[acrosstheborderline]

I had a severe borderline personality disorder between seventeen and twenty four . I made a complete recovery , my physchiatrist declared me cured . However I was to find out that he told my father that my disorder could come back if something traumatic happen. I went to restart my life in the community trying to move on and get employment . However I struggled to make that happen , for their was always someone that remembered my past . I had a thought disorder back then and alot of people thought I had schizophrenia even proffessionals at the time for wasnt alot known about bpd in the eightie's . I struggled to fit into the work place and friendships came and gone . I went to on my find at the time my love of my life on the internet we got married , I lived with his family and it was the worst mistake I ever made . I got pregnant their and ended with post natual depression .I stayed at a psychiatric unit for depressed mother's . I got worse and worse for my husband at the time was fighting with me and threating to take our baby away . I ended up with a diagnose of very mild form of borderline personality disorder . I went on meds and got outside counselling . I got better and went off my meds . A few years on I got sick again , remembering former abuse , got diagnosed with severe anxiety and borderline traits . This is my story I want to recover from my mental health symptoms so I can get on with liveing a more fulfilling life.

I think sometimes that it's something that one must struggle with for a lifetime. I mean, there are people who say they've completely recovered, but I always wonder what that really means, and what happens later. Not that I believe it's impossible. It just boggles my mind.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I don't know if I will recover, either.

But I will get better.

And yes, things can still trigger my symptoms even if I am doing better.

The trick I would like to learn is to learn how to deal with those triggers.

Billi

Originally Posted by billi_leli

I don't know if I will recover, either.

But I will get better.

And yes, things can still trigger my symptoms even if I am doing better.

The trick I would like to learn is to learn how to deal with those triggers.

Billi

For real, Billi, learning to deal with being triggered is so hard. I can be thinking I'm handling life one minute, and then the slightest thing will have me desperately depressed, hating on myself, feeling self-destructive, convinced I'm worthless, etc. It just spirals out of control. And then reacting against those feelings is its own hazard.

[acrosstheborderline]

hi morsecoded I have found with my experince the extreme symptoms of borderline personality disorder go away as you age . I had it severe in my teens and early twenties and have never had it to that extreme again . I have got milder symptoms of borderline personality over the years through tramatic events . I wounder if those tramatic events never happen would have I remained cured of the condition . That I will never know .

[acrosstheborderline]

thats something I really want to know too billi leli

Originally Posted by acrosstheborderline

hi morsecoded I have found with my experince the extreme symptoms of borderline personality disorder go away as you age . I had it severe in my teens and early twenties and have never had it to that extreme again . I have got milder symptoms of borderline personality over the years through tramatic events . I wounder if those tramatic events never happen would have I remained cured of the condition . That I will never know .

I do recall reading that somewhere that the symptoms become milder over time.

Well, even if the traumatic events hadn't occurred, the lesser things would still trigger you to some degree, right? Even when it's not strongly manifesting itself, it's still there beneath the surface somewhere. When something is cracked or shattered, even if it is glued back together, it's still not the same as it was before - and those lines of fracture will always be there, vulnerable to any tap or vibration. Won't they? That's what I always worry about.

So maybe recovery is about learning to intercept and disarm it? Or is it more about learning how to cope when triggered?

[MDDBPDPTSD]

i have read somewhere to that symptoms do diminish as we age. That has not been my experience. My symptoms were evident in childhood and really intensified in adolescence and my twenties. My thirties and forties my symptoms were still present, but I was able to function throughout most of those years. In my late forties, I crashed. It was due to trauma. At that point, I tried to hang on and for months, I did. But it was all I could do and I eventually was again no longer able to function. I have been that way for years. I am less likely to have the explosions I had as a teen, but I am much more depressed and more easily hurt by others. I am also less likely to trust any humans, myself or others, because I have seen how ugly we can be.

[acrosstheborderline]

hi MDDBPDPTSD the 40s is not an easy time , going through homanal changes ect ,, my bpd was at its worst in my teens and early twenties too .. Tramatic life events can bring symptoms back , something I wish I never went through , hope you do learn to trust again , I feel empathy for your suffering . please take care

[BrokenNBeautiful]

thanks for this thread today.

Had a shame attack over the weekend because of my inability to deal with triggers.

lol

Billi

Are you feeling okay now, Billi? Shame is so hard to deal with - so toxic.

[Marie67]

Very glad I found this forum. I'm in my 50's and much better than in adolescence, but started getting triggered a lot with all the teenagers in my house. It got really difficult, but once I realized what was going on I've been able to think more clearly most of the time and to reassure myself. During an attack I can recognize, okay, I'm being borderline, which doesn't take away the pain but it DOES take away the confusion. I still give myself permission to cry (away from the kids!) because my feelings still need to be validated, but since I know what is going on, it doesn't escalate.

[acrosstheborderline]

it takes time and persistence , and knowing what triggers symptoms . hang in there billi

[acrosstheborderline]

Originally Posted by morsecoded

I do recall reading that somewhere that the symptoms become milder over time.

