Bipolar Check-In #91

Good morning. Went to the food pantry and got some food to get me through the next week.

Right now I’m having a chocolate hazelnut croissant and some black Irish breakfast tea.

Plans for today are to relax

At my primary dr seeing her for a follow up from the ER.

I had issues this morning but now I feel fine. My stomach hurts a bit but its like a single line or something down my stomach The pain. I'm not sure how to explain it

I'm not looking forward to my appointment with my endocronglist. I don't feel like being told to join a gym, drink protein shakes, and add peanut butter to everything, for the millionth time. I wish I could see him every 6 months.

Ugh, I typed a whole post and lost it! So frustrating! @Brentus, I do love your images! @JaneOnceMore - Sorry about your issues with guy friends and relationships and drawing boundaries. Sounds like you are best keeping things platonic and not too heavy and being there for support but not straying out of friendship range. @raspberrytorte Sorry about your ongoing fatigue. I hope your visit to the gyn. goes well and maybe you can get some help with your issues. Have you had your iron checked recently? And your other vitamins, the B vitamins, vitamin D, perhaps your thyroid? Of course, it could all be down to psych meds but best to rule out medical issues. @Sunflower123 -Wishing you a speeding recovery! @Crazy Hitch - I'm so sorry about your awful class. Honestly I don't know how you or anyone who teaches manages it! I forget again, what age are the students you teach? HUGS to everyone else; you're all in my thoughts & prayers.

I'm having a good morning. I got 8 hr. of sleep last night, and my period FINALLY ended after 17 DAYS! Thank God! I went for a jog and though I'd planned to run longer than I did, I came in when my body needed it. I had fantastic concentration reading this morning, and am enjoying my book. I'm alternating reading a bit with watercolor painting right now. I have a lot of steps I need to let the paint dry completely before moving on. Hopefully, my painting will turn out OK, and I'll post it once I'm through.

I hope everyone has a fantastic day!

i went to a dierks bentley, the band loula and zach top concert this weekend. i got to meet the band loula. super nice and great music! zach topis funny. indy is fun. we went to ikea too.

my friend works for dierks as a bass and drum tech so we get in and upgradd to pit. it was fun but man i didnt get to bed til 1 am

Was a rough night - I was just so exhausted, and still I was still tossing and turning. My guy was really sick with horrible headaches, and I worry for him with all those headaches. My best friend from NYC was also sick from stomach issues - a lot of people in my life right now aren't feeling well.

@Brentus - great ChatGPT photos - my AI photos don't come out so well, but I do enjoy writing with it, it really is amazing. @JaneOnceMore - I understand the feelings you're having about men and friendships these days - I am in a similar boat, and I am navigating how to fix things as well. @Crazy Hitch I am so sorry about your unruly class, maybe you can get your gp to give you a temporary leave for a little while. @Blueberrybook - so glad your period ended, mine went missing from the month of July - hello perimenopause ugh. @Sunflower123 - so glad you had a good surgery and @BeyondtheRainbow I will be praying for a smooth procedure for you @Blue_Bird that looks like an amazing breakfast! @raspberrytorte I hope you get some writing done soon - I hit a wall recently I can't seem to break out of.

I feel a bit down today and I don't know why - maybe because they released the GalaxyCon schedule and there is not much going on the day I go Friday - I was really upset the Data and Dr Crusher from Star Trek the Next Generation will be there on Sunday and I have so much to do on Sundays, so I got a Friday ticket. I feel I have a dark cloud over my head today and I hate that feeling.

I know it's time to get a wheelchair because i have started to ask men to carry me. I want a piggy-back or a shoulder-ride but would settle for the indignity of a fireman's carry ~ but i am 235 pounds and no man will agree. Just joking, i only asked a security guard once when i was REALLY tired.

I go to this wonderful mall regularly but it's insanely long ~ a kilometer from end-to-end. A walking group uses it, it's so darn long. Sometimes i just can't make it.

There are a lot of activities i can't do and i'm exhausted by 11:00am and have to come home and do my Dr. Scholl's foot bath. I made a mighty attempt to improve my fitness in the gym and ended up destroying myself physically. Nothing is working.

This way i can take my dog over to the lovely paved path along the river near me, and she can walk to her heart's content. The city will open back up for me, we have a marvelous network of paved paths. I can go to the falls five kilometers away and the beach also five kilometers away.

I'm so looking forward to it! It's going to be a whole new wonderful world!

I wish my mind would shut up and stop telling me "you have to be grateful" - I am currently ungrateful, angry, hateful, and so miserable. I hate feeling this way. I hate bipolar. I hate life.

My doctors appointnent went fine. He was really alarmed with my GI issues. He also said my knee looked puffy and felt warm and mushy. He wants an ultrasound done on it.

I feel blah right now but I think its just depression

Just got the following!

Telephone Encounter - Encounter at 7/21/2025 2:23 PM
The CT liver from June was negative, no masses, which will suffice for evaluation of liver lesion. So no need for MRI

Good morning everyone

Feeling a little blue today and holding back the tears. Trying to stop myself from crying because I won’t stop if I do cry. Got my benzo on hand for work. Will take it at recess. I see that class after recess today. May the day be kind to me. I feel like my antidepressant are holding me together. I see my pdoc on Wednesday 6 August so nearly 2 weeks away.

