"How are you?" "I have no idea."

Does anyone else have issues with not knowing what you thinking, how you're feeling, what you're thinking? I've feel like this for as long as I can remember. I'm not sure if it's just a part of BPD or if it's because I've just never allowed myself to truly feel anything. I do have these intense feelings quite often but I usually don't know where they come from. Most of the time when a feeling comes that really is supposed to be there (I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense) I don't quite know what to do with it. In the past I would just cover it up with extremely unhealthy and dangerous coping mechanisms. Now that I'm trying to be a bit healthier I either cry at the drop of a hat or I just choose to ignore the feeling. I don't work through it, I just push it down and try to never bring it up again. The main problem I'm having though is when someone (usually my boyfriend) asks me what's wrong, how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking about, etc., I usually have to answer with "I don't know." He understands that I don't know but at the same time he doesn't really get that I really, truely just don't know. He'll ask me over and over what I'm thinking and each time I tell him "I'm not sure", getting irritated more each time and he does too. I just feel like there are so many things going on in my head I just can't single out one particular thing to know what it is I'm thinking.

I'm sure this is something my therapist will work with me on at some point but for now she says there are just SO many things that we need to work on so this will probably be worked on a bit later once the more dangerous aspects of my mind are a bit more under control.

So! My questions for you guys are:
-Do any of you feel this way and have a real hard time not only expressing what you're thinking or how you feel but also actually have trouble knowing yourself what's going on in your mind.
-What do you guys do to try and help yourself and others know what you're thinking or feeling. Do you have any ideas that could help me in this process until my therapist and I can really talk about it.

Thank You!

I do, but probably not to the extent that you do. It usually only happens to me when I'm overwhelmed and have many things going on. Sometimes I'll take the time to try and unravel the emotions and figure out why I'm experiencing and why, other times I just don't give a s*$t, and try and focus on just being numb to the point I don't feel anything at all. I'm not sure if tht is a healthy thing or not. For me, I'd rather feel nothing, than feel sad.

The emotion regulation section of dbt does a lot of good for helping understand emotions.. such as prompting events, after affects, and other emotions that can follow.... you can read all about that here if you like...http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/emotion_regulation.html I've discovered that in some instances there is an underlying emotion of fear, that takes place within me, which then triggers anger, sadness, or other emotions. Take a look at that website when you have time..

I have trouble with thinking and feeling too much at once, and a lot of the thoughts and feelings conflict with or contradict the others. Depending on the situation, I choose either the most acceptable thing to claim (especially if I feel threatened), or the one that's strongest/seems most relevant (most of the time). Probably neither behavior is good. When I stop feeling altogether (times of extreme stress), I usually just act like I'm feeling whatever is expected in any given situation. Again, not good, but I've found that people aren't very accepting or understanding when you show them the truth. I've spent a lot of my life outright lying, misrepresenting, or heavily omitting.

I don't even know for sure what I'm thinking or feeling until I have time alone to reflect on it. Even when I bite the bullet and try to explain honestly, it goes awry and is incomplete. One thing I've found is that it helps to tell the other person that you're going to contradict yourself, but that doesn't mean that something is a lie. This seemed a simple thing to me, but I guess it's not normal for most people? So yeah.

Ultimately, I think self-awareness is the key to unraveling the thoughts and feelings. Learning to watch yourself and catch the telltale twinge or deadness that signals feelings occurring and being swiftly blocked or suppressed. But even trying to be mindful, it can take me weeks to realize how I think or feel about something.

Probably not helpful. Sorry about that. I wish I had more to offer.

Just wanted you tn know I relate, also with the contradictary thingy. What counts in my favour is that I'm very self aware and introspective. Sometimes I have a habit of shoving feelings I just can't deal with atm but that hardly ever ends well, by the time I question it, I'm all over the place. A clear emotion that comes easy is anger tho, but upon reflection I realize that I'm actually hurt or scared and anger's just easier to deal with. I'm into omission right now coz confusing people frustrate me...

I know what you are saying and thanks for saying it, I felt retarded and didn't even know how to put it. I feel like I have an ADD mind, like it is just a bunch of commercials that I am not paying attention to. Then when interrupted or brought out of my own mind it's like I am just sitting there, this nothingness is me. I have a hard time telling different emotions apart because I can only really understand what I see or feel physically. The emotions are like Greek to me, I know anger, I know extremely happy and I know calm aka bored...nothing in between.

I tend to have the emotional reaction to the situation or question first without really knowing why it upset me. It may take me days, weeks, or months to figure it out for sure. But it can really make you feel like you're full of crap when someone asks you why..."I don't know! I just didn't like it/them/whatever!"

pretty much on a daily basis someone IRL is asking me what I think or feel about something... I never have a solid answer for them and they get frusterated with me. Sometimes I can pull a qick but short response out of my arse but more often than not.. well...

Yes! This happens to me ALL the time! It's actually happening to me right now...I absolutely hate not knowing what's exactly going on inside my mind. I always have to sit down, take my time, and think about what I'm feeling. This always takes a long time to do because my thoughts always jump around from one topic to another. Every night I have trouble sleeping because of my thoughts and mind. It's so frustrating! I have soo much going on in my head that it's hard to function. And it's impossible to just stop thinking or turn my mind off. I have no clue why I never know how I feel. Maybe it's because I'm numb to my feels or some other reason. I don't know. I hope you can find a solution and get better.

Often it is hard to answer just because I don't really know why they are asking to begin with. Usually it just seems like a way of saying hi.

Yeah, it's the same for me with the anger. It's a defense, but it's also really destructive. So I'm trying to rein in the anger and inhibit the lighting of that fuse while I try to trace the real feelings that the anger is masking/protecting.

When something major happens that I can't cope with, I lock it up and throw it in the "cellar". Later, when I'm out of the crisis, I will try to slowly face the feelings I've suppressed. The process takes forever and is very unpleasant, but the alternative is meltdown.