Bipolar Check-In #93

Ive been paranoid since last night. I think that I am crazy and I have made everything up. I think everyone that is close to me hates me or is using me since I am a huge push over. I keep checking outside because I think there is someone watching me just to figure out if I am making all of this up. Am I making this up? Am I just being paranoid? I dont know anymore. Im going to try to sleep it off. I hope it goes away soon.

Sorry you are going through that @sjohnson1103 - is there anything you can do to distract yourself? Shut your brain off and refocus on a show, a game, or an activity to break free of these thoughts? A shower to wash away the troubles? I hope you find some relief soon.

I really like that book @Blue_Bird - you have some really helpful coping books that can really address some stressful issues. I think that's amazing.

I am doing really good today. The nice cool breeze is helping me get more focused on my writing. I have been a lot more energized since this cool weather started and am really enjoying the fresh air. Being cooped up really hurts my mental health. I plan on reading some this afternoon, I am trying to spend more time off the computer. The dreaded Walmart beckons me, as I need some food because my parents will be out of town this weekend. I really hate that they have to travel so far to help my sister and her good for nothing husband that hates me and made her block me - it just is what it is. I know when they pass it will be a huge fight for all of my dad's money. I am not looking forward to it.

OTher than that - hope everyone is having a good day - kinda cloudy out, but oh, I am loving the Fall so far.

So tonight is parent teacher interviews until 7:00. I hate them. They run in 10 minute slots but I am seriously done after 5 minutes then we just sit there staring at each other (not quite but yeah). My school is providing pizza but I have no spare time in between bookings to even go get some! So many parents want to see me. Which is normal for juniors. I’m jealous of the senior teachers who only have like 3 bookings and can eat as much pizza as they like! Considering Ive just had gastro and the only thing I’m eating is soup and yoghurt for good gut bacteria it’s probably a good thing!

Please may my classes b kind to me today until 3:30pm …..

I'm doing good today. I've mostly just been sleeping. I didm't wake up until almost 10 and then I napped for a bit around 1.

I got in the shower and it was great. My mom had me brimg m the walker but I did need it a couple times.

I'm feeling better oveall. I still look like I'm 8 months pregnant but my mom and therapisy swear the swelling will go away.

Well my pdoc appointment went well, it was a breeze. I’m doing well next check in is 6 months.

The mixed occurring problem was on the bus. I take to and from my appointments at the clinic. It’s door to door. But the guy forgot to drop me off so I spent an hour touring my town. Had no idea there is so many apartments here. When I was looking there was nothing available. Still I was sort of put out that I had to spend an hour touring.

Oookay so my psychiatrist called me and said we are not discontinuing the Thorazine right now. We might play around with stopping the abilify due to weight gain, change that to a different antipsychotic agent and then MAYBE down the road discontinue the Thorazine but not any time within the near future

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Getting ready for my once a month T appointment!! Yay!! You know, I actually forgot about it. I kinda feel bad that I don't really have anything to report because things have been going so well lately. But I am still going to go. Man, I really have missing regular T apppointments.

I am so excited for this one though! Maybe he can help me figure out what to do with the rest of my life, lol. He was the one who suggested Bumble and I met my bestie, so he does have some really good advice.

He said it’d be a fast track to the hospital if I stopped it so I suppose i will be restarting it tonight. At least I’ll be able to sleep