[BlueWhisky]

Got drunk and annoyed my friends last night. Again. Going to try AA again tonight.

I feel okay to myself, but it seems like all I can do is annoy and anger other people or get in to trouble. I don't know if it's any better....

Afraid and nervous that I am going to be laid off when we get back to the office after the break. Everyone got a review but me. It is weird and nerve-wracking. I am trying to not worry about what 2nd Jan will bring. But it is difficult. Trying to enjoy the time off yet wondering what is going to happen while everyone is off skiing and enjoying time with family with all their money and resources, and I am sitting home broke and worrying (of couse my mother's words to help financially were just that. Empty, false words...taunts, false hope, empty promises simply to make themselves feel better).

Sending positive vibes into the universe for an uneventful, typical day. But there is that part of me that is just waiting. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is so scary.

Still feeling okay

[fletch33]

I am feeling overwhelmed, as per usual. I want to know that things will improve, but the financial piece really isn't changing any day soon. Although, I am looking into a potential promotion at work.

[BlueWhisky]

Omg Rose I feel just the same. Going mental thinking I'm gonna lose job. X

((((Blue)))) I have been watching movies, took a nap and doing my best to stay well-hydrated. My appetite isnt so great these days, so I have been eating little bites of this and that to keep my blood sugar even. I havent been out of the house, though, since early morning when I went to the cafe to get some coffee.

Funny, too, I have to get to the office by 6am that first day back after the break so I can meet with some vendors (we are still ironing the kinks out in the new office).

I am trying really hard to focus on all of the things I have to do, and that are waiting for me, when I return. I am going to walk into that office in the new year, 2012 behind me.

I have made advances in healing. I know I have done my job quite well (although there are things I would like to improve more about myself on a personal level such as continuing to work on the low self esteem and finding some joy hobbies etc outside of the office environs).

If I am laid off it will not be because of my work. It will not be because of my lack of professional demeanor nor inability to get things done. It will be because they do not like having me around.

It will be personal but I can live with that...And I am not one of THOSE types, so to hell with them. I will cross that bridge when I come to it. But I will retain my dignity (MH challenges and all) and I refuse to allow myself to beat myself up for being human. And for making mistakes.

I/we just cannot afford to let the old tapes our head keep running. Esp because the messages, they arent true.

Please,let's keep in touch, esp. these next few days in the new year so we can support each other. I will be here for you

Originally Posted by BlueWhisky

Omg Rose I feel just the same. Going mental thinking I'm gonna lose job. X

[coolhair]

Have you guys seen Meandmyblacktable on youtube? There're some excellent videos on BPD.

Moving with the fluxes of emotion.
Learning to become that bendable tree.
Defining my own truths and embracing my disorder...that which resists persists afterall.
It is not such a struggle as it once was. I don't fear my feelings anymore...and I can just sit, quietly and uncomfortably with them.

[radioactivegirl]

Yesterday I started crying uncontrollably for no reason. Today I've been angry and hostile. I feel like I'm losing it again. I don't know what to do. I don't want to break. But now I'm obsessing over the possibility of breaking.

feeling ok

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Back from vacation, my roommate Bruce is mad at me for no reason, my Universal Lifeline (phone discount) did not go thru in the mail for the first time in YEARS, and Andy, my former bf committed suicide New Year's Eve because I could not be with him.

I am holding up.

We have the apartment for one more month, but I think Bruce is in such terrible shape that we may be on the street by February.

Good to be back; sorry I dumped. I don't feel good.

Carol

[DLWest]

good idea, even if I'm not very consistent about logging in. Today I'm sad, frustrated and empty, but that's normal for me

[BlueWhisky]

I've fallen for some guy too and he is playin with my head. Why can't my head just be quiet?! X

Finally have some answers, been officially diagnosed. Now, how can I get better?

[BlueWhisky]

Speak to friends x

[BlueWhisky]

I really want to sort a meet up but most of you are in America aren't you?

[BlueWhisky]

I feel so awful today. Don't want to exist

Originally Posted by BlueWhisky

I really want to sort a meet up but most of you are in America aren't you?

Where are you from Bluewhisky?

I am feeling mixed right now. Things are going well in many ways but at the same time, I'm really feeling kind of overwhelmed and wanting to withdraw. I can't though, you know. I have a sense of obligation that is beyond normal and it's almost like an addiction in a way. Weird, I know because I'm talking about people but true.

Originally Posted by BlueWhisky

I feel so awful today. Don't want to exist

How are you doing Blue? Just checking in. Is work going OK for you?

[BlueWhisky]

London x

[BlueWhisky]

I havent gone back to work yet. Back on 7th

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Maranara

Finally have some answers, been officially diagnosed. Now, how can I get better?

Keep talking to us (as you are comfortable; no pressure; just encouragement) and read our struggles and experiences. That will help, even if you don't get all that you want right away.

How to get better? I have to be patient with my process. That's hard I know. for me, one of my classic symptoms is wanting it all now.

Carol

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Bruce is more mellow today; we talked like normal again.

I am so glad that I have learned enough recovery in SHMW that I am not holding myself responsible for Andy's death. Although my heart went out to him. The poor bloke wanted someone to be with him on new Year's eve. I just could not be there; we had broken up. I had told him he could call me or Ani.

I went to my 2nd pdoc appt and I am soooo glad I did! He is not forcing me on Seroquel, as I feared he might. He is impressed with my work. He will give me tranquilizers as needed and he asked me today "what *I* needed".

Whew...!

Good day today.

Also, I did not walk out of the beauty parlor today when I thought the guy at the desk was snippy. I looked him in the eye and said, "I need a touch up sir".

I was upset about that, but I handled it.

I was assertive with the lady who did my hair, though. I told her, "The man at the desk was a little mean today; he said I should have called ahead and I almost walked out."

She apologized for him and told me I didnt' have to call in but it would make things easier for me and for them. She was very nice and I enjoyed having my hair done.

BPD can be dealt with.

Carol