[greentires4me]

today well I got dressed like i normally do after waking up and went to the pharmacy to get my meds. On my way to getting my meds I walked past a movie set so I thought I take a peak nothing out of the ordinary. On my way back it was ever so windy I watched the birds trying to fly into the wind I thought they were a few crackers short of a brain. Then made my candy stop at the usual location the candy store...then came home

so today I am actually feeling sorta ragged and off beat.

I feel empty.

[Landoflimbo]

Worthless..

done lurking.

i think i don't care anymore.

just ready for husband to get home. want to relax.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

My feelings are lowered now. A lot.

I think I know why they are, but I am having a hard time stopping it.

I am still safe.

Just very down.

Feel very ineffective.

I did not go to my meeting. I was very tired today; needed an extra hour of sleep or two.

Did SHMW with Ani, reloaded my bus pass.

But still feel very ashamed and guilty about not doing enough or being enough.

Today I just wanted to be away from people.

My roommate stonewalled me again and I slipped back into my room.

I think I also gained 30 pounds from eating so much junk (eating on again because I gave up having a romantic rel with Arvind---ugh...) and not exercising because I feel too self-conscious to dance, even alone in my room, and not out walking, either because I took too long to go out and it's almost dark now and it took me that long to psych up to do it.

I feel like a lazy fat arse.

Thank goodness I know enough about bpd to know that moods like this pass.

Carol

[youwillrise]

......sad. just.like.that. in a snap. from happy! yay! to crying. ((smh))

Present.

-Flee

I am sick and in a very crappy, volatile mood. It'll pass soon enough I'm sure, but I believe most of my reasons for the anger are valid and I don't want to just "feel better". I want to somehow DO something about it!

[hungryghost]

Just forcing myself to check in. Feeling very tired today - physically and mentally. Whenever I start trying to do self work again, I get so sick of myself, of being here in my head with me. Can't I just be someone else?

[youwillrise]

my lower back hurts like crazy. im emotionally okay right now.

Girlfriend hasn't talked to me in three days. Starting to get anxious. I need to stop being so clingy but I don't know how to stop. I'm doing all the chasing in this relationship and it scares me, especially since it's long distance.

[ruby.lestrange]

Today was all over the place emotionally. Woke up with ambitions to leave the house (I left yesterday, but there were more than a few days in a row before that that I didn't), didn't follow through, decided to lay about and watch movies instead. Oh well, I'll try again tomorrow. It was gloomy out today anyway.

Hope everyone's having a nice day.

[greentires4me]

I feel stuck, very very sad and depressed

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by Maranara

It's okay to vent here. Who else is going to "get it" more than other Borderlines? We may not have all of the solutions, but we can help you feel less alone, and that goes a long way.

Thanks, Maranara. I really appreciate you

It is almost 3:am here and I can't sleep yet again Seriously this is getting beyond a joke now.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I went to the meeting today; glad I went. I did not feel like sharing, but I did. Ani prodded me to, but I could have said no I won't. But I shared.

Afterward, they dogged me out again; shut me out again.

I know because I tried to say bye as I was leaving; I waved; surely they could see me and they ignored me.

I started to feel very very hurt again.

I have a plan: so that I won't have to go thru this (I had addressed this issue before and I will not run it into the ground) I plan to leave the meeting right before the closing statement and prayer. This way I won't have to feel left out when they shmooze afterward. I h ave tried to thank ppl for sharing and chat but they really do not seem to want me around and I have not done anything to them.

I still like the meeting; I get a lot out of it, relate a lot to the people. But if they will not accept me as part of the group, I will not act like I am.

I am glad to be home tonight.

I hope we have the apt for March. Bruce still has not found work.

Carol

Not doing well at all tonight. Wanted to connect but no one is really on here. Probably just going to go to bed...tomorrow is another day; it'll be better when I wake up.

Feeling better overall and I think I'm getting over whatever bug I got, but the pervading sense of loneliness is always there and refuses to go away. Oh well....need to work around it and not let it affect me so much.

[hungryghost]

Ehhh... Kind of blank and mulling over things at the same time. I found some promising looking therapists last night.. Will do some more research and narrow it down more. (And "promising looking" means "have BPD listed on their specialities" and "their photos do not trigger me"! Haha.)

Originally Posted by hungryghost

Ehhh... Kind of blank and mulling over things at the same time. I found some promising looking therapists last night.. Will do some more research and narrow it down more. (And "promising looking" means "have BPD listed on their specialities" and "their photos do not trigger me"! Haha.)

It's a start....it's basically how I found one. At least you know they'll consider BPD and not disregard it like so many seem to.

[Bill3]

It's a start....it's basically how I found one. At least you know they'll consider BPD and not disregard it like so many seem to.

I'm sorry. I seem to have missed whatever you are talking about and have been unable to find it here. Could you please post/repost whatever it is?

had an interesting dream last night. but it's slipping away...probably for the best because it had nothing to do with my current life and it was definitely me and not a new character, so...bad idea to remember it, probably.

have therapy at 11am, then crochet group at 4pm. husband was off yesterday. i was so exhausted all day. thinking it was my arthritis and the cold weather. played Minecraft. felt like a boss.

I'm alright. Feeling a little old at the moment. I joined Match.com at the suggestion of a friend.. for the helluvit. Of course I know I won't meet anyone or probably find anyone willing or ready for the likes of someone as messed up as me but what the hell. I feel old because the women on there. I look at their profiles and see "looking for men..." and it mentions ages just short of my decrepit age... like "ages 25 - 39" and I'm 45 ugh. I don't think I've seen but one profile that is looking for anyone as old as me...

God getting old sucks.

[greentires4me]

I woke up today at 4 tthen 7 then finally 9am...I didn't want to get out of bed but I did and went to the pharmacy to pick up my daily dosage of meds. Then I went to the grocery store and picked up ziploc bags. Then I came home now that I am at home I am just staring at my pills they are staring back.

I feel perplexed and like a zombie

[youwillrise]

the classroom was really busy today. some of the children seemed uber tired, stressed and/or angry...a few were in good spirits, but it was just 'one of those days'

im doing okay, i think?