[widgets]

I don't know what else to say... But for months

[greyclouds]

For months what??

Happy new year

[i'm trying]

Originally Posted by widgets

I don't know what else to say... But for months

Looks like you changed your mind in posting?? Come back come back where ever you are

[widgets]

For months I was so well.... I've been discharged from mental health services haven't been on any meds or needed any help at all.... I forgot I was even ill...

I still had some symptoms, I wouldn't say I was fine, but I felt good, depression and anxiety Weren't affecting me, I wasn't paranoid.

Now I feel I'm back to square one again... This is how I felt before I became really ill and I feel like I've been thrown into the cycle again and there's nothing I can do about it.

Anyone ever had long periods of wellness only to be thrown right back again?

[greyclouds]

Yes all the time Hun, think it depends on what happening in my life.

I also wonder if may be I suffer with bipolar as well.

But I don't have either of the extremes so unsure there!

But yeah I def relate to what your saying

[widgets]

I feel so empty.. My body hurts and I don't want to get out of bed...

I can't tell what's changed...

I was diagnosed with bipolar before BPD... But that was because I experiences highs and lows etc, but like you say not so extreme as bipolar I realise now... Or at least not in the same way.
Since July though, and for the first time since I remember in my life, I didn't feel like someone living with a mental illness... I felt recovered...

Now I can't see any hope if it can just come back like this with no warning at any given moment, what's the point?

Try close to 15 years of more or less wellness.....then one thing happened and here I am. Don't give up. It's worth fighting even though it definitely doesn't seem like it at times.

[greyclouds]

In jan last year I hit depression real bad. I was harming nearly every day. I felt nothing. Although I didn't want to die. I couldn't see away forward.

Then one day I just felt fine again. I stopped harming. Stopped my meds. And got me a job. Things were great.

I think it was start of August, my moods started to change again, not to depression but days of mood swings. Emptiness. Confusion and extreme anxiety. Not long after the harming started again.

And well I back here. I've now be diagnosed with BPD and for the past few weeks I'm yeah I'm happy, I don't need therapy!!

The thing is I do. And I will continue going.
Just remember the dark stages don't always last. Keep fighting thro it. You will find your "normal" place again.

You have us to help you thro ((hugs))

[greyclouds]

Has something happened for your moods to change?

[widgets]

No I don't think so.

Now I've been discharged from the mental health team.. I have no one to turn to...

I moved in January last year and before that I had a really supportive case worker who was going to start me doing DBT...

They don't offer DBT where I live now, and because I wasn't psychotic any more they said I didn't need any help. I know I can go back to my GP but I think they'll probably just put me on some generic anti depressants which history shows don't help at all. Most make me worse in one way or other..

I remember the first trip to the doctors I made, luckily I was assigned my own support worker straight away which made things easier, but I don't want to go through all of it again with someone new

[greyclouds]

Maybe that's it then Hun, because it's stopped, your feeling alone now maybe?

It like I wanted help for ever, now I've got it.. I don't always believe I need it.

But if I give up, I'll need it again!

It's that damn BPD that's makes us feel this way.

Is there something you could get involved in? Like a group, sport or even just volunteering to make you feel apart of something?

It might help! Plus volunteering can be very rewarding, and your be doing good work so would help build self esteem! Heck I should try taking my own advice!!

[DLWest]

Is there any chance of contacting your old support worker and asking advice?

It sounds like you're suffering from being alone...a type of abandonment?