Finished my painting! This one had a large color palette and a lot of steps. Hopefully it looks something like pancakes with chocolate syrup & berries!

Yum id totally eat this looking delicious 😋

Love your painting @Blueberrybook !

I am doing better - I feel like my emotions are such a rollercoaster and so up and down. I want to start creating something, maybe writing a bit more. I am stuck in this loop of anguish and pain that keeps cutting into my soul.

Days like this God falls silent - or I just am the one pushing Him out - I need to think of the 87-year-old woman that goes with me on visits - who finds beauty in the world, devotion in Christ, and doesn't feel alone.

@LadyShadow - It's hard to always remember all the blessings in our lives, to see the glass half full and not half empty. I'm sorry you struggle so much with the ups & downs. It's not always easy to keep our faith in the forefront of our minds. The times we struggle though, I think those are the times God holds us closest to Him; we just need to remember He is always with us especially when we feel alone and lost.

Your painting looks great Blueberry!

I ended up have an hour art session with my friend over video chat this afternoon. I drew Naruto (an anime character) and she painted some water Lillie’s in watercolor

I’m a little behind in posts cause I’ve been a bit busy but hoping to catch up tonight.

My aunt bought me some paint markers which arrive today, so that’s exciting. They’re supposed to be really good especially for rock painting.

Kinda been reconnecting with family lately. My aunt and my dad. Over text. My dad was never in my life growing up. He and my mom split when I was 2 months old and that was that but I met him for the first time back in 2016 when I moved back here to NY. And we kind of lost touch over the years but now we have each others number and are gonna try to keep in touch. And my aunt (his sister) is trying to have a closer relationship with me too. It feels good because I’ve been feeling alone in the world since my mom died back in 2016 when I was 22. All I’ve had left is my sister and niece and nephew. My nephew is in prison. And I have two older brothers but we’re not in touch anymore. After I lost my mom it felt like I lost the core of my family because she’s who I grew up with and was the main family member in my life. My grandparents on my mom’s side died before I was born. And my grandparents on the other side I wasn’t in touch with ever because my mom and dad split when I was so young.

Creating something is a great idea! Creativity is a great outlet

I'm at the hotel. This place caters to patients at the hospital and so they leave the top floor for those guests only. Usually they have people spaced out and it's very quiet up here. Today seems busy here and they put someone next door to me who in the 45 minutes I've been here have had a LOUD conversation and now are playing their TV loudly. I'm going to have to practice patience tonight.

I'm so tired I just want to nap but napping at 5 pm doesn't seem like a good idea.

Clear fluids only are making me tired and grouchy.

But in 48 hours I'll be home and this will be over.

Been having the nicest time relaxing at home in my overstuffed chair and on my rollaway cot with my fluffy dog. Just had the rare delicious and complete meal at home, eaten on a tray table while seated in a lawn chair. I'm even drinking water! Life is good!

Oh rainbow I hope that your hotel neighbor turns the tv down and falls asleep soon.

Blueberry love the pancakes

Hitch I’m so sorry. Is there a continuing education class you can take to learn how to handle a rowdy class?

Me I’m still dragging. I sleep but not well I’m waking up constantly with the pins and needles in my arm and hands. I was laying on the opposite side so why? I’m so tired and wondering about my iron level, it drops for no reason. My Red Cross appointment isn’t until next month, so I’ll find out then.

Went downstairs to socialize but ended up being quiet and not contributing much. It was just too loud for me. Lots of people. The decorations committee was changing the decorations, people were changing books, there were 7 of us at a table ment for 4 and everyone was talking! I wanted to take my hearing aids out and put my head on the table and go to sleep. It’s too close to bed time now.

Thanks Nammu. I'm not sure. I've done a few courses and my school has very black and white process that we follow when students misbehave but it gets draining. It's not fair that they will listen when the assistant principal walks in but the moment he steps out they resort to their same behaviour. I'm glad I've flagged with him that I'm having a number of issues. He's going to try pop by more frequently.

I've been sleeping a lot. I was cutting soda but I gave up and ordered some for tonight. I like the cirkul but it's had to sip. I get my final teeth tomorrow.I'm hoping they work better. I'll see.

(Only first part of post got eaten??? Ok… it was only about my med MAKING ME FKING CHEW MYSELF TO BLOODY BITS!!!)

IN other news, CM helped me get a bike. It was good explaining to her why I can’t test drive/won’t be taking it out immediately.

I intended on getting gum…why am I chewing a mint instead? Lotta foreboding deja vu. Like the sunrise from the top of the hill like 1.5 miles from here. I shouldn’t be THERE THEN!!! I NEED SLEEP DAMMMMMITTTTR!

I think I'm gonna miss my train
The street signs all look the same
I think I've been awake for days but it's so much fun
I have no shame

I hope you get some sleep Muddy! I woke up EVERY hour last night. It was painful watching the clock tick (metaphorically - I don't have a clock in my room). I waited until my partner got up at 4:20am then just got out of bed because I was sick of dosing on and off.

I told more cleints that im leaving and theyre not happy. one said they tie me to a chair so i cant leave