What to do with hubby???

What do you do when your hubby is so depressed and out of energy that he falls apart? What do you do when he doesn't talk, not even replies to your questions? He only feel like lying down...

Now to the roughest part... I really don't like writing about this but I feel that I need to get it off of my chest. Boy- this is hard! Ok... here we go...
Hubby's having problems dealing with our son's outbursts and violent behaviour. Of course I don't find it being like a walk in the park either... but I find a way to control myself... which my hubby doesn't anymore... The thing is he's hit our son maybe 4 times... Our son didn't get hurt physically but of course it hurt him emotionaly... especially since he's a special needs child. Hubby's also been throwing stuff around a couple of times... to then also kick on the items.
We asked for help... but nothing happens... I have to deal on my own right now. It's so rough seeing your partner in tears crying heavily... finding him on the bed or the couch a lot... or see his face all wrinkled in despair... I try to reach out. Now he's home from work, just can't work. He's planning on working half time... but I honestly don't know if he can.
Now to the worst thing that's happened that really made me so scared... the day before yesterday... our son was kicking at hubby and he just couldn't take it... I heard a scream... hubby had bitten our son.

Yesterday our son got a hold of two knives and ran away with them. Hubby had put them in the wrong place... They should be in this certain place that our son can't reach and doesn't know about. I was so afraid! Not easy to take a knife from someone in that state. Anyway... I managed

Sigh...
I don't know what to do! I love my family! This is just too much!
School starts again next week... which will be causing our son a lot of anxiety. Our daughter starts first grade. They need their parents.

I so wish I could help my hubby to feel better... He's really in a bad state.
I took his hand in mine yesterday... and there was hardly any response at all... He's empty... He saw a psychiatrist for the first time last week, but when he tried to call her today she's on vacation... Has to call again tomorrow to get a hold of some other doc.

I feel so alone... scared about today and the future... confused... frustrated... tired...

((((((((((( J & G & I )))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((nina)))))))))))))))))))))))

i wish i had words for you but i dont. i am here for you!

hello nina..........you are in the hardest position for a mom and wife to be in.....you need to try to keep the peace and soothe your husband while fighting your own demons........this is certainly not fair to you....as hard as it is you have to speak softly to J......remind him that hitting or biting are not appropriate but also let him know that you understand that he is at his wits end........when he needs to cry.....hold him...........and gently remind him that you are in this battle together and you need his strength right now.......i am praying that God gives you all the help you need to get through this.i love you

Mel... thank you so much for caring! (((((((((( Mel )))))))))

Julia... (((((((((( Julia ))))))) thank you for your understanding and your wise words. You've always been a great support for me. Yes... I'm trying to go easy on my hubby. I talked to his dad on the phone a little while ago, telling him about how bad J is feeling.

G had a major outburst this evening... hubby was out shopping some groceries... no choice- had to. It's better that I take care of the kids instead... so that he doesn't get triggered as much. G hit me hard and kicked me... threw a stool at me... He's getting stronger and stronger! So hard to hold him! He screamed like crazy....
Finally I managed to calm him down and we gave him something to eat in his room. He couldn't sit with his sister. Then he called out for me and wanted me to come in and talk to him. He opened up and told me about what was worrying him. We talked for a while and I reasured him that I love him and that he never has to be afraid of telling me about his worries.

Now our daughter's asleep after I've been cuddling with her for a bit before putting her to bed. I feel so sad for her living in this "house of tension".

Sorry... I just had to write...

Thanks again!

((((((((((((((((((((( Nina & Family )))))))))))))))))))))))

Julia's words are so right. I couldn't have said it better myself. I can't imagine how difficult things are getting for all of you. My heart goes out to you and I keep you all in my prayers that some good answers and support come your way very soon my friend. You are all so deserving!

Love to you all

sabby

I also hope that you will get support soon.

I know it's hard on your husband too but he must not hurt his son. I'm glad he is getting help for himself.

This is for your sweet daughter

I'm sorry Nina. I wish I could do more.

Much much love!

I'm sorry things are such a mess. In answer to your question, you need to put your hubby in the hospital. He has assaulted your special needs son. On more than one occasion. If you are the last standing adult in your home, you have to make the hard decisions.

I'm sorry to be so blunt. I'm truly sorry for you all.

Okie

Nina, I don't have any words of wisdom. I can't imagine what you are going through and how painful it must be for you and your family. I do know that (even if you don't always feel it) you are an incredibly strong woman whom I admire greatly.

I am sending you soothing, calming and strengthening thoughts.

