This is the first time i've tried to exercise in menopause and it has been a rude awakening.

So disappointed because i love dressing up like a ballet dancer and going to our pretty gym and studying myself in the full-height mirror while i practice my body lines as i do my ballet poses. It's very good for my self-esteem because my distorted body image shrinks to reality-size and i see i am NOT a hideous beast, i am just an overweight woman who nevertheless has good flexibility and can make the pretty movements of a ballet dancer.

Just one more thing to grieve.

Moose72 · Jul 17, 2025, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneOnceMore

I'm dejected that exercise is so hard. I'm doing a very gentle, conservative workout, and yet i am still a wreck, with aches and pains, especially in my neck and feet. I will probably give up. I usually do.

I can't get to my chores because i am so physically devastated by exercise. It makes me grieve, because i used to be an athlete, before bipolar meds and menopause. I *LOVE* doing exercise, it's just the recovery that is so punishing.

I've read about Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS). That's where you can do a lot of exercise, and it feels good while you are doing it, but you get intense muscle soreness after, which gets worse before it gets better. I guess that's what i have going on. It's compounded now by the muscle-wasting of menopause. This is the first time i've tried to exercise in menopause and it has been a rude awakening.

So disappointed because i love dressing up like a ballet dancer and going to our pretty gym and studying myself in the full-height mirror while i practice my body lines as i do my ballet poses. It's very good for my self-esteem because my distorted body image shrinks to reality-size and i see i am NOT a hideous beast, i am just an overweight woman who nevertheless has good flexibility and can make the pretty movements of a ballet dancer.

Just one more thing to grieve.

20 years ago I was an athlete too. I went to judo 7 1/2 hours a week. Now I’m on blood thinners and can’t do contact sports and haven’t been to judo in years.

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 17, 2025, 09:00 PM

I am so confused. Maybe someone will know something? I just got a notification from a bank where I have savings that my credit score dropped by a lot. Nothing has changed on the report. All accounts are up to date. I can't find any sign of someone hacking my account or anything. All other places I check my credit score it is the same as always. I haven't seen a change like this ever before. My credit score typically bounces around about 5 points and this is a far greater plunge than ever before.

Who do I contact? How do I contact them? For now I'm going to just try to hope that it is a mistake that will be corrected tomorrow. But I also need to be ready to do something in the morning as this is just not right.

Thanks to anyone who knows anything.

Victoria'smom · Jul 17, 2025, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I am so confused. Maybe someone will know something? I just got a notification from a bank where I have savings that my credit score dropped by a lot. Nothing has changed on the report. All accounts are up to date. I can't find any sign of someone hacking my account or anything. All other places I check my credit score it is the same as always. I haven't seen a change like this ever before. My credit score typically bounces around about 5 points and this is a far greater plunge than ever before.

Who do I contact? How do I contact them? For now I'm going to just try to hope that it is a mistake that will be corrected tomorrow. But I also need to be ready to do something in the morning as this is just not right.

Thanks to anyone who knows anything.

Did your student loans get discharged? that dropped my credit score to 0 because that's all I had on my report.

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