I want to push everyone away but at the same time cling to everyone. I can't do friendships and relationships and should know better than to even try...

[AngelWolf3]

Originally Posted by Maranara

I want to push everyone away but at the same time cling to everyone. I can't do friendships and relationships and should know better than to even try...

I understand this issue so much! going through it now with my ex-h....gack.

My mind is clouded with cynicism. I read the news a bit today on my lunch break and started to fill with grief and despair. My hope in the 'higher good' and my hope in general has been dissolving, but this was a big thick icing on the cake.
My personal problems are miniscule. Everything was put into perspective. I don't have problems.
The news of what happened in Conneticut is ...horrifying..I can only send my prayers to the families involved...I plan to sit with them in their grief.
The empathy and pain is ripping right through me, as it should. I'm no longer afraid of it, allowing myself to feel is allowing the threads that connect us all to strengthen. They are not alone, I am not alone, you are not alone, WE are not alone. We all feel pain, sadness, horror, grief, fear, lonliness and loss together...we are all connected.
Just sitting...praying...and finding a small glimpse of hope in that.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

tired, have a raw throat.

did not go on that walk with Ani---because I had another SH ep. I lost my dear winter hat and felt like a stupid retard.

I am okay now. It was a hard day.

My symptoms are worse, though.

4 in the morning here in the mountains. Wide awake. Mind rambling. Can't sleep. Again.

Originally Posted by Maranara

I want to push everyone away but at the same time cling to everyone. I can't do friendships and relationships and should know better than to even try...

This is exactly me right now

I just want to get off the roller coaster for a little while.

[AngelWolf3]

Not sure where the heck my mind is today...it's all over the place.

I can actually say, today is a good day.

Feeling very BPD today.

[Altinak]

Today I feel exhausted from the constant on/off anxiety and impulsivity. *sigh*

In spite of it all - my car's wrecked and insurance won't cover it; no vehicle, have missed more hours at work; Low on money for all of the things going on; On top of that, Christmas is not more than a few days away and shopping is still not finished -- In spite of this, I'm pushing back at life. F* you life, challenges and wrenches thrown into my routine! When life beats you down, Get a bigger friggin bat and beat it back! Yeah I'm gonna be ok, not happy with everything as it is but no one's gonna change it but me.

[AngelWolf3]

confused over everything. Guess that means some good things are happening? I don't know! Do you trust the good things? Are they even good things? And even if they are, there is a good chance I will screw it up again. Agh. Gotta stop thinking or I will drive myself crazy!

2nd good day in a row. Please make it last a bit! It's scary how one or two days can get you scared because you know the crash is lurking around the corner waiting to ***** you up again.

[LaneyT87]

I helped my son wright his letter to Santa. That was cute and made my heart warm and fuzzy. Then I really looked at the list. I can only make two things on his list happen. I guess I'm evened out for the day.

My daughter called me while I was Christmas shopping and I started bawling in the middle of the store. I really miss my two girls and it's our first Christmas apart.

I'm doing good, celebrated my birthday and now sitting back and enjoying being a year older.

Had a busy day today, shops were very crowded but I coped well I think.
Now that it is evening the thoughts are creeping back again.

Speaking with my new T on the phone this morning brought up my shock and anger with my Pdoc, all over again. I still cannot believe he thought that about me for all those years and never said a word to me. Hiding it was WAYYYYY worse just telling me so we could work on it.

Been doing quite well lately, had a minor rage at myself yesterday but used some DBT skills to move forward through it.
Been quite busy so again it's a great distraction. Getting a lot more in touch with my creative self which is healing in its own way.
Best wishes and much love all.

I am doing good, having a night by myself.

[radioactivegirl]

Moved back in with the boyfriend. The roommates are causing me a lot of stress, but I've been avoiding like hell so that I don't get angry and blow up on them. I don't know how long I can keep pushing feelings inside. :/ Got to release some energy. Maybe I'll start working out?

Has started out well....let's see how long it lasts!

Maybe I should tell my girls to not call or text until after Christmas. I cry everytime they do.

I am feeling quite good today, hope it lasts.