(((Nina)))

((((((((((((((((((nina and family)))))))))))))))))
you are such a special family, i second butterflys post, i hope that when you phone docs today your hubby will get the help he needs, he needs to learn new copping skills so that he can take g out burstsin his stride they are a part of g, siblings get caught in middle of these things its hard on them, but i know you always show her how much you love them both, and hopefully she will come out a strong person like you, maybe just letting each family member talk about there feelings, or sugest a diary for hubby so he can put how hes feelingd onto paper as the day changes

((((((((((((((nina and family)))))))))))))))))

Hubby is on meds- Effexor. He's been seeing a special therapist and counsilor... on his own and the both of us together... talking about our son.

We had a social worker here to help us get our son to the support family and respite... but now they've let her go.

The summertime is a horrible time for kids with aspergers. No matter how much you try to keep a structure it's not the same as when they are going to school.

Hubby's never been violent before... it's our son who's having very violent outbursts that are really rough to handle. Of course it's so wrong by hubby to hurt our son... but I can also understand his frustration in a way...

I'll give the child psychiatrist a hard time when he see him... because he needs to see the true need of putting our son on some kind of medication. We've only tried one medication which made him even worse then the doc refused to try any other meds. Sigh!

I will call this certain place where you can stay with your child for some days to be observed and taught how to deal with your special needs child. Hubby needs to go there! We've called before but nothing happens. It's just so horrible! When the ones that really can help doesn't get the seriousness of the matter... grrr...

Once again, thank you for listening to me!

I have to stay strong for my family's sake!

Dearest Nina,
My words are few, but very heartfelt. I love you Nina, J&G&I. You are my extended family in so many ways. It hurts not being able to help you. J, is at the end of his rope... he has expended all of his inner self, and just can't find ways to cope any longer. I know what stress can do. I worry about you and the constant stress you are under. Where will it end??? Someone has got to see that this situation is in crisis mode. Intervention is needed rapidly. Please know that you and your enitre family are in my daily intentions. My Gods grace be granted to you.
Always, Altheia

i know we don't ordinarily put music into this forum, but it's for Nina and here would be the best place.....we share her pain here.....

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Hello PoetryLover -- This is a very hard space to be in. It sounds like you are doing everything that can be done, such as getting husband into therapy and trying to get into a facility where interactions can be observed. I believe that you will have to be part of that scenario, because you may unconsciously be doing things that contribute to the situation. For example, perhaps your husband responds to your efforts to remain calm as being patronizing, so he takes his feelings of inferiority out on the child. I'm not saying this happens; I'm just suggesting that the interactions involve all three of you, not just the two of them.

Best wishes, and hugs and hugs and hugs.

We've been in cousiling together talking in marriage cousiling... about how we both feel because of our hard situation with our special needs child.

Not to say that I'm perfect... not at all... but my special therapist is amazed by the way I understand our son. I think it has to do with me myself having aspergers and sort of know the way he's thinking in.

I try to see to it that hubby doesn't feel small not being able to handle our son in the same way as I can. But... the fact is also that he's better than me when it comes to handle our daughter.

Thank you, dear sweet Pat!

You're amazing yourself! A friend in all weathers...

Altheia... thank you for your always caring heart!

You've helped me through a lot of sad moments. I know you care about my entire family. To know that you understand and listens to my words or sometimes more like only sighs... feels soothing.
I know that you're in a rough place yourself right now... so I thank you even more for taking of your energy to care about us.

Wants2Fly... thank you for your support!

((((((((((((( wants2fly ))))))))))))

Nina, I think you've already taken the first and most important step and that's to have him see his own T/pdoc. If all you can manage is to make sure he keeps his appointments, then you're doing great! You don't need this on top of your own illness and your son's.

You're a mighty strong woman! It's difficult, heartbreaking, exhausting, but you'll make it through. I have faith in you!

Nina,

I understand.

I will PM you.

With hugs and love,

EJ

Thank you, Tomi and EJ!!!!!

It means a lot to me, to read all the words of support!

I'm pretty drained right now, I can tell you... But I'm not the one to throw in the towel.

The compassion I feel from so many of you, is helping me along this rocky road. Thank you!

Today we finally got the doc to decide on trying another med on our son. He also came to the conclusion that he's got ADHD as well as Asperger.
Hubby's going to see these professionals together with our son, to learn more about what's triggering our son and how to handle his outbursts.

My special therapist will see our son to teach him more about his Asperger... to make him feel more comfortable with himself.

A lot of changes up ahead and a lot of struggling...

Our son will be put on Strattera... a couple of weeks from now. I so hope it'll work in a positive direction!

Poetry Lover,

Those all sound like positive moves.

Prayers in the meantime -

EJ

Thank you, my dear friend!
I'll need it!!!

(((((((((( EJ- often my source of support )))))))