Well, even if the traumatic events hadn't occurred, the lesser things would still trigger you to some degree, right? Even when it's not strongly manifesting itself, it's still there beneath the surface somewhere. When something is cracked or shattered, even if it is glued back together, it's still not the same as it was before - and those lines of fracture will always be there, vulnerable to any tap or vibration. Won't they? That's what I always worry about.

So maybe recovery is about learning to intercept and disarm it? Or is it more about learning how to cope when triggered?

I feel recovery means be able to live a normal life and while being able to manage your symptoms . The symptoms are definately are less extreme as you get into your 40 s . I get your point about a shattered glass and you can glue it back together but its never the same again ....

[sweetsher29]

Originally Posted by MDDBPDPTSD

i have read somewhere to that symptoms do diminish as we age. That has not been my experience. My symptoms were evident in childhood and really intensified in adolescence and my twenties. My thirties and forties my symptoms were still present, but I was able to function throughout most of those years. In my late forties, I crashed. It was due to trauma. At that point, I tried to hang on and for months, I did. But it was all I could do and I eventually was again no longer able to function. I have been that way for years. I am less likely to have the explosions I had as a teen, but I am much more depressed and more easily hurt by others. I am also less likely to trust any humans, myself or others, because I have seen how ugly we can be.

I can so relate. I had total meltdown by 40. While I've always job hopped and had anger issues and bad depression, I still functioned with little or no meds. It wasn't until 40 thAt it seemed my past actions caught up with me. I had never even been arrested until 40 due to my BPD.

[acrosstheborderline]

Originally Posted by Marie67

Very glad I found this forum. I'm in my 50's and much better than in adolescence, but started getting triggered a lot with all the teenagers in my house. It got really difficult, but once I realized what was going on I've been able to think more clearly most of the time and to reassure myself. During an attack I can recognize, okay, I'm being borderline, which doesn't take away the pain but it DOES take away the confusion. I still give myself permission to cry (away from the kids!) because my feelings still need to be validated, but since I know what is going on, it doesn't escalate.

it is a great relief to know what are symptoms and want isnt , in the 80s when I was in my early 20s there was no infomation around on borderline disorder . I knew very little about it. I have only just began learning about it now for traits of it have turned up in my life through unfortunate circumstances .

[bpd2]

I sometimes think that because I was a teenager in the seventies, I got away with my BPD stuff without getting into too much trouble from the outside . . . . In my twenties, in grad school? Oh, a bit worse. As I entered the working world and rose into positions with more and more responsibility and more and more stress? Well, definitely worse. Then, in my mid-forties, two very young children (and just getting to get more than a couple of hours of sleep a night without having to get up for kids), peri-menopause and a couple of other things, BAM!, REALLY, REALLY bad. HUGE disaster and I went down in fairly spectacular flames. Now? I try hard, despite the old saying, to hide my light under a bushel--as in, I live a very small life after three bouts of DBT over a seven year period. Disaster control has come mostly in the form of "staying out of other people's way" so that I don't have to deal with how emotional and cognitively confused it turns out that I actually am in interactions with other people. I largely manage my potential anger/rage/destructive behavior by avoiding social interactions. While this means that I am a MUCH more responsible and considerate person to be around, when I am with people, I am also much more depressed, for much longer periods. So, do the symptoms fade as we age? In my experience, sort of. None of them are gone. Many of them are much more subdued. Depression is much, much more of a problem. For me, "Acceptance" is an incredibly important philosophy and skill to cultivate. And, oooo-eeeeeeeeeeee, did I ever battle it, tooth and nail. I wanted to FIX things. But, it hasn't worked out that way. It probably doesn't work that way for anyone, even those who are mentally healthy. But of all the medications I take, acceptance is the biggest pill I have to swallow. It sticks in my throat every day. Just like the other pills, though, if I don't take them, I don't stay well, and I have no buffer against the illness at all.

This is not to say that in all these years there have not been wonderful, wonderful moments that I would die for, just as readily as I there are times that I would die if it wouldn't be such a hassle. An example: My youngest daughter came in the door, home from school, and announced, "It's National Star Wars Day!" Me: "Really??" Her: "Yeah! MAY the FOURTH be with you!!!" Ahhhh. Now that? That I can remember every day--not just the stupid joke, which I love, but the glee in her voice at "catching" me, and the joy that she takes in our relationship.

I never dreamed my life would be anything like this. We're out here in some void, but the good thing about growing older with this illness is that when the bottom drops away and even gravity seems to fail me, there are these blindingly bright stars, I guess of love. Sometimes, just of beauty. Just accidents in the world, or maybe blessings. I can't answer that.

[amy90]

Thank you bpd2 for that post. I found it inspiring that you can find joy in the little things in life. I'm struggling at the moment - there are moments within the day where I am fine and then I will get flashbacks or get triggered and everything comes crashing down and its hard to claw my way back up again. I'm in my 20's and I really hope that things WILL get better as it seems like there is an endless void stretching in front of me, and life seems pretty pointless if this is all there is

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I especially identified just now with avoiding social situations to prevent rage and incidents. And I get depressed when I am not around ppl, but I still am so afraid of myself when I am with ppl.

