[chiwawamom]

hi all,
i am looking for some advice or ideas on how to deal with BP hubster. the issues in our marriage seem to be bigger than we can handle. even with a marriage therapist and a pdoc that we see regularly, he has what i call his GOD complex and shrugs off their advice for us. i feel like i'm fighting this battle alone and that he could care less if i stay or if i go. i try so hard not to take this personally because of the BP but i do often wonder if he truly wants to save our marriage and do the work it's gonna take to tackle our problems and begin to heal the past hurts and indiscretions.

any thoughts, ideas, or advice will be welcomed for i'm at my wits end.

chiwawa mom

[trippinmickey]

You are in a tough spot! I'm bipolar and been with my wife 23 years .There was a point where it got really bad and i was very sick What was hard on my wife is she didn't know how to help and maybe I didn't wont help .I was mad at everyone I hated being bipolar .It took me some time to understand that it just was not me who was in pain but my wife having to go though this with me .We didn't have to get sep. CYS came in and removed me from my house because I stop taking my meds and couldn't be around my kids .I went to a doctor and got on meds again but most of all with treatment I was able to get control of my bipolar again i have a far better understanding of my illness and how to deal with it now .

They say that bipolar tends to get very bad in your late 20's to early 30's which was my case and many others I know .You husband needs help If he not on meds and seeing a doctor yet thats your first step.A good Doctor and the right meds get make a big different but becareful most guys don't like taking meds. they think it makes them weak and some meds. are a turn off . they make tired - feel like crap - gain weight-And the biggy sexual problems. But there is hope a meds that wont do that .(thank god ).Next a good T they are hard to find but can help how he understands him self and how others are also hurting do to his bipolar.

[Girlfriend]

Hi Chiwawa mom, My boyfriend partner of 6years is BP and I am sometimes feel at my wits end. I am beginning to somewhat understand that his extreme moods by thinking of smaller moments when I have reacted to something in not the most ideal way - and how I don't always remember every detail. I am starting to read his signals - when he cannot do a favor that I ask or take any criticism - that he is unreachable for now, in a mood - and I have to give him space till tomorrow or if I can go on an errand for an hour, or do something like cleaning or laundry or my tasks that moves us forward. I think he moves beyond too in some way... And in a while he is a little better but still not real receptive. I think he has a lower tolerance. And I choose to be here with him, but I sometimes wonder if I got the short end of the bargain, and I feel alone. I think of other relations ships that were more even keel, without the highs and lows, and we looked at pictures last night searching for one, and how good and happy we used to look. I am worried that I look older and worn out as I secretly feel. I think I need to recharge and maybe sharring with a friend could do this, someone who understands like no one else in my life - or maybe others are afraid to go there because they don't want to feel the pain that I try to share. I wonder too, if I am loving, or am I stupid. Hope to hear from you again.

[chiwawamom]

thanks so much for your wise words.
update: i left our home and went to my moms. this bold move was for my own survival, but of course my hubster is blaming and accusing me of all sorts of things. i just simply had to get off of his rollercoaster of emotional and mental abuse. i don't know what our next step will be and i don't want a divorce because i do truly love this man more than myself.

i have been at my moms for a week now and i can tell that i'm finding my feet again. i hope to get stronger mentally and emotionally so that if i go back home we can tackle this head on and get meds changed and do what has to be done to get him balanced and our marriage back on track. that may sound a little far fetched but with out hope, i have nothing.

i definately understand about looking at old pics and of pics of our wedding day. looking at ours just leaves me bawling and sobbing uncontrollably.

thanks again and please don't be strangers
chiwawa mom

[Moose372]

It will be 5 years since I left my ex-, next month. I still have occasional moments of overwhelming grief at the family I chose to leave. I have thee kids with him, too. It doesn't get easier- just less "loud" and less often.

[chiwawamom]

yes the guilt is awful...but i have to get his attention somehow. he was diagnosed in feb 08 and he has picked up this bad habit of binge drinking after work and on weekends and his meds are not gonna have a full affect as long as he is drinking. our marriage therapist and pdoc has already warned him of this, plus when he is drinking he gets mean. he is so delusional he thinks i left our home because of his BP, no i left because of his drinking on all those meds. i didn't feel safe.

BTW does anyone know the chat forum schedule or where i can find this info? i would greatly appreciate any info on how to get there and the times.

thanks in advance
chiwawa mom