slippery slope

well i am headed down that slippery slope...not sure how to get a foothold or if i even want to try... all day i was kind of ok...now i am kind of not... i just want to cut and be done with all this tension... lyn

Remember that wave. Try to ride it out, and it will get better. How will you feel if you give in to end the tension, vs. if you ride it out until the urge subsides? You can do this.

Hang in there,
Rap

(((((((((( lyn ))))))))))))))))

I missed you again on here. We've got to coordinate our times. I'd give you a hand, but i am already in free fall myself. Hey - maybe if we readh out, our hands won't be able to harm us.

ok - here's one of mine-----------------<

rap...i tried to ride it out it was just to strong... i got sucked into the rip... it's feels kind of calm right now...i am sorry
kiya...i will catch you with my right hand ... my left isn't doing to well right now... i wish i had a magic wand and could take all your pain away...stay safe

Hi lyn

I'm so sorry that you are in such pain right now

please take special care of yourself

(((((((((hugs))))))))

anyone

ty

holding on to your right hand - applying healing balm to your left.
how is the rest of you?

(((((((((( lyn )))))))))))

pretty disapointed in myself... i kind of hit bottom and am having a hard time getting unstuck...thank you for caring... my hand will heal... not so sure about the other stuff...lyn

What's going on out there,lyn? Haven't heard from you in a bit....
what other stuff?
Kiya

(((((((((((((((((((((((lyn)))))))))))))))))))))))))) Know I am here for you. What's going on?

BB

just really disappointed... i really want this to be behind me...and at the same time i want to just give up and do it...you know... lol kiya haven't got an idea what i was referring to when i said the other stuff... it all just seems to keep pulling me farther away from healing... oh well... day 2

(((((((((((((( lyn ))))))))))))))))))
give up on trying not to cut, or ...really give up?
I'm concerned....
email any time, k? I'm off and on the net all the time.

I know how hard this is for you lyn. I hope you decide that it is worth the effort. Please don't think of your setbacks but rather your successes. Please try and stay safe.

BB

i am sorry i worried you kiya... i am hanging in there... i even used the treadmill yesterday... i was just discouraged when i had to update my chart for t... i know he hasn't abandoned me...i know that missions is really important to him... that is what makes him such a good t... but those old messages "your not worth it" "no one cares" "just give up" flooded me... i am actually doing a bit better...with my panic attacks... i was wanting to give up on trying to stay away from si... lyn

bb... thank you for your encouragement... it means more then i can say...i just kind of hit bottom last night...but it was only for a short time... lyn

I am glad you are keeping a chart for t - even tho i know it can be hard. I keep one for my MD who sometimes acts more like my t.

keep checking in, k? find the delete button in your head for those darned old messages about giving up and not being worth is - those are so destructive. delete, delete!!

((((((((((hugs))))))))))
kiya

for you bchlyn -

ty... don't tell my t...but the treadmill has helped...lyn

lol.. good!

I agree about the destructive messages, delete them

Lyn, thinking about you today

Hi Lyn

Hope you are ok and looking after yourself.

hi kiya... i was thinking about you today too... how did your doctor appointment go?... work has been really busy this week... maybe that's a good thing right now...i have kept my food in control this week... i am trying to stay at about 1200 cal... so far so good... on a scale of 1-10 10 being following through... i was at about a 7 today... i know that sounds high...but it was a relief for me... take gentle care...and stay safe...
ty anyone...i had a pretty good day...just really busy
lyn

oh yeah - MD apnt was good - i just always forget to tell her what is going on. So i totally forgot to get the name of the foot specialist (since my feet are still swelling) and tell her about the swollen lump in my neck. Grrrr. Now i won't see her for 2 months.
No blood draw =) she started talking about one and then realized she'd already had the one she wanted - couldn't think of a new one I didn't tell her about the cuts, either.
She started talking "physical" and i know i dissociated on that one. I'll have to nip that in the bud asap. no wonder i forgot everything else.

Yeah - being busy can be a really good thing - that is what i am wishing for!!! Good work on keeping yourself in check. It won't be long now that t will be back. You also be safe to you, ok!?!
Kiya