Compulsive lying and infidelity

I am 31 and have BP 2 and major depression. I currently take Seroquel and Effexor. I am on my second marriage, and we've been together for 4 years, married 3. I am a compulsive liar and have problems with fidelity. I have a love/sex addiction and have always used sex as a way to feel connected to a man - which I learned the hard way has the complete opposite effect on a relationship. In my current marriage, I have had an emotional affair with a long-time friend, which included sexual email exchanges; I have had a one-night stand; and have been having an affair with a coworker for a few months, although we haven't been physical in a long time. I have always had issues with being open and honest and when I'm called out I usually lie (it only happens in my personal life...I don't lie in my job...in fact, the negative behaviors are only in my personal life...I actually am a very competent, sucessful, and highly-regarded individual when it comes to my work). Despite the negative consequences, especially in my current marriage, I continue to lie about my behaviors and the extent of my relationship with my coworker. My DH knows that I was physical once with my coworker, as he encouraged me to do so because it turns him on. He has his own sexual dysfunctions and each time I was physical with someone, he had encouraged me to do it. However, afterwards it always upset him and he lashed out at me for it. It's complicated....

Anyway, I guess my point is to ask if anyone else has ever had issues with compulsive lying or cheating. I am in therapy and am hoping to work a lot of this out, but I don't know how to stop. Even in the face of losing everything unless I just tell the truth, I hold back and don't disclose everything.

Thanks for reading my post.

this is jmo but we "own" our therapy, meaning what we put into it. is what we'll get out of it. i don't know if you are being totally honest with your therapist but i'd encourage you to come clean if you're not. the results will astound you. you will regain control over your life by leaning the tools of healthy behavior and applying them in your life.
i don't mean to sound harsh, it's the reality of the situation. you stated you lie,etc even in the face of losing everything. you stand to lose a lot based on what you wrote and you don't have to go there. hope this helps.

hey, we all lie in some way or the other. figuring out why i do it and then simply correcting that insecurity helps. sometimes i can't go past the insecurity and so continue but i feel i know why and that helps. get down to the root, know thyself. try to come clean in case your T can provide you with more sound pro help... give him a chance!
and perhaps if you and hubby could try joint counselling - perhaps you could both 'out' the negative energy and channel the positive love into your marriage. yeah, if life were that simple, but i'm trying to provide an outsider's perception. i'm hoping things go well for you. it's just a vicious cycle you're in, break it and then take control of those ares that hamper your progress. i somehow think you're an amazing person who needs that self validation to break away from some negativity. Be your own best friend!

Definitely get a t if you don't already have one&be 100% honest even if it scares you that they might not think so highly of you to do so. It's not their job to judge, but to help. You could definitely use some help with the sex addiction. My ex hub is a sex addict&is still destroying his own&others' lives. It's a compulsion&compulsions can hurt everyone involved. You're very brave to be so honest here. I think if you worked on being that honest in every aspect of your life you'd feel much better.

I find that I often lie about anything that seems to be a symptom of the bipolar. Actually, I'm starting to figure out the difference between what I can and can't control, based on that.

Just yesterday I lied to my bf and told him that I did go into work for a couple of hours... but really I didn't even get out of bed until around 5 pm. Immediately I felt ashamed, but I still haven't gotten the courage to tell the truth. The solutions seem so simple when it's someone else who is asking for advice. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that he knows the truth, and all I can say is that he is a saint.

I have lied about bigger things too to past boyfriends, but I am trying VERY hard not to do it this time. He is so willing to work with me and deal with this that I feel totally awful lying to him about even the smallest thing.

I am a strong believer in honesty and open communication in all types of relationships, so the guilt comes from me being so hypocritical about this. I do understand how hard it is to come clean, and the guilt just winds up pushing you down further and deeper into the lie.