[Ice Queen]

It seems like a straightforward question but with BPD symptoms, it's more complicated than it would be if I just had depression. Hence why I'm posting it here.

I've been having thoughts and urges that are a little dangerous. Almost every day, usually when I slip into a numb/empty/almost dissociative state in which nothing makes sense and I can hardly think. I'm not suicidal and I do not want to die, but I'm concerned that I might act on those urges and hurt myself worse than usual. I don't want to get into specifics because my particular thoughts are graphic and triggering, but the urges involve cutting very badly.

I'd usually never consider myself a legitimate danger to myself for wanting to self harm, and I'd DEFINITELY consider myself a legitimate danger if I were feeling truly suicidal, but this is neither. These thoughts are irrational and they don't make sense. It's almost psychotic, for lack of a better word. I just get overwhelmed with this urge to hurt myself really really badly for no logical reason. If you were to confront me in that state of mind and ask me why, the answer would be "I DON'T ****ING KNOW I JUST WANT TO."

HOWEVER, seeing as how I don't want to kill myself and it's not entirely life threatening (it could be, but probably wouldn't be), would that still be considered being a danger to myself?

My therapist said I could call her before my appointment (April 1st) and see her if I'm in "CRISIS" but I don't know if these things constitute a crisis and I don't want to waste her time, especially if there's nothing she can do except threaten to hospitalize me, which is too extreme in my opinion. I mean, I'm fine most of the time. It's just certain times that these urges happen.

Sorry if this is confusing. I'm tired. And confused. I just wanted to ask somebody about this in a place where people understand what it's like to be totally fine one day and a total mess the next.

[greentires4me]

I guess if cutting yourself deeply is a form as a danger to oneself then I suppose your correct. Crisis means in a time when you cannot cope does anything you know when you cannot cope be. But hospitalizing you for different reasons is some times valid then trying to allow you to continue to hurt yourself.

[mednurse80]

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I feel like cutting and being reckless. Sometimes I know why and sometimes, I don't. Most of the time it is because I cannot handle society and the S&^t it imposes on me. Like right now. I am so tired of seeing "trash" all over the place. We can't even watch a show at 8pm without seeing boobs handing out. Why do women do this to other women? I just don't feel good enough and I don't appreciate my husband seeing such trash. I am tired of being scared of watching TV and walking through the mall. Sometimes, logically, I know that is just the way the world is and I, nor, my husband can hide from it, but it makes me want to hurt myself. I don't understand why, it just does.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by Ice Queen

It seems like a straightforward question but with BPD symptoms, it's more complicated than it would be if I just had depression. Hence why I'm posting it here.

I've been having thoughts and urges that are a little dangerous. Almost every day, usually when I slip into a numb/empty/almost dissociative state in which nothing makes sense and I can hardly think. I'm not suicidal and I do not want to die, but I'm concerned that I might act on those urges and hurt myself worse than usual. I don't want to get into specifics because my particular thoughts are graphic and triggering, but the urges involve cutting very badly.

I'd usually never consider myself a legitimate danger to myself for wanting to self harm, and I'd DEFINITELY consider myself a legitimate danger if I were feeling truly suicidal, but this is neither. These thoughts are irrational and they don't make sense. It's almost psychotic, for lack of a better word. I just get overwhelmed with this urge to hurt myself really really badly for no logical reason. If you were to confront me in that state of mind and ask me why, the answer would be "I DON'T ****ING KNOW I JUST WANT TO."

HOWEVER, seeing as how I don't want to kill myself and it's not entirely life threatening (it could be, but probably wouldn't be), would that still be considered being a danger to myself?

My therapist said I could call her before my appointment (April 1st) and see her if I'm in "CRISIS" but I don't know if these things constitute a crisis and I don't want to waste her time, especially if there's nothing she can do except threaten to hospitalize me, which is too extreme in my opinion. I mean, I'm fine most of the time. It's just certain times that these urges happen.

Sorry if this is confusing. I'm tired. And confused. I just wanted to ask somebody about this in a place where people understand what it's like to be totally fine one day and a total mess the next.

I think calling your T would be a good idea---this is a crisis, it need not be life threatening to be a crisis...sometimes, doing things can help (crafts, writing, drawing whether you "can" or not, running around the block, blowing bubbles, playing silly games...)

[ScrewedUpMe]

This all sounds very familiar to me. I have been in crisis the last few days and have had contact with my therapist but the hard thing is that now I am not in crisis as such but am so edgy that it could all erupt again at any moment. I am so afraid and anxious and getting more and more agitated. I guess we people with BPD can be in an ongoing sort of crisis that only gets acute every now and then but of course we never know exactly when it's going to get acute and we have no warning?

Take care,

SuM

[THE16THDOCTOR]

If you're considering cutting Badly you'd be considered a danger to yourself. Bc what if you cut to deep or the wrong spot. If you have that urge and it's syringe enough to the point you don't think you can help it call your dr.
There are all different reasons someone might a danger to themselves no just suicide. I've been told I am before bc of my mania. Im reckless impulsive and just ridiculous really. For example I once got a ladder in the middle of the night and climbed up to the roof of the house to prevent birds from getting in. I carried the hose up and sprayed everywhere then fell off the ladder bc it was soaked. I was mostly fine sprained my ankle lol I laugh can laugh at it now. I also in a manic episode took ant poison spray and sprayed it all over my room bc I thought it was funny for some reason I wasn't purposely inhaling it or anything just acting like a jackass I passed out from it. Ive also cut too
All different reasons ppl are a danger to themselves besides suicide doesn't mean you'll be hospitalized. Maybe you just need someone to talk you down when you get the urge

[Ice Queen]

Thanks guys. I've been doing better the past few days but if I start feeling like that again, I will call my therapist. I'm just so sick of feeling like I'm a drama queen wasting everybody's time. I feel like I literally need to be on the brink of committing suicide in order for my issues to be "serious enough" to ask for help. I need to get over that though.

[shery53]

caliing your T is a good ideaI cakk mine even when it is not a big crisis just something I can not handle

[picklewheeze]

Its a blurry line to be honest. Its a thin line from both our perspective and the therapists perspective.

I know how you feel, Ive felt the same myself. Its not like theres a specific reason I just want to cut myself. It doesnt make me feel any better, I dont get anything out of it. The only thing I really achieve is that its done and I can stop thinking about it, till the next time. It often takes me a while to stop. The thing is, although I can try and justify things and explain why I do it and a lot of people do. I'm not really sure there ever is a proper reason to do it, other than that we want to. If we didnt want to we wouldnt do it.

If YOU think youre a danger to yourself then you probably are. It might be worth calling and let your T make the decision. You wont be wassting his time.

If you think calling him would stop you cutting yourself, its definitely worth it.

I dont know about you, but when I cut myself I want it. But after, I wish it was gone. It annoys me it being there and having to hide it. I wish it would just heal straight away. So do you really want to do this and regret it, would it not be easier just to call your T?

Sorry if I'm not being helpful and a lot of things Ive said are probably really triggering, but I hope you'll be okay. Do what you thinks best for you, dont worry about anyone else. Dont worry about wasting your T's time, its his job.

All the best. Keep strong.