Billi

Hi, I don't know if this is the place to post this or not, I'm using my phone and it was the only forum I could find. So I'm sorry in advanced if I'm in the wrong forum.

I've been diagnosed with borderline personality and I don't fully understand. My pysch, and multiple counselors have tried to explain it to me, but I just don't understand it. They always use a lot of mental heath words and large medical terms, and I just can't fully comprehend what they're telling me. So I'm just wondering if maybe anyone in here can explain in simple terms what it means/is to have b.p, or if I'm in the wrong forum would you be able to tell me if there is one that explains this in simple terms?

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Pm me for email/number

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[bpd2]

Right forum, wrong thread. That said, you ARE in the RIGHT PLACE, and welcome!!!!

[acrosstheborderline]

Originally Posted by imabananin

Hi, I don't know if this is the place to post this or not, I'm using my phone and it was the only forum I could find. So I'm sorry in advanced if I'm in the wrong forum.

I've been diagnosed with borderline personality and I don't fully understand. My pysch, and multiple counselors have tried to explain it to me, but I just don't understand it. They always use a lot of mental heath words and large medical terms, and I just can't fully comprehend what they're telling me. So I'm just wondering if maybe anyone in here can explain in simple terms what it means/is to have b.p, or if I'm in the wrong forum would you be able to tell me if there is one that explains this in simple terms?

----------
Pm me for email/number

*

I will try and help you out as as much as I can yes you are in the right place here, borderline personality disorder is a mental disorder that affects the way you think about your self and others . People with the disorder have a intense fear of rejection and will do anything to avoid it. Also with the borderline, people have difficulty self sootheing themselves when under severe stress or anxiety . This is something I struggle with , however Im learning too deal with calming myself down when highly stressed and anxious . Also with borderline personality disorder , people get mood swings change from feelings of despair , depression for a few days to feeling normal or anxious ect . So there is a instability in moods . I hope I have explained the disorder more clearly for you . take care

[acrosstheborderline]

Originally Posted by bpd2

Right forum, wrong thread. That said, you ARE in the RIGHT PLACE, and welcome!!!!

sorry did I say the wrong think the right place here in my post bpd2 sorry if I broke any forum rules here

[acrosstheborderline]

Originally Posted by bpd2

I sometimes think that because I was a teenager in the seventies, I got away with my BPD stuff without getting into too much trouble from the outside . . . . In my twenties, in grad school? Oh, a bit worse. As I entered the working world and rose into positions with more and more responsibility and more and more stress? Well, definitely worse. Then, in my mid-forties, two very young children (and just getting to get more than a couple of hours of sleep a night without having to get up for kids), peri-menopause and a couple of other things, BAM!, REALLY, REALLY bad. HUGE disaster and I went down in fairly spectacular flames. Now? I try hard, despite the old saying, to hide my light under a bushel--as in, I live a very small life after three bouts of DBT over a seven year period. Disaster control has come mostly in the form of "staying out of other people's way" so that I don't have to deal with how emotional and cognitively confused it turns out that I actually am in interactions with other people. I largely manage my potential anger/rage/destructive behavior by avoiding social interactions. While this means that I am a MUCH more responsible and considerate person to be around, when I am with people, I am also much more depressed, for much longer periods. So, do the symptoms fade as we age? In my experience, sort of. None of them are gone. Many of them are much more subdued. Depression is much, much more of a problem. For me, "Acceptance" is an incredibly important philosophy and skill to cultivate. And, oooo-eeeeeeeeeeee, did I ever battle it, tooth and nail. I wanted to FIX things. But, it hasn't worked out that way. It probably doesn't work that way for anyone, even those who are mentally healthy. But of all the medications I take, acceptance is the biggest pill I have to swallow. It sticks in my throat every day. Just like the other pills, though, if I don't take them, I don't stay well, and I have no buffer against the illness at all.

This is not to say that in all these years there have not been wonderful, wonderful moments that I would die for, just as readily as I there are times that I would die if it wouldn't be such a hassle. An example: My youngest daughter came in the door, home from school, and announced, "It's National Star Wars Day!" Me: "Really??" Her: "Yeah! MAY the FOURTH be with you!!!" Ahhhh. Now that? That I can remember every day--not just the stupid joke, which I love, but the glee in her voice at "catching" me, and the joy that she takes in our relationship.

I never dreamed my life would be anything like this. We're out here in some void, but the good thing about growing older with this illness is that when the bottom drops away and even gravity seems to fail me, there are these blindingly bright stars, I guess of love. Sometimes, just of beauty. Just accidents in the world, or maybe blessings. I can't answer that.

I find I struggle more with anxiety and depression now in my 40s then the anger part of me in my youth .

[bpd2]

Originally Posted by acrosstheborderline

sorry did I say the wrong think the right place here in my post bpd2 sorry if I broke any forum rules here

Nope--no rules broken!!! The Borderline Personality Disorder heading under Personality Place is absolutely the right place to post. There are different threads under the heading of Borderline Personality Disorder, though. This thread was about lifetime changes in symptoms. So your post was a little off track--but, hey, so what? The more usual way to start up an intro is just to start your own thread. Don't worry: we'll all chime in with a reply!