Bipolar Check-In #93

You should! Pumpkin spice creamer would go great with chai, same type of spices I think

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Turned out to be a really good day - don't know how the things will go with the girl I met at mass today, she seems to have a very busy work schedule - it's like pulling teeth to make friends with people these days. I watched a really bad movie today called Supernova with Angela Bassett and James Spader - really weird space sex stuff, it was just so bad lol.

Just kind of lounged around, work was so slow this afternoon, I hope things pick up next week, Thinking about my guy all day today - yesterday was the first time in 9 months I have had a new picture of him, his beard is shorter but he is still so dreamy. I can't believe how hung up I am on this guy. Today is the first day in a week he hasn't called me - sometimes he takes breaks. I usually fall apart when he does that, but I am actually spending time with my friend watching Alien:Earth, and now we're watching Alien from 1979. I am hoping I don't fall apart tonight, but I don't think I will. Going to Confession tomorrow at my church, I think that will help.

Dunno what I’ll do tomorrow. Grocery shop? It’ll be busy. I should’ve gotten a few things today when I was there. I’m tired. Going to take advantage of it now.

I'm kind of like is this surgery necessary? But my mom said as soon as the surgeon looked at the images he said I needed surgery. My GI said the ssme thing. And I read I will die if i don't get this fixed.

But wben the pain is fine tbats when I become stubborn

Mentions of Political shyt

I did it!!! I did all the garbage!!! Finally!!! It is done!!! Yay Jane!!! And it's not even sunrise!!!

@Mountaindewed: Thanks again for bringing forward a new term i was not familiar with: "glass child." It's very apt.

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Yeah! Pumpkin and chai are good with all sorts of warm spices/autumn flavors.

I’m having a hard time digesting food (a lot of it just kinda sits until I puke), so today is going to be liquids and a few crackers. I did some reading on gastroparesis diets and a lot of the avoid foods are what have been troubling me.

I know it's the desire of a child but i just want someone to take care of me for once. Just one meal i don't have to make myself. Or pay for. It's juvenile but i guess i want my mom.

It's been a rough two nights - very vivid feelings for this guy that's been overwhelming to me. I went into Discord and saw some of our earlier messages from last year - he was so into me and wanted me so much, now he completely distant and I don't even know if he has feelings anymore. That kind of pain hurts so much, I can't even describe it. I feel so unwanted, unloved and disposable.

Good news is it's another day - I am going to take today for myself and do things to make me happy. I am going to take a shower in a little while and go to Confession I need it - I need to tell Father how much this heartbreak is taking me away from God. I feel so lost and so broken, and the ugliest I have ever been. All I ever wanted in life was someone to love me, but it looks like I am going to be alone for the rest of my life.

Situational factors are causing a lot of stress. I trust things will work out, but in the meantime I’m pretty unstable.

Hello

I ended up staying up till midnight last night baking a homemade loaf of bread. Was way too late for me especially since I took my night meds around 8pm and I was extremely tired. I’m normally in bed by 10pm or earlier and asleep but I got the urge to make bread last night around 9pm so I started that and that took almost 3 hours. I fell asleep right after I got into bed. I slept about 6 1/2 hours. Idk sometimes I get energy later in the day and urges to paint or bake or whatever. It’s not often but it’s fun sometimes staying up later than usual to do a little project of some sort.

I started a new painting. It’s from a tutorial I found online. It’s an acrylic painting of a little toadstool mushroom house. Might take me till next weekend to finish. I was gonna go to the vigil mass tonight but it’s 80 degrees and too hot for me to walk there so I’m gonna wait to go until it cools off which it will be cooling off a lot in the coming week.

Plans for this weekend are to do whatever I want. Just chilling mostly. Reading, watching Netflix, playing games, painting.

Monday I have a shift at my volunteer job. A little nervous because the Lamictal gets increased that same day and idk how bad my med fear /paranoia and anxiety will be with having increased the dose. I’m just really hoping I don’t dissociate on my way to my shift. Part of me wants to cancel my shift just for that day so I can adjust to the med change but I don’t want to be unreliable to them.

Other than that I’m doing a grocery order that day too. Getting some pumpkin spice creamer and a bunch of other good stuff. Mostly healthy stuff but a few small treats as well.

Hope you all are having a good weekend

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Slowly cleaning the apartment. Bagged up the garbage. Need to take it out. Dishes need to go away and then the dishwasher needs reloaded.

Since being fired -- I've spent 3 days curating the perfect fonts for writing documents to exemplify my personality and functions. I'm proud of my picks but at the same time... I think I'm just grasping at anything to not think about the repercussions of not having a job. Oh well.

I'm having fun and I need the distraction. I won't bore you with what all I learned, but I'm very happy with my font choices.

Bought Ariel some. Churu treats! Only time she’s had one is when she was at the vet two weeks ago. She liked it!

With all my cats and volunteering at a couple places, I have never met a cat that doesn’t like Churu!!! My mom has churu Mondays and Fridays for hers

I live in Chicago. Our governor is amazing and we have some of the best LGBTQ laws in the country.

****.. I have like 3 valium left and I'm going out of state on Monday. How am I supposed to do that with basically no valium. My pharamacy is working on it and I emailed doctor.

I've had 1 full one and 1/4 of a second one. Plus I'm so tired. I slept fine but at one point I woke up doing this werid weezing thing.

They were on sale, 2 for $8 I think. Kind of expensive as there are only 4 in a package. But they meant to be treats so I’ll give them sparingly.

Crookshanks does not like me and will often run away or hiss at me. This is him right nkw
I swear animals know when their human is sick.

Boy am I tired today. Currently enjoying my post IV fluids treat of Starbucks so, hopefully, that will give me some energy. My IV appointment was a rough one. The roughest I've had.

I have some school work I need to do. Bare minimum, I need to do some lesson planning.

I'm feeling a little numb today. Hopefully, despite feeling down and being extremely tired, I'll be able to get a good amount of work done.

Good morning

It’s nearly Spring in Australia! I can’t wait it’s my second favourite season of the year! All the flowers and the birds singing and the longer hours of sunshine and warmer weather. Bring it on.

I’m going to get my nails done today by a new lady in town. Not sure if I’m going to get SNS or gel. I’ll ask her which ones last longer. I’m after longevity here so I don’t have to go back in like 1 or 2 weeks.

I also need to get my roots dyed but that’s going to have to wait for another pay day.

Enjoying coming back down to Earth after my long episode of high mood. Played some Scrabble GO on my phone for the first time this year. It was such a long episode -- eight months. The accident on June 2 made it so extremely messy. Being a fool for love with R early in the year was an anomaly too. So hopefully this was an atypically intense episode and future ones will be tamer.

My mom gets big jars from Chewy, I don’t think they’re that expensive in bulk like that.

Yeah, before I had some refeeding I visited my mom and my Saco looked really sad when I saw him. Mopey, wouldn’t eat.