Down the slippery slope

And so it begins - the long slow descent into the abyss. I had a nice couple weeks of relative normalcy but I felt things slipping starting a week or so ago and I'm on the way down for sure now. I can practically feel my brain shutting down as my mood degrades. I still haven't found work and this is not going to make it any easier. Wain wain wain... sucks to be me... ah well.

Anyway, since you folks are so kind as to reply with encouragement to such things, I thought I would just let you know what's up. I think the seroquel is just slowing things down so it's more of a gradual slope rather than a steep decline, but we'll see I guess. Thanks in advance for reading this.

I'm sorry of that. *hug* TT__TT Seroquel is a med, right? It doesn't sound like it's working, is there any way to get a better working one for you, or is it working? o_o;

I'm sorry I haven't any advice. I hope things work out for you though. *hug*

Make a nice landing pad for yourself, but you might also find that the meds do actually end up knocking the sharpest peaks off the cycles. I sure know the feeling though, when each day is illuminated by a progressively dimmer bulb. We are probably all haunted by our memories of "the bad one."

Hang in reb, you've got a fabulous mind despite your rogue brain chemistry.

I'd appreciate any suggestions on how to create this landing pad you mention lol. But seriously, I've been there before, and no doubt I'll be there again. I guess I'm just wishing that knowledge plus the medication would stop it but that doesn't appear to be the case. I'm already at the point where I've pretty well given up trying to accomplish anything. Anyway, I appreciate your thoughts on this.

Don't give up. Meds are hard to figure out, so don't hurt over it too bad. Don't give up hope more then anything.

*hug*

I guess what I mean by a landing pad is nothing more than having things around you that are good for you. If you read more when you're down, then a trip to the library might be a good idea, stock up on reading, or maybe its videos. I just find over and over that my real successes in dealing with this is to continually find ways to modify my life to simply be less affected by it. It's just so much worse when I feel bad the more obligations or people i have to affect.

Ah, gibberish sorry for that, seems like we're all cycling at once. My own crackpot theory is that the recent earthquake tsunami event is what did it to us. I mean, the earth actually wobbled on its axis. Fact. Those of us inherantly unstable to begin with can hardly be supposed to benefit from living on an unstable planet. Is it too much to ask for the freakin planet to hold still?

Glad to help, reb. I'm sure you're feeling vastly improved now.

Well, then, I'm off to infect someone else's misery.

well, in my opinion you should ask your doc for a re-dose or a different med.
bipolar 2 right?
youre taking seroquel? (ignore this reply if im wrong)
quote from seroquel website:
"SEROQUEL is indicated for the treatment of schizophrenia and the short-term treatment of acute manic episodes associated with bipolar I disorder (in adults over the age of eighteen). Patients should be periodically reassessed to determine the need for continued treatment. "

talk to your doc... maybe you just need a simple med adjustment.
hope you feel better soon...

That slope is slippery indeed! Powerless to stop it, even though you try to grab on to something...anything, but it all just seems to slip through your fingers. Yup, been there, far too many times if you ask me. But I have to agree with Sqrlb8, creating that soft place to fall is essential. Just keep modifying to meet the unique needs of each descent. Funny how it's always somehow different. But like others have said, this disorder is very chameleon like, with an endless palet of colors and themes. I don't know if this will help at all, but for me, I've learned to be able to keep a little bit of a sense of humor about the whole thing. I know, I know, you're all thinking, WHAT??????? But I mean really...it's not like we haven't been there before, and we will be again. Knowing that at all times, makes it easier to keep some-what of a sense of humor about it. Laugh about it. Yup, the jokes on us...so what? The jokes on everybody in one form or another...think about it. It helps me when I make fun of myself for whatever state I happen to be in. Not maliciously or with self-contempt, but with an "Ooops, I did it again!" attitude. Believe me, I understand the fear...the pain...the torment...the despair...the chaos...the ghosts...the nightmares...losing control of reality...the self-destructive patterns and the stupid things we do to cope with the insanity of it all...the shame...the guilt...the confusion...the self-loathing. So I know what I'm talking about, and encourage you to give a try, even if you have to fake it 'til you make it. Please understand, I am no way making light of the gravity of the situation and how horrible it feels...I'd just like to share what works for me....maybe someone can benefit from the method to my madness. TgrsPurr.

Thanks for the replies. But I've only just completed a month of the seroquel, cotton... Also I've just been to see the doc and he increased the dosage so we're doing just as you suggest. We'll just have to see what happens I guess. Thanks again.

And thanks Sqrl... always good to hear your thoughts. I hope you're doing ok yourself.

Hi rebound

How are you doing today? You already know where I'm at by reading in the General forum. I didn't realize you were also BP. Med changes, dosage chgs, aren't they all fun!!! I hope that you are on your way back up. The descend is a bummer, that is for sure. Mine have never been gradual, but hit like a ton of bricks How long do each of your cycles usually last? Mine vary immensely, since I can rapid cycle several times a day or also stay in one state for quite a long period of time, even months. I can feel my depression starting to lessen now, I hope you are feeling much better today.

{{{{{{{{{{rebound}}}}}}}}}}}}

Alas, ususally once I start on the way down I go pretty far and for a pretty long time. I just slide and slide until I hit the bottom and then after that it's pretty random. Months usually. I was hoping the seroquel would help but I am sleeping so much I think it may be helping things along in a strange way. Oh well. Right now, the time I am awake is just marking time until it's time to go to bed. I just wish I could get enough ambition together to clean up this pig sty of an apartment. Ugh. Good thing I'm not expecting any company.

Thanks for the kind thoughts Angel. They are much appreciated. I wish I had some good news but it's pretty much all bad. As it is, I have to borrow money to get a refill of my prescription. It costs an arm and a leg.

tigger, you are so right. Gotta laugh. Sure it sucks, but show me a life that doesn't. And I laugh harder all the time. I mean, here I am, card carrying nut case, but I look at the actions and attitudes of so many undiagnosed, and feel freakin fortunate. At least I have some inkling as to the nature of my madness, and that seems to be more than a lot have. My breakdown was the best thing that ever happened to me. Once I pared my life down to match my abilities, the fluctuations become joke fodder rather easily. All the obligations and commitments I used to make before I knew how my brain worked caused me more trouble than the "illness" itself. Throwing that ballast overboard sure improved the water line of my mental vessel.

I guess I'm going off topic here, but Tiger has a good point, and I know that you Reb have a good sense of humor.

Ok, back to my acorns.

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Alas, ususally once I start on the way down I go pretty far and for a pretty long time. I just slide and slide until I hit the bottom and then after that it's pretty random. Months usually. I was hoping the seroquel would help but I am sleeping so much I think it may be helping things along in a strange way. Oh well. Right now, the time I am awake is just marking time until it's time to go to bed. I just wish I could get enough ambition together to clean up this pig sty of an apartment. Ugh. Good thing I'm not expecting any company.

Thanks for the kind thoughts Angel. They are much appreciated. I wish I had some good news but it's pretty much all bad. As it is, I have to borrow money to get a refill of my prescription. It costs an arm and a leg.

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Ahhhhhhhhh, sorry to hear that you're still on your descent and have yet to hit bottom and when you do, you'll probably be there quite some time. That sucks but I've been there too, in the abyss for months on end, feeling like there is no end in sight and no way out, simply HORRIBLE. Actually I don't think there is a word that can best describe how bad that actually is, no word comes close to justifying the incredibly debilitating experience that it is. Not a good place to be at all. Please take care and keep posting so we know how you're doing. Sending you hugs. {{{{{{{{{rebound}}}}}}}}