My sons dad is dead -(suicide trigger)

Well, so he has gone to the great palace in the sky. My sons dad committed suicide Xmas day night and I got a heartbreaking phone call from his girlfriend whom I am very fond of and my world spun out of control. I always knew that he was depressed and has attempted suicide in the past. I tried so hard to get him help but he was not interested. I have known this man for 14 years and we have not been together for at least 12 of those. He committed atrocious acts against me in that time and never wanted to know his son until a couple of years ago and that was largely due to his girlfriend. I did not trust him and I haboured alot of hatred against him. I am not angry that he committed suicide (I have been in that place many times), I am angry that I spent 15 years dealing with 3 mental illnesses, tonnes of meds and therapy all so I could be a better parent and stay alive long enough to start feeling better. He obviously did not feel that and when I look at my beautiful son I wonder how he could not at least tried to lessen his suffering by getting the help he needed? My mother demanded that I let my anger go. It cannot do me any good so in sympathy with that thought -

Rest in Peace Ismal, I loved you once - enough to create our beautiful son....... May God be with you and I have forgiven you.

i am so sorry for your pain michah, and your son's and your ex's girlfriend's. i don't think it's wrong to feel angry, though, or to feel anything you feel. you are entitled to your feelings.

what a terrible thing to happen on xmas. how old is your son?

Hi sweetie, thanks for your kind words. I am kind of numb at the moment and been crying alot. My son has been running around today with my great partner building stuff he got for Xmas. My son is 13. So young, too young to get it just yet but I will be there with my partner and my parents to help him make some sense of it.

Michah,
No words will ever help ease your anger and pain, though I wish you to know I am so sorry for what your family is going through. Hold on to your anger and pain only as long as it is needed, then you will be able to let it go. I pray that you and your family (his gf included) will, in time, heal and know that it wasn't about any of you, it was about him. I wish you peace.

due to lots of childhood abuse i struggled with the desire to die, but eventually i did realize the selfishness and cruelty that would have been in my death by suicide. i don't have the right to inflict my death on people who can't ever answer the questions i would have left behind.

michah, i am very sorry for this tragedy and burden. i can only guess at the feelings circling through your mind. please let us here be a support to you and by extension for your son.

i hope you will seek a grief/suicide support group for yourself and your son. Hugs and Sadness for you,

Leslie and her Pixies

My sympathies go out to you and your son. I am so sorry for your pain.

Thinking of you (((((((((( Michah )))))))))))

I am so sorry that you and your family is going through this terrible pain.

Hugs and Prayers!

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It will be a complex process and I have already consulted a 24 hour crisis helpline here in Australia so I can work through some of my own pain and in turn be a better support for my son and my sons fathers girlfriend. I feel she will also need me over the next few weeks as there will be a coroners examination and autopsy. I also have an excellent psychologist and psychiatrist who would probably be happy to provide counseling for my son and I if he needs a group setting. Thats all I am thinking of at the moment is my sons mental and emotional safety. God give me the strength to provide it.

Sorry to hear of your loss-especially for your son. What a day for it to happen! Sending hugs your family's way.

So sorry. Best to you and your son, wishing you both strength to work through this.

My mother committed suicide when I was 15 after many attempts (bipolar). It is imperative to get your son some supportive therapy. I did not receive any kind of counseling or even was "invited" to the funeral. Yes, my family was very dysfunctional. I'm sure you will be be providing the best support & care for your son. What a shock. I'm so sorry & for it to happen on a holiday will always have the "anniversary reaction" be extra strong.

Suzy, I am so sorry about your trauma over your mums suicide. That is my greatest fear as my son is still so young and cannot articulate how he feels. It will come out more in his behaviour. I have created a very wide safety net around him filled with family and professionals. I will also contact his principal when he returns to school to let him know so that we can work in conjunction if his behaviour should be off. I am doing all this without his knowledge because if he knew he would be overwhelmed but there are many people around him now to catch him if he falls. I also have much to work through as I am walking around like I have a lead brick in my stomach. I have to be aware of my own mental health as well as I have also been suicidal in the past and I am not exactly well myself. So I will take my meds, see my shrinks and try and be the most subtle, paranoid, protective pillow that I can be for my son.

Yes, I understand. Unfortunately, I inherited my mother's bipolar disorder & I'm sure the family background I grew up in didn't help, but I had to pull myself together to help my own children as they, unfortunately, had serious bouts with depression themselves that needed immediate intervention.

Motherhood requires you to care for yourself for sure. Do your best. Take care. It sounds like you have a good plan intact. All my best & my condolencenses--Suzy

I am so sorry that happened. What is going to happen to your son?
(((((Michah)))))

Don't really know yet, Firebird. Looking for positive ways to open lines of communication using catalysts to trigger good memories but not oblivious to the bad ones. Trying not to watch him like a hawk but trying to be more aware. Very delicate balance. He has not cried. He has said that the reason his dad committed suicide is because a while ago his father rang him and accused Jordan of not wanting to talk to him. Well that broke my heart. I said "Honey, no way. Your dad had problems for a long time and him wanting to die is definitely not your fault!" He is surly, combative and a little bit rude at the moment so I will find ways to help him turn it around. I also have some good people for professional intervention if needed. He is a good-natured, resilient boy so I think he will come through it okay as long as it is handled effectively.

((((michah